The Seed or the Scatterer

Today could be a rather rambling blog...hang in there and one part might just catch your fancy.

First, I'd like to vent a moment and chew out Adam and Eve. Eve, thanks for (sarcastic tone implied) giving in to temptation and thereby allowing the fluctuating hormones and moods that are ever present in women all over the world today, myself included. Adam, you gave in and followed along instead of taking the lead and holding strongly to your convictions, my dead grass, weedy yard, and passive or abusive men all over the world today are evidence of this tragedy.
I feel slightly better; yet, the lingering thought of my last snafu, if you will, continues to be in the back of my mind. I realize we live in an imperfect world, we are all imperfect people, and the perfect Son of God came, died, and rose again in order to cover for all my snafus. He forgives and forgets, again, beyond my comprehension as the forgetting is the hardest part, especially when we have to continue in this imperfect world fighting the temptations that creep in the shadows of our hearts and minds. I know I'm forgiven, but oh how hard it is for me to forgive myself, which is probably a tendency of my personality and temperament as well.
Last weekend after the healing class at church I was on fire, ready to pray for every friend, acquaintance and random person I met at the gas station; they warned us that often that is when the evil one likes to try and get under your skin. They were right, so I did some preemptive research on strategies to keep focused and growing closer to God. Upon recommendation I looked at the Daily Examen by Saint Ignacious of Loyola. (I'm sorry, but that name will never by on my list of "I want to name my kid after..." It has a flemmy quality to it.)

   

There are various interpretations, variations, and helpful summaries such as the above picture which give a brief overview of the 5 step reflective prayer time. His whole examen and spiritual exercises are quite intense. I was browsing through the spiritual exercises and came across a suggestion for the point of failure that you have identified as the weekly focus. One is to, of course, go through the examen morning and evening keeping track of that point of failure and each time it occurred throughout the day. Then once identified each time that it happens during the day you are to put your hand upon your breast (old school english here, modern day we would say chest or across your heart), a physical sign of inner repentance and acknowledgement of the wrong. Now, great idea, I considered doing that. I mean, either people would think you have heart burn, a strong sense of commitment to country, or some such sentiment. Then I thought about the past couple days and had a visual of the hand needing to be skin flapped up there because of the frequency of recurrence...a bit drastic I know, but some days it's like that...even in Australia. Needless to say, I am inspired by St. Ignacious (even though I won't be honoring him with a namesake) and am very thankful for his great repertoire of spiritual exercises which will surely challenge one to become more like Jesus in thought, action, and inner spiritual life.

Second, a quick thought from today's reading is do you want to be the good seed on good soil or could you be instead the one spreading the seed. Mark 4:1-20. That thought stolen from the daily reading in "The Word Among Us". I was thinking as I always have on that I just want to be the good seed on good soil producing a crop 100 or 1000 fold, but I like the challenge of perspective.

Lastly, I want to give a shout out to my catholic friends who have definitely challenged my religious and faith beliefs. As we say again and again, catholics sure have the theology, time tested truths and research figured out while the protestants are way better at the relational and community aspects of our faith. As long as we are all seeking Truth (capitol T, absolute, one way, one God, one Son, one Holy Spirit) and growing and challenging ourselves and each other, I figure the specifics will come into light. Which church do I attend? How many volunteer activities do I get involved in? Do I go overseas this year or not? Do I continue to study marriage, family, natural family planning, child rearing? What is the best communication pattern and model to follow?

Yep, that's why my God is bigger. He is always here; it is just a matter of if I step into His presence.