Days with Dori

From I to we

2012-01-22T17:39:00.001-05:00

My thoughts I've been thinking...
I thought I had it all figured out. Without a doubt
The ebb and flow I was always on the go
Why waste my time with silly rhyme. With books and thoughts that appear to be for naught.
What's the point I say. You say hey. I say nay.
My values, beliefs, my concrete don't cheats.
I guess they were there. They are here, but underneath man that was weak.
What happens when your plans fall through?
When what u want seems to come unglued?
I get mad. I get stubborn and sad. But you'll never see that, to show my hurt and weakness would be like an open back.
So I push and fake it, hoping one day I can just make it.
Then you come along, gentle yet suggesting quite strongly. I heard it once, I learned it twice, maybe even took it to heart with the time thrice.
Ok ok I give. Your ways are higher. Your knowledge wiser. Your timing perfect. I learned I am one of many, unique and special; yet we are plenty. I am not on my own. We can count on your strength. You give us opportunity plenty to share these gifts as they are many. We have friends here and there and oh how blessed it is to share.
Grateful our heart is , yes.
We are truly truly blessed.
The challenges and lessons we have yet to learn. These we give up to you and rest assured.
Your promises they fail not. Your love it ends not.
We walk in you and with you and for you alone. Thank you for making us one.

staples

2012-01-10T10:28:00.000-05:00

staples: webster has 4 different definitions for the word. i'm going with numbers 3 and 4 as 1 is the noun which is the object made of metal; 2 is the verb. 3 says a commodity for which the demand is constant. 4 describes staple as something used, needed, or enjoyed constantly. i guess i like 4 best.

what in my life do I use, need, or enjoy constantly?

food: i'd like to say rice and beans is my staple, but as proven last week, too much of a good thing is not a good thing in the end (or out the other end). therefore, we shall go with ice cream...staple, yes. needed, no, enjoyed constantly, yes.

exercise: i use it almost daily, needed for health of body, mind, and spirit: yes. this is an interesting point...body mind spirit...

all interconnected, no part of me is able to be separated from the other because that's how God made us. my being is one as the Father and Son and Holy Spirit are one and not able to be distinguished apart from the whole. who am i and how am i to say i can make a decision with my mind about my body and it will not affect my spirit (soul, being, whichever word you choose to describe the inner deeper you)...?

who am i to try and make a decision about how i will use my body and allow it to be used in this world without consulting the Father, without taking it to the feet of the cross and seeking out His leading and guiding for my life? Lord, help me take it to the cross, to your feet, to see your heart and desires for my life. Father, lead and guide me and give me strength to use what i've been given to the best of my abilities, to be a great steward of your resources, yes even my own life.

back to staples

apart from food and exercise...community
community: i need this, i thrive when this is good and centered around Christ. i see how he created me to live amongst others, to encourage and support and run the race with others. definitely a stable according to all parts of definition number 4.

what a great tie in for lifegroup on friday night...endurance, running the race together as we have stated we desire...to take into account our need for this community, our need for the staples in our life, and the interconnectedness of it all in and around us...oooo...this is going to be good. come visit "life on the ranch" friday night for the complete story, i can't give it all away now in case someone reading would show up, consider this your preview...the introduction if you will.

until next time...what is your staple?

Without Words

2011-11-15T16:01:00.001-05:00

"Preach the gospel at all times -- If necessary, use words."

-- Saint Francis of Assisi

words are so POWERFUL

How many times do I use them for my advantage?

Too often I use them when not necessary...when I'm tired and sore about this or that, opening my mouth to unload the dark and crusty edges that have chaffed of inside of me after a long day...after hearing the hurt and filth and dirt that infiltrates lives - at times innocent lives - at times not so innocent ones.

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." -- George Eliot

Why is it so easy to unload the crap?

what if....

"For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." - Luke 6:45

I was so excited about this good thing...this new life!
What if...
What if I couldn't wait to see you at the end of the day to share that one thing that made me smile! My day could not, would not be complete until I was able to tell you about the way I saw Jesus, the person I saw Jesus touch, or the way the ray of light shone just right off the buildings along the bayou to turn one questionably grungy view into one that took my attention away from the dull computer screen and indoor lighting. I do wonder...
Do you?
Or is it just me?

God, may I wake up and walk through my day with this inexpressible joy...inexpressible to others maybe because there is no way I could communicate through words the love I feel from you or the joy I get knowing you think of me beyond my wildest dreams. May my walking in this knowledge be evident to others and may they understand, though I cannot express it, why I stroll the way I do.. may you be so obvious in and through me that someone, just one (or two, or millions) would come to know you as a result. To share in this feeling of knowing and being known...a deep intimate bond that seems ludicrous to those who have not experienced it...make yourself known Lord.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." - Romans 8:26

My family

2011-10-04T09:36:00.002-04:00

I love my family- I really do. Some people, ok a lot of people, ask me if I miss them and think I'll move back home. Well, yes I miss them, but no I don't think I'll move back home. I am home wherever I am. It is not always easy. It is not always my ideal. Would I prefer to have the traffic and nasty air filters of the big sprawling city or would I enjoy driving along a winding road to watch my cousin play in her tennis match or soccer game? Heck yeah the latter, but family is not my calling at this juncture in my life, not who needs to be served and reached right now for the furthering of the kingdom of God. I believe I am right where God would have me. I think I am following Him daily as best I can (yes I mess it up sometimes, who doesn't!?).
I have taped to my bathroom mirror a verse: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26
I heard a great sermon on this once. As it is so very harsh and brash to hear, especially if u do love your family. Believe me, God and Jesus does not contradict himself because the Bible also surely does say to respect and love and care for your parents and family. But the meaning behind this verse that I like as it was explained to me is this: it will appear to those in the world, to those on the outside, to others, that you hate your family...not because you do, but because you may be called to leave them to go follow Christ.
I am okay with that. Some days are easier than others. Sometimes you will miss them, He didn't say it would be easy to follow Him all the time. Sometimes you will be blessed by a visit, a note, a phone call, a txt message or picture (gotta love technological advances that are a little more recent than Bible times). Pretty sure Jesus didn't text, but he did drink wine, well that's another box of worms debate;)
All I'm saying at the end of the day is that I truly do love my family; sometimes it might not appear that way. We are not perfect, in fact we are far from it, well, guess what, we are human: saved by God's free grace that over flows and makes restitute for a variety of things.
Can I get an amen!?!

Maybe I just need a nap...

2011-09-18T18:26:00.001-04:00

I lay here in my hammock on this Sunday afternoon with Jamey Johnson's "In Color" playing for the second time (shout out to my new friend Shaft - name unchanged until we come up with one more fitting, but I will say the contradiction of a country music loving white guy named Shaft for his black SUV does make it want to stick). Country music, back to my roots. I picture me in the back of Dad's pick-up truck on a Saturday afternoon driving back to the shed with the twang blaring on the radio. What is it about country music that we love? Maybe it's the unashamed honesty of the words, the sappy love songs told in different words and with varying chords, but at the end the guy always get the girl because of his truck or tractor or dog...or he loses her, but he's happy anyway cause he still has his truck, and tractor...and dog. Either way, driving through the winding country roads always makes me want to listen to it, the predictable words are a comfort that I can belt out with the best of 'em with the windows rolled down...have to have the windows rolled down.
Why am I so sappy today, so sentimental? I'm gonna blame it on the twenty-something hormones I got coursing through my veins, the fact that next week marks the start of my late twenties. I like it, the pathway to "thirty, flirty, and thriving" as quoted from a great teen girl movie, which you would know if you were movie savvy; therefore, look it up if you don't know off the top of your head.
Man, 27, I think it will be a good year. I liked 26, lots of learning and phasing out the changing. New era in life: a young professional in the working world in a relatively new state with new friends, roommates, co-workers, church family, dog, house, bed. Thank goodness I finally got a bed to sleep in as opposed to random other people's beds and futons (well, so I still have yet to buy a bed, but this one I claim as my own in my own room). It was a year of me learning and growing into this "doctor" role that I play during the week and balancing that with this "active young adult in a large city with endless opportunities to mix and mingle" role that I like to assume on the weekends. I like to think I have learned how to juggle work with social events and leave enough room for quiet reflection, Jesus time, and sleep, though sleep does still suffer a bit in the name of fellowship and roommate bonding.
Friendships, relationships, weddings...so much revolves around these things at this stage in life...maybe I am just more aware of these things at this stage in life. Maybe it's just the fact that I have three weddings to attend in 35 days (one to read in, one to bake for, and one to be a guest at), maybe it's the fact that our house has been changing as one of those weddings is to celebrate the union of one of my roommates and her betrothed.

Caveat: if any of you wonderful people who are getting married or are thinking about it, or are married and read this blog. Please be aware that I love you dearly and am so excited for this stage in your life and I have nothing against you and am very happy for you and pray that God blesses you in your marriage and that special relationship. End Caveat.

Maybe I'm just young and frisky as our pastor stated this morning in church. I'm not very happy about this shortened life expectancy thing that I have going on right now as a result of my singleness, just saying. Either way, no matter the reason this blog like a few of the recent past is going to turn toward the relationship and marriage issue. I wasn't even planning on it, but that's what God's working on in my life, so guess what!? That's what you get to hear about, or not if you stop reading.

If you're still here then get this: I'm sitting in church, minding my own business, holding Baby (not mine), singing worship songs, belting out the melody with the best of em and then it's time for the message. Bam!
Are You With Me? - The title of the sermon.
Jesus speaking to His disciples, inevitably to me though...
Mark 3:13-15 Jesus called his disciples to him and they came and he wanted them with him that he might send them out to preach, etc.
Point 1 - A Mutual Relationship - John 15:4 Remain in me and I will remain in you...
This is a dynamic, living, close, personal relationship with Jesus and he asks...Are you with Me?
Point 2 - What does it look like - John 15:5 If a man remains in me and I in him he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Life can be demanding and crazy, but my peace comes from being in Him and letting Him take control.
Point 3 - Remember the Words - John 15:7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
That's it, this is where my eyes tear up and I start to ask, "God, am I in You" I thought I was, am I holding anything back? Do I need to drag myself back to the altar of sacrifice? I want to be in you and you in me. I have asked, I am tired of asking...You know, do I really need to bring it up all the time, like picking a scab off a wound to make it fresh and painful day after day?
One person says be content, another says pray more. They say when you least expect it...trust me I'm starting to expect nothing, but not really... deep down I hope, but can't let that show or hope too much because then the rejection comes, not even flat out rejection, but the rejection of nothing. Now I know what God says when He means you doing nothing is as bad as you doing something bad because you did not do good. Doesn't make sense, but I know there's something like that with knowing the good you ought to do, but doing nothing....anyway.
Do I pray for it to happen soon? What if that's not God's will, but I asked for it and he will give me what I ask for and it's not the best or the guys not ready or so on and so forth. I guess this is where faith comes in and where God wanting the best for His children comes in....so I can ask and I can ask for it soon and I can be specific and picky and choosy and all that and God can say no today, and the next, and the next...and when the time is right he will say yes...but I still don't want to have to ask every day...that's a lot of asking.
Makes me want to take a nap...
Can't I just be at home in His love
Point 4 - Life Giving Love - John 15:9 Now remain in my love
I'll take that...I'll sit and nap in that...
I'm with you, Jesus.
And I'm going to play In Color for the 3rd time and be okay with the fact that I get teary when the grandpa tells the story of seeing the red rose contrast the blue eyes of his bride in this black and white photo...and then I'm gonna take a nap.

When life makes sense to me...

2011-09-06T22:28:00.001-04:00

When life makes sense to me:
I go through my daily routine, granted each day of the week has some variation such as Tuesday off, thurs spin class, Friday fun day, Sunday church and unknown fellowship with awesome brothers in Christ, but rarely do I take the time to consider the world I function in. My world is unique; my worldview is my own. Granted, my view is influenced by past experience, lessons taught and learned, and some not learned so well. Nonetheless my eyeglasses are tinted Dori color. I see baby blue skies and white sweeping clouds over a lake of crystal water with fish causing ripples as a tranquil inviting thing whereas you might see it as boring. My world seems in order when I am the minority, no, when I and everyone around me is the minority. Is that why my neighborhood just fits?
I love the smell of corn! Not from a can, the corn growing in the field and being ripened by the summer sun...that makes sense to me.
Old people running down the road in their reflective orange vest so as to avoid moto vs pedestrian accident...this makes sense to me.
My family and good friends all in the same state sharing a meal together at the table with kids and dogs running underfoot while the sun shines down causing sweat to bead on our brows...that's how it's supposed to be.
Laying in bed with my three best friends eating pizza and brownie volcanos and playing a board game on a Saturday night in the downtown area...again, makes perfect sense.
As we all know I am not a high maintenance girl by any sense of the word, but having my legs shaved, dress and heels ready for some event which will result in a fun night of dancing with my friends...sensible to say the least.
I guess it's not so much of a life thing as it is a God who gives all these good things in life thing...what I mean to say is...life makes sense to me when I and others are so in tune with the Spirit, so in step with the Father that the only correct path is the one taken. The sun and daylight illuminate and contribute to the beauty of the dance as it unfolds. The Son is so alive and shining through that nothing is able to dull the senses and cause a doubt to enter the mind concerning if this is what life is about or not! My God is good and generous and he does not leave in the hard times, no he carries and sets us back on our feet when we are able to feel our legs again. He may be hard to hear at times, but what station do I have blaring in my ears competing for his directives? What outside source might be waving in my face clouding my judgement of how close He really is? What time constraints have I placed on myself limiting my devotion to Him.
May I clear out the white noise, push back the hand in my face, and make quiet unequivocal time with my Father, my Savior daily so that I may be able say daily that this life I live in the Spirit... This makes sense to me.

This is me.

2011-08-21T22:43:00.000-04:00

This is me.

This is me, why can't you see.
I'm an independent lady who don't rely on man to make the gravy.
Some say I can be intimidating...
what just cause I technically can be referred to as Dr., I have competed in a collegiate sport, I own my house, support my home, and in all ways appear to be grown.
Yeah, I guess it could be misconstrued that I take credit for such accomplishments, let's be honest it's God who did all that.
My travels over sea and land to lend an ear, a word, a hand.
Wouldn't you speak in Spanish if your heart was there,
if you had learned, yet fear,
the mighty acts of God and have a spot for those in need,
why can't you see
this is me.

This is me
the one who loves to run and jump and play,
and swim and bike and hike and fly
Oh if I could fly up in the sky away from eye and ear, above all in the crystal clear
away from the heartache, the judgement, the putting on of shows
all these worldly woes
My God I know you see, for you created me.
You see me as I am.
You made me to love the sun and sweat all day.
My skin gets dark of this I say
thank you for my carefree spirit
i love to dance and sing and who cares if they hear it!
My style, my ways, each one of my days
you created them all.

this is me
don't you see
I'm smart, funny, sarcastic with wit
I'm sporty and nicknamed shorty
by friends who adore me.
The guys - I don't get it
they don't seem to be with it.
I have all these great qualities.

what, is it because I wear cut-off sleeves?
Is my athleticism too much?
am I speaking in Dutch?
Do I come off too strong
by mind, body, or song?
Can't you keep up, let's swim around for miles and bike the trails along the bayou. I'll run if you prefer, basketball, soccer, just say the word.
We'll play hard all day and end with a date.
You pick me up, in your truck.
By the way,
did I say you must meet certain standards...
if I beat you in sport, well let's cut the date short.
You can't figure out how to change a tire?! Come on a girl's got standards!
If I can beat you at games,
show you up, man that's lame.
Be my man
Take my hand
Make the choice
He'll give you your voice.
If you follow His lead
we'll follow Him anywhere
Be it morroco or spain, or somewhere with rain
Be my man,
take my hand,
make the call,
I will fall.

I'll fall hard
my soft side you'll see
the princess inside of me I'll be glad to share
might even do my hair.

Again, this is me
why can't you see
I like short hair and t-shirts.
I go by PT, I got my degree.
My past time is fitness - I have many a witness
I like to drink beer and cheer for my team.
My cooking is little, creativity grand.
I can mow the lawn and caulk the sink.
If you can take all that and still see me.
If you can look underneath the outside appearance you will see that inside I'm still a woman.
I like to go out with make-up in dresses and heels,
Well, like is relative
tolerate is imperative to this narrative
let's be honest...I can and I will
and I do it with skill.
I want to be sexy at times, not so cute.
Want me, desire me, dance just to be near me.
Here I am,
Take my hand,
Be my man.
I know you can see
This is me.

Seeing the stars

2011-08-14T01:26:00.001-04:00

Every morning Trilly and I go for our mile walk around the community. It started as a time dedicated to God, a time for me to be still in spirit; yet, I could be a good pet owner and allow the young bitch to expend some energy each day. After lent ended the strolls continued. I mean who could take away a bone from the cutesy starving dog ever, just like who can say no to that enthusiasm that greets me daily at the sound of my alarm. None, no-one, nadie.
Lately though, my mind is on 100,000 different things and my eyes are tired or my body is moving so slow I wonder if we will make it back before dawn, which is crazy seeing as that's another hour and some change away at that point.
I don't like it. The full mind syndrome. I would love to, I need to, I want to be at the place where I'm walking along so in tune with God that there is nothing detestable filling my mind, no shameful or needless thought inhabiting my brain space. Work, dedication, the ability to say no, to take control so that my desires become reality.
Baby steps this I know. I started by taking some time to look At the stars. Just a moment to be reminded of how small I am, how amazingly cool God is and how I would love to save those stars that I saw in the dark nights in California and Indiana and alaska...those same ones, though they appear brightest in Tanzania. It's the small moments, its the few stars ww see...these reminders that I am minescule and yet a princess. I am small and yet a great warrior for the king, one sent out to represent His name... Oh yes this is what I hear when I look at the stars. Thank you Jesus for opening my heart, for allowing me to feel, for getting me through it all . I love you!

Anticipation

2011-06-07T13:57:00.000-04:00

Lots of people ask me what i do on my day off...
Hard question to answer, but most of the time I reply with run errands, work on the house, in the yard, and take care of stuff.
Today is my day off...I ran errands, well the ones I wanted to, and I still have one thing to get. I mowed the yard, which lets be honest doesn't take too long when only 19% of it is growing (why is that btw? when this one part is not a watering area and yet it is the lushest and nicest grass in my yard). I payed my bills that are going to be due when I'm off saving the world. I took the dog for a walk. I read a bit. I caught up on facebook. And it is barely 1pm.
I guess a nap would be in order to refresh and recharge for a workout later. Maybe I'll watch a movie and there you have it, my day off. Seems so long and yet so short. I love the quiet in the house right now, but I feel like I would rather be out doing something, anything so I don't have to think of the next thing, or the next day at work, or the next trip planned. That's really it; I am anticipating the next thing. I need to be still and enjoy this thing, this day, this time of rest...especially since I will not be privy to much time of rest and solitude for the next ooo 2+ weeks. All good things to be involved in: trip to central America with medical mission team, trip to NY for a quick weekend family reunion/grandma's birthday celebration, work in between and after involving me being responsible for a student and her acquiring OP orthopedic PT knowledge.
Oooo...tired thinking about it, tired typing it out. Time to take that nap I spose...maybe the bike ride shall be in solitude as well with stops to listen for God's voice. I realize He can talk to me anywhere, but I like to think he prefers to hang out amidst nature and trees and sweat and dirt...especially sweat and dirt.

Can I still be a mirror with a broken heart?

2011-05-29T21:10:00.000-04:00

This morning I journaled to God about being a mirror. Last week's sermon was about prayer and what we need to be doing in our lives and how we are living for Him. I took away the phrase "Be a Mirror." To me that means reflect Christ in everything, at every moment, in every activity, conversation, and thought.
Am I showing others Christ or me?
Sounds all well and good until a wrench is thrown in the system and you no longer have the bright outlook that the sunrise brings and you are left with a heavy heart and a lump in your throat and are hurting so much for someone you love because they hurt and what do you do? Is it being a mirror if you display sorrow? What if you are the one broken and hurting? Do you show Christ in that?
Christ hurt.
Christ had a broken heart for His children, for you, for me, for them.
Christ had times of sorrow, extreme anguish (praying and sweating like blood being poured out because it was such an intense and fervent time with God), and joy.
Christ smiled, played with children, showed love, peace, and tears.
So yeah, Christ is showed there. Christ is reflected in my sad heart. Christ knows and good thing cause he is the only one that can comfort and restore and heal. My God is bigger than jobs and families and trips and illness and...well...everything.
Doesn't make it easy. Doesn't make us not wonder and question. Be real. How can you reflect if you are covering something up, if you are hiding part of you, if you are turned away from the light...
Be a mirror.
In every way shape and form.
Cry, laugh, play, draw in dirt, teach, listen, love...above all love.

A thousand words

2011-05-10T16:47:00.000-04:00

A picture is worth a thousand words; therefore, I wish I had the energy/gumption to go take a picture of the brown dirt spot inhabiting the location of the now demolished palm bush. But, since I am comfortably lounging on my ginourmous bed with my cute little dog sleepily keeping me company you will instead have to take my word that it is just that...a brown patch of dirt, very dry dirt.

With that said, now I have the freedom to let my thoughts float away and hopefully through my fingers to be transcribed onto the page in front of me.

I am called to a higher standard of living, a higher standard than the average Joe walking down the streets of this world.
Why?
Because I claim to be a child of Jesus Christ, a Princess living under the watch of her Heavenly King. With that claim and the claim that Jesus has on my heart and life comes a great responsibility. Do I always enjoy this higher calling? Do I always love the fact that I must consider not what I want to do, but instead what I know to be the right or "Christ-like", if you will, thing to do? Am I always serious and never sarcastic?
The obvious answer if you know me at all...NO.
I am very much a headstrong and independent to a fault Princess of my Great King. Take today for instance:
Scenario: Riding in Flash, chatting with my good friend about how I do not feel like having dinner with this guy because as of the last time I hung out with him I made up my mind that we are not on the same page religiously, therefore, unattractive to a point and therefore my time on my day off I would rather chill. She proceeds to remind me that even though I feel this way I cannot just blow him off from now on, but maybe I should explain why in a humble "Christlike" way why it does not appear that it would work between us. To explain why I all of a sudden consider him my "buddy".
But, it's my day off, I am not feeling like it...but she is right. I am called to a higher standard and b/c he is not called to that standard it is not his job to broach the subject, but mine. If for no other reason than to not give him an excuse to turn away from God or to put a girl's (who calls herself Christian)actions in any way in between him and Salvation.
OK. Only because I am convicted she speaks truth in this and gives me good talking points and ideas of how to present it in a light of we both have things probably not looking for in the other, I do it. I am feeling good about it, the conversation has not fully happened yet, to be continued at dinner tonight, but I'm feeling good about this. God, I pray you give me the words. Please lead my heart to be only caring and open to love with your love and to be your messenger. Please lead and guide me to a new level of understanding how you feel and how you want to show this man that you care and that you have created him to one day allow you into his life.

I want to take this opportunity to thank God for giving me the ability to almost...logically, bad word...calmly...collectedly...peacefully...confidently...contentedly, yes contentedly approach the matter of annulling a chance at a boyfriend. A chance at being not completely single. In the past, even if I know deep down it's not right, or he's not the one, then I would keep him there to talk to, to hang out with...to be "friends, but there's the option of more". But now, God has graciously, for it is not by any measure of my doing, given me a content place to be right now. I am happy where I am, the opportunities at serving him, the time I have open to go here or there or meet with them or her, to contribute to this cause or that, to be His servant at this time, in this way...to be okay with being single and living life. For all that, thank you Jesus. I have not been at this level of that feeling that I can recall and I want to recognize and thank God for that. As I said, not my usual, not my past experience, not my normal;) It's nice, I pray it stays, though I know it will not and cannot or I will remain stagnant.

Stagnant is a nasty word.
It reminds me of the water standing in the mud bucket of the piece of bush (not palm bush, but another) that I am trying to save for my friend...though I fear it is not going to make it living in said mud bucket...might already be dead...my thumb is not green, but multi-colored.
How do you have a multi-colored thumb?
Easy, you are good a lots of things, but not necessarily keeping plants alive.
I like to paint and craft and chop and lift and cut and nail and dig and stain and sand and create, not necessarily in that order. That makes you a multi-colored thumb!

