What am I learning?

It was so simple. Go to school, get a degree, find a job. 
Check. 
Work, save lives, change the world, have some fun doing it. 
Check. 
Or not. 
Maybe it was youthful ignorance, maybe we are a generation full of ourselves and think all of us can be world changers, maybe IWU's mandatory class was feeding us a crock of bull. Or maybe they were right, but it's surely not as sexy as it is presented. I can change my world of influence. I can work in hopes of influencing one or two people to make lifestyle changes that will save their life for a few extra years, and I can have some fun doing it.
I know that is true, but it seems so inefficient. I want the big boom Shaka laka change. I'm tired of the current system, the abused system, the same ol same ol. There's gotta be something more. Work is not my primary focus. There is no end goal, but to work another day in hopes of saving enough vacation time to get away from it for a while. That's not what calling should be, or better stated: that's not how I should approach my calling. I definitely need to work on my own attitude and feelings toward my job, career, vocation. Sure, I'll improve upon that, but still there's more.
The promise of more, the opportunity to do more, to be more, to influence in a different way. Never thought I'd say this, but even to influence as a stay at home mom has as I see it a greater good if you are putting out individuals into society who can contribute positive instead of negative effects. Talk about a hard job, raising children, living a marriage as an example of Christ and the church, working together toward a common mission, and doing the mundane laundry, cleaning, and feeding of people day in and day out. No one said it was sexy. No one said it was easy. Heck, I don't even know, I just surmise. I read a book.
On one hand I want this. I long for this as I long to be known and accepted for who I am from my Heavenly Father. Done, but it is the reminder I must give myself that it is truly done. Who would ask for that life, that responsibility? Most just fall into it by default. Most end up struggling to get by.
That's just it, we need good examples. We need people who are not settling for mediocrity in marriage and life. If only all of my co workers put as much time and energy into their families as they do into getting the next set of letters after their name, wow that would be world changing!
Well, that's my thoughts. Not much about my new found preference for muenster cheese, my insight into the best mountain bike trails in Houston, or that there really are no hills in Houston. Maybe next time.

The Seed or the Scatterer

Today could be a rather rambling blog...hang in there and one part might just catch your fancy.

First, I'd like to vent a moment and chew out Adam and Eve. Eve, thanks for (sarcastic tone implied) giving in to temptation and thereby allowing the fluctuating hormones and moods that are ever present in women all over the world today, myself included. Adam, you gave in and followed along instead of taking the lead and holding strongly to your convictions, my dead grass, weedy yard, and passive or abusive men all over the world today are evidence of this tragedy.
I feel slightly better; yet, the lingering thought of my last snafu, if you will, continues to be in the back of my mind. I realize we live in an imperfect world, we are all imperfect people, and the perfect Son of God came, died, and rose again in order to cover for all my snafus. He forgives and forgets, again, beyond my comprehension as the forgetting is the hardest part, especially when we have to continue in this imperfect world fighting the temptations that creep in the shadows of our hearts and minds. I know I'm forgiven, but oh how hard it is for me to forgive myself, which is probably a tendency of my personality and temperament as well.
Last weekend after the healing class at church I was on fire, ready to pray for every friend, acquaintance and random person I met at the gas station; they warned us that often that is when the evil one likes to try and get under your skin. They were right, so I did some preemptive research on strategies to keep focused and growing closer to God. Upon recommendation I looked at the Daily Examen by Saint Ignacious of Loyola. (I'm sorry, but that name will never by on my list of "I want to name my kid after..." It has a flemmy quality to it.)

   

There are various interpretations, variations, and helpful summaries such as the above picture which give a brief overview of the 5 step reflective prayer time. His whole examen and spiritual exercises are quite intense. I was browsing through the spiritual exercises and came across a suggestion for the point of failure that you have identified as the weekly focus. One is to, of course, go through the examen morning and evening keeping track of that point of failure and each time it occurred throughout the day. Then once identified each time that it happens during the day you are to put your hand upon your breast (old school english here, modern day we would say chest or across your heart), a physical sign of inner repentance and acknowledgement of the wrong. Now, great idea, I considered doing that. I mean, either people would think you have heart burn, a strong sense of commitment to country, or some such sentiment. Then I thought about the past couple days and had a visual of the hand needing to be skin flapped up there because of the frequency of recurrence...a bit drastic I know, but some days it's like that...even in Australia. Needless to say, I am inspired by St. Ignacious (even though I won't be honoring him with a namesake) and am very thankful for his great repertoire of spiritual exercises which will surely challenge one to become more like Jesus in thought, action, and inner spiritual life.

Second, a quick thought from today's reading is do you want to be the good seed on good soil or could you be instead the one spreading the seed. Mark 4:1-20. That thought stolen from the daily reading in "The Word Among Us". I was thinking as I always have on that I just want to be the good seed on good soil producing a crop 100 or 1000 fold, but I like the challenge of perspective.

Lastly, I want to give a shout out to my catholic friends who have definitely challenged my religious and faith beliefs. As we say again and again, catholics sure have the theology, time tested truths and research figured out while the protestants are way better at the relational and community aspects of our faith. As long as we are all seeking Truth (capitol T, absolute, one way, one God, one Son, one Holy Spirit) and growing and challenging ourselves and each other, I figure the specifics will come into light. Which church do I attend? How many volunteer activities do I get involved in? Do I go overseas this year or not? Do I continue to study marriage, family, natural family planning, child rearing? What is the best communication pattern and model to follow?

Yep, that's why my God is bigger. He is always here; it is just a matter of if I step into His presence.

New Year, New You

Fitting title as the year 2015 recently came into being. Not long ago we welcomed in the new millennium with cheers, toasts of water and pop (high school in IN people, please), and some jokester in the breaker box flipping the switch to confirm our worst fears that the world did indeed end as the calendar turned to 2000. Crazy right, kinda makes 2025 not seem so far away, nor so impossible a number to attain. Similar, I feel, to the ever increasing age of "old"...was 40, then 50...now I dare say 80 sounds old. I'm sure I'll re-up when I hit 60.
So, what's this new year gonna bring? Endless possibilities await us at every corner. Will this be the year the Colts make the superbowl? Will my knight in shining armor arrive? Will the coyote win the chase after my dog? Will AT&T finally have a reasonable offer on internet that operates faster enough to load streaming tv? The woes of a 1st world society I suppose, minus the coyote chasing your dog thing...I feel that is at least 2nd world, 3rd if my dog was actually tough in any way.
I rarely have new years resolutions, if so, they are things I am doing anyway, just minor adjustments that need to be made to an already existing protocol. This year is the same. After much deliberation I feel my quietness of the soul times need some boosting. Maybe add a 5 minute reflection on the day and how I saw Jesus at work as I lay in bed listening to the traffic drone and occasional punchis punchis music booming next door. These things, the intangibles, the immeasurable are always the most challenging. I can tell you 100% or not if I completed a 30 min workout or trained for a triathlon (all of which are happening this year as well), but try to pin me down on if I truly quieted by spirit enough to hear the still small voice inside...well...uuuhhh...did you see the college football championships last night!?!  What do you want to do this weekend?  Who wants to come over and play?  I mean, come on, really, really.?
All in all, yes. New year, new me. Quiet, reflective, but still a bundle of joy awaiting you on your doorstep anytime you ask me over. Talk about another phenom of our generation, no commitment...more on that later...