Have I typed out a thousand words yet to make up for the lack of pictures this week? ;) Yes, they say...okay
over and out

Palm bushes must die

2011-04-26T17:13:00.001-04:00

Today, I hacked, literally, hacked with a hatchet, until the monster palm "pineapple" bush was taken down. It took probably over an hour on Sunday to cut the branches, attempt to dig, and finally give up until a great friend, one who has been there before gave me the inside scoop on how to attack the beast with results. So, I rummaged through her garage, with permission of course, found the said hatchet and stump killer, and went to hacking and chopping and sweating until I conquered the giant. May not seem that impressive on the outside, maybe not even so impressive with the pictures you see here, but when you are the one with blistered hands, tired arms, and dirt spattering your person it is a great accomplishment to see it to completion. I have always been one to thrive on manual labor...to have days filled with minimal thought and maximal physical exertion. I enjoy sweating. I don't glisten, I don't perspire, I sweat. Yay for the man who will one day find that slightly attractive;)
In all that I am happy. My arms are lethargic, my hands having trouble maintaining limberness to tap out the keys on the keyboard, my back even feeling like it had a bit of a workout...but my brain is clearing. The funk acquired by working 10 hour days in the midst of death and dying and healing, though it's harder to rejoice in the healing when next to you is sadness, when the faces of daughters and sons and mothers are red from tears and strained from emotional distress...when the chaplain is on the unit, usually not a good time...
God, thanks for being there to comfort the daughter and son and mother. To be with the dying as they struggle to make sense of where they are and why people dressed in all one color come in and make them do hard tasks and don't give them water, when all they want is clear water, not Ensure, just water and good tasting food.
God, thanks for the mother with a sore hip who is sitting and standing and eating, even though it's not home cooking. Thanks for workers who love and sweat alongside those who are hurting and those who are healing.
Do you sweat alongside while we struggle to chop through the thickness of life? Do you feel at times you are working so hard to break through to me or to cut sin out of my life that your hands are red from trying and your back feeling the weight of it all? Yeah, I think you do, but in a "I'm God and can handle it" way. I think you are there if nothing else but sitting with me as I chop and pointing me to sweet spot that will allow the trunk of the huge pineapple like palm bush tree thing to be felled.
Which brings us to the ever famous "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?" Yes, okay, it does. God knows, God hears.
God cares. God gives, God allows us to struggle and hack and chop and refine ourselves and our thoughts and He rejuvenates us when we need a drink of cold water or a break from the emotional fog with a day of hard labor.
Thank you God for ginormous palm bushes.

Sunday:

Tuesday

Riding Solo

2011-02-27T19:45:00.000-05:00

Riding Solo: popular phrase thanks to a rap song sung by...? but it's playing through my head right now....
Why is this playing through my head you might ask? Great question! Let me explain. Please bear with me cause the roller coaster of thoughts and feelings I must wade through to complete the illustration at hand are many.
Where to begin?
Solo
Single
Alone
One
Me

Riding
Bike
Beautiful day
people outside
Parks
Dogs
Couples
Singles
Games
Me on Bike
Alone
Just me on my bike
Just me and my thoughts on my bike
Just me and my tired legs and my thoughts on my bike...riding alone
Solo

Get the connection?
Alright, well I do not want to bore you with the details, I think the word association pretty much explains it...and if not then you have never been a single 26 year old female living in a city surrounded by people, yet feeling alone. Sorry to those of you who married young and/or always had a significant other, you can't get it. You can't meet me here in this place. Sorry, it's blunt, but it's the truth. And I hate to say it, but maybe no one can totally associate with me because I'm unique, individualized with my life experiences and my current situation and place in this world as we all are and therefore feeling even more alone. Is it a bad thing? No. It's just how I feel.
Being the ever optimist and a princess beloved by my King I can also tell you there are way perks to being where I'm at. Perk #1: I can help my sisters who are struggling in this area (though I cannot fully identify with them because we are different I can commiserate and listen and be, just be, cry, I also am getting better at crying and just being and crying over the phone...thanks B for being that for me) Perk #2: I now know how to and how often to change the air filter for the air conditioner...who knew every 3 months! crazy! as well as I can be an encouragement for other single ladies looking into buying a house and commiserate again on the "it's not the way I pictured I'd do this, but what do you do" feeling. Perk #3: If I want to go ride my bike, I go. I swim, I play futbol, I meet someone spontaneously or not so spontaneously for dinner or coffee or ice cream.
The trick is to keep the positives in perspective when the devil tries to fill my head with aloneness lies b/c at the end of the day and at the end of my thoughts I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is enough. Jesus Christ can fill me up more than any person ever could. He listens and is and leads and strengthens and brightens my day and blesses me in the hard times so that I can get stronger still and work on my weaknesses and remember who I am and where I've been called and how he is using me even now, broken and messed up as I am, as we all are, solo or not.
O Lord, use me, heal me, help me see past my logs and short sightedness, make me new and clean and strong...help me be vulnerable when I need to be and protected when I need to be.
God, almighty Father, Orchestrator of my days, i bow in reverence, I lay prostrate as I have nothing left...I don't want to do it on my own...I can't. Lift me up when its time to scrape me off the floor. Put your light in my eyes and your thoughts in my head. Lead my steps as well as my thoughts.
Jesus be with me. I know that I am not alone. I am not riding solo because this beloved princess is protected by the King with all His angels surrounding. What an awesome sight to see I'm sure:)
In Jesus Name
En el Nombre de Jesus
amen

Painful awakening

2011-02-26T01:19:00.000-05:00

You know you've become a working professional when...
...words like productivity and show rates become a part of your daily speech.
...coffee actually tastes good.
...TGIF is no longer referring to a tv series night, but how you feel one day a week.
...you recognize cars on your way to work and start naming them, acting like they are your travel buddies. "Do you have your travel buddy?!?"
...people pull you aside at events to ask you questions about body parts.
...conferences, work related, excited you beyond belief.
...your desk becomes not only a place of organized chaos, but a welcome respite and something you are very possessive over.
...you grunt and your co-workers know exactly what you were thinking.
Thee list goes on, but that's all that jumps to mind at the time.

Other random thoughts.
Why is there traffic at 10:55 pm? Who and why is out on the roads at this hour, you should be asleep or home people! Really?!?

Some people can survive and actually appear lucid and pleasant off of 6 hrs of sleep a night...why am I not one of those people? Is this something you adapt to our of forced sleepless nights like when you have kids, cause right now me functioning off of less than 7 hrs for more than a weeks is scary.

Sleep deprivation is kinda like intoxication...increased dancing, decreased filter, and lots of laughing.

Women's night: Great, helpful, rejuvenating; yet, draining. Emotion costs energy. Always, great sleep comes after a hard cry. So much excitement, so much to look forward to...
...so much to confess and ask for forgiveness from God, from others. So many beautiful women in our church family. Thank you for allowing us to share the wisdom, to share the experiences and struggles. Thank you for vulnerability, for that one or two people who you can let see it all and it is safe. Thank you Lord for always being safe. Thank you for safe places and women when so much of the day is not safe.

I pray for these women. I ask Lord your hand of mercy, grace, peace, comfort, strength. Good thing you have big hands. You formed the moon. You "measured the waters in the hollow of your hand" Isaiah 40:12. You "tend the flock like a shepherd; You gather the lambs in your arms." vs11. Gather Veronica to you as work is crazy and change is coming though we don't know when. Hold L as she beats her fists on your chest and cries out in pain, despair, sadness, joy, questioning, searching, shame, longing, desire. Catch me and be my soft bed to land in as I run until I can physically run no more. I am tired, weary...
Isaiah 40: 27
Why do you say, O Kelly and complain O Trudy, "My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you know know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
...weary has a new meaning, a different meaning for me tonight. I am weary of waiting, a longing heart is a hard thing to sustain. May my longing be of you O Lord, may my desires find respite in you. May I awake in the morning after a good hard sleep only to find David was right, "When I awake, you are with me"

While I was biking

2011-01-30T21:00:00.000-05:00

I didn't make it to church today. I do not like not making it to church on Sundays. I rather enjoy the time spent in corporate worship, especially at my church full of multi-cultural-ness, people who are so in tune with their Savior that His light practically shines from their faces and you can feel His touch in their embrace. I love my church, my community, the openness, the fact that after a service you can leave, stand around talking for 30 min (which is my norm and I love it), pray for others or receive prayer, and get a group together to grab some local cuisine. So, I missed that this morning, but as I was on my long bike ride pumping my legs to release some pent up energy and aggression I was thinking, call it praying if you will, but I will say sometimes it seems to be one in the same; if I'm in my head and God is in my head (and heart) then my thinking and praying overlap a lot. Anyways, I was prayinking (new word), "God, what would you have me learn? What are you trying to teach me? It's hard, I'm emotionally drained, why? What are you saying?" Then I thayed *thought/prayed* maybe it's not about me...maybe I should be asking instead, "God, what can I learn about you? What new aspect of you is being revealed?"
I then thought to the story told by my friend at Life Group last week about how she was out in nature, the wind was strong and she heard God tell her that sometimes He just likes to blow. Because he can. Because He is God. Because He created these things and maybe, just maybe it's not all complex and intricate and he just wants to.
So, I'm thinking...maybe you just want to ride bike with me. You just want to sweat and live and be tired and be my BIG PAPA GOD who comforts me when I'm emotionally drained b/c you can and you will. I'm okay with that. I'm thankful for that. Maybe you just want me to see you for who and what you are at this moment...you became all things to all people...you became man, you became like me...why? I will never know you, God, would want to come to this earth from Heaven.
I guess that's why it's so special and we know you love us so much and we mean so much to you that you wanted to send your Son to walk with us, experience the doll drum of human life, the struggles with single-ness, the labor to survive (Granted carpentry and PT looks a bit different then and now, but gotta go to work, bake the dough, fetch the water, and feed the dog), the sore muscles, the tired eyes, the alone time, the festival time, the daily grind time. Thanks God for coming to Earth so I can identify with you, so you can identify with me.
Thanks for blowing.

The Rain Clouds Have Cleared

2011-01-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

Let's be honest, I can in no way have my blog background as rainy days unless that's how I'm feeling when I write that particular post. So, this is more my style...sunshine, blue skies, green fields, B-E-A-UT-I-FUL! :)
I am feeling happier inside as well. We have a time set aside for the Original Four to congregate in a place unbeknownst to any of us to date, but a glorious place it will be wherever we meet.
I'm thinking our top five options are: In No particular order...
1. Hawaii, I hear it's nice this time of year
2. The Naomi House for Recovering Prostitutes
3. The Back woods of Tennessee
4. Puerto Rico - Ling Ling I'll fill you in on why it'd be a...worthwhile...place for us to visit with Chi-town and Ping-pongs accompaniment of course
5. Maine, I've never been and it's kinda opposite extreme of Hawaii:)
cast your votes my ladies!

Biblical thought of the day...
Elijah, taken here and there by the Spirit...kinda like time traveling, how cool would that be! Except for the part where everyone was looking to kill him for many years during the drought/famine, ya know.

To: My Originals, I love You

2011-01-18T22:11:00.000-05:00

Isn't it ironic that the opening verse on my blog is about not complaining; yet, I do a lot of complaining on here. Granted it usually ends semi uplifting, but sometimes this is the main avenue I use to put down my inner most gripes that I have with life as we know it. It's no use to complain out loud because what is accomplished with these winey words? Usually nothing except successfully annoying the listener. Besides that didn't your mother tell you not to complain, mine did, pretty sure somewhere along the way. I even eat peas now, peas on toast I still do not prefer...probably not helped by the soggy toasted bread texture mixed with creamy pea soup...ugh, thanks mom for not fixing that one too often and for allowing me to eat peanut butter bread in times of peas on toast being served for dinner; you are the best.
Now where was I, oh yes, complaining. Contraindication except in times of broken heartedness which I am also experiencing now. Broken over the loss of time with my originals, three women who know me almost as best as I know myself. Three amazing ladies who always know how to get me riled up and put a smile on my face even when I'm in a complaining mood. Who else will go skinny dipping with you in probably 60* water or lead your teammates streaking around the bases on the first snow fall of the year? Who will wake you up in the middle of the night because they are sick and you will do the same to them just so someone else knows the pain you are experiencing? Only these amazing women are able to bring me to tears of joy and tears of laughter in a matter of seconds depending on the setting, the mood, the sangria at dinner, the stroll on the beach at night. I could type a novel of all our adventures together complete with pictures sitting on fences, wearing camo, dressed in spandex, and wrapped up in each others arms for the 10,000th time. Instead, I will silently shed a tear for each one tonight as we go about our respective lives in the snow, the rain, the warm evening in each respective part of the states. A tear not for friendship lost, but for friendship current and so strong that it will continue and give me the strength to make it until we meet again. I will settle for phone calls, emails, facebook pictures and voice mails to remind me of looks and sounds. I will always know what you are not telling me over the phone, but will wait until you are ready to share. I will pretend to be shocked when you tell me what I already know because I know you so well...or at least i like to think I do;) I will dry my eyes and enjoy the new and blessed friendships around me here, but have no fear I will rejoice all the more when you meet them and they meet you and most importantly, we meet each other again.
I thank my God every time I remember you, in all my prayers for each of you...

Trials

2011-01-17T05:59:00.002-05:00

Consider it pure joy my brothers (sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
...
Blessed is the man (woman) who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:2-4, 12

Acts 1:7-8 He said to them, "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Witnesses for God. Witnesses while we are under trial, while we are persevering. God be huge. God be BIG. Not just BIG, BUT BIG BIG!
Be here at this hour while she sleeps, quiet her pain, heal her hurts.
Lord, answer the prayers of her heart.
Jesus, show her where you are leading her.
Father, give him the wisdom to lead.
Abba, let your children be held in your huge protective arms tonight, today, tomorrow as long as it is called tomorrow.
Yesu, give her compassion.
YHWH, we praise you for your works unseen.
Yesuah, thank you for granting the desires of our hearts.
Mungu, quiet the hurts of this world, open her heart to you again. Show them you are the way, the truth, and the light. You are THE WAY.
PapA, help us persevere.

desert

2011-01-09T19:41:00.002-05:00

John preached on the desert places today.
Is it possible that you are not completely in the desert at one time, but rather parts of your life are desert and others are lush mountainsides? Can you really lead one life (not be schizo) and yet have so many facets that it just depends where you are, who your with, what the topic is...?
So, I feel like my whole life was the desert place about two months ago for a 3-4 month span 2/2 external factors: moving, changing, newness, etc
Now, no overarching desert experience, but I chose today to live in the desert for the afternoon. No noise, no people, just me and God, communing in the desert. Yes, sleep came, rest, peace, talking...thinking...being still.
I'm sad, tears are welling up as I think of the sweet peace and rest that I was allowed to experience today. The time for laying and just being, thank you God.
I miss people. I miss places. I miss experiences.
I am so happy to know new people. To visit new places. To have new experiences.
I am living in a glass case of emotion! * movie quote *
Conflicting yes, relevant, real...
*wipe the eyes, blow the nose*
I missed my friends' wedding...I love this couple. I was there to see God put them together and bless their relationship from day one. I was here, they were married there...the pictures are beautiful. You can look at them and see their love, their oneness before God. I remember the first time I met him, ya know, friends have to approve, though we all really know if she likes him so much our approval is really just for us to think we are that important, I mean come on she was already 'gone'; yet, she is great and acquiesced to our "importantness" and a group of us went salsa dancing. First time I'd experienced that...he danced with me, he also not knowing salsa...we were horrible together, yep, I approve! She found her French Bo. She loves the city life, he prefers country. They live downtown.
So happy, joyful, praising Jesus!
*smile, breathe through tight throat*
Yesterday I celebrated life, birth...it was a birthday party. I have new friends who shine with your love and life and live it out together in marriages and in singleness...at home and work and church and after church. We talked, we ate, we played silly games, we danced the night away, we laughed at ourselves and each other...you were there...you were honored with our words and actions and amazing dance moves!

Thank you Lord for the desert, for the lush mountainside. For the unknown and unexpected

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. 2 Corinthians 2:9

I miss The Original Four, well i miss three of them, but not complete until we are together again...
God what awesome reunion do you have planned for us in 2011? I pray for your blessings to pour upon us so that we are blessed beyond our wildest dreams with opportunity to meet and spend time with each other, with you.
In Jesus Name I pray from the desert, from the lush mountainside, maybe its from beside streams of still waters. You know where I am Lord, you will join me here...you will make yourself known wherever I am...thank you for that.

माय फ्रेंड इस मर्रिएद

2011-01-02T19:01:00.002-05:00

Another one bites the dust...
make that two more bite the dust...
God, so excited right now for my friends: To be privy to see your hand of favor and blessing leading men and women who are sold out for you form relationships with the goal of a marriage union focused on serving you through loving each other and others...Wow! Awesome, awesome. So excited...so happy...so jealous...may I not covet my neighbors blessings, far be it from me to allow the devil to get a foothold, nay even a glimmer of any credit for casting a shadow on such happy occasion. Please come. Protect my heart and thoughts; may they only be of you and uplifting regarding my friends' happiness.

Lord, patience.

Waiting.

You have obviously had something to teach me here. I am so used to going, going, looking here, focused there. Four years and then I'll have this degree and get a job. Three years and then I'll be through the tough stuff and have a job. It's that time, I made it through the grueling education, came out on the other side burnt out and seeing hazily that there is life on the other side of a doctorate. Now I'm living it...I'm learning how to live from STG to STG (short term goal). It's all about the weeks, the months, no longer the years...years are too long to know what will happen next. If I would have thought at the beginning of last year "that at this time next year" I'd have a house, not just live in a house, but own a house, a dog, a kick a** job that is full of wonderful people and clients and that I'm able to say I have a church family and a routine. (am I allowed to use asterick words and church in the same sentence? yes I just did) These were things I longed for, that I silently prayed for in my heart, but not often admitted.

Why do i have such a hard time admitting out loud the desires of my heart?

I think part of it is that I want to leave room for God's will and screenplay to be acted out and not put my ideas into it and mess it up. (That clearly indicated I think my will will mess things up.) False, because if I am truly following Him, then he gives me His will as my will...I end up wanting what He wants for me...hard to grasp...I'm still learning there.

The other part is that I do not want to ask for things and get let down when they don't happen, or maybe it takes way too long, by my standards of course...patience child, patience. Thanks Michael for the whole sermon today on waiting and faithfully waiting and faithfully living life. Talk about God using you to speak. Lord you totally spoke. He hath spoken. I got it, I hear ya Lord, but o how hard it is to listen and apply...key word apply.

How do I actively wait?

Is it like active listening skills: nod, um-hum, summarize and repeat what you've heard
actively waiting skills: nod your head to the side like the classic 80's dance move as you stand on the side of the street catching the bus, give a little 'praise Jesus' for each little thing that you see or hear happening around you daily, repeat what He has put on my heart to say to you my friend or to her who stands beside me waiting for the bus, or he who works alongside me serving yet not knowing the true meaning of servanthood

I think so, I think we're onto something here...live life. Actively waiting. Actively waiting and living life for Jesus, as Jesus did His first 30 years on earth and even more His last 3 years on earth which we hear about. We can speculate on the first 30, but we know the last 3. We can emulate the first 30 by the fruit of the last 3. Oooo fruit, producing fruit. Little fig tree who has leaves, you better have some fruit. Fig tree if you are showing leaves out of season, you aren't gonna have any fruit. If you want to be a real fig tree you will bloom in season at the right time and fruit will grace your branches for others to see, for others to be blessed, and consume and you will replenish the branches with more fruit not by your own strength, but by the gift of the soil and water and nutrients given by the miracle of Nature a.k.a. God.
Get the picture?

I want to be a fruit producing person actively waiting and living life as Jesus did.

I want my amazing friends new and old to know they are an integral part of my life and I celebrate them and get excited with them for the changes in life. The unknown and waiting together, that's what it's about. The adventure. Who needs Zion to see the glory of our Creator. (Well, Zion is cool to visit and I love repelling and physically active adventure, but you get the point). I see Zion in you sister as your eyes sparkle with joy over this gift from God, this gift of two becoming one that you are starting to experience and will see come to fruition soon. I feel the thrill exuding from you brother as if you just summitted Mt Kilimanjaro (saw it from the air, with clouds below it's peak...awesome) and are breath-taken with the view. What a gift from God to experience those feelings, to be privy to watch you explore this unfamiliar territory as others have done before and will continue to do each person/couple as if it's the first time to cross the boundary waters. Which it is for each one as they come, even though millions have done it before, but I am convinced you cannot learn some things from the wise and learned. No, it's about the experience and so God allows it to be new and unlearned each time.

What an awesome God we serve! Thank you Jesus! Praise You Father! Reign down your blessings in increasing measure!
Amen

थे टेक्सास Christmas

2010-12-26T22:54:00.003-05:00

christmas morning
0545 - santa fills and lays out the stockings
0800 - wake up, rejoice that I actually half slept the past 2 hrs
0930 - cinnamon rolls come out of the oven all gooey and are devoured as the whole family arrives
1100 - time to pump up for the 1.5 hr run scheduled for Sat. am...christmas or not the training must go on
1130ish - Trilly and I shiver our way onto the raised trail that circles the park. the wind is blowing head on, after about 1 minute my exposed arms and legs are red and cold. After 5 minutes I consider turning back right then because this training thing is just for fun after all. 10 minutes brings numbness to the arms and legs, only the hands are needing constant fisting to protect the exposed tips on the three fingers with holes worn in the gloves. 15 minutes and I'm telling myself I am almost half way there...to the point i will turn around anyway. I've decided by this point 40 min out and back is okay. pretty soon my mind starts flashing back to past runs in the biting cold where your snot rockets feel like ice as they are swept away by the raging wind. I wonder why I do this, dressed in shorts and t-shirt, running when even my dog looks back at me with imploring eyes. Maybe I just imagined the dog looking at me and smirking b/c she is obviously warm under that fir coat. I consider for one second growing out my leg hair for warmth, then recant as I recall the hairy legs I touched at work the other day and think it really wouldn't be that much better.
i remember running on ice and tip-toing in spots to keep on my feet, that was for a team, to train and be a part of something bigger than myself...why am I doing this again?
I see girls from over the years, women I spend hours trotting alongside in inclimate weather who I'm bonded with for life even though I don't see any of them on a daily basis anymore. I wonder how she is, what's new in her life, how many have kids, how many are still running....did she ever do her ironman?
We move down to the side paved part, hoping to escape the head wind...didn't work.
35 min, okay let's turn around, after all last week I didn't run that far, don't want to over do it.
Ahhhh...so much better, my front side is feeling warm without the arctic blast blowing on me. I think i'm super fast now too! I love running, look, Trilly is cruising along side me, wearing down, she was jumping the ditch earlier back and forth, back and forth for no other reason than she loves to test the speed, jump the great divide, take life one leap at a time. Chase the birds down the hill only to run back up. You know how they say dogs and their owners resemble one another? I think it is totally true, or at least i want to be as cool as my dog. I mean she got greeted by everyone in the house upon returning today and we people accompanying her got a second thought shout out.
She has it all, cute factor, cuddly, cheery, athletic, obedient (mostly), fun and energetic...yep, yep we are similar ;)
0100 - back to the hizzy - suprise! homemade buckeye ice cream! what a great Christmas gift.
0200 - dinner time death balls! Midwest has landed down south
0300 - finally we get to open presents, good thing no one wanted a nap first this year
0500 - games followed by nap! yes!
0700 - more games, snacks, laughing
0900 - friends stop by for more holiday fellowship, gifts, laughing, sharing
1100 - slumber party begins, falling asleep to movie or chatting, not sure, not that it matters I am utterly content after a wonderful Christmas!

Reflections on 2010

2010-11-28T20:00:00.003-05:00

It's not New Years yet, so I cannot fully reflect on the year, but to date I can peruse the events that have transpired thus far. As I flipped through pictures from the year I found them extending from Tanzania to Houston, Zion, Jacksonville Beach, to Houston again. The people in them, cherished. The scenery displayed, breathtaking. The memories represented in smiles and settings, heart tugging.
I
miss
that...
those places...
those people...
home...
all the different homes I have.
It's not the places as much as the people, well, I mean Zion scenery was alright, so were the Pommerini sunrises and sunsets.

डॉ. Seuss

2010-08-15T18:44:00.002-04:00

Why it changes my tying to another language sometimes in the title I cannot figure out...maybe I was messing around with the settings a while ago and I can't remember what I did, maybe not...well yeah that's what happened, but eh I'll live with it.
So, growing up...I guess that's the main thought for the day here. Basically I've come to the conclusion that people are 'grown-up' when they are established, ya know, house, car, dog, job, community, settled in an area...well by that definition I guess I'm close to being a grown up...got a car, job, dog, house in a few short weeks, community-getting there, settled in an area-just give it a little more time. But then when you consider the conversations I've had with future roommates and we are talking about a stash bash for her b-day party and how we could all sleep in one room then have a play room and a study room(office)...well then it doesn't sound so 'grown-up' does it:)
That's when I think through this whole process and relating to those around me in these adult realms and I realize there are some people who are definitely grown-up...they come in one of a couple ways...
they could be Grown-up A: Try to act cool and hip, but really don't know how to relax and have fun and maybe they have kids, maybe not, but really not many people enjoy their company b/c they are complacent or complain about stuff or talk about others and therefore are more of a staunch type grown-up
or...
they could be Grown-up B: Display a wisdom and art of relating to people of different age groups and cultures in a way that is not demeaning, but even with openness to learn from someone who may have a different perspective on life. They understand all the grown-up things, maybe have kids, maybe not, have a house and the outside appearance of grown-up, but are quick to reveal that they try their best and may not have all the answers.

I'd like to think I'm working on the Grown-up B approach. Really no one can understand it all, no one can really give you a working definition of escrow and mortgages and insurance and titles, they might give you one good one but can't relate it to the others or they tell you what they heard and learned when they went through it, but never really digested it all and know why it works the way it works. (Refer to Friends episode where Chandler and Monica buy a house and try to explain to Joey what Escrow means)
So, yeah I don't understand it all...I know what I need to do this week so they can do what they need to do with the other pieces and we will work together and get it done, no-one really understanding the whole process (and if they tell you they do then ask them about Euthenasia:pronounced Youth in Asia and see what they have to say about that), and in the end we will appear grown-up to those who have not muddled through it themselves, but in the inside we will know the deception of it all.
I'm surprisingly okay with that, it's like a joke we're playing on others Knowing all the while that God knows what's going on and He kind of chuckles along with us and holds our hand and gets us through this new funny grown-up transition phase. It's like each step of life, each different chunk when we think it's either really bad or really good b/c it's change and we either are really excited or really nervous or really overuse really...it's like at those times when He can see it all from beginning to end in no particular order to Him that He enjoys holding our hands and experiencing the flood of emotions together. When we don't know what else to do besides ride it out and wait and see and He obviously can see it all, but we get to wait in anticipation and enjoy the ride.
It's tricky to balance this contentment with the here and now with the hope for a future and planning for how we could be used or maybe dreaming what we think could happen...but then you don't want to underdream God, you don't want to discredit how His plans could be so beyond anything you could imagine.
So what do you?
Not dream
No way
You dream
You share your heart
You go big or go home
You set yourself up in one direction and start running and preparing as best you can.
Maybe you stay on the course you picked
Maybe you get to take the alternative route and be surprised and realize you took that one hill when you didn't really need to, but you learned from it. You look back from the top of the next hill and see what went right, what went wrong, what things had you no way of seeing because you weren't supposed to.
So, maybe I'm gonna dream big and throw it out there that I want to practice for a couple years and get really good at what I'm doing.
Then in no particular order I want to:
have a few students to develop their skills
do qualitative research as i get my doctorate in something so I can teach PT
coach pole-vault at the collegiate level
treat the athletic population juvenile and up
take students overseas to experience another culture and serve them
have a therapy dog
complete a half-ironman
attend the olympics (as a PT would be awesome, but I'll settle for just attending)
hike up a mountain
be a regular at a restaurant and get my picture on the wall
have someone to experience the above with (gasp, did I dare dream that?)
yeah, I think after the post lunch talk today about dreams and futures that we can dream, we can hope. Any of the above might or might not happen and as long as God is number one and serving Him, furthering the kingdom, worshiping him through any and everything we do...as long as that stays number one, then you have to be okay with the outcomes...you will be okay with the story because it's you and God.
And I'm tired of all the deep talk today, loved it, cherished it, stimulated by it, but I'm about to be lost in a book or movie...because I can:)

anomonopia

2010-07-30T23:49:00.002-04:00

It's a new kind of tired when you move across the country, get ready to start a career job, have a new 4-legged creature to care for, and make a major life purchase such as a house. It's not the man, my body feel good and tired. Nor is it the wow, my brain has no more capacity and therefore I can't even function tired. No, it's somewhere in between there for I try to exercise to feel that familiar weariness of body...I even read a book and a journal to jump start the brain into similar paths. How does one describe it? More like a lost wandering aloneness sad tired that so many things in your life could change at once. Either way I know I'll get through it. Hey, I made it this far...survived what was quoted to be the hardest three years of my life. Now it's all gravy, right.? The jumble of emotions that visits this time of transition is even welcome as at least I get an outlet there for the undue stress I've subjected myself to. The soft fur and gentle nose that just wants to be petted without ceasing provides solace for a bit and I know with time I will let her into a special place in my life formerly occupied by other furry beasts who grew with me during my childhood years and saw me off to college. This one, she gets to see me off to work, share in the early mornings and walks to think out in nature (as much nature as one can find in city limits). Yeah, it's nice to have some constant, stability. I'm sure I'll soon long for another change after the 4 month period ends which would mark the longest in one place in the past year and some change. For now though I'm just tired. I sleep so the next day will come. I run and grease my bike for something to do to pass the time. I watch Gray's anatomy marathons to escape reality, but then find the tears still come only disguised as if because of some trauma or personal problem suffered by one of the many characters on the black flat screen.
It's really not that bad, I have been blessed a ton to know friends, family in Christ who is there for lunch, church, a dead car, a quick text, an invite to go out. It's in those times I forget I'm 1,460 miles away from my biological family and 1,300 miles away from my PT family(give or take thousands of miles depending on which state you ended up in.

God, what's your plan? The question of the ages.
Why here, why now, why me?

Why not.

Why a house? Who shall I serve? Whom shall I meet?

You'll see.

The blessings, the numerous opportunities to use my gifts to give to others. The fact that I have you here to prepare you for the next step, which is all a part of my plan, which is beautiful and I'm so excited to use you and form you some more and the end...ahhh...the end. It's a good ending...you'll see. - He says from his all knowing vantage point hovering over the expanse of time and space.

Okay God, Okay, here I am. help me. i am not strong enough on my own, i'm not brave enough. i don't trust enough. i don't know enough. you do You Are. Thank You.

वेद्डिंग टाइम

2010-06-05T13:31:00.002-04:00

So its that time of year again...weddings. well at least this year I only have one party to attend and it's gonna be a hummm dinger. Let me say today is the day and there might have been some dance moves practiced for the nightly festivities.
As I get older and wiser...or just older...weddings carry a sometimes nostalgic air. It will be a long time before we all see each other again. You are starting a new phase of life that is exciting. We will dance and act goofy and enjoy ourselves and remember these fun days as long as possible. We will meet distant relatives and friends of friends and hopefully no one will be too weird during it all.
Oh yes, wedding fun, tears, cheers, lets raise our glasses to the bride and groom. We love them so.

Salsa Queen

2010-04-18T09:49:00.002-04:00

I've gotten the priveledge to do a lot of new things while down here in the great state of Texas. The large city certainly has a lot to offer in the entertainment realm from professional sporting events to the largest rodeo in the nation to watching a play sitting on the lawn at the outdoor theatre. The last is what we did last night. Sat out on blankets and enjoyed high schoolers in a production of 'Cats'. They did a phenomenal job and has I not known they were high schoolers I would not have believed it in passing. Perception is a big thing. It is a lot about first impressions for sure and basically the way one carries themselves. Take for instance me as a young female soon to be professional. If I go into a patient's room and am not confident and direct in my ways there are a lot of people who would not take me seriously nor trust me with their care and I wouldn't blame them. It's all about how they percieve you. Take an 18 hour drive for example. It could be one of the most daunting tasks or one of the most enjoyable. I choose to percieve it as enjoyable to be able to spend time in the care with someone talking or not talking for hours. You can catch up on world news, the newest hits, and see gorgeous countryside that if you drove it everyday you probably wouldn't notice it.
Really perception comes down to choice. What will you choose? Is the trash can half full or half empty? Do you have a long grocery list or a thorough and exciting time ahead of you at Wal-mart? Is the run just starting or just getting good? Is the waitress slow or is she allowing you time to relax and enjoy your experience? These and many more are things to consider...which viewpoint do you choose?
In light of that I choose to see the drive as an adventure, the time of not knowing as anticipation of something great, the concept of living situation as an opportunity to be blessed by others hospitality in hopes of one day being able to pass the blessing onto others. I choose to take the sleeping on a futon 6/7 days a week for 15 weeks as a chance to recognize how blessedly comfortable and uniformly flat a matress can feel.
I choose to think of my beginner salsa skills as an opportunity for great improvement...and I think all those who saw me Fri night would agree;)

She's been thinking

2010-04-11T20:38:00.002-04:00

Flash back 30 minutes ago as I stood in the doorway to my closet, the only space I've had the past four months that is 'mine' to keep as tidy or disarrayed as I like. Don't get me wrong I have been blessed with a wonderful roommate that was considerate enough to buy a futon so that I could have a semi normal place to sleep while here, I was given a key to my friend's house so that I could come and go as I pleased, and others have offered their tv and hospitality for basketball season as needed. Truly I have not gone wanting in any way...but there is just something about an area no matter how small where no one else need see unless you choose to leave the door open, which I do...but it's the principle of the matter.
Okay, enough about the closet.
...as I stood in the doorway to my closet with new orange tub on the floor being filled with long sleeve shirts, jackets, and other things that I will not need, but would like to keep for when I move into wherever I move into in a couple months I started thinking. Dangerous I know, especially after a long weekend of hours spent with only the company of a small furry creature that sure is cute, but not a great conversationalist. I was thinking again where I'd been, how the four months in this south state had flown by. How much I've changed in that time period. We are always changing, growing either for good or for bad, never for indifferent. If that happens we get spit out so better keep changing. I argue that there is no way you can't change; life circumstances, the passage of time dictates that it must happen in some way whether it is as simple as your hair and nails naturally grew during that time. How have I changed? What do I want? What path do I wish to explore?

Changes:

got a bit of a tan
learned a lot of neuro
take more time for Sam moments
able to run up to 10 miles without stopping
better at speaking and understanding Spanish
more aware of alone time for me and others
even less attached to things or rights, though I still like them and sometimes yearn for it

Wants:

to continue developing my Spanish skills
to have a job in Houston
to live with someone who shares my organized and cleanliness side
to have a dog, a low maintenance one
to share life with someone and be comfortable being myself at the end of the day
to get more involved with church events
to find my nook to serve in the community here

Things to Explore:

job treating the poor vs treating the rich (both need Jesus)
job treating general population vs athletes vs kids vs adolescent athletes vs all neurological patients
work for a large company or a small one
make less money serving the underprivileged vs make more and use it to help the underprivileged and fund trips to serve
live in the city or out a little ways
house or apartment
alone or with someone else

Dream Big
If I could dream and imagine the perfect scenario not thinking logically on a lot of levels this is what I would dream would happen the end of June, beginning of July....
I would take a job working at an outpatient PT clinic where a variety of patients are seen from kids to adults with all kinds of diagnoses. Along with that I would see athletes from adolescents to adults who need sport specific training and we have a pool available for aquatic therapy. My job is in a city of diversity and that would be reflected in the patient population thereby allowing my Spanish skills to continue being challenged. I would work 4, 10 hour days allowing a day during the week to enjoy the outdoors and time with friends. My dog Tres loves to go running with me most days and enjoys sleeping on a large green pillow the size of an inner tube while I am gone at work all day. But my roommate is home earlier on the days I'm working long days to take him out and such. The house is two bed two bath with enough room for entertaining guests and a backyard big enough for a cooking out and letting Tres stretch his retired running legs. My roommate is also cool enough that when I leave town for my week trips to Nicaragua two to three times a year she loves taking care of Tres. The house is not far from work, friends, or a park that has lots of dirt trails through the woods that allow for tons of nature time.

yeah, dream big, that's what you gotta do right...that's what I'll do and I'm excited to see how much more God will bless me beyond my wildest dreams:) Until then we'll just keep changing.

coffee in the p.m.

2010-04-08T00:04:00.002-04:00

never a good choice to drink a caffeinated beverage past dinner time...even if they say it's only 1/4 caff. well that's 1/4 longer it takes to feel tired enough to go to sleep.
I do enjoy a cup o jo every now and then, it has become a soothing, comfort thing more than anything else. Many good memories have been had over a cup of coffee, many good stories shared. I don't even mind the potential for addiction, the bad breath, the scary residue that might be building up inside (if the coffee pots are any indication of the power of that stuff) if it means getting a mug of hot beverage with a dear friend. Basically, if you want to grab a cup I'm all for it, just let me know;)

5 year plan!

2010-03-22T22:38:00.000-04:00

I don't have a 5 year plan.
the end.

cynacism gone

2010-03-05T22:19:00.002-05:00

Okay, I'm over it, bad mood gone. God is great and provides for all our needs. yeah stuff erks me often, but I have to realize I can not control things...actually lots of things, literally nothing b/c THE Dios Todopodoroso is in control He has it all under control. He knows my days, my ways, my being. Ahhh...such a wonderful feeling to leave it up to him:)

the real world

2010-03-02T21:07:00.002-05:00

Ha, the real world, that television show doesn't know what it's like out there...it's a dark place, too much to do, too little time to do it. All these people judging you on first glance or first voice, whatever happened to open mindedness, whatever happened to face to face interaction...why does the laundry need to be done at least once a week? All these things, too many to answer, too many to think about. Why God do I let all these things invade my mind...why do I let the bad parts get to me at points, I know my redeemer lives and I know that the important stuff is taken care of, the people that love me are out there, the people that know me know my faults and love me still and think I'm an okay person. so, why do we let strangers get us down? Good question...God what is your answer.
John 15:19- If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
John 16:33-"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Thank you Jesus
Not that I have experienced 1/10 the world's hate as most Christians, but those little things sometimes get to you when you are tired, unsure, the guard is down, the future is uncertain, the thoughts start to roam. Lord, take my thoughts, take them captive. May they be centered on you; uplifting and glorifying to you. May my focus be on you and not me, may I just rest in your arms and know it will all work out. I will end up where you will have me. I will be surrounded by people I love and who love me...maybe not in this world, but soon enough; for eternity we will enjoy worshiping you together,
"How Deep (how sweet) the Father's love for us"
o how deep the saviors love for us, how vast beyond all measure, that he should give his only son, to make a wretch his treasure
how great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns his face away, as wounds which mar the chosen one, bring many sons to glory
behold the man upon a cross, my sin upon his shoulders, ashamed i hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers
it was my sin that held him there, until it was accomplished, his dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything, no gifts no power no wisdom, but I will boast in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection
why should I gain from his reward I cannot give an answer, but this I know with all my heart, his wounds have paid my ransom

One of those days

2010-02-02T23:14:00.002-05:00

It's just one of those days when ten thousand things are running through your mind; yet, nothing is going on in the brain all at the same time. I am physically tired as my legs carried me for 50, count them, 50 minutes through a park after work today. It was surely the longest I have run in months, a great accomplishment I felt at the time. I am refreshed though after a nice evening nap with Rowdy. He is still out as he had a big day at the doggie day care. Funny how small animals can have such similar characteristics as to caring for small children.
Well Flash is off again traveling at the speed of...well probably 300 some miles per hour. Hopefully by now she is well over an ocean and snoozing to the sound of jet engines only to awake for a warm face towel and breakfast. What do the coming days entail? Who will she meet? How will they fare with the local cuisine? When will they be privy to witness the Lord's hand at work? When will they not be privy to see the great God orchestrating all details of their lives? Rhetorical question in part. God I am soo excited to hear of your great deeds happening over in the far away places, to hear of any progress or differences since my time there, since the war solstice...
what else...
what else. considerations of this patient and that. fleeting ideas for treatments, pieces of notes just reviewed float in and out of conscious categorizing in my brain. the dull throb in my left thigh/buttocks, what was that spanish word for bunnies/guns (conejitos), yes. what is a good part of town, where would I like to live? where would I like to/ should I apply for a job? I need to get that copyright this weekend. I hope I wear my cowgirl hat soon. i'm excited to check out the mountain bike trails here...i could probably ride there and back...google it

Can God Speak to You Through a TV Show?

2010-01-29T23:23:00.002-05:00

Man,
it's been awhile...
January 29th...the final days of the first month of 2010...
Many things have happened, many more have wandered through my mind. My mind...yeah, it's been full lately. Yeah, I just watched an old episode of Gray's Anatomy...why I like that show? Maybe it's because they throw out some medical terminology and I get excited that I understand it...maybe it's because they draw you in like any good American trash tv...
...either way man this episode hit home, good thinking points...good God what do you think points.
One of the best talks I've had about God in a while happened last weekend with a random new group of Godly sisters of all ages. Years of worldliness thrown aside in some when they accepted Christ, ages of His love, grace, wisdom in some as they listen to His voice and follow...great topics of conversation...annointed words flowed from the heart. God, thank you for speaking through others, thank you for using even the most crude things sometimes to make us stop and consider your Truths. Thank you for the mind; what a powerful thing the mind is...

Random: The other day I had one of those 'never would've thunk' moments...I was standing doing wound care, applied a fresh pair of gloves...surgical gloves...speaking in Spanish...standing over an open wound...thought: Never would've thunk I would have acquired the skill of applying surgical gloves in this lifetime. Funny where I've come from, where all He's taken me. God, I am excited for the many more times down the road that are ordained and known by you alone. I am anticipating the crazy and cool things you will have me experience and learn. I am glad I am privy to your blessings and grace and to be filled to overflowing with your love; your love that is better than life that others see and feel and identify as you...thank you. Continue your great works Lord.

Top 100 of Life's complexities

2009-12-05T20:31:00.002-05:00

In no particular order...
100...when you have a dishwasher you need more spoons to put in it
99-the good tasting stuff is the worst for you
98 - caveat to #99: cold water on a hot summer day
97 - another caveat: fruit in foreign countries
96 - you work to remember the important stuff, but easily recall the useless info like 'how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop'
95 - no one really knows the answer to #96, it's variable on how big your tongue is, how much saliva you produce, and if you like tootsie pops in the first place
94- a place used to get clean (shower) gets pretty dirty
93 - the country with greatest wealth has increased health problems and greatest debt
92 - kids pick the pots and pans over the twirling lightup toys 8/10 times
91 - for being a greatly connected people group (technology) we have a greatly disconnected relationship trend (divorce)
90 - how did they get the tootsie in the tootsie pop?
89 - similarly how do they get the ham inside the chicken in chicken cordon bleu?
88 - speaking of...how did He get all the intestines to fit inside us...have you ever stretched those out...very long
87 - how do you get a song out of your head?
86 - why is it always the songs you don't like that get stuck there
85 - it seems when preparing to go to a place where people live off so little we prepare, pay so much to do it
84 - the littlest trinkets carry the greatest values
83 - who said you had to wear deoderant and shower every day anyhow
82 - 100 is a lot isn't it
81 - the things we like the most are the easiest to do
80 - the people we love the most are the easiest to hurt
79 - we pay more for organic
78 - it's easier to express care for an animal than a human being
77 - words are easy to say when actions are hard
76 - conversely actions are easy to do when words are hard to find
75 - pictures can take you back to a time and place you would otherwise have forgotten about
74 - dejavu
73 - the best dance movies always have the worst acting
72 - singers often think they should act, why?
71 - papercuts hurt a lot
70 - 60 sounds younger the closer you get to it
69 - after watching sports on tv you think you can do that
68 - Christmas lights are only up for a month
67 - 50 feels warm in winter and cold in summer
65 - pizza is better cold the second time around
64 - phrases like 'if ya know what I mean' make any statement funny
63 - I went shopping today, if ya know what I mean
62 - some people will criticize you no matter what
61 - some people will love you no matter what
60 - some people always talk about others to you
59 - ever wonder what they say about you when you're not there to talk about people to? yeah, me too
58 - nerves regenerate at the rate of 1mm/day
57 - hair grows at the rate of 1/2 in./month
56 - they play halves in college ball, but quarters at other levels
55 - airlines charge for checked baggage
54 - greetings sound better in Spanish
53 - why do refs wear black and white stripes
52 - it's totally acceptable to good game a player on the court, but do it in the foyer at church...not so much
51 - it only bugged about 10% of the 40% of readers who noticed I skipped number 66
50 - I titled this 100, but am only delivering 50...just multiply it times 2 okay;)

Darn you Oswald

2009-11-23T20:25:00.002-05:00

Slight bitterness creeps in this evening. I'm bitter because I'm in mourning. I've started the process of mourning yet another move in life, another period of transition, another callous on my ever broken and healing heart. Whoever thought the quote posted to the left about a broken heart was a good idea...okay well me...but really!? Really?!? I was talking/writing to God last night and I shared with him my current heartache and countless broken bits that line the road of my life, strewn about the globe here and there. That's the only reason I can be so blunt here is because I already laid it all bare with my Savior who has enough grace and mercy to allow me to mourn and curse the day I picked that as a favorite quote. He knows deep down I am thankful. He sees through my bruised exterior to the soft pulp of a heart that still is beating and transmitting His love flow as it was made and called to do. Yes, at times my heart feels fragile like a china doll (never really knew what a china doll was, just know they are fragile). Especially when I have to leave people who have blessed me with their words, their hugs and kisses, their smiles and acknowledgment of the fact that we share the same God and Savior Jesus Christ and are inhabited by the Holy Spirit who speaks all languages and speaks to my heart through them. But then I'm reminded that the great Healer arranged it all and will continue to take care of them and me. He will once again give me the strength to put my heart out there, knowing I will never get that piece back and I hope I don't. I would rather share it and have known such amazing hermanos en Cristo than to have not been given the chance encounters. Thank you Lord. Todo alabanza y gloria a Dios.
Dios te Bendiga

98

2009-11-20T22:54:00.002-05:00

quick word association game
98 degrees boy band
98.6 degrees Fahrenheit
98 one less than 99
98 bottles of fanta on the wall
98 ways to pick your nose
98 "NY152...152...152 people who thinks he looks like clark gable...152 people who thinks he looks like a clark bar"
*if you can name that movie you either are awesome or have lived with me for many years and were therefore forced to watch it approximately 98 times

Fun times, well, the real 98 came up because this is my 98th post on this here blog and we're gonna celebrate. Why wait till 100, that's what everyone celebrates, the century mark. Dori here is an innovator; she's two steps ahead of the crowd. She's...well, she's special:)

Really, I just didn't want to give up and go to bed...it's funny babies do the same thing. They get all whiny and fussy and their eyes are so heavy they can barely keep them open; yet, they fight off sleep like it's trying to get a bite of their chocolate cake. (I know babies can't eat cake, but it's an analogy) Me, whiny, fussy, no way! I simply fight through, curl up on the couch, sit with a book or in this case computer and go until my better judgement gets ahold of me. Yeah, so my eyelids get heavy and I can barely keep them open, but apparently I look like that some days anyway so what's the difference...the difference I tell you is in my voice. That's the tell tale sign. I can never fake it. My man voice comes out past the hour of 11 or 12 and doesn't go away until I've been up for approximately 1 hr and had my Jesus breakfast date. Let's be honest, it's not pretty before then. Don't worry I warn roommates of this phenomenon and I'll probably have to give the Africa group a heads up too, though on trips and in the not everyday routine it's not as bad.
Well, now that you know, good night. The eye lids are winning.

Thought of the Day

2009-11-15T10:06:00.002-05:00

Two big words hit me this weekend
Content
Hidden
It took reading through Colossians 3 about 33 times before I was ready to dig deep and let God open my eyes and heart to hear what he had to say. To let him reveal the big lesson of the day. Read it, it's good stuff. I am hidden with Christ in God.
It took less read throughs of Philippians 4:11-13 and Heb 13:5 to speak directly to being content. I am striving to learn the secret that Paul talks about.
Read em, read em again. Listen, go about your day, read em again the next day. and again as long as it takes for as my roommate shared last night he wants us to search it out per Proverbs 25:2 "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings."

Not so alone after all

2009-11-12T19:54:00.003-05:00

Yes, there are times I feel very alone. the lone ranger, rambo, the virgin mary...all people who struck out one their own. okay, okay, mary maybe not so much as the other two, but she was the first female that came to mind. and let's be honest the lone ranger had tonto as a side kick. Mighty Mouse, now there's a character I can get behind. but after doing my research (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mighty_Mouse)
it turns out he had two girlfriend mouses that he routinely had to save, one in his comic form and one on tv...a little shady, but since he is the mouse equivalent to Superman, and a mouse at that, I spose we can let that one slide for now.
but why these nomadic characters you ask...because they on first glance are alone. I can relate at times, my nomadic lifestyle these days has me pondering the deeper side of life, especially after a full day of class with The Sage of PT as we will call him, who gave us the "graduation speech" which is basically advice on how to deal with life once we graduate.
So, yes I do feel alone at times, welcome to life on earth huh, when we are made for eternity and not earth. Rough. But nothing a couple $1 tacos, half price margarita, and quality bonding time with my friend Margarit (totally fake name, but she speaks spanish, we were sung to in Spanish, eating tacos...it fit) won't fix.
Basically, it comes down to we have a lot in common. We had our life plans in college, that changed, we adjusted ages, looked to grad school, now that's about done, the quarter life is here, plans need adjusted once again. We love to be independent, we love to speak Spanish, we love the prospect of being PTs, we have alot in common like I said. All that stated, we are very different, she spells her name with an extra letter, I like to break my hand while I don't know of her doing that yet...yes, very different.
It was nice. It was a great affirmation of how good God is to place people in our lives that can identify with exactly where you are at. It was a blessing to uphold the Thursday after class new founded tradition (three weeks strong) of Adobo with just her, well and Alejandro my serenading middle aged love.
Yep, God's got this whole life thing under control...I mean, he's got even cooler powers than Mighty Mouse and that's saying a lot b/c that little mouse not only can fly, have x-ray vision, and ward off angry Satan cats...oh no, he can even turn back time (at least that's what wikipedia says)

High standards

2009-11-08T19:31:00.002-05:00

I have not been one to reflect much on what I've typed on these here keys long after I've completed typing them. For instance, proof-reading...torture. I wrote it, it made sense in my head, why would I want to read my own writing, especially when it is not something I necessarily wanted to write in the first place. That's mostly school related, but the same goes for other things i've realized...like this blog, there's no proof reading, editing, etc...if mistakes exist then consider it adding to the flavor of the piece.
I will hypocritically recant on the previous statement and say that if enough time passes I will on occasion be forced, or by chance read a work I've done and either find it slightly appealing or rather suprising how many spots don't really make sence. I spose that means your english teachers are right when they tell you it is a good idea to proof read huh?...well, okay, either way I think the rules should read once a paper is written it should not be read again by the writer until at least enough time has passed for the proposed author to forget all that was written. Is there a second?
Well, here it is Sunday evening...episodes of Gilmore Girls fill in the dark silence. Dark because it gets dark outside so freaking early.
Can i tell you how I have come to thoroughly love my Sundays? Possessive yes because it is my day of rest. My day of rest and day to enjoy worshipping God at church, in my pajamas, enjoying leisurely reading, time with friends (all not at once, especially pajamas at church, though I don't think God would mind if it did happen). I almost get possessive to the point of selfish. My one day to be introverted (relatively as I still get plenty of hugs and interaction at la iglesia) and alone and not plan. I find if my plan of not planning gets interupted then I get a little fussy. Is that an oxymoron? Is it bad? maybe. I get over it. I deal. I squalsh the planning attempts. (squalsh, good word). Either way that's how it goes. And here i go

Little Big Town

2009-10-23T10:42:00.002-04:00

Sometimes country songs put it best. I can't recall which song the title line is from, but I'm sure it's out there. People wonder and have a hard time grasping why others enjoy country music. Some people can't get over the twang, others consider the style crude and words just plain silly. Well, for all you country haters out there those are exactly why I love it. What's better than a banjo to add to the country twang of a singer's voice? Where else can you express your love and hate for your own culture and people so openly or voice how you feel about your beloved farm animal (and horses are in there of course) without criticism? Only with country music.
Now, I don't really listen to it all that often anymore, but I enjoy it and it has it's time and place. Where is that place? Well next time you drive through the flat open country of the midwest or take a turn around a familiar bend that leads you towards home, that's when you seek the radio to find the first upbeat country song you can. If you are anywhere close to that feeling and place then don't worry, it won't take long for the stations to pour forth the sweet melody of a country song.
It is good to be back around a familiar place. Always comforting to drive somewhere without much thought. Always nice to have people within a 2 min walk to meet up for a run, a trip to downtown, pizza, favorite restaurants, whatever. I love driving and being able to tell someone how or a way to get to anyplace in the city they would want to go...and I haven't even lived here for a full two years probably. That's what we call a little big town. Having connections with someone you meet in the grocery store, though you are in the 12th largest city in the US, yes, that's a little big town.
I guess no matter where I'm at it is always nice to come home. No matter where I live next, I know God will provide community and a chance to feel known if I only allow it. That's right, they play country all over the US...and even in different countries...hmmm...I'm gonna have to investigate that further next time I'm in Central America :) Pretty sure that is not the case in Africa though, as where we will be they probably don't have any radio in the way we know it...?? hhmmm...it's all up in the air,i'll let you know what we do find.

Home Sweet Home

2009-10-12T10:39:00.003-04:00

Well, if you know me, then you probably know I love adventure and travel. Sometimes these are the same thing, sometimes they are completely different, but most of the time I'd say the two are combined. Take the past two weekends for instance. Two weekends ago I went for an adventure, but I had to travel to get there. What did we find you might ask? [pictured left] Havasu Falls, which is located at the end of the 10 mile Havasupai hike that we did while carrying 30lb packs. Yes, that's an adventure. I could write a small novel about our trip there, the amazing Godly people I experienced it with, and the ways we worshiped God though that experience, but it would take too long and it would talk a lot about poop and I don't know if Mr. G could handle much more of that kind of talk. :)

Now, up this past weekend, which just ended, but I am still celebrating seeing as I have a week off! wooo! The past two days Dad and I have driven across the country from Cali to IN. Yes, it's a long drive. Yes, my butt is numb and even now I am kneeling instead of sitting at the computer so as to avoid a stage 2 pressure ulcer (I did weight shifts while driving, OTs and PTs be glad). That's besides the point. That was travel, but a bit of adventure thrown in there to see if two daring souls could indeed make it in 33 hours according to map quest. Well, we made it in 36. We blame the snow on the roads in Wyoming and Nebraska for two of those hours. And if you factor in our meal stops, which weren't many, there's the rest of it. The treck across the northern states was so fitting as Shawn McDonald's "Time" played in my ears. Based on Ecclesiates 3, which is one of my favorite parts of Eccles. "for everything there's a reason, for everything there's a rhym, for everything there's a season, for everything there's a time." I love it because it gives me freedom to go through those times. I can praise God in everything. He knows I need to weep, laugh, plant, uproot, mourn, dance, keep and throw away, be silent and speak, embrace and refrain, love and hate. Wow! basically God created all those things in us and with our will enveloped in His we still are allowed to experience those things. Then the seasons come and go, they come and go in different times at different places...we drove out of late summer, through winter, and into full blown fall. I arrived home last night past dark, but when I woke up this a.m. I saw it all. Who wouldn't like waking up to this blast of color on the trees that expand as far as I can see and seperate field and house and lake? (Realize the picture doesn't do it justice, as they never do.) There's something about coming home, being home. I was sitting here doing devotions this a.m. with the colorful backdrop and contemplating that phenomenon. No matter the beauty I've seen, the mountains I've conquored, the people associated with those places, nor the ways God has moved there, I will always see this part of the country as the most gorgeous. I love the golden fields in fall, the smell of sunshine on the stalks in the summer, the way the roads are worn and known by me in the countryside, the people that live here and are family even if not by birth. Here I am known (maybe not fully as I change and so do they as I am gone, but my past is here and present when I get to return), here I am comfortable, and here I wonder how awesome it will be in Heaven when we are truly home for good.
Here, I'm not so super excited to go running for it is chilly, but I will...because I've been in a car for more hours than my conscious can comprehend...I think i've already started to block it out! oh no! hahaha...
So, with my California dusted running shoes I will take a tour of these familiar roads. I will rejoice b/c my body is going to feel great and I am anticipating a carry-over from all my hill work on the Quicksilver hills with slight elevation and henceforth laugh at the two upslopes that I know await me on the block to the south. Ha you little little hill, I scoff at you. My lungs will laugh once at the top of you. Take that paved hill, take that.

Another year

2009-09-29T23:12:00.003-04:00

Another year older, another year wiser they say...well I beg to differ last year at this time at least I was getting my picture taken with real people instead of ones made out of stone, or whatever material that is.

In all seriousness it does make me think back over the past year, passing such a milestone as the quarter of a century mark is a big deal. I am in my mid 20's for sure. I am still in school...I know I know there are all kinds of ways people try and make it okay like "You will have a great job soon" or "You are going to have your doctorate at age 25" or "Well, you look like you're just ready to start high school" Let me tell you none of these, especially the last one make it okay. Nope, I've been in school for the past 22 years, I think, can't remember pre-school, but i feel like I was in it for two years?? Mom, any input on this one? That's a long time either way. I guess I'm really good at it though, if nothing else:)

Other than school, I've been around...I've traveled the country, the countries, the continents (minus Australia and Antarctica, but maybe some day). I've been in my fair share of clubs, on teams, in Bible studies. I've led clubs, teams, groups, Bible studies. I've seen a lot, heard a lot, talked a lot, listened a lot, but ya know I feel like I've only had a taste. No matter how much we study, there's more to learn. No matter where we go, there's more to see and experience. No matter how long or how hard I try I will never know the fullness of God. I feel blessed to have been a servant of my King, to have had the opportunities with the above listed things to represent Him. Have I done it well? At times. Have I messed it up? You bet. Have I learned from my mistakes? Yes and no. Am I still asking for His strength and joy and love everyday to make it through another day? I try to.

The other night in Bible study we shared how long we had been Christians...I can pin point the moment the exact place and time when I knew it was His way or the highway. 7th grade. 12 years old. I remember the first time I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me, the most reassuring feeling I've ever felt. I recall asking Jesus into my heart the first time when I was little (don't know how old) yes first b/c i didn't think it worked at first so I prayed again. Reassured he heard me the second time though I felt no different, I guess it was the beginning of greatness..hehe. Well all joking aside you and I both know I wouldn't be who I am without each of those moments. Those monumental points in my life that God used to shape me, to make me decidedly His daughter.

What else is there besides that. God has lead me all along. He has taken me places, brought countless brothers and sisters in Christ along the way...people that come, some that stay, more that go...or do I go? It's a chicken and egg thing I spose.

What's next people ask...lots of people ask "Where do you think you will live when you're done with school?" Don't ask, if I knew I'd tell you! "What kind of PT job will you look for?" Again, I'd fill you in if I knew the answer. I'm going with history on the fact that I have a feeling it will be somewhere other than IN at first. Does that mean Illinois or Australia or anywhere in between? Beats me. Didn't think I'd ever go to grad school till it happened. Didn't give too much thought to college till it was there. Fell into cross-country, pole-vault, St. Louis, Nicaragua, FW, Cali, Africa. Either I'm not a planner, or God is a really good secret keeper. I think He likes to suprise me. I like suprises. As far as I can tell they turn out better than I can imagine or think up. I always end up fairly well prepared by a previous suprise and refining period. will the refining stop? sadly, no. Never said it would be easy, Paul guaranteed it wouldn't be easy. I like Paul, cool guy.

Yeah, so I'm another year older, another year wiser. Another year of learning, another year of praying. Another year of experiencing all that God has planned and gifted unto me.

Can you see what I see?

2009-09-13T18:32:00.003-04:00

Pictured above: my Scottish family here in CA :)

Pictured here: my real family, if you couldn't see the family resemblance already

The Almaden Valley looking north to San Jose

This morning 7:20 a.m. I run up the path entering Quicksilver Park. It doesn't "open" till 9 a.m.; I'm not the first to pass the sign at this hour, probably one of the first 50 or so on the day. I surmise hundreds more will pass it throughout the course of the day. By now I no longer carry a map. I know each trail on the north end of the park; I try not to run the same combination twice, don't think I have save the fact that I like to exit by the same trial as often as I can. The downhill is gradual and smooth enough to allow the legs to stretch out, the turnover to increase until I feel like my legs are spinning in curcles like the cartoon Roadrunner. Did I mention it takes half the time to exit as it does to enter the run? It's a fact, proven. but this a.m. I don't car about the time, I mearely wish to get a run in befor eour day trip to Monterey, Point lobos apparently this is sort of a big deal around here (I'll let you know).

This morning is special. It makes 4 weeks since I arrived here. The halfway point. I've decided its time to let you see what I see so I brought the camera on this particular morning trodge. (My new term for jogging/trudging uphill here. You can't run, the hills keep going though I do feel closer to a jog this a.m. than I have at other times like Wed, my last trodge in the park.) Anyway, if you've seen the movie with Jim Carey when he has to say yes to everything and they have a running picture taking club...that's what I thought of as I ran to some good look out points, snapped a picture or two and ran on. Made me smile, you will too if you've seen the movie. The moments I did stop to look over the city I thought, huh, what do I wish to tell them about. What do I want them to see in these hills in this overview of San Jose. I want others to witness the beauty of the mountains as I can, a picture is only a morsel fo it thought, sadly. I have to explain how each a.m. the clouds are here, the fog is nota as bad as in San Fran so I heare, but present nonetheless. Equally, you should know had I come 5-6 hours later the fog would be gone, the clouds cleared out and you could clearly see the mountains on the other side of the valley. The brown and green dotted rolling hills encase the Almaden Valley that leads up to San Jose, actually makes up the southern part of the San Jose named city.

I live in the burbs. I live with a couple who hhave blessed me, nay, shared God's blessings of shelter, food, family, etc. They're not perfect; I'm not perfect. We get along great. I'm in the car with them right now. We recently drove past Gilroy, garlic capitol of the world. (no joke) Some mornings I can smell the garlic as I leave for work. this a.m. I smelled it as I ran to the park...who would've thought.
We're stopping soon for a freshly fried artichoke heart at "Giant Artichoke" in Castroville, which is close to Celinas Valley, the "Salad Bowl" of the world. (also home to the scare of eccoli infected spinach which happened not to long ago) Maybe this is part of how healthy California is b/c people grow fruits and veggies in their fields not just corn, beans, and hay. People have fruit trees in their backyard and almond trees...I never knew almonds grew on a tree; now I know.
Enough about food, though the deep fried artichoke hearts were very good, dipped in ranch...you can fry anything! Bonsai!!

Trudging further up the hill nwo you can see to downton, the taller buildings there, which can't be build above 15-18 stories depending on the flight path for the airport. Before you get to those you get to my hospital, the county hospital. I want you to know how I hate it; yet, I love it. I want you not to see the buildings, the trees, nor the hills. I want you to see the people I see. I want you to hear the sotries of people hit by cars, people on morotcycles hit by cars, people driving on drugs and ETOH (alcohol) who hit other cars, people who punch their arm through a glass pane and sustain a severed brachial artery and part of the median nerve and require plastic surgery and skin grafts to repair it.

I want you to see the recovering alcoholic try to walk. He could probably walk better drunk than sober, who are we kidding.

I want you to see the chest covered in tattoos (man I've seen alot of interesting tattoos in interesting places) that don't fit together anymore b/c that's where the bullet, bullets, buckshot? who knows went in and they had to do a lot of fixing and sewing and inserting tubes and etc.

If only you could meet the 19 year old girl with a mouth worse than a sailor and a GSW (gun shot wound) in the heel (good thing someone's a bad shot) whos dad is in prison, mom doesn't care. I haven't seen her in weeks but I've seen her movement from unit to unit due to infections and repairs and plastics. She's been in the hospital way too long, but guess it's better than getting high and doing other stuff on the streets with her peoples.

That's why I hate it.

Then there's the part of my job, the time spent fanagling, giving my 'professional opinion' on if someone is ready to leave. Are they ready from my standpoint? Well, that depends...house or apartment, stairs?, live alone or with others?, can they help take care of you?, What happens when there is no home? Homeless. Well, he's not at a high enough level to survive on the streets. A shelter or board and care can't take him b/c he needs constant help, they don't provide one on one care. No beds available here, no SNF to take em if they don't have insurance. The case manager is working on it, she is calling here and there, if he can get to this level that place will take him, if not, sorry.
Then there's the other guy the doctor suggests a wheelchair. Did you know he can walk with one hand hold, he doesn't need a chair. Yeah, he spontaneously stumbles, he's still wearing off from the alcohol. It will resolve on it's own, just takes weeks...we can't send him home if noone is there to help. He lives on the second floor apt. building...how's he gonna get the wheelchair up the stairs if we give him one anyway. He'll try to climb the stairs with it, did I mention he spontaneously will fall if noone is there.

That's why I hate it here.

But that's not all I see. I want you to see the family there to help the mother, father, brother, grandmother with the care. I want you to hear the family drop all and come to see how he is doing with therapy. The eagerness, the concern etched on faces as I explain how you are fine and you can help them out of bed, they are in pain yes, they will make it.

I want you to be in the room with me as I'm asked if he can pray for his grandmother quick before he leaves and we start therapy. I eagerly say yes, bow my head. They don't know yet that I understand spanish. I hear him pray for her recovery, her getting better, her therapy session today. I pray with him, my heart so full I think it might bust out of my chest. I am so happy, so moved, so humbled. I don't pray for them enough.

That's why I love it here.

I walk into a room and hear vietnamese, hindi, philipino, spanish, english, other dialects I can't even pronounce. I work with people who are very concerned that they're legs are showing. I work with people who don't mind if the gown blows open in the back while we are standing up. I get to encourage those eager to walk and get better. I work with those who are in so much pain their arms shake, but yet they keep going.

That's why I love it here.

Do you see it? Can you see maybe not the faces, but the cases? Can you see why it is so dang hard to be here? Why I am torn. I look forward to Monday morning, but not really.
I must decrease, He must increase, that's what I got from church Sunday morning. I think it's a good viewpoint. What am I doing really anyway, a lot I know, but He can do so much more. He is the way I've made it thus far, he is how I will make it four more weeks.

I wonder is Quicksilver the brand named after Quicksilver the park?

To Infinity and Beyond

2009-09-07T01:55:00.003-04:00

Stand in Awe of God. I read in Ecclesiastes this a.m. in Chapter 5 verse 7 "Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God." It was a good reality check. No need to dream about the future or talk about it beyond need. No, better to just simply stand in awe of God. That is not hard to do our here in the county parks I've come across in the past couple days. Friday evening I made it go a peak which overlooked the south part of San Jose and you could see downtown even...but that was nothing compared to today when I went over to the park that Mt. Hamilton is located in...didn't know it at the time so I might just have to go back so I can say I hiked to the top of a true Mt. (something I still have never done). Either way the view to get over to that area was crazy, the diving switchbacks required snail pace and it was okay to even stop for a second to glance out across the whole valley. Woah is all I can say...hence the awe part was easy to come by. Not hard either as I waded among the golden tall grasses on a hillside en route of my day hike. God makes it easy to praise Him if we just take the time to look around, to seek, to relish in it.
Well, this coming week is midterm week already, that's fast. But I am glad for it. Not that it's bad here, not that I don't enjoy treating the patients and being immersed in such a different culture, but I've realized it's not my deal. After being given the chance to do a modified ortho eval on a patient in the hospital for various reasons I was super excited and wanted to be able to help and knowing how to help and that I could get creative and work on more than bed mobility, transfers, gait, and in bed exercises! The light bulb went off and it was clear that I loved OP ortho. My brain was and has been seeking to utilize all the PT hands on stuff, develop relationships more than two days in length, and etc, etc.
It might not be infinity that I'm headed to, at least not yet. One day, and I'm ready I tell you. Whenever God says, I'm there spending eternity for beyond infinity with all believers praising Jesus...and it truly doesn't get any better than that.
I bet, I'm willing to put my new set of jacks on it, that there will be no mountain bike crashes in Heaven. I've bit it my fair share in the midwest, on the west coastal region. It's safe to say the west hurt the worst, still does in fact as I type my thumb has a slight throb to it. They have dryer dirt here, faster downhills, and harder rocks (well that might not be true) you put them all together and it's a bad combination.
Did I mention the dirt...we're talking make your shoes hazy tan...my hiking shoes were gray, now their tan...my running shoes, were white, now tan...my new run and hike combo black shoes, now grey with a tan overlay...the semi-arid climate helps describe it, not quite desert, not quite the opposite. It's only partly, well this so happens to be the dry part of the year as well, and did I mention they are in a 2 year drought as well. No wonder the fires rage. In fact this a.m. as I ran along the dirt trail the ranger had to turn everyone around b/c they were closing the trail due to a small fire that had started last night and was luckily put out before it spread like wildfire, literally. So, moral of the story, buy black socks and don't care if your stuff is dusty. Or be like me and just have brown socks that used to be white:) hehehe...too bad the dark legs don't stay as dark as right after a hike/run (it washes off) sela vi (no idea how to spell it, but sound it out).
Alright, over and out, time for bed.

Summer days

2009-08-28T19:32:00.002-04:00

The thermometer read 106 today on the drive home, I was perspiring a bit, but not pouring buckets like I would be in the Midwest. Interesting phenomenon to be hot, okay in the shade, and loosing moisture through the skin, but in a way that you don't really notice it. Hmmm...
Anyway, it's been a while since the last update, I promised to start doing weekly ones since I'm across the country in California land at the present. Basically, it was one great ride to get here and you probably got the update by email if you have this blog address anyway. Then you probably noted as well that last weekend I flew back across the country to be in one of my favorite people's wedding, well make that two now, they are kinda joined and one person, but two and they have Christ so if you can follow that it might be about 5 different entities, but not all one b/c three are one and then two are one...God's math does not add up, that's why I work with subjective descriptors most often when possible:)
Let's talk about that, whether it's a potatoe or a potato, a max assist of 1 or a mod assist of 2, basically we are all on the same page, it's a heavy thing to move. Ah yes, moving. I've done my fair share lately. I've moved a lot of things, here and there and this person and that leg and can't forget the walker, oh wait we need socks and watch out for that line...did you remember another gown so we don't flash anyone. All that work and okay you can only make it to the door and back, no not that far even, alright let's go back to bed.
The next day, what they are up for D/C. Alright let's see them quick. "Thanks for working with us, it was nice to meet you." Yes, meet, not know...how much can you know about a person after spending 2 hours total with them...well in a lot of cases a lot more than you wanted to know about where they live, with who, or what street, how they get around, their financial status, insurance wise anyway, height, weight, seen their backside and other parts I haven't even seen on a lot of my close friends...well, a few and not on request for sure and don't care to, but that's enough of that subject. You get the picture.
I just decided that is the main reason I don't like acutes...don't get to know the patient. We had one that we saw everyday for a week and a half and that was a very rare case, very involved and bad off patient, the kind you cringe and your stomach churns when they tell you all they remember is holding their femur (that's the BONE in the thigh) as her husband tried to grab the extra parts of her leg in case they could salvage any of it...yeah, true story. Yeah, never gonna own a motorcycle, doesn't mean I still wouldn't mind riding one occasionally, but let's face it the statistics aren't good.
I will have to get some pics of the home up here. I have a grown up room, yes, complete with matresses on a bed frame, wall hangings not posters, and other coordinated stuff around...okay so my crates with books don't match, but what's a girl to do, baby steps:)
Expect great things next week, or maybe even before that, the skies the limit.
adios

I am who I am

2009-07-25T11:41:00.002-04:00

I am who I am and I'm okay with that. Sure, there is always room for improvement; there are always things to work on. I strive daily to survive this world so that I will get to spend eternity in Heaven. That's the bulk of who I am. I am one who will not be able to turn in a project half-heartedly done. Sadly, that is who I am so I will spend more time cleaning up the edges. I am one who will do it if I say it with conviction in my heart. I will not back down in the face of the unknown...waver, yes; shake in my knees and hold my trembling voice in as I silently ask the Father for strength, yes; turn and run the other way not looking back, no...not unless its something I need to turn and run from and not look back:) I leave that one up to God to let me know when it is appropriate to walk away, He usually pulls through, Holy Spirit of conviction and all that.
Am I strong? Sometimes. Am I weak? At times. Do I ask for acceptance either way, yes. Do I trust God loves me at both times, you bet. Any question of that check this out: Romans 14 "Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegtables. The man who eats everything must not look on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or fals. And he will stand, for the lord is able to make him stand."
Oh, it keeps going...
vs 5 "One man considers one day more sacred than another, another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. he who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone."
I love this part...
"If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."
Might as well finish it out huh?...
vs 9 "For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. You , then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on you brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat....vs13 Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way."
Ah, yeah, good stuff!
pick up the Bible and read through romans 14-15:13 HIS WORD IS ALIVE!
Can i get an AMEN?!

Firefly in July

2009-07-12T17:39:00.002-04:00

Dori here,
It has been a reflective weekend. I was on my way down to the big city Friday night around dusk and there must be something in the air, but I was drawn into a contemplative state that illuminated the things around me. Midwest has it's charms that is for sure and that fine evening I was mesmorized and reminded why it will always have a special place in my heart. Let me paint the scene for you visualizers out there.
Dusk
Orange sun slipping slowly behind the horizon lined with fields, trees, and silos.
The edges of the road closing in as the corn grows higher and defies the funny ryhms that try to dictate their progress..."knee high by the 4th of July"...Ha, our corn laughs at you who grow that slowly.
Dotting the bean fields and shoulder ways along the road are the quick little splashes of light known as fireflies. These fascinating creatures make the dark a welcome event.
Occasionally, one would smash on my windshield and the streak keeps the glow for a few seconds. Those who protect insect rights to life might not like that imagery, but let's be honest I think God created enough so that I can enjoy the residual illumination from a casualty on the roadway.
Oh yes, what a pleasant evening made even more delightful with the windows rolled down, music blastin and the smell of the cornfields as i roll by. I love the summer time!
I feel this is my good-bye to the midwest for a while. i will be off on new adventures through the fall, winter, and spring. I really don't know where God will have me end up in less than one year from now.
Like I said to Senora this afternoon on a walk to get cold summer creamy slurpies, I'm excited about what is yet to come. There is so much unknown, so much I desire to do. There are tons of people to meet, help, get involved with, minister with, serve, live with, grow in Christ with, places to visit and live, different climates to experience, and God's beauty to observe and fall in love with all over the place.
This might be good-bye Midwest for now, but it's always good to come home, always a refreshing get-a-way to take the time to enjoy the drive. Let's be honest, we still got summer time to kill, no the fun is just begun.

June Bug

2009-06-20T08:36:00.002-04:00

It is officially June. Not that the past 19 days have not really been June, but today is Saturday, the sun is shining, I have been lazily up since 6:40am, the bike trails are calling my name, and the festivals have begun. That's right, tonight I will visit a festival overflowing with ribs and barbecue sauce, which will hopefully be all over my fingers and face by the time I'm done. And it will all happen after spending most of the day outdoors in the humid sunny environment; it doesn't get much better than this folks.
I must admit, a few times I've thought of Dori and how a blog has not been posted in a while, but the ideas just weren't flowing. My creative capacity had seemed to hit a downward slope, muffled by the pressures of life, the drudge of the daily grind, the mind full of all kinds of nonsense that makes just a lot of sense and it seems there was no energy left to devote to a simple entry on the pages of the internet. Excuse, yes, worthy of missing about four weeks of blogging, you bet cha. Why? Who am I to allow such laissez faire attitude? I'm the creator. I'm the brilliance behind the machine, by gum. I am Dori, well technically no, but we all know that's my code name; the super secret top notch spy type that allows you into rooms with eyeball reading detectors. Okay, so the clinic hasn't installed those yet and I don't even have my own computer password and settings so that I can document but under the vise of my preceptor, but whose to say it's not coming in the future!
Speaking of time...it's about time you are introduced to Bernard. Bernard is one of those guys. He is super excited to see me, but I must admit he is a bit near sighted as I have to get right up in his grill, otherwise he knows I'm around, but doesn't really know it's me. I'm sure you all have a friend like this; they are always there when you need someone to listen. They don't take a lot of maintenance. You feed them every now and then to show your appreciation of their constancy in your life. I mean, he never once has gotten upset if I'm not around for a week at a time. He actually is just as good of friends with Conner as he is with me and he will be visiting her for a couple months come August. Yeah, he's a good fish.
Alright, time to start the day:)

PJ

2009-05-25T19:19:00.002-04:00

Pj's, not to be confused with BJ's which is a fine dining establishment that we frequent for their daily specials, are awesome. Who ever thought spending a day in them could be so rewarding. I cannot recount the last time I wore them all day long, and alas i cannot say that today made it in the record books either for i admittedly had to put on gym clothes to visit the workout room, and then I did give in an shower before we went to eat at BJs and then to a used bookstore. That brings up another point, half priced or reduced price book stores. Great idea, don't get me wrong, but I feel on a ccertain level we are just feeding the animal. The only people who like to go into tose places are those who read way too much to begin with. The ones who sell their books back end up leaving with more than they came with and therefore spending just a few dollars over what they earned and therefore the viscious circle continues on, which keeps the store in business, and so on and so forth. Now, don't get me wrong, I love these people aforementioned as book addicts dearly. I currently live with one, well for another week. I grew up with two in house and for a time of my life in elementary school I was one of them. Since then, my mind has filled, my time has been called for by many other avenues such as school, doctoral projects, mindless movie watching during any free time, and of course pointless blogging such as the present. With this maturation and strolling away I find that anything I do read I like it to either feed a deeper longing such as something focused on my spiritual growth, a classic of American literature that will be a common buildig block for intellectual conversations with random strangers, or something completely entertaining like the history of farting book which was spotted at the un-named reader's delight location.
Anyway, I must go tend to my 101 Famous Poems discount purchase on this Memorial Day. I might even put on my pjs again, don't want to deviate from a good thing.

Looking at the bright side

2009-05-20T21:45:00.002-04:00

I tend to be an optimist; I mean who likes people who are always seeing the bad side of things? Why not enjoy what ya got in front of you and go from there? What's wrong with seeing the cliche glass as half full?

Nothing.

So, when we get the chance to spend a whole class period playing DDR and exploring kid games outside on a bright sunshiny day I get excited. It actually makes me mad to hear those pessimists and Debby Downers complain about our tuition dollars at work. Sure, we all know the benefits of different types of exercise and we can figure out in the drop of a hat what certain toys are targeting, but get over yourself and your all important things to do and have some fun. Try to beat me at chicken limbo, act silly and goofy playing Hullabaloo like a 3 year old...I dare you.

Not only do I get really excited about fun activity mornings, as I was riding home today I had another great optomistic spin on a not so great situation...too bad I can't remember right now...
But take this for instance, it's cool not to have glasses for reading b/c then you have an excuse for not having to check your email as much, or that you must close your eyes and rest your head in class due to the headache from trying to see the world without major fuzz and double lines.

Ya know what else is great paying for a Frosty in all pennies. It makes the girls at the drive through window smile too; you just have to hope you get someone with an equally optomistic attitude that works there and is glad to have lots more change in the drawer than they did before.

Someday I might try paying a bill at the local bar on dollar draft night in all pennies...well probably not b/c won't be here that many more Tuesdays, and I already can tell the regular tues night waitress is not a flaming optomoist...sela vi (totally spelled wrong, sound it out)

Good night folks, i get to fall asleep to the croak of insects, humm of electricity, and revving engines tonight, gotta love living on the south side:)

Until next time keep making those eggs sunny side up

Machete

2009-05-12T21:05:00.002-04:00

Here's a little pearl of wisdom for you eager beavers out there. In Nicaragua the tool of the trade is a machete. The people living in more rural areas walk around with one no big deal. It is a useful item to have in case you need to clear a field, blaze a trail, or practice combative fighting (not really, but it'd be fun to see). Since it is so common and a tradition of the people it is said that whatever your trade, the tool of your trade is your machete. We think of a hammer as the tool for a carpenter; the stethoscope is the doctor's signature item worn at all times. What have we physical therapists got? Our hands. We carry our machetes with us at all times, ready to be used when called into action. Our machetes can be strong or soft, listening or telling, guiding or following. Our tool is common, all have them just as all have machetes. What is your machete?

Doin the Dance

2009-04-24T08:26:00.002-04:00

Not everyday you get asked to dance...or is it?

Dancing with the Stars, America's Top Dance Crew, Step-up...yeah, yeah, yeah we all know Dori loves to watch dancing about as much as she loves to do it herself. Well, it was just the other night that I came to the realization that I am in a dance every minute of my life. Who is my partner? Jesus. Where do we dance? Out in the middle of the floor where all can see. I'm relating it more to the ballroom style here, but follow if you can.

Her partner and her spin round and round, seemingly as one. He is the perfect partner to frame his beautiful dancer. He and she at times move as one, then he lets her go and she is now in the center spinning, moving, in step with him though they are not touching. They reunite to continue the medley. She must let him lead of they are to remain as one. He trusts her and she trusts him. He again releases her hand as she glides over the hardwood floor. He watches from afar; both his and the audiences gaze wait in anticipation to see if she will do okay on her own. She stumbles, the people gasp; He remains calm. A slight look of panic crosses her face, but she quickly masks it over with the performer's smile. He, still calm, moves along with the routine, adjusting for her - giving her the cues needed to get back in time with the music. He does not dramatically rush to her, he just appears back beside her as if there all along. Her back to him she need not look into his eyes, she need not look down at their feet to make sure they are in sync. No, she just need feel His presence; she just need allow him to continue the lead. The dance is long, they knew going it would not be easy and the crowd, not easy to please, but the judge, He looks too with traces of a smile on his face. He doesn't remember the near fall; He sees the dance. The one who should be scouring from behind the table appears instead understanding, firm, but loving, pleased that they continue until the music ends.

Grace

2009-04-21T18:28:00.002-04:00

I've been reading some good books lately. Philip Yancey's Disappointment with God and bits and pieces from Brennan Mannings The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus. The two titles are quite different. But a lot of the same principles surface to life's tough questions. The main thing I've learned lately is all about grace. Grace for myself. Me giving grace to myself. Me opening up to receive grace from God and others. Oooo...that's hard too, but which is harder?
Check it out, one of the books talked about how we are a teacher, doctor, bookkeeper, firefighter, etc, but more importantly we are human. If we fail at the former because of the latter, then good. It is in those times when we are the weak humans and realize we are not all that, sooo cool and knowledgeable, and gifted beyond belief that we learn how to love others. If we didn't come to this lightbulb moment then pride and selfishness would most likely get in the way; it is in our failure that we learn how to have true grace for others. No judging b/c I surely have the plank in my own eye.
And so my perspective has changed. I no longer see me as here and him as there. My ministry as better than that. Oh no, his and mine are of the same vine. Mine is equal to the other, not better, just different. No one way works to reach all peoples. Paul knew this, he was conscious of it and adjusted his lifestyle when necessary. However, even Paul could not reach everyone. God used others, men and women in the church, on the road, in the marketplace. God uses male and female at the wheel, in Wal-mart, waiting in line at the restaurant, chilling out next to the pool (yes, God can use us anywhere).
I am human. I am saved by Jesus' grace. I am aware of my great need for that gift of grace. I am grateful for the opportunity to extent it to others.

Quarter Life Crisis

2009-04-14T20:12:00.002-04:00

I've recently decided my next undertaking (post grad school, mind you) will be to write my novel titled "1/4 life crisis" or something along those lines. Basically, we all know about the mid life crisis. There are books on it, speakers acknowledge it, and people joke about it in movies and on tv. What about the mid twenties crisis? If you are here, you know what I'm talking about. If you've passed the 24, 25, 26 mark (it's different for each person) and thought I'm not where I want to be, I'm not accomplishing the things expected of people my age, my brilliant plan was not so brilliant, I have yet to make my imprint on something really spectacular, etc, etc, then know you are not alone. In my vast experience, or more like the combined experiences of friends who have related stories of their own feelings and thoughts on the 1/4 life crisis, this is a topic that needs covered. If for no other reason than I like to ramble and rumble and put my thoughts down in order to think things through and let God take it where it will go, then yes, a book it is. Now we all know I'm big talk on this and really novels aren't my forte, but why not talk it up:)
So, I'm gonna leave you hanging on this one, this is the trailer, sneak preview, the book cover that draws you in and makes you want to read on. Oh yes, coming soon (okay, give me to like 2020) to a book shelf near you..."1/4 life crisis" (said is a cheesy announcer voice).
Until then

Simplicity

2009-04-05T16:18:00.002-04:00

"There lies a fine line between simplicity and..." - Brown Sugar
Yeah, I don't remember the whole quote from the much acclaimed movie about falling in love with hip hop and it doesn't really apply to what I'm thinking about today.
I'm thinking I'm excited. It's coming time to start giving it away and packing up for a year on the move. Excited, yes. Nervous, you bet. Anxiously anticipating all that God is going to do. All I'm gonna learn, all the people He gets to touch through me and my classmates. Living with new people, being a part of the body of Christ around the world. Yeah, I'm excited. Now how about I start living it out now. How about I focus on today, as long as it is called today so that i can encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ along the way. Sounds like a great idea. I admit I've been distracted lately, unfocused, separated, weary of doing good; I'm ready to open up my heart again and let Him back in. Simple as that, again and again. The gift of grace. The realization that once again, I can't do it on my own...school, life, cancer, disease, distance, boys, girls, lust, time, energy, intelligence, serving, loving, leading...good or bad or somewhere in between...it's not about what I can do. it's about what He can do in me.
Yep, I'm ready for simple...I know deep down life isn't simple. I know deeper down that life with Jesus is simple...don't loose eye contact or the water won't be able to hold me up.
I will throw off all that hinders and run with perseverance the race marked out before me.

Courtyard moment

2009-03-29T15:32:00.003-04:00

Oooo...good sermon today titled Jesus Walks into the Uncertain. Doesn't matter what they call it; the premise is what counts. Looking at John 21. Set it up...after Jesus has been crucified. Disciples go back to fishing. That's what they know to do, right? They catch nothing...not looking good especially for Peter, who has not been working the past nine months because he's been following this Jesus fellow around the countryside.
Morning comes, a man on the beach asks how the fishing is...not good obviously, they didn't catch a thing. He tells them to try the other side of the boat. (Boats prob not that big that the fish could just hang out on one side and not the other) They give it a whirl...

take a step back in time...The night Jesus is betrayed. In the garden of gethsemane, mob comes, Peter cuts off guys ear, Jesus puts it back (would have loved to see that), they take Jesus to the courtyard of the high priest. Peter tags along, planning a covert op to rescue his friend (planning is a relative term here, not thinking things through too much as goes his character *refer back to the cut off ear.). Peter enters the courtyard by telling the 12ish y.o. slave girl at the gate that he doesn't know this Jesus guy. Then goes to warm himself by the coal fire (not a lot of light, easy to blend in). The girl comes over after studying Peter and knowing for sure he's one of the 12. Peter swears he's not, again denying Jesus. Peter retreats to the shadows, still in the courtyard, one can only guess he's still trying to figure out how he's gonna spring his friend who by now has started to get one of his many beatings of the night. Some guys come up and get in Peter's face; they know he is one of the disciples. Peter the third time swears he is not. In one moment, the cock crows twice and Jesus and Peter make eye contact (through a door, open air area, same courtyard remember not too big in those days). Peter knows, reality hits, the haze lifts. He knows in that instant that he did just what Jesus said he would do and swore wouldn't happen. That's his courtyard moment.

...back to the boat. The other side works, they call in another boat to help haul in the fish. Someone yells that it was Jesus on the shore, Peter dresses and jumps in the water (I would probably have thought to do the opposite...??) Peter gets up on shore to greet Jesus. The first time since he's denied him three times...oooo, what do you say now. Talk about awkward silence...After a nice fish breakfast, they take a walk. Jesus comes alongside Peter.
Jesus says: Peter, do you love me?
Peter: yes
Jesus: feed my lambs
J: Do you love me?
P: you know I do!
J: take care of my sheep
J: Do you love me?
P: you know all things, you know that I love you (I can't decide if an exclamation mark, or a teary trail of dots is appropriate here.)
J: Feed my sheep.
What do we do after those courtyard moments? You messed up, you know it, Jesus knows it. Jesus says feed my sheep. Take care of mine.
I mess up. I do what I know I didn't want to do at one point. I turn sheepishly to Jesus. He knows it. He saw it happen; He was in the courtyard with me. He tells me to get back on task and take care of His. Don't waste anymore opportunities mulling over the events leading up to the courtyard. It's over, it's done, I'm restored and Jesus says to move on. I like it. I don't feel like I deserve it, but I like it. I can't say it won't happen again, but I'm thankful for this feeling of healing, restoration, love.

Peking Duck

2009-03-22T10:24:00.002-04:00

How cool would it be to go through life as a mime. Yeah, they kinda freak people out, but is that just b/c the others watching are not okay with the white painted face. I really think that's it; all we gotta do is get rid of the classic white face and gloves. I mean, think about it...at parties, such as last night...the best laughing comes from watching others try and act out a "thing" while friends are trying to guess it in a limited time. Granted, even if there is no time it can be hilarious watching people try. Even in cases when the word being acted out is totally not what they are doing. Take for example the pecking action seen in chickens...there may or may not have been an instance in which one nameless PT student started pecking the air with her arms winging at her sides and we all still knew she was going for peking duck. Both of which are not literally identified with the action of pecking or the full size duck animal. Come on you Chinese food fans out there, ya gotta know and be able to imagine the scenario. Classic.
Which leads me to my previous statement of what if we went through life "miming." If you think about it we already kinda do. We, as a society, are huge on non-verbals; we, as a race, communicate through non-verbals. Believe you me, this is proven fact as I go week after week to a church that speaks not my native language and yet I am able to connect with others through a smile, hug, kiss, and a very broken combination of english and spanish just so we can reassure one another that the Holy Spirit speaks all languages, even one that we cannot and that is to the individuals' heart. I come out of there feeling loved, feeling a part, feeling like I really do know my brothers and sisters in Christ even though if you would ask me about their everyday life, interests, families, I would be able to tell you a limited bit of information. Isn't that how it is anyway...we go through the everyday we see people on the street. We see people in the hallway. We know them, we exchange unspoken words of kindness or unkindness through our gaze, our acknowledgement, our undertones that tend to seep out of who we are. Isn't it that much sweeter when you feel the love from others in a smile or pat on the back that you weren't expecting. One that catches you off guard and is in itself a gift because in your mind you don't deserve it.
How many of these are missed, how many of these free gifts are given daily; yet, they are not recieved b/c the recipient is either too caught up in their own thoughts or are too involved in their own self pity. Let me tell you I bet it is more often than we think. We, like mimes, are experts at putting on the facade. The fake faces plastered on at times start to crack and what is underneath is almost too scary to admit so we patch it up, turn our gaze downward and walk on without seeing the beautiful light that might be emminating from another that could help us out and maybe even help remove a bit of crusty white that has built up on our face. Where do these people get that brilliant gift of light. What makes them able to sparkle as they walk around in this often depressing world? I think we both know deep down who it is that inflitrates their being and offers up His light as their own. Jesus is alive in people, of this I am sure and have seen the effects of. I believe b/c I have recieved the gift myself. I am not claiming to be a giver of this effervescent light all the time. Oh no, I know He is in me, shining, but I also know at times I have not let myself recieve enough of Him for me to be filled to overflowing. There are times I must rely on Him through others to get through. It is in those times, I am humbled the most to admit that I am a weak, tired, worn out, overwhelmed by the woes of this world, a very little girl. It is times like this week where I am so drained I do not make the effort to ask Him to help me; it is those times my soul cries out but I am too lazy to open my mouth to make the sounds...I think He understands; I think God hears my soul's cry as well as, if not more than, my mind and physical voice.
My Jesus never promised it would be easy. Our God never guaranteed he would keep us from pain of any kind. The Lord did say He is the Senor Todopoderoso (Lord Almighty). Jesus did say: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority. But you will recieve power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." - Acts 1:8
Ironically enough after Jesus said this he was sweeped up into Heaven and and hidden from our site. All I can say is good thing we are not like infants who do not have object permanence yet and if they can't see it, then it doesn't exist. (and some with dementia as well, funny how that whole life cycle young and old works) But good thing other wise it would be very hard to trust that He is there, He is here. His commands are still in effect even when He is not physically present. i am still called to be His light, His witness, His testimony here in my city, in the neighboring (and even lesser, or rivalrous areas), in different countries other than my own...to the ends of the earth. Yep, that's a pretty clear answer. Should I go? Yes, of course. Should I stay? If there is work to be done, absolutely. Shall I live here or there? The place doesn't matter...the city irrelevant. It's the people that count. It's who can I share this gift with today? Who can I let help me along my way, to get out of my own way at times? Who do I need to be in communion with at this point in time? The rest is just peking duck.

There is life outside MH

2009-03-16T21:26:00.002-04:00

The sun will shine another day
We might even make some hay
How bout a hike, what do you say
The sun is brilliant out there today

The birds do sing a pretty song
Don't have to wait to hear it long
and loud and proud and over the crowd

Yes, the sun does shine on the outside
The rattlers, African killer bees, rabies infested mountain lions, cacti, prickly things, sand, rocks don't try to hide
They display proud on the mountain side
Warmed by the sun that's shining outside

What? Are those birds I hear?
No, it's the morning call to pickle ball
They come from far and near
"Court Open" is the drawing call for those desiring to play pickle ball

Oh the signs you find are all different
Watch out for blowing dust areas
These midwest people better get with it
Cattle guards can be scary ones
but by the sixth time by gall they've got it

The sun did shine another day
Even back to the grind, I really don't mind
I sit here and say, "What the hey."
If only this feeling could last, but oh with a blast
I'm again surrounded by Type As

Please tell me the sun will shine another day...

Ah, the mix of emotions that come with such a drama as this. The very complex style of rhythm and rime (rhyme?) displayed by the author is intended to take the reader along one the emotional roller coaster experienced in the past week. If one interprets, as with Shakespearean poems, then one is able to see how there was great dispair that the sun would not come out. But come out it did and it appeared in a desert like state that lifted the writer's spirits with new and exciting adventures. Then one is assured of the reappearance of the sun day after day, until fatally the day comes when the pressures of life (a.k.a. the pursuance of a doctoral degree) again creep in. This is seen in the bleak request for reassurance that the sun will shine once again. What was an uplifting care free spirit is once again roped into the confines of life inside a building with chairs, glass windows covered with thick blinds, and the only chance for survival is the short recesses allotted for a quick game of 9-square if the weather is descent.
The reader is left identifying with the author and wanting to reach out with words of comfort to reassure that spring is coming, in fact it is only days away. The snow of life is melting and there is a small glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. No one said it would be easy, in fact a famous quote from the first day goes like this: "These will be the toughest three years of your life." - KM (Thank you director, who I adore and realize this was said as a warning for those days when the sun is not rising, we are asking why did we want to do this, what were we thinking, well...we were warned.)
All that to say, the carefree spirit that was here this morning was soon squelched with the hustle and bustle of the day...the 10 hours of class will do that to ya...
Apologies Mama Bear, I promised a spirit lifter, can't deliver. Just refer back to the sun shine part, it is true. The truth is always right there: if we are able to see it is a whole other ball game...and a whole other blog:) Until then dear readers...
-Dori
escape (pronounced: "eesscapee, hey that's spelled just like the word 'escape'!"
"You can READ?"
"Yeah, I can read, I can read!"
"Here read this."
"Wallllaaabeeee Waaayyy....Siddddeneeeyy..."

Lista y Esperando...

2009-03-03T15:24:00.004-05:00

Ready and Waiting...
So...read a book. The Barbarian Way. McManus.
Don't want to be domesticated. I want to hear my Father say, "Yes, you may jump off the roof...may want to try and avoid the pavement."
No guarantee for safety. No special rules that I will not be put in harms way.
John the Baptist.
Paul.
Stephen.
Countless others.
Missionaries in the jungle.
People that live in the ghetto.
I love it, the adventure, the unknown. Following, charging ahead at full steam (30mph) like a crash of rhinos who can only see 30 feet in front of their horn.
If only I could remember to be like those rhinos all the time. If only I could live with that intensity or the mindset of being ready and waiting to at any minute, go, speak, listen, stay, fight, etc.

Me gusta espanol

2009-02-22T17:03:00.003-05:00

Alright, let's be honest. I once was called a flaming extrovert (thank you Flash). Funny how some things just stick with you in the back of your mind. Well, I am here today to say, "I acquiese"; it is true. I am proudly stepping into the title. I am owning up to this side of my personality. I am saying thank you Jesus for creating me with this gift. I am a "flaming extrovert" and proud of it!
Why now? What is bringing this out on a Sunday afternoon. Well, the current lightbulb moment started at a professional conference a couple weeks ago. After loosing mis amigas multiple times due to my stopping at this booth to chat, that poster to inquire, the info booth to strike up a convo about the weather comparing dry heat to moist heat, and introducing myself to a leader in the field to ask her for any ideas or contributions about my professional development project, yeah, about that time I was exhausted number one. Number two, I realized, "I am my father's daughter." And number three I loved it.
I thank Jesus for the opportunities he has afforded me to reach out. Learn from others, learn about others, and be a listening, chatty, and sometimes rediculous ear. And I was gonna link it to espanol and my new favorite church with lovely beautiful good people who share my gift of reaching out and accept me despite my less than perfect espanol speaking....but i think we are going to go to the dollar theatre for an afternoon flick...yes, time to get out of this room. I spent my hermit mode night last night, I will not do it again. After all I am an extrovert:)

Needing a check-up

2009-02-14T00:40:00.002-05:00

Being a high end automobile there are certain expectations I have from my owner. I expect every 3-5 thou to get a new batch of oil, a refreshing change if you will. On top of that every 15-30 thou I want a full service deal. Everyone needs a physical every now and then to make sure the systems are all go; a little tune-up is always helpful to know someone else is monitoring your well-being. Is that too much to ask? Don't I start up everytime you need me, even when it is way too early and dark outside and way below zero? I mean really, do you think it is enjoyable to get scraped off and be expected to warm up in 10 minutes only to sit in a cold parking lot for 10 hours; no, it's not.
Alright, no longer talking as a vehicle. Obviously an inanimate object has no feelings and can't talk, duh...but it is fun to put yourself in a creative way and try to imagine what it would say, theoretically...
I will say, I have neglected Dori a bit lately. She is over due for her 30 thousand physical/oil change, but no longer a salt carrier. I was happy to accomplish one task and actually take her through a car wash, her first automatic experience and she survived. Got along better than "my favorite sister" and her first car wash experience, which I can honestly say I do not remember, but the stories abound of her aversion to sitting in a car in the car wash. Ah, the trauma we face as youngsters who do not understand the large world around us.
Let's be honest, things go by the wayside when one spends way too many hours a day in a building, on a campus, trying to fit in time for life amidst the small hours of reprieve of "work".

Things that could be done, but...oh the time

clean the room
clean the bathroom
feed Bernard...apparently he can last a solid 4 days without food, that's the kind of pet to have!...no wonder he is a little see through currently...
oil change, obviously, but goal for this week
letters to friends to tell them how much they are appreciated
food preparation besides opening a can or frozen package or microwaving
studying right now...??? yeah, not gonna stick past midnight, proven by experience
read the three+ journals and magazines sitting bedside
be still and know that He is God...a recurring request from the Big Guy.

Things to do after midnight

watch late night tv
blog
talk to friends who work nights and are guaranteed to be awake as well
facebook catch up time
come up with ideas that don't require much brain power
put in a movie to fall asleep to
eat ice-cream (acceptable at any hour)

Things to do when you run out of things to do

ummm...open to suggestions

Pickin your nose

2009-01-30T19:40:00.002-05:00

Dori here,
I realize it has been a good while since the last little blogger blog blog. Many excuses come to mind such as: "I've been busy." "My life has taken a turn in another direction." "My computer has been out of order." "I suffered a TBI secondary to not taking my profs advice and forking out the doe for a new helmet (as he put it: $50 or a TBI) as mine has superficial cracks from falling on the ground...and then having the bike land on it."
As you can see, none of these warrent or are even true enough for me to pass the buck on my absence from days with dori land.
So, what has been happening in my wee little brain recently, well aside from not suffering a TBI, i have learned a lot, added to what's already there, and made a few new discoveries about myself. One of the new things that I was thinking upon previous to employing my fingers for the current task of typing, was the age old question, which is 'Do you pick your nose?' Granted, one might not hear this question in the spoken form often, but that by no means is an indication that it is not lingering in the back of someone's mind. Oh no, we all wonder who does it. Who are the true nose pickers out there. At times it is not a hidden fact. We've all peeked in the window of the next driver over at a stop light to catch them in the act. Then there's the guy shuffling along in Wal-mart or standing mulling over which movie to pick out that unconsciously and unashamedly points finger and inserts into nostril in broad daylight.
I am not judging mind you. To each his own. I find it down right hilarious to see a kid digging away only to have mom reach over and hit his/her hand away only to reinsert the moment she goes about her business. Which brings me to the next key point of nose picking. What to do with the gold nugget once it's out of the treasure chest? Whew, this is a hard one cover. Reason says to some put it back in another orifice as quick as possible. To these booger eaters I have one thing to say...noooooo don't do it, oohh aahhh...too far away slow motion kicking in with hand raising and...(grimace, half-turn away, but still watching like a bad car wreck)...too late. Of those folk I am not a fan, though I do understand their reasoning. It is a challenge to find a tasteful (no pun intended) and descrete way of disposing of the aforementioned booger. When one flick of the finger doesn't do the trick, or the second or third, drastic times call for drastic measures. I have encountered the super sticker. You know this kind, it will not budge, it's like a bad mime trick only this time it's real; the goo transfers finger to finger to thumb to finger as you try to flick and whip and finger nail it off of there. No such luck. Each individual has their patented next more whether it is the most hygenic kleenex grab, the stretch and wipe on some upholstered object, or the flagrant transfer to personal clothing because by now the energy is gone to cover up the done deed.
Ah yes, it's sad but true. We've all been there, some more recently than others. Some more admittently than others.
Hello, my name is Dori. I am a night picker. My last pick was about 20 minutes ago.
:)

Without the cape hes just a mouse...

2009-01-12T23:00:00.002-05:00

Mighty Mouse is my hero, hands down the best super hero ever dreamed up. Today I was running on the treadmill (blah, not a favorite of mine, but it was dark and cold out) and my mind started to wander. I thought of the days of old when the three mile easy days were like sweet nectar of the gods that we cherished almost as much as our two hour dinners in Baldwin. Then my mind turned to the not as long gone days when I would gather stares and comments just by wearing my cut-off and carrying a tray in the aforementioned Baldwin. Finally in comes Mighty Mouse, and the fond memory I had of winning the category of best costume at the "superhero skate night" at the local roller rink.
It makes you thimk...did Mighty Mouse (MM) work out? where did he get that stunning outfit? without the cape is he just a regular mouse?
Though I do not know the answer to the first two questions, I feel the correct reply to the third is yes. Yes, minus the superhero get up I bet he still enjoyed a bit of cheese for dinner like the rest of us. I'm sure when he went to bed at night in his little hideout that he sometimes talked in his sleep, tossed and turned over the events of the day, or slept the whole night through from complete exhaustion.
MM is my inspiration. I want to wake up every morning, put on my cape in the form of the armor of God that is supplied in an unknown way and on the moment's request. I recognize that without the supernatural power that He gives I am simply a human, bound to stumble, stutter, and see things less than clearly (not to mention that reading glasses would be huge as my computer is closer than normal to my face).
Ah Mighty Mouse, we will go far me and you...no matter the physical shape, we will try, we will fight, we will train our bodies, but knowoing all the while that we need the super hero powers that only God can provide to do the life changing, eternity impactiing sort of super hero things.

Be Still

2009-01-11T17:47:00.002-05:00

Be still and know that I am God - Psalm 46

This morning reading "The Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer I run across this piece that speaks directly to my unsettled insides in light of the start of another semester manana. It said this: Modern Christianity is simply not producing the kind of Chrisitan who can appreciate or experience the life in the Spirit. the words, "Be still, and know that I am God," mean next to nothign to the self-confident, bustling worshiper in this middle period of the twentieth century.

I add in now in the beginning of the 21st century how much more true is that statement .? Just the mere thought of beginning a new period of this journey called "grad" school makes my blood pressure rise and sends my heart into atrial fibrilation. It is just at that moment, as always seems to happen (probably b/c He knows all, sees all, feels all) that something like that preface and running across Psalm 46, the whole chapter, that sends a peace to my fluttering heart.

It is in these moments of relaxation where grace abounds all the more. It is in these final hours of freedom that I ask the timeless question what kind of excuse is it to say "I/He/She am/is in grad school," and thereby makes it okay to busy ourselves bey9ond understanding. I am a literal, realist, don't talk b.s. kind of person who is all about putting the money where the mouth is and whatever other clever saying you care to think up. Basically, I am tougher on myself that need be, then others would dare and I'm thinking it's time for no more excuses . It's time to take and make the time to invest in the relationships throughout the day. Take the time to investigate a place to go to grow and worship and learn about a diferent culture, language, and people. Stop the distractions, sit, breathe, meditate, chew the cud like a cow does only use the Word of God (attribute that one to church this a.m. where this concept of being still came up again at the end of Psalm 46.) Like I always say I not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but when God puts the same color crayon in front of your face three times in a row...I can figure out I probably need to recongize and pick up on something.

so until 10a.m. tomorrow I will definitely be still. After that even no excuse not to be still and know that He is God.

Stubborn

2009-01-02T16:12:00.002-05:00

Today I became a Pandora user. I've known about it for a while and feigned interest when others talked about it. One could blame it on grad school life as to why I never took the time to sign up and create my own radio stations to play according to my whims; I attribute it to my stubborness.

A favorite story of my mom's is her sharing of my most used phrase as I went through the terrible twos, threes, fours...etc. "I do it myself," the toddling youngster proclaimed. That was probably right before, after, or somewhere in the mix as to the time I told my dad that the spanking he just expended "didn't hurt"; I didn't repeat that phrase a minute later. Again, stubborn? I think so.

I retell these tales to give you a bit of humor in your day, let you know a bit more about me, but most of all to see how far I've come, or haven't I?
I mean honestly, I no longer throw temper tantrums and get all red in the face over minimal things. I do go out for long hard runs or lifting sessions and get all red in the face over things that prick me in the wrong place.
Really, I have changed; I no longer stuff back the tears and act all tuff and indifferent when people come and go. Well, okay we're still working on that one.
Seriously, I mean who would still make their mom's Christmas present using paint, glue, the occasional glitter, patchwork of memories really? Ummm...gosh, this isn't working out for me.
Okay, so my point being, I have grown, we all do. There are things I think, contemplate, live for that were not on the radar years ago. Does this make me a completely different person? No, God created my personality and personally placed it inside of me to make me who I am then and now. Sure, I've refined it, learned when to control different parts of it, identified certain redeeming qualities that it brings forth, repented for those that i have trouble harnessing, and I'm still a work in progress. The stubborn thing, it's always gonna be there. Deal with it.

I think being stubborn's a good thing. I am too stubborn to stop believing I can make my body my slave (1 Corinthians 9:27) and it will carry me many, many more miles before it gets a long rest. I am so stubborn that I think all my prayers will be answered and every person will answer directly to Jesus one day. I am stubborn enough to entertain thoughts of my future as pole-vault coach, dance instructor (for friends of course:), part-time international PT clinic worker, 70.3 Ironman woman, professor to those needing professing, the list goes on, really wherever, whenever, whomever, however God wants me. Yeah, I'd call that stubborn.

run, walk, crawl

2008-12-23T22:48:00.003-05:00

Title not to be confused with the ever famous blow off college course titled Walk, Jog, Run (especially when taken by cross or track athletes, not pointing fingers or anything, but really, really....)

"Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must." - Dean Karnazes

If you are like me, you have no idea who Dean K is...guess it doesn't matter b/c he has a kick butt quote that pretty much sums up the attitude of any endurance athlete who has the inner drive to make it across the finish line (whether tangible or just one set in one's own mind).

And it's pretty much how I feel about life at this point. Might as well 'go all out...beyond any doubt. I want my life to shout that God is alive in me' sorry got carried away with UW lyrics...those songs, man they apply to all life situations. we are equipping those kids for life, not just sports camp by golly!

let's talk about my next project...after the completion of intramural b-ball season of course.
it's called, how many times in ones life can a person coerce the muscle fibers to act more type 1 or type 2, this time leaning more toward the type 1 of course for my tri career... love it, let's see if all those peer reviewed articles are correct or not, wahahaha.

now let's discuss how i just had the realization that i never want to be a long distance coach, not head coach anyway b/c then I'd have to deal with all that jazz of making up killer workouts to specifically target certain systems like the Krebs cycle, electron transport chain, mitochondria ahhh!!! make it stop! Let's stick to pole-vault: hold this, run as fast as you can, get your plant high and don't let your arms bend, flip upside down as fast as you can, and the rest is cake...oh yeah and don't forget to throw the pole back so you don't miss on account of that silly mistake.
how much more simple can it get? *she says sarcastically*

Promiscuous

2008-12-21T00:28:00.003-05:00

What does it say about a girl when her friend calls her each time this song is played on the radio? Well, it could say a lot of things, but mostly it says there is a very good memory attached to that particular song and we won't go into the details. Oooo I love leaving it hanging in suspense. If one is not familiar with the song, feel free to ask for a play by play, but the title pretty much says it all.
Then I got to thinking how I am definitely the antonym, not the synonym to promiscuous by terms of how the world defines it. Which then led me to compare and contrast quickly in my mind how the Lord views this word, promiscuous. Would Christ share that assumption? I think, in fact, I am probably very guilty of promiscuity. After reviewing the files and finding the example that: If a man even looks at a woman lustfully, then he has committed adultry in God's eyes. Welp, there you have it, my heart is a wayward one and my mind even more difficult to direct on the right path at times. In light of this first I ask God, Jesus Christ to forgive me once again and again, and again. Then, I resolve and remind myself of how important, critical, necessary prayer is...at all times.
Lastly, I accept the reminder of the pop tune Promiscuous as a theme song for great dancing and laughs. and if it is late at night, as it is now, then I will let me mind think on the deeper things, and try to make sense of it all...and dwell on how Good our God is for giving me a way out, for forgiving me for a wayward heart, for loving me despite my shortcomings, for being strong where and when I am weak...O gosh, He's sooo good! (double fist shake and pump b/c I can't express it all any other way)

2008-12-16T11:36:00.002-05:00

Dear Lord,
This is to you. I sit here in a supposedly sunny south where I have yet to feel the humid heat they so oft brag about. God I feel like I'm healing. I recognize this as yesterday we went to workout...first lifting with weights more than 10 lbs in 8 weeks time. First shooting hoops in more than 28 weeks plus. First time in a long time since I've felt the feeling that your leg won't hold you up if you try to jump on it anymore. God, what a good feeling, to know you reached total fatigue. Then, as you know better than I, the muscles are inflammed, swollen, they will grow sore hour by hour. The little guys will come in to try and clean up the damage. The phages will clean up the garbage, new cross bridges will be built, stronger than before, never to be the same.
Is that how it is with all things. I reached a point of fatigue for sure probably Sunday. Traveling from one city to another by car, emotions sitting in the backseat, ripped apart from my chest b/c I didn't want to house such brokenness anymore. Lord, you speaking to my downtrodden heart, telling me it will heal once again. YOu will be the one to heal it. The next day jumping in a plane at the buttcrack of dawn, take that back, it didn't crack through until half way to the final destination. Too physically tired to even acknowledge the emotions riding along in my backpack. It was all erased though with the meeting of super friends for that is where you are. God I thank you for the way you provide people, places, situations where I can see clearly. In this case clearly into just how blessed I am to have loved and be loved in such a short period of time. Blessed immensely in comparison to all the crap out there and more devestating scenarios that happen every minute of every day.
When two or more are gathered in your name, you are here/there/everywhere. Lord if we gather in spirit, by phone are you there a well? Just a thought...
Anyway, sharing in the lifes, hearing of your goodness, witnessing your love being poured out on others to strengthen and encourage them in different cities, different places of work, school, seasons of the soul you might say. Bringing to light the beauty of your works in individuals. Praying and talking with your beloveds. Lord, that is my cleaning. That is where you are helping my heart and soul carry out the injured parts, make ready for the rebuilding phase. I think now, as I sit here, as Flash and I have some good talks, as I get to wake up to nothing but the rooster's crow (seriously, it happened today and I thank you God for the smile it put in my heart.) I am being rebuilt. My physical body, not so much, the legs feel yesterdays fun and the pending doom of immense and intense DOMS; yet, maybe as my body heals, so the heart will mend as well, huh God.? Yeah, I trust you with it. You have yet to leave me out to dry. As sure as I am that my body will repair, I am even more sure that my inner being will be strengthened as you have your way. My weaknesses brought to light all the more so that you will be glorified as your power works in and through me.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Thank you Lord Jesus. Praise you my God and King.
Isaiah 52:13-53:12
53:5...and by His wounds we are healed.
King Jesus, In your prescious name...by your blood...

Marriage

2008-12-13T19:20:00.003-05:00

He told me last year he lost his wife of 64 years. He said if he had a heart attack right now it would be okay with him. We shouldn't try to bring him back. It makes sense; can't see why he would want it any other way. He's talking about his daughter. he is so proud of her; this is the third time this week he's told about her professional career. Another question is asked; doesn't matter, he can't hear a thing.

To Know and Be Known

She sits holding his hand, knowing he escaped death. He is different since the stroke; yet, he's the same. He can understand us perfectly, but the words to express are not quite there. His personality, independence, fast-paced ways are still present; there is no hiding it.
'Will we make it to the golden anniversary?' she thinks.
To know him so well...she gets frustrated at all the ways things will be different, unsafe. He's the same; he won't listen.
Their hands are apart.
He's guarded; he leans back as they talk about how unsafe he is, like he's not right there.
She knows him, the tension is back, the tone in his limited words tell of his immense frustration, unsettled feelings. She remembers their first date, first time they held hands, first born, first time he left in anger...he came back. He's distant now, wrapped up in his basement den. When did it change? 'It was gradual,' she muses. That's what they say. How time flies. The silver anniversary was a good one. Something about his strong hands has always brought her comfort. he will get better; he's too stubborn not to.
We will hold hands again; our next anniversary is 43 years. Forty-three years is a long time. It's no 64, but then again neither are we.

They know, it's visible to the rest of the room.

She flashes a tight half smile to her husband and quickly diverts her eyes. The tears start flowing when her granddaughter gives her a tight hug from behind. She is a hard worker they say. She does all her homework in between sessions. She has made great gains; this makes the tears come harder. Not a dry heart in the room. Plans are discussed, decisions made...not really. More time, keep working. She gets that tight half smile again; no one can say for sure, but the whole smile should emerge again one day. Time. He will take her home only when she can go to stay, no day pass, no visit. His words are short, firm, heavy. Next week. Their eyes meet, they know.

Time Flies

2008-12-04T20:16:00.003-05:00

Wow...December 4th...Where does time go? Lots to contemplate on this chilly (less than 20 degrees w/ wind chill factored in) winter evening.

Contemplation #1:
Living in the mid-west I have recently had my eyes opened to this less than hidden secret. I will share this with you dear world with the understanding that it go no further than your computer screen; we are never to talk of this again. Well, not never, but the suspense is killing you isn't it?!? Here you go. A woman's social status is partly determined by the number of chitlins she hath birthed. Oh yes, true statement. Since I've been out in the "real world" recently, the subject of babies, kids, grandbabies has come up a lot. I find myself asking about others kids and family as a means of generating conversation out of thin air with patients while they work or take a rest break, which happens very often for some of our more debilitated elderly population. It is interesting; it is a point to hold in high regard. I mean, I couldn't do it right now, those things take time, energy, your sleep, etc, etc. Moms are to be honored, revered even if they are of the kind that raise their children up even when the little monsters are less than tolerable (I speak of myself as a child; I've heard stories) and in high gear 24/7. It is just interesting to be in the age bracket now where I'm "expected" to have a "pregnant uterus" (class joke) sometime soon. I leave it at that and say thank you to all those who do not force the midwest tradition down my throat or even often hint at the same. I thank you mother for enduring the years of my stubborness, well, probably still got some of that, but you did earn the revered title "Mama". I might even have to start calling you that:) As long as it's not prefaced with "Big" huh?:) hehehe.

Contemplation 2:
Country music rocks! It all started on the drive back from Thanksgiving break...and it hasn't stopped. I take that back, it all started back in the younger years riding around with Dad in the truck, "helping him work" in the shed, and on the country roads of yesteryear; it's always a welcome companion in the journey of life. I just find it soothing as I sit here and cheers from Margaritaville drift in and out with the twang of guitars and sweet southern accents. Ahhh...music to my ears, literally.

Contemplation 3:
Be content. Do not plan the future selfishly. - James, paraphrase. Makes me think everytime I read it, everytime God chooses to present it me on a new day as I sit unaware of how my mind needs to be redirected. Or maybe I am aware, just unwilling, or unable to change it myself. Either way, as a friend, JDizzle himself, shared with the congregation yesterday night, live each day in His will. How can i attempt to plan the future, when the future is left up to His leading? Impossible. How can I say in a year I will be here or I want to do that, when I really want to do whatever He wants? No Way Jose! Once again i resolve to surrender, to crawl up on the altar, a living sacrifice. I'm certain to inch my way off slowly, one wandering thought at a time, but I repent. I submit to the fact that I will do my best and rely on Him for the most of it. His power is made perfect in my weakness (good verse, can't tell you the location). I resolve to plan my future by the mantra of "whatever/wherever/however you want God". I give you permission to throw this back at me whenever you hear me talk of selfish ideas that benefit no one but myself. i.e. completing a 70.3 Ironman triathlon. Sure, i can do triathlons, I can train and enjoy the abilities God has gifted me with, but that shall not be my sole focus, my thoughts shall not revolve around those goals. No, my first and foremost is to help others, to venture to the places where i am most able to serve. If God chooses to use me to serve triathletes, you better believe I will be in there with em, but if God chooses to send me to the children of Managua, you better believe I will be in those slums with em.

That's enough contemplating for one night;)
until next time, stay warm

Reluctantly We Grieve

2008-11-13T19:40:00.003-05:00

Reluctantly I compose this particular night's musings. My heart/mind has been full this week as God and I tread through these uncertain waters together. Uncertain to me though I feel not so much to Him.
Why do I dread to type away on such a topic as grief/death/dying? Self explanatory.

I start with a C.S. Lewis quote about the clash of grief and faith:
"The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God, or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary for no even moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't."

There you have it, a subject so grey that no good God would make us deal with it unless it was a necessity. Therefore, I feel it a bridge we all have to cross, literally and figuratively, and I choose to share as I wrestle with these feelings. Why would I share, other than I feel compelled to do so? Something about a chord of three strands is stronger than one...and I want to feel I do not venture out on a one strand chord. No; rather, whoever reads these words, their chord joins with mine and we are that much stronger along with the power of the Holy Spirit of course.

Where do we start? We cry, we stare in shock, we feel normal (denial), we get mad, we accept the facts. I don't know that you feel all these in each situation, or that you should. I refute the fact, with personal experience, that they happen in a certain order or at distinct intervals. My gut tells me a little part of each is tasted of with momentus or tragic events that happen in our own lives, or more likely those of others.
Something triggers the memory, someone comes to mind, and the wave of strong emotion overtakes us. Whether it is visible from the outside, or if you are like me and are good at hiding it 90% of the time when there is a chance that others are present then no-one but yourself (and Jesus) sees the autonomic effects that happen in the viscera of your stomach. Maybe you are a cryer, the tears flow like a spring Monsoon. No matter, it happens either way, the body reflects the feelings of the heart. There is some sign, whether acknowledged or not that accompanies the outpouring of a soul. Why do so many of us try to hide it? Why must our culture taboo such natural happenings?
No matter, one person knows it all. Jesus. He was here. Jesus wept. Jesus lost a friend to untimely death, Lazarus.

To quote Max Lucado:
"Q: What kind of God would put people through such agony? What kind of God would give you families and then ask you to leave them? What kind of God would give you friends and then ask you to say good-bye?
A: A God who knows that the deepest love is built not on passion or romance but on a common mission and sacrifice.
A: A God who knows that we are only pilgrims and that eternity is so close that any "Good-Bye" is in reality a "see you tomorrow"
A: A God who did it himself."

Jesus experienced it all; he knows the bad that comes with the good.
Jesus lost alot more than we will ever know to untimely death of the soul. No wonder we feel the call to pray, to intercede if you will for that certain one. Let's be glad we are not in any position to know the condition of the souls around us, for I feel no mere human could make it through an hour in this world with that knowledge. No, I know I could not survive with such intelligence.

In light of all this, I grieve on. I allow myself to dwell on the subject for a bit longer, though not too long or I would fear the transformation of my natual disposition. No, I will glean only what God has for me on this topic and will gladly move on to the next. I say Good-Bye, knowing I will see you later.

it's about that time

2008-11-10T18:11:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling it...the itch to get out there and travel. It has officially been three weeks and two days since I made the journey to the gateway to the west. Not too long I realize, but I've been thinking. I love the country. I just need a day, maybe two, or three to get away. maybe it's not even the country, just to get to a spot where I can relax, like really relax without having this or that in the back of my mind.
HA! Good luck i think, technically we are in the end stages of a semester with Christmas break less than five weeks away. The end of this lap is near. I am ready to get back to the familiar. Realize now, that once this gets familiar I will be leaving...just last weekend I hit the "ahhh, I like it here." The people are transitioning from acquaintence to friend, the roads are not requiring maximal brain power to navigate (unless I'm going for a new place to visit).
God has been good. If I'm here for no other reason than so that He can teach me more about His goodness and faithfulness, then His goal is accomplished.
It's midterm week, the week of my first evaluation of myself by my CI and, well, myself.
In honor of this let's make a list, shall we, of all the things I'm learning...not related to PT necessarily, though unavoidably some might venture there.

The List
1. I like knowing and being known by others.
2. Relaxation is a relative term for each stage of life. This stage it is characterized by reading what I want to read, taking a bath on a cold day after a long run, and running/exploring with furry friends.
3. I am a runner at heart.
4. People over the age of 70 have lots of stories to tell.
5. God's family spans the globe and people are most beautiful when they let His light shine forth and bless others just by being open to others.
6. God placed my new friend, Mustang, in my life to teach me how I can be an awesome women of God even if I'm still single 10 years from now.
7. God opened my eyes to how He answered a prayer I prayed years ago. He said yes, I said, woah, why did I pray it like that:)
8. I love coloring with crayons.
9. You gotta teach the dog just who the "big dog" is.
10. Christian radio is not available everywhere.
11. Lists shouldn't be too long, then you just get overwhelmed:)

it's about that time
time to move on...to simplify. to take stock of what is really important in life. Does it matter what I have to wear, where I hang out at or who hangs out with me. If i get to talk to that person or know what's going on all the time. It's time to get rid of computers and telecommunications for awhile and escape into simplicity. Mind you, I greatly appreciate the opportunity I've had to stay in contact with those most dear to me. I would not have survived so well the first couple weeks without the gift of cell phone and email. But this too shall pass and I am considering when i can take a week, oh yes, whole week to turn off the phone, unplug the computer, grab a journal, Bible, hang out, relax, like we did back in the old days, trust someone will be there where and when they said, ask directions in person, etc. Don't worry folks this will not happen for at least another five weeks or so...hmmm...but I'm thinking now how this could unfold:)

I leave you, dear reader, with the prayer that God bless you and keep you, that He make His grace and peace wash over you in a flood and that you will let yourself be loved, truly loved by Him.

What’s with the Pants?

2008-11-05T21:21:00.001-05:00

Okay for years it has escaped me the desire some people have to wear the tall socks or even the decorated ones. After entering the professional world where your dress pants are a hindrance to movement and you end up hiking them up so you can bend and twist and climb and guard, I get it. I understand the desire to wear funny socks b/c let’s face it, everyone is gonna see them, how they don’t match anyway, or your ankles; take your pick, might as well have some fun while we’re at it. In light of this revelation, I will no longer snub my nose at the pants that allow a peek at the ankles, but I’ll still be sure to point out the ever illusive kankles! Shout out to Team Kankles…that brings back the memories.

"Just follow the sultry sound of my voice" - Monsters Inc

2008-11-05T21:03:00.000-05:00

Many of you know, if you have conversed with me in the wee hours of, well any time of the day, that my voice very easily gives me away. If I chat with you in the morning before I have had time to warm up the vocal cords on the drive or ride to start my day, then my voice tells of the sleep I just woke up from and they are a little rusty from the night’s sleep. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if we talk when my body is slowing down after a long day, then I sound quite similar to a man and it is imperative that I do not talk to anyone who could easily be confused or hard of hearing. Thinking of how my voice and inflections are a huge part of how I communicate and how others learn to understand me is a reflection on an earlier encounter I had this day. Sitting outside the Bread Co, minding my own business…soaking up the morning rays, reading, listening to a little Rob Bell, writing my thoughts down…all of a sudden I hear it, “Girloquilish”. If this is not familiar to you it is either because you are not a girl, or you have not yet had the definition of this new word I just created. Let me lay it down for you. Giloquilish is a language spoken by the majority of females of ages ranging from 12 – 22. It can be found among some a bit younger or even older than the listed ages, but for all intents and purposes it is most notable in the teen and early twenties. What is this language I speak of? For a direct encounter, please, sit around any gathering of these young gals and listen, one not need listen intently even for the decibel level is on average measured at an eight (on a ten point scale, ten being loudest). Things to observe as this language is used: voice inflections that resemble the ever popular “valley girl” and “prissy missy”, intonations that are ever dramatic, and life altering events in the form of “and then he ____” and “she said _____.” Now that we have established an understanding, I must admit I was a former speaker of Girloquilish. It is not something I am particularly proud of, but it was a stage in my life that helped form me and I look back and recant the error of my ways. I’ll take the manly sleepy voice any day over the girly dramatization that affected my middle school and part of my high school days. I will say the Girloquilish may fade away with age, life changing circumstances, and even maturation obtained through further education and jobs; however, a new language seems to plague the elder of our population of 20’s & 30’s. Yes, Childish talk is on a rise. When one finds that special someone, or a group of close friends who know you almost as well as anyone else could, then it happens. The low voice and sweet sound that flows from the tongue no matter the content of the words is heard far and near. Listen the next time The Originals get together for the yearly gathering; it will be there. Have you been around Jasmine lately as she greets her husband as he comes home from work; she knows it’s true. It is a blessing, it truly is to share the common language that expresses the deep love and commitment of years of knowing one another. I feel blessed to be able to say that I can speak multiple languages. I can pull out some Girloquilish if the situation arises. I speak fluent Childish and soon to be fluent Spanish as well.
For more information regarding this linguistics study just contact Dori; she will be happy to share.

Where have the days gone?

2008-11-02T11:05:00.002-05:00

Wow, November is here. the leaves are mostly turned and starting to fall to the ground for optimal crunching as one walks along the sidewalks and roadways of St. Louis. The sunshine is pouring in the windows beckoning me to spend every possible moment soaking it up in anticipation of the many cold days to come. People running by are almost pulling me out there to join them, soon enough, after church you better believe I will be hurrying to catch up to them. On the other hand as I sit here in St. Louis Bread Co, or Panera, to all you people from every other area of the U.S., I cannot help but relay my mix of emotions. On one hand, I sit here alone, tap, tap, tapping away on my keyboard. I look out and see other people conversing, enjoying the company of their friend, significant other, or family. The cutest father son combo you've ever seen just vacated the seats to my right, pulling on their helmets for the ride home. I see the other people here with their computers or papers splayed out in front of them seemingly deep in thought. Seemingly because I possibly appear the same way, but this train of thought not so intense as I imagine others may be as they attempt to stuff information into the recesses of their brain to pull out later for an upcoming test or project. Either way, we sit here alone and I cannot feel bad because just yesterday I was one who was here as a part of a family. We sat and ate and talked and enjoyed the day all day long. We were walking and seeing and experiencing as much St. Louis originalness as three gals could fit into a day, or as far as their legs would allow them to walk, whichever came first. I dare say the walking was the limiting factor as we felt it for sure and the hottub was a welcome relief at the end of the day.
But the next day is the worst I spose as I go back to being the one alone with the city as my back yard. Hmm...oh the gratefulness I feel for the modern inventions of telephone, internet, free wireless to at least give the feeling of being connected no matter the miles between us. Oh the praise I give to God above for the body of Christ alive and well all around the world. As I prepare to go to church, I look forward to the interaction I will have with people who overflow with His light and love and will feel a part once again for a little bit of something bigger than myself. I will get to escape to a safe place where I can sit and soak it up. No worrying about the next step, just trying to be, just breathing. Living with His presence with every breath. YHWH with every breath i breathe b/c He is just that, the breath of life.

Let's Go for a Walk

2008-10-23T17:44:00.002-04:00

this might sound horrible, terrible, inhumane, and like "what, this is our future of health care?" but hear me out...
Walking a patient is like walking a dog.
There it is, now to defend the previous statement. The parallel exists in that they seem to have instincts...always trying to go before you're ready or not wanting to move when you say okay. Both scenarios require constant reminders to stay safe. For example, the dogs need to be reminded to stop before you cross the street, don't lunge for the bigger dog we pass by, etc. The humans need to be reminded to push from the chair, reach for the walker, stand up straight, no, you can't put all your weight through the leg that has a fractured hip. I mean, really are we asking too much? Am I too demanding? Granted it sounds easier to walk a dog at this point, but if the dog were elderly and generally debilitated and suffering from either a fractured hip, CVA, or something of the like, fear of falling, decreased strength, ROM, endurance, hearing, sight, the list goes on, then I would venture to say we would just pick the dog up and carry it.
Trust me, I am torn. Part of me says, you gotta be kidding me these elderly people have been through enough, can't we just let them sleep in the recliner if it is more comfortable for them. Can't they pretty much do what they want? I mean they've made it this far; let's reward them for all the years of hard work, all the years of putting up with the crap of this world! Let them sit there and look all cute, don't make them get up and walk.

Then my better judgement kicks in and my highly trained mind overtakes the soft heart and I see with a new set of eyes. These eyes see potential! Think of how far they can progress; they do not need to regress any more. I want to improve that sitting and standing posture so they can function better and be more independent no matter if they are headed for the nursing home, a family member's house, or eventually back to living alone and taking care of themselves. Therefore, no, she shouldn't sleep in a recliner! Yes, we have to get up and walk and we're gonna do it again later. You better believe we are going to do ankle pumps, quad sets, glut squeezes, heel slides, and all those other lame-o exercises b/c they actually are challenging for you (amazes me that they are, but the fact that the weight of your own leg is enough to wear you out...) and we're gonna do them everyday twice a day.

So, I decide that at the end of the day when I've walked the patients and the dogs I am thankful for them both.
I enjoy the human personalities I get to see and interact with daily. I know even though this one can't express what he's thinking...I know he's wiley and I can tell when it's a rough day b/c the laughs aren't there, the eyes tell it all. And she is a strong willed one and knows enough medical terminology from all her doctors and therapists over the years to put a first year PT student to shame, but she needs encouragement too, she needs to be challenged. This other lady is sharp, she is a social bug for sure, her Red Hat Society blanket is proof enough of that and she remembered my name from day one and is always sure to tell me good morning. I like her.

Then back on the new homestead, when the roommates MIA for the day the dogs are a welcome friend to tell about the day. Slider is a great listener, all you have to do is scratch away and he'll stay close. Riley tries to act all big a tough, but after a while he wants a good pet-down too and will lean in for a good 2 minutes before getting distracted by the multiple holes in the back yard that need to be dug. Really, what do you smell down there? Does that grass really taste good?

In light of this I have decided for sure once I'm able, once I'm practicing on my own; I need a dog. A therapy dog, doesn't even have to be for anyone elses therapy other than my own, but it would be cool to raise a dog to use for therapy as well. A furry friend to come home to and then share with others who could use that sensory input, that companionship, unconditional love...oh yes, God knew what He was doing when he created dogs.

Ahh...the rain has stopped, the clouds persist, but for now anyway the drops have ceased. I think the dogs need a jog tonight, or maybe I do, either way we will get along good I have a feeling:)

Clinical Sendoff Fresh Princess of Martin Hall Style

2008-10-17T17:38:00.002-04:00

As per request here are the lyrics to the latest :) You know what tune you need to hum in your head so do a run through first, then enjoy and picture me in my big yellow puffy vest. ;)

In south Indianapolis born and raised
In Martin hall is where we spend most our days
Assistin’ out max and ataxin’ all cool and playing some 9 square outside of the school
When a couple of profs who were up to no good
Starting holding practicals in my neighborhood
I forgot one lil gait belt and dropped a GA
She said, “You’re heading out to the clinic today?!”

I ran to the lab and when I got there I saw Renee doing Trendelenburg and boy I got scared
If anything I could say that this gal is weird but I thought ah forget it I’m off to Clinicals

I pulled up to the hospital at half past 8 and yelled to my CI, “Yo, where the scrubs at?”
Looked at the equipment, I was finally there
And I thought O snap, what’d I learn in Neuro?

Milk and Cookies

2008-10-15T19:53:00.004-04:00

*in case you needed help with the mental image

It's all about the milk and cookies. First, take the cold refreshing glass of skim milk. Second, dump in the pack of mini size oreos prepackaged for delight. Third, let em soak (as we speak), smush em up a bit, and whala! What do you get? A treat that makes me salivate just thinking about it, a smashing great taste that was made for my tastebuds to shout about, a drink that ya gotta get the spoon out for so you can scoop up the cream filling from the bottom and then get your nose dirty as you try to lick out the cup b/c you want don't want to waste a drop. Get the picture? It's good stuff.

Like I said, it's all about the milk and cookies. Not sure this has any deep theological philosophical meaning that is easily attached, but you can bet I'm going to do my best to attach one;)

You see, the milk is like us...oh sorry, time-out for consumption of oreo milk...ah...yes, I licked out the mug. Too bad we don't have tongues like cows...their tongues are amazing, they can lick their own nose, not just the nose part, but actually inside the nostil, on both sides...if you haven't witnessed this man are you missing out!

But yes, we are like milk, pure, white, after we have been forgiven by Jesus for our sins...and okay, I'm done. Not gonna pull that one together.

Let's just chat. Things I'm sick of...I'm sick of playing phone tag with my friends that live in different states. I'm frustrated b/c sometimes it'd be nice to see a smile, a tear, a kidding face instead of trying to hear it over the phone lines. I'd like to feel the hug, the hand, the arm, the new hair style instead of...not. I'm a very tactile person. If this past year of school has taught me nothing else it has taught me this: I like touch. We are beings of touch. Some like it more than others, some prefer this or that. People associate different things with it, frankly it's all true b/c that's how that person percieves it, it's valid b/c that's how they feel about it. Personally, when I meet my patient or greet my friend unless I can feel how they're doing I'm missing something. Justsam was right when he said our hands can tell us a whole list of things when we simply grab a shoulder...and they think we're just being nice, ha!

I think it's amazing, this phenomenon of touch. I revel in the mind, the creativity of our Creator. I mean, He got it b/c He created us this way. Jesus experienced it, He got it b/c He touched the untouchable. He let the children sit on his lap and play with Him when there were probably more "important" things to be done. He washed the feet of those who entered to dine with His party. (If you have never experienced a footwashing ceremony, do it, create your own with those who you wish to serve. You will be humbled, grateful, undeserving, unwilling even, and you will never be the same.) He touched the disabled (another taboo thing back then, they were the sinners, the outcasts, the scum of society); He gave what others were unwilling to give. He gets it; He knows what we need. He has provided for me when I need the input through my pacinian corpuscles and Mercles discs (a little anatomy terminology for ya;) He has hugged me through a stranger at church. He has come up and massaged my shoulders when they needed it most. He has provided and He continues to fulfill that b/c He understands b/c He created me this way and I'm thankful for it.

Kinda like I'm thankful for milk and cookies. ah yeah, brought it back around. The circle is complete!:)

Next time you get the craving and I'm around, just yell "HUG ATTACK" and I'll take care of the rest.

*Can you tell I have a final tomorrow?? yeah, funny how this happens around those parts of the semester...

Until next time, try that oreo milk and let me know howw it goes

Once Again

2008-10-07T07:09:00.002-04:00

Once again i sit and reflect on how God has gotten me here. I realize I can do nothing on my own. I sit and dread the day ahead, knowing the only way I will get through it with a shread of joy, energy, and light of life is if He provides. That's a humbling experience; that's where I sit back and scratch my head at how people survive if they do not have the personal relationship with Jesus. On these days when I would love to sleep more, take a 'personal day' (if such a thing was even an option I might be tempted to do a cartwheel right now), or just semi shut down, I marvel at how others get through it b/c I know I lean wholy on His strength. I ask, He provides, thank you Jesus.
Reading this morning...Phil 1:6 There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. (message)
what an encouragement, what a Word from the Father on this day for me.
Then I read ahead of it the start of the book...Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart (ooo, stop right there, how many times and opportunities have I missed these last few days to take a break, a mini time out and pray when someone, anyone, one of you crosses my mind...??). I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. (then to the previous part about no doubt in mind that God will finish His work)
a few verses later: So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of : bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
and that is my prayer for each of you today as He brings you to my mind with Joy:)
and I am feeling ready to get out there and praise Him on this day! woohooo for Jesus, for His Strength!!

The best medicine/The name/WhateverelseIfeellikesharing

2008-09-30T21:35:00.004-04:00

I don't care what some of the contraindications say, even if it would increase intra-abdominal pressure; laughter really is the best medicine. Okay, that was just a lil PT humor for ya'll.
I just want to say today for about two hours straight or more I laughed more than i have since...well...probably the last time Zion and I had a really good talk. Let me set up the senario, though you prob won't find it funny b/c you just had to be there, tragic how that always works. but for kicks put two classmates with the same name in a room and tell them to paint it, add in the fact that one of them studied abroad in Spain and the other is working on her espanol...what do you get? La cuarta de espanol (the spanish room) where all you can do is speak spanish and point and grunt of course when you can't think of a phrase (or you can whisper in english or make it up in spanglish) and if you get paint on something that is not supposed to be painted well the classic spanish cuss word is a must "O m****a!" ("O s***!) yes, that's how you pronounce it as well:) Add in lots of paint fumes, and you've got yourself an afternoon's worth of fun and laughter!

In other news, I'm totally putting off doing anything productive with my time, I figure might as well make a day of no good studying, we've got all weekend right;)
I just want to give a shout out to Mama Bear. You asked where the name Dori comes from a while back, oh no I haven't forgotten and I feel bad if i don't do something that i say I will, so here's the story therein....

It all started back in the year 19?? na, just kidding we're not going to go back quite that far. I'm only taking you back two years max, why? b/c that's when the name first came about for this purpose though it formerly belonged to a beloved elderly lady that used to babysit for us back in the day (different spelling though). Basically, the deal is that here in blogger land all names are ficticious so that no-ones real name gets out there...it's a mysterious thing I know, but for safety and club made up name purposes, this is the way it is. It started that the name used to talk of someone corresponded to their car's name. Everyone referenced by myself is either called by their car's name, or in a case such as Mama Bear (you know who you are) an otherwise not so common nickname is used so that person feels the love when i give a shout out all the while protecting the secrecy of the not so secret blog. (If I really were stealth i wouldn't give this site address to anyone, but then where's the fun in that and what good would my rantings be if no one out there skimmed them for amusement and the occasional encouraging/challenging word.) So, there ya go, in a nutshell, now the infamous Dori is not so...how shall we say it...mysteriously exciting. Just be glad I gave up writing as if i was a car back in the earlier blogs...I mean one can only take that point of view so far:)

Let me say thankyou to anyone who has ever taken the time to pen their sentiments on cardstock. It is so nice to get a card, or anything for that matter from the heart. I was sorting through piles of nonesence (stickers, bookmarks, old college pics of Stella (right now Nala) talking with her butt) and not so nonesence (a letter from the prosecuting attourney of home county...aka speeding ticket paperwork). Amidst the accumulating papyrus type thin sheets are cards from various occasions. Some tell of fun times, a few play music (kung-foo fighting is the current fav), one has a pic that changes as you tilt it, and the home made ones that are simply arranged feel comfortable to handle. I must say though that the ones I can't seem to get rid of no matter how long they sit and "collect dust" are the loose leaf pieces of paper of multiple color, shape, and texture that contain words of encouragement, acknowledgement, and love. Recieving something of this that speaks from the heart, to mine is priceless, timeless, a treasure. So, thank you family, thank you more than words can say my dear Jasmine, I cherish yours and recognize the effort Zion, Flash - your words of wisdom do not fall on deaf ears, Stella (though the more I think about your name i think I have it wrong) I can feel you holding my hand as I read words you share from our Papa...Wow, God has blessed me indeed and I pray each of you are blessed as you sleep tonight, as you work saving lives the night through. I ask God to fill you up so you can in turn be poured out - let His love, joy, peace, confidence, etc,etc flow from you this day wherever/whatever you find yourself doing.
With Love,
Dori

And yes, I tend to get sentimental as I sit and think late at night...yes, 10:30 classifies as late at night;)

Rainbows

2008-09-17T21:52:00.002-04:00

Some days you just feel like bloggin. Today is one of those days and thus i begin with no real direction, no lifechanging phenomena or revelation to share; yet, i type on.

I suppose there are things that demand our attention. Take Hurricane Ike for example, he caught my eye not in the 'hey what's going on' way or in the 'oh yeah that caught my eye' way...no this was more of the 'you expect something so massive and destructive to happen that you can't look away' way. Yeah, images of Katrina aftermath, the beaches of Sri Lanka from tsunami 2004, those are pictures that are burned into my minds eye - the carnage of uprooted trees, debri scattered hither and fro, and even pictures of bloated bodies that were relayed from the native's findings upon entering their houses/huts/homes. That stuff never leaves...PTSD? No, not that dramatic, but dreadful to think of all the same. Was i expecting some of the same from ol' Ike? Maybe in the back of my mind that will always be there as a possibility, but this time it was personal. I have connections, I know people...okay, I know three, maybe four peeps that live in Houston, but they are near and dear to my heart. Especially one Flash and this chica is tough...if I were H. Ike i wouldn't have messed with her. Luckily he knew better and just messed with a lot of other peeps and left pretty much everyone out of power. Then he came and dumped gallons on us midwesterners...nice huh, yeah. But yet like I said, that demanded I pay attention, I gotta be honest, the fact that i was aware of news events happening on the spot means a lot b/c I don't necessarily enjoy watching the news. I prefer football, tennis, and the occasional baseball game to pass the mindless minutes spent watching tv and the background noise optimal for naps, studying, ya know important stuff like that. All that to say, thanks Ike. Better yet, thank you Jesus, for real though, because once again you remind us of what all we have to be thankful for. You revealed your power in that you are bigger than Ike, Katrina, Tsunamis. You can take the shitty (pardon my language) stuff of this world and make something good come out of it, even if we won't see that fruit till we're praisin You in Heaven. Flash knows, my other 2-3 Houstonians will be able to testify, we take lots for granted. No qualms there, it happens, we live in America. The question is, what do we do with this awareness, with these blessings, with this life?
Oooo yeah, I'm totally leavin you hanging with this one, it's between you and God...talk it out, He likes it when we do that;)

Daily Devotional

2008-09-12T09:25:00.002-04:00

So, as this am brought me to the new regular place for study on a schoolless Friday morning. Oh yes, I am working on becoming a Panera regular. I know it is possible, though I am not certain one day a week is consistent enough to claim the raptures of the patrons, especially since I try to seclude myself in a corner, close to a plug in, put on the headphones, and stare at a computer screen for 2+ hours in search of information out there on the vast thing we call the world wide web. They may not recognize me, but I certainly do in only the third week coming know just who I need to connect with to be thought of in this illusive light of...a regular. For starters, I picked the right area, the table of talkers is two to three away and though more come and go, there is a consistent four that have appeared for three weeks in a row so far. Elderly? No. Aged? Possibly. Gray with wisdom? Not that I have heard yet, just the banter of two ornery men and the less than true words of two middle aged women. Did I say that i come to research online? Oh, yes, I do that too, but let's be honest i can pull off both at the same time, my observational powers are not unique, just honed in after hours of discussing them in class.:)
Anyway, what I really wanted to share today was the daily devotional i stumbled upon at the start of the Panera experience as I did not take the time in the quiet of my room this morning.
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/Daily%20Disciples%20Devotional/11581701/
It struck me, especially as it is a slow rainy day outside how it is good to slow down and recognize. Step outside myself, ask who or what I can pray for, who can i bless, encourage, take a moment to listen to?? so many choices, so much to do...not really, it will all get done. When was the last time i stopped and said hello instead of just passing a smile? I am happy to say the past few days I have taken that opportunity, don't worry, God got on me about that one earlier this week;) And so i praise Him and strive to glorify Him in this Panera, in my research, in the whole process of life...in the way I will go about my day.

I signed up for this?

2008-09-11T22:19:00.002-04:00

They don't tell you everything when you sign up. Some things are better if discovered by experience or trial; others are nice to know and learn from those who have been there. For example, the first year class work and mini clinical experiences were best to jump in there and figure it out as you go. However, I truly appreciate the knowledge and stories imparted to our eager second year minds...and bodies today. The knowledge obtained was accepted not with an elevated HR and BP from excitement, rather from nervous energy and an "Oh my, I hope that doesn't happen too soon" attitude. Nonetheless, it does make for great stories and we laughed for sure.
Other than the tramatic stories it has been great. Applying material and expanding on ideas that we had from before is always a good time. Using our creativity and practicing handling skills makes for interesting class periods and it sure helps the hours fly by. It is true, the second year is definitely better than the first. We have survived the worst of it and now it's just endurance and fighting to get to the end...I'm up for the challenge. I'm ready to go, put me in coach!

Back inside

2008-09-04T20:05:00.002-04:00

ahhh the joys of 8 hour days. Wait, no 9...nope pretty sure yesterday we clocked it at 10. Yep, oh the joys of ten hour days. Yesss (insert grab it up high and bring it down).

Ironies/oxymorons so to speak:

very active people being forced to sit through 4 hour blocks of material twice in one day
typical abnormal movements...huh, think on that one
bright night, always a favorite of mine
little sumo wrestler

and thus the month of September is here and starts off with a bang. Things come together, other things fall apart. Life goes on, so they say. Sometimes it seems like for a split second time actually could stand still. The time it takes to read a much anticipated email, wait for a phone call, or watch the clock crawl through an hour all are painful experiences. Not pain so much in the quantifiable way we refer to it in the present/best/worst (PT terms); no, no, this is pain that centers around the mid section, creeps into the crevaces of the mind. At times, it comes in the form of "if I have to wait one more second I just might freak out over here!"

And so I wait.

Sometimes a girls gotta get a break. Oh wait, i did get my break, it came in the form of housing. I do acknowledge that one, thank you Jesus.

Ever notice how easy it is to praise God when things go your way. Yeah, i was thinking about that the other day when I was frustrated with stuff. I will never forget the story of when a couple told part of what it was like to go through a miscarriage. They were at one of their parent's houses when they found out for sure what was happening. Instead of letting them retreat into themselves and grieve alone the parents urged them to stay in the living room and praise God together. Woah, talk about struggle. They related how it was the hardest, most tearfilled praise Jesus session ever, but wouldn't have had it any other way. I always thought, wow, that's cool, that's what it should be, Praise God in the hard times.

Now, I acknowledge that is on a completely different level and I have not experienced anything close to that magnitude, but the principle is still there. The feeling of not wanting to say anything and question what in the world God has planned was there. I mean, ya gotta be honest right? I still don't know what God has in store; I never will know the whole of it unless one day in heaven God says, hey you remember those days...see what was going on here, how that fit in there to influence this and that led to that which inhibited this that was going to lead you here, but I wanted you here so I showed you this and made you wait for that and aren't you glad i did? yeah, I think it will be something like that only maybe a bit more confusing:)

Until then, I wait.

I praise God for the unknown, for the hard times that will prepare me for other times, for the good things, the cancers, the laughter, the memories, the support, the people that are in the here and now. One day at a time. One prayer at a time.

One hour at a time...

Metal Sliver of Hope

2008-08-27T20:54:00.002-04:00

God, you use all things for your plans. You are unashamedly good. Therefore, your good plans come out in the end no matter how oblivious I might be.

The first time the tire went flat it was no doubt a by-product of age and stress; things wear out over time and rocky terrain.
The second time it must be due to a faulty tire even after patching it up, must be the tube.
Another tube later, which I patch as well, has no excuse. I am getting all too good at removing and repairing back tires, a skill that is essential to any biker, but annoying all the same.
It's time to investigate in depth now, the source of the flat tires. The rim (who knows?) should be fine. My stereognotic finger tips told me there were no sharp points a whole tube ago. After careful examination, of the rubber tire, by lamp light mind you (gotta love apt lighting)...ah ha! a tiny metal sliver no longer than my finger nail is plucked out and shown around in all it's villainous glory.
How can something so small cause so much heartache, frustration, time, energy?
I wonder how often God asks the same question about my issues here in the world?
"God, I need a place to live for two months in this certain area." - Dori
"How can something so small cause so much heartache, frustration, time, energy?" - God

God is right.

You always are, Lord, you have promised to cloth me as you do the lilies of the field. I have hope for that part of my future. I trust you.
It's not easy at all, these intangible ideas of hope, trust, love, etc. They come if we ask the Father for sure. How they get here is not always so easy because we learn by doing, right? You want patience? Okay, wait for it...waaaiiiittt foooorrrr it. You need trust? Here, jump; I'll catch you....1-2-3, go! You need a new flavor of hope? Dream big on this 'little one'. Love? Easy, fall into my arms, let yourself go, rest in me.

[big sigh]

Olympic Hopeful

2008-08-19T21:27:00.002-04:00

What do grad students so the week before classes commence for the second of three years? Well, nothing that's not revolving around the Olympic television schedule, especially in the evenings. It's true here we sit three totally addicted Beiging 08 watchin' roommates each engrossed in their own tasks, but all in the living room sharing in the experience together. You know it's bad when we have favorite commercials not to mention the new ideas we have for training for the trampolene, table tennis, beach volleyball, etc competitions.
Ahhh...its that time of year again, "makes me want to go buy school supplies. if I knew your name and address I'd send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils. But this not knowing has it's charms..." - Joe Fox (You've Got Mail)
I do admitedly get uber happy over new school supplies. Sadly these days have nothing on the elementary shopping list. Let's face it, if I could still take a box full of crayons, erasers, #2 lead pencils, and colored pencils it would be so much more rewarding to pack the bookbag on the first day; I might even consider wearing my hair in pig tails, if that was possible.

Good good good

2008-08-08T14:04:00.003-04:00

You ever feel like your heart is so full of praises, of God's goodness that it could burst right out of your chest in an instant? Yeah, that's what I got right now. God is Good! Can you hear me, I say, GOD IS GOOD! Man, I am blessed. I don't mean to brag, but if I will boast I shall boast in Him, so listen up! My God and Father Jesus Christ has not only, ya know, saved my soul and set up a place for me in Heaven when I die, He has gone above and beyond. I am surrounded by the most caring loving people I know, chosen children of God who care to share His love with me. He provided for me an earthly family that loves me, supports me, will be there in a second no matter how far; He gave me a church family that would do the same. My church spans the continental US and beyond, it reaches into Brasil (South America), Africa, Europe, Asia, (not so sure about Australia). My community is near and far and everywhere in between. I rejoice that He has taken me to such exotic places, He set me on a plane to talk to people from same town USA. My heart has been broken, pieces strung all over the continental US, people carrying my broken heart with them (even if they know it not) as they return to their homes, live their lives, minister to God's Beloved in foreign cities, countries, ethnic groups, etc. I mourned my broken heart, sure, I got over that just minutes ago as I realized I am blessed to have known...lucky to have met and experienced life with others. Ones who have lifted my spirits, challenged me to live to a better standard, probed me with the hard facts of life and sin, discussed the faithfulness of God, and held me in their arms through which flowed His life giving touch. Wow, God you are Good! If only I could be used to bless others as much as they have blessed me. Would you use me too to go there, to bring your lively spirit, your laughs, smiles, hugs, tears, arms to hold, to take an encouraging word, an act of service, a gift of the spirit? Would you send me, can I go? Can I be that for my neighbors my ones in this city and the next? Will you allow me to represent your Good Name, Your One and Only Son. Can I be used and it said of as it was said of Onesimus by Paul - that I be your very heart? Can I? I can't surely, we both know that, but You can use even the least of these. I praise you Lord for I rest assured I am in fact
Your Beloved

blog away

2008-07-24T15:30:00.002-04:00

after bloggin for the camp's site i figured it was only fitting to continue with the way I really feel about some things that have arisen this week.
since you can't always talk to your team about certain issues, for team moral it is better to not address them...and since you can't always find time to talk to others on the phone about these things for time constraints and voice mails and the like
that's what this is for.
Let's talk about what I absolutely harbor resentful feelings towards
#1 church volunteers who bicker, biccer, ya know don't agree on things in front of the kids in the middle of the ball game
#2 church volunteers who offer their opinion and haggle the ref...me...at a church sports camp where we are attempting to teach outstanding behavior and loving one another, and by all means yes be competetive, but just do your best and don't worry about outside forces, obstacles, powers, things you can't control...for goodness sakes what is this whole weeks theme anyway!!??
#3 last one, these volunteers being teachers themselves and who are old enough, by that I mean they are parents and have kids too old for the camp, but they act as old as some of the campers!!! ahhhh!!!
whew, okay, thanks, I'm good now.
Let's talk about what I absolutely love
#1 when the campers on a team that not all can dribble and move their feet at the same time, not all can seem to see any other person with their same color jersey on...these players, they connect, they have one great series of passes, quick, sharp, and the last one, the shooter puts it up, and it's good!!! whhooooooooooowwwwwwwwoooooooo the crowd goes wild! Oh man, let's put that one on UW espn I mean it was good.
#2 A player tells his teammates to look for the open man, when everyone else is looking for their friends to pass the ball to.
#3 when the kids shout at the top of their lungs Hey! Jesus Loves Me! along with the song and you know people are hearing this in a neighborhood, where they possibly never hear the words of truth that anyone really really loves them
#4 Hearing other's life stories on the van ride home each night
#5 living with a family that adors and respects one another, has multiple kids, and looks for opportunities to give, bless, encourage, and talk about everything and listen about everything...that's beautiful.
#6 listening to your fav new songs...even when the rain fall, even when the flood starts risin, even when the storm comes. I am washed by the water...
Thank you Jesus.

DOGS

2008-07-14T11:48:00.002-04:00

Going with the themes on animals or critters this month, the next topic up for discussion is dogs. Man's best friend, livin' like a dog, in the dog house, dawg, DOGS (as ol' screeter used to say), etc...the sayings and connotations live on with our four footed furry friends. There are two ways to look at it as with a lot of things. In a negative way, it's not good to be living like a dog, hounding other people, and dog houses are usually reserved for the misbehaving husband joke. On the other side of the story, it would be very nice to be a canine in America's society (well society of the upper middle class nonrural dog lovers). Consider this, you stretch awake with the morning light or sounds of others up and about. Someone pats your head, lets you go outside to take care of business before coming in to a nice belly rub and breakfast placed before you. Each time a two footed creature passes all you gotta do it wag your tail, put on the cutest dog smile face ever and you get a back rub, your hair messed with, and people scratching in the perfect spot, so perfect you admittedly catch yourself leaning in and your leg starts to quiver in delight. Aww...the life of a dog...not so bad after all.
What is it about the fur covered friends that attract our hands. Is it the physical touch we long for as a people group that is fulfilled in just a tiny part by the sensory experience we get through out hands? Being one who works to train the hands to feel things beneath the surface, who is in the occupation of the laying on of hands for information, for the inside scoop, the sense of touch is a powerful thing. Numerous well-educated researched people write of the mystery of touch, of what other power there is that is unexplainable but appears to be linked to physical contact. (If I were an astute person now I'd cite some of those sources, but trust me on this one, and I'm on break right now.) I do know for a fact and you can research this one yourself if you need the written textbook proof, that the nervous system and the skin come from the same embryonic layer. Our prescious nerves that fire at lightning speed to relay information and the protective, yet very sensative outercovering of our bodies come from the same material. This make-up is different from what the muscles come from, it is not the same thing our organs originate with. No, this is different, this is sensative, this is intricate, this is not a coincidence. God, the Creator, Maker of all things good, and we as people are a pretty cool creation I must say, did this for a reason. He made it so obvious that no one can deny, though they may not be able to understand, the need for touch. The inconceivable phenomena and miracles that happen through one set of skin brushing against another. She touched His cloak, her bleeding stopped, and He noticed that power went out from Him to heal someone. He took her hand and she stood up, dead just seconds earlier(Mark 5:21-43). He held the little children and said, become like these (Mark 10:13-16). He touched, He held, He felt, He knew the importance, He knew what He was doing, He was God.
Granted not everyone is pieced together the exact same way, not all enjoy the hand of a stranger anywhere but in their right hand. Some even dislike the trained hands of professionals to go beyond the bubble space. I feel for those; I would get them a dog. I would get them that constant companion that they can count on to be excited to see them at every turn of the corner. Everyone needs at some time or another that pet that will take the owner on a walk, the one who will smother contact points and get inside the bubble, the one who though disciplined has a will of steel and will come back wagging the tail in delight of your attention, the one with soft fur and wet tongue to elicit giggles of delight on a saultry day. Yep, I should get a therapy dog, someday, if not therapeutic for others, definitely therapeutic for me:)
Wag on dear friends, wag on.

ANTS

2008-07-06T22:31:00.002-04:00

Ants, thought to be amazing little creatures who can lift so many times their body weight; the Arnold Schwartzeneigers of insects if you will. Okay, so it's a proven fact they are fascinating little creatures. I don't mind them winding their way through the blades of grass and the occasional one that tickles its way over my toes as I open them to the carpet of green and brown that coats the earth. I do mind them scampering around our kitchen. In fact, I actually despise it! After spending three days in the wilderness you might think I would be more open to them as I regained an appreciation for all of God's creation...you might think, but no still brings a vengeance to my eyes as I lighted upon the tiny six legged invaders upon return to the homestead.
Camping though, let's talk about that...an interesting observation made by a fellow weekend warrior as we walked around the campgrounds. She said, ya know it's crazy to think that back in the 1800's, not that long ago for sure, what we escape the modern conveniences to do they lived. Think about it, we have all these technological advances, the comforts of sleeping on a mattress, in a sound structure that holds up and keeps you dry during a hard morning's rain, and yet we drive long distances and pay money to set up a structure that does leak in the hard storms and sleep basically on the ground (unless you are a less than true camper and take your blow-up mattress, wusy!). Does this blow anyone's mind!? I also noticed along the way that it all of a sudden becomes culturally acceptable to pick up food that was dropped, skip washing your hands with soap and water before preparing meals and touching other people's food...all things I have to remind myself not to do on a more than regular basis (oh the battle that goes on in my mind on all to often of occasions). Not to mention the fact that one of my favorite topics, pooping, is also more widely discussed and joked about. Why? Because we are reverting back to the basics, it is refreshing to clear away all the gadgets and gismoes and it is almost taboo to open up a cell phone while camping with 11 others unless it is a dire emergency, or to call your mom...b/c everybody knows mom is the only person whose calls take precedence over rules of manners. (Examples: eating a meal with others...mom calls, you answer it. talking to someone else, mom calls on the other line...you answer it. camping and realize mom needs to know where you are or when you'll be back...you call her. Case closed)
Anyways, as I listen to Hillsong - This is Our God - it says, "Jesus you're all I need." Even while camping it seems we take more than we need, we plan ahead to a fault, there is still the excess of our lifestyle that creeps in as we take extra food, games galor of which we play only a couple, clothes that don't get touched except to be shoved to the bottom of the bag...it saddens me to think that it took me till the last full day to not care when we did what or what time it was or where we should go...my body took that long in the midst of what is supposed to be the most basic of things to wind down and realize what was going on around me. It took me half way through the 7-8-9...who knows how long hike/run/jog to just stop and thank God for what I was experiencing. That saddened me, I knew it was happening, but yet couldn't stop right away, had to get to the next spot, had to see how fast I could go...
Once I stopped, I thank God that He helped me realize He is enough, Jesus is all I need.
Then I must admit it was easier to frolic in the woods and go back to my 1/64th native american roots and try to run soundlessly through the forest. I Imagine myself as a deer in flight; I do feel like a deer sailing along the woods at times. I do try at moments to walk without hearing my own footsteps and imagining I am the only one for miles around. It works for a while till the next couple hikes by, till I get near a highway and the sounds of nature are overrun by the passing car, till I reach the end of the trail all too soon and have to once again realize I am not the young Indian Squaw, I am a product of the 21st century, only 1/64th native american, don't even know what tribe we came from off the top of my head, the only remnant of our heritage I've participated in is the occasional rain dance in the basement of grandpa's house with a trashcan, cane, and rain stick. And I am looking forward to sleeping on my mattress here in a minute, with a pillow, not a wadded up shirt. And the fridge is nice, the airconditioning, talking to my friends on the phone since I don't live in hiking distance of most of them...the shower, toilet, sink...even with ants in the kitchen...

Extracurricular Activities

2008-06-20T14:23:00.002-04:00

Mama, Papa Bear

(chorus)

Mama Papa Bear

Whew they make a pair

It just aint fair

Dat we gonna hafta share

R mama papa bear

We start like max assist

They thinkin boy’d we take a risk

In walks ol bro Bellew

We thinkin he aint got a clue

What wid this rainbow man

I still don’t understand

One thing make it aight

His old school mullet outta sight

Now for Miss Stacie Fruth

She done always tell da truth

She say we like mustard seeds

Now all grown up to spring time weeds

Did I say dat Stacie’s mom

Really got it goin on

We try to figure out

What dat dere pain is all about

Quick someone get dat girl a pole

She provin 40 aint dat old

We start like max assist

They thinkin boy’d we take a risk

Soon we be 2^nd years

Wait what was that I hear

Yeah, we now 2^nd years

God's Love

2008-06-17T20:41:00.002-04:00

Beautiful love.
Its a picture in my mind. I lay naked, exposed in a field of wild flowers. The rolling land illuminated by the brilliance of the sun. This powerful, warming, all encompassing light is God's love. It warms my skin in contrast to the cool earth beneath as I lay on the bed of green. The green that is of every hue imaginable and dotted with purples, yellow, white seedlings ready for flight. They dance as the wind plays across them and my skin reminding me that I am not alone. The silence is visible in the dynamic still frame of my mind. I feel protected, content, resting in Him after realizing I could not have made it another step on my own...that is beautiful love.

Faithful love.
Look at the grand mountain abutting the sea. View the large full trees in the distance. Stand and consider, no matter earthquake nor volcanic activity, the mountain will still be a mountain. Comprehend no matter what falls into the ocean nor the intense heat that sucks up the waters, the ocean will still exist, it will shape and contour and still be an ocean. I stand supported on the mountain, sure of the fate of them both and of myself. Trusting that God will lead me on the path that no one has walked before. It is marked, carved into the trunk of the redwood, teton, oak trees if you will and only I know the symbol, only I can decipher the way. That is faithful love.

NO BOUNDARIES

2008-05-29T08:20:00.002-04:00

Not just the brand name of wal-mart shoes, I think that is where you can find the ever popular no boundaries apparel, but a love that knows no bounds from God.
I call this NO BOUNDARIES
Love knowing...
it can't be reciprocated
they might not love me back
or they might love me back (which is scarier?)
Jesus first loved us
it covers over a multitude of sins
you/I might see the good, the bad, the ugly
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
they are beautiful to God
I might mess it up
God can use it for His perfect and good will
I can replenish the source by asking
it's a process, a learning experience
it takes time, energy, work
no BS
no beating around the bush
betrayal is possible
ultimate betrayal is not possible
no boundaries.

Bullfrogs and Fireworks

2008-05-25T22:57:00.002-04:00

I love the north side of the city. I had become quite accustomed to it and all it had to offer. Now I live on the south side. I am learning the roads, the faster shorter ways here and there...stuffs a lot more spread out, a lot more hillbillyish, which might explain why I am able to adapt so quickly. For instance, the Wal-mart close by has great characters to make any normal female feel uncomfortable if she waltzes in alone. Luckily miles away in my new dwelling place I feel quite safe. The night sounds mix and mingle on these warm summer nights...well almost warm summer evenings, a blanket and hot tea do the job well to take care of the almost part. If someone were to camp out on a porch or sleep with the windows open they might even hear the bullfrogs sing their song beside the fountain water works dribbling inbetween the loud revving of an engine. If one's really lucky on a night of celebration and holiday such as this she can hear fireworks exploding in the distance...and b/c of the location she is quite sure they are indeed beautiful bombs and not bullets shot as some other residents of this fair city live with regularly.
So, tonight I sit, enjoying the humm of the computer (George) (yes, I name random inanimate objects for kicks and giggles) cooling itself competing in and out with the sounds of the great developed outdoors where bullfrogs and bulldogs for that matter are a sweet escape from the constant droan of traffic that you can get good at tuning out if you try hard enough.
Happy Memorial Day Friends

I-N-T-E-R-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

2008-05-22T08:38:00.003-04:00

I'm just sitting here on my workout ball jamming to INDEPENDENT; velma knows what song I'm talking about:) As I thought about it and started to get all pumped up like, "Yea, dat me," I realized heck no there's no way I'm even close to being on my own. First off, how many times a day over the past month alone did I sit confounded about the life circumstances of myself and friends and say, "God, I have no clue what to say, how to pray, how you are going to work, but I'm relying on you for this." A lot, that's how much. Contrast that with how I sat down with Jesus yesterday morning over scrambled eggs and toast and was astounded at how many blessings and answers to prayer God provided in a period of a week. I know all happens in His timing, but man, does He prefer the month of May to make it all culminate or what? Or did it just take this short sighted fallen human to recognize all of them at this time...I venture to say it is most likely the latter option.
Needless to say, God is at work and I get excited to watch his plans fall into place around the states, around the world, and all we have to do is look around, ask someone what He's doing and wait for the results. Verse of the day Lam 3:22-23 ...His compassions never fail, they are new every morning...
hasta luego
shorty get loose

cds and swim lessons

2008-05-14T15:42:00.002-04:00

shutter to think it has been close to a month since I last spewed my thoughts on this screen that mysteriously enough can appear at millions of places and on lots of different computers all at the same time...stop and think about that one. Makes me a little jealous as sometimes I'd like to be multiple places at once. Take right now for instance, if I could I would have these 10 cds burning copies of themselves and spend these two plus hours swimming and lifting in training for my upcoming x-terra triathlon...date yet to be set in stone (or shall I say dirt and sweat and blood). I think August will be the month, I'm attempting to secure a training/triathlon buddy, dlovept, who is not so hard to convince. After a few lessons on how to breath correctly while swimming we should be well no our way to being listed in the hard core hall of fame next to all the other off road triathletes.
Even if I wasn't out there physically exerting myself I could be infront of another computer arranging forms and packing info into this little brain to secure a passing grade on the upcoming OSCE. Ah, yes, the OSCE, the test of all tests, the right of passage to the next year; the thing that makes one earn the title "Second Year". In all honesty, I think I will pass, this gal has got the guts, she's got the grace and compassion and blood of Jesus covering her and obviously His strength through it all. And besides that after I have all the forms made, hopefully I'll have paper backup for the fleeting moments my brain may decide to take as the rush of adrenaline and weak knees take over any brain power that might have been there in the first place.
"What else ya got?" you ask
whahaha, well, in case you wanted to know...there's always spanish to be learned, let's be honest, I spend more time dreaming about how it will work out than actually learning any...but hey I'm moving along the steps of readiness like any good ACSM trained exercise scientist when it comes to evaluating people on their way to exercise and this will definitely be an exercise of the mind.
Let's just put in a plug for all the ways God is good. He gives us shelter, food, friends who are there at the push of a button and the connecting of cellular phone signals, towers, and satellites in outerspace. Therefore, thanks God for technology that can connect us with amigas in multiple states.
In non-related news...the movie Crash is highly recommended for a good view of how messed up and fallen this world really is.
In the weather report...cloudy skies are a way of God saying, "Dori, sleep another hour today, you need it. YOu can swim Friday morning instead."
In the literature...shoulders and knees are the most common ortho thing ever so I'm starting to put it all together and incorporate generic interventions for the like....a.k.a. Flash is in part described multiple times during the day:)
In international news...Velma is leaving us soon for a thanksgiving getaway and will come back having walked the grounds we read about hopefully daily. And I await mighty cool stories about how it compares to the pics I have in my mind from my own imagination.
In local times...God is good and provides opportunities to serve Him and His people all I gotta do is get out there and take the time and do it! whew, good to know.
And all of that in the time it takes to burn some cd's...who knew

Bond Girls

2008-04-19T20:40:00.002-04:00

Yes, it's true, yours truly along with a dozen other cohorts were fill-ins last night during the filming of the new Bond movie. Bond, James Bond was not in the scene, but rather his character was played by a smashing new actor who was often distracted with the lighting of his cigar. Admittedly, it was a rather feeble attempt at securing Grammies in the future, but the scene was set perfectly...
...in she walked, her stilettos sounding evidence of her arrival on that dreary evening. The group seemed innocent enough as they reclined on the overstuffed black leather couches in one of the rooms off of the main bar area; nor were they overly dressed to give evidence of the immaculate condition of their pretense d profession. The lawyer friend played his part well while sipping on scotch and charming the others with his chivalrous actions. Nothing appeared out of place in the smoke filled rooms where various midwestern clad urbanites enjoyed the specialty martinis...
Oh yeah, left you hanging, like one of those pick your own ending books. Take it where you will but know that the true climax involved three large Hotbox Pizzas and scrumptious breadsticks with cheese dip at 2ish am eastern standard time. A good story always needs resolution after the climax you say? well, resolute this...very large greasy pizza plus late at night plus sleeping shortly after equals waking up feeling greasy and happy and making multiple trips to el bano in the first 4 hours of waking...was it worth it, every minute of it!:) The joy I felt to be able to bond (and pretend to be in a James Bond movie) with people who our interaction lately had been confined to the square feet alotted us in our beloved Hall rm 150 was awesome. Thank you downtown, thank you waitress who needed more cloth on the top part of her dress, thank you Lord for conversations that develop no matter the location, thank you pizza makers who stay up till 3:30am on weekends, thank you no to sunshine and body's built in clocks that wake one up at 8 and every half hour thereafter until you give in and peel yourself out of bed...man, it's tough being a Bond Girl;)

where's the fruit?

2008-04-11T09:22:00.005-04:00

"Therefore I tell you that the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people who will produce its fruit." - Mathew 21:43

The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." - Luke 3:9

"No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers.- Luke 6:43-44

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." - John 15:4-5

This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. - John 15:8

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light Ephesians 5:8-10
	(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)
	and find out what pleases the Lord.

I've been challenged lately to find the truth...not just spout out what I think is right or what others discuss as being a good idea, but the truth. The Word of God is alive and well and there to be learned and stewed over and wrestled with before The King, so here I sit, wrestling, grappling if you will, with the idea of fruit. What is the fruit in my life? What do others see in me? Is my fruit pleasing to the eye, pleasing to the Lord, does it consist of goodness, righteousness, and truth? Am I showing myself to be a disciple of Christ, and if so how? What am I doing daily, hourly, as often as I can to remain in HIM?
Thoughts for the day, so to speak...
and FYI blueletterbible.com is the best website for finding references, words related, and verses...and great for when sitting behind a desk on a Friday morning just waiting for class to commence for the final turn of the week...oh Fridays are good days, Saturdays are better, and Sundays rock my face off!

living fully human

2008-04-03T20:52:00.002-04:00

according to Rob Bell in "Sex God", we are neither animal nor angel; we are human. we have a physical body (animal) and a spirit (angel); we are fully human. Ol Robby boy have some great examples of how good it is to be fully human, so I decided to make my own list.
Dori's Fully Human list...mind you it keeps growing as I smile over new and exciting things each day, but the big ones from of late are...drum roll please.
laughing and moving and wondering and running with the wind in my hair.
stretching and learning and pondering the things of the big man upstairs.
hearing and comprehending and seeing dog catcher trucks on the road.
smelling and tasting and experimenting and making phone calls to friends.
reading and reclining and shaking with laughter over rectum ointment applicator stories.
praying and sharing and caring and tearing up because God is so faithful.
wrestling and longing and striving and scaredness and anticipating the road to a new culture, job, language, project, home.
verse of the week...Lamentations 3:22-23 look it up. God is faithful.

Lam 3:22

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

Lam 3:23

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

compliments of blueletterbible.com

anticipation

2008-03-19T20:49:00.002-04:00

Life is full of things to get excited about. Let's consider for a moment the rush of joy that swept through the "Old Ladies" intramural basketball team as they watched the final seconds tick off the clock to signify the end of a long hard road to claim victory in the championship game against their foes "The Soccer Girls." Did victory ever taste so sweet? Maybe only once before to this palate and that would be the conference championship in track and field the year before, not of the intramural flavor for that one.
The previous epic is only one example of a multitude of sources that provide countless waves of soothing adrenaline (if such an oxymoron exists). Another timeless classic dates back to hours ago and many miles that separate the kindred spirits of sand, sun, and tan bodies. The exact moment is hard to recall for I fear brain cells might have been scorched in the meanwhile, but according to sources one young female runner momentarily paused to remove her shoes before jaunting directly into the 64 degree waters that lap at the gulf coast. These are the same waters that routinely carry years worth of work and toil and growing species onto the sandy shore for seagulls and eager visitors to pick and choose at until all that remains are the broken, the forgotten, the sun dried remains of what once was delicately intricately beautiful and desired.
Ahhh, now that's a moment to remember. Excitement over things past, memories that dance and flow in the neuron connections between cell bodies, smiles that wisp across mouths as eyes stare dreamily into the distant white screen and walls that hold nothing but paint, these are the things that renew the mind and rejuvenate the heart, or are they?
What of the things to come? What of the unknown, the planned trips and visits from and to and with him or her? What is there to keep me guessing about tomorrow as long as today is called today? I tell you what it is, the plans of the Creator, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the Son of God, the Holy Spirit who dances and sings and gives feeling to all the memories both past and future. The dictator of all future plans; yet, giver of all choices known to man...? A juxtaposition if I there ever was one (a word from AP English in HS; thought it was applicable).
We can plan and toil our days away under the sun, or in the rain as it falls repeatedly to the ground to create massive roadway lakes that flood the shoes and dampen spirits as well as jean cuffs. The despair can creep in as we wait for what we think is the best plan, or we can live in anticipation of the good things to come. Spending every waking moment in communion with the ONE who gave it all and stands at the heart's door knocking, though sick at times from our wandering hearts, there He stands...knocking, knock, knock, knock (Rev 3 - letter to Laodicea).
So we live, we go on about the day in anticipation for the moments that will take our breath away, whether in the sun, the rain, the comfortable, the familiar, the new, the humble, wherever He chooses to show up and lead us by the hand.
I look forward to the journey.