Memorial Day 2012. A day of remembrance it is. A day of reflection on those who have served for our country. A thank you I do give to those valiant souls who have, who did, and who do fight for our country. This day for me is a day of reflection, not on war for country or city or state. No, I reflect on war of the soul. The war that wages in each of us. The war of our sinful nature and the redeemed life through Christ Jesus. Who is to say One or the other is more worthy of my reflections? Who is to judge whether my war and yours is more right, or would it be more wrong? Nadie. No one. May God be the judge of all things. May He be the judge of me as I know His fierceness and anger is a part of a larger loving Father God who comforts me with His Spirit and sings over me with His love songs. He is the one who gave me today to reflect. He is the one who sits here with me on the dirt road, neigh rocky dirt road, as I listen to the insects for once drown out the far off sound of traffic.
Here are my thoughts, brash as they may be, listen with earmuffs if you want something soft and pretty today for my soul is rough as a Brillo pad right now. My emotions as course as steel wool on an open wound.
I'm tired. Id take 70.3 miles any day compared to a night time of fighting off the thoughts in my own mind. I'd rather run the desert marathon than have to fight my desires that are not yet to be born.
I'm mad. Why am I called to a higher standard? Who volunteered to be a pioneer and accept a higher more difficult calling to live out practically one day, a day which is not here today. I can't recall raising my hand in a seminary school and saying yes to God to pound the crap out of me so that I may be refined and more solid in the end. ...or did I?
Did I with all my prayers and yearnings to be used, to be wise, to be better and more able to serve Him, with these did I not ask for all those things? Maybe. Still mad, still tired, still stubborn and admitting its my own request is just a bit too humbling right now.
Talk about humble. Lesson of the year. Never before have I been more humbled than to admit a sin to another sinner. At least God already knew, he has no preconceived notions, no way you can let him down or give him more power over you as he has all that and more from the get go, He knows all and still He loves me and wants the best of and for me. We both know that.
I'm thankful. For the lessons, will be more thankful once they are learned and integrated in my life and actions, but thankful nonetheless. For my family and friends though they be far away and feel few and far between if only for the distance. I know they are plentiful and surrounding me with prayer and love. For legs to run and bike and swim and work and that carry me and exert energy when I know not what else to do with myself. For days that never seem to end and are full of sun and heat and the Lords small blessings. For prayer from others, from the heart, from the recesses of my being that get uttered when I have nothing left to give. For a God who accepts me when I have nothing left to give and appears to use my shell of a being in those exact moments when I have nothing left. Still amazed at this "my strength is made perfect in your weakness" bit that God talks about. But I'm thankful for it!
Yeah I guess that's my day in Brenham, my Memorial Day, coming to you from the rocky dirt road that dead ended with a shade tree and insects singing in the fence rows and the beautiful flowers that decorate the fields and...my Jesus who sits here beside me to just be.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Waging War
Romans 7:14-25
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God -- through Jesus Christ our Lord!
I couldn't have said it better myself Paul! Man, how much do I beat myself up because of this sinful desire that resides within me!? It seriously is a war raging...was reminded the other day through scripture to just stand. God never gives us trials or temptations beyond what we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13) and he will make a way so that we can stand up under it. He doesn't tell us to run from it, though in some cases this is probably a good strategy...no, but instead he tells us to stand. Again in Ephesians 6 with the armor of Christ, we are fitted with the armor to defend ourselves from the flaming arrows of the evil one. We are fitted from head to foot and even given a sword. Nothing to cover the backside though as we are not to turn and run at the first sign of danger, no we are warriors equipped to stand strong. Equipped with Christ's strength, not our own. We stand though shaking at the knees and chattering teeth because we know Him who is in us is stronger than him who is in the world. I can stand because at the end of the day the Truth prevails. The truth produces so much good fruit. The sin is killed and done with through Christ Jesus and His act of death and resurrection. My God is bigger. My God is stronger. My God is the I AM.
So, then I kept reading in Romans...funny how they split up the verses and chapters. It gets better, Paul is able to give us that hope, the reminder of life and freedom in Christ. I love the Therefore...I can hear Pastor back home leading the church as we all say together "What is the Therefore, there for?" In this case I see it there for a great reason, a great statement that this sin stated above, this feeling of bondage and war is really not powerful over us as we have freedom, life, strength, and good within us if we have Christ Jesus as our Lord and Savior. That is if we believe in Him and accept what He did for us, the fact that He made a way to take away our sin, He made a way for us to commune with the Father, God. The fact that Jesus came, walked the earth, experienced temptation, stood up under it, gave his life so that my sin goes on Him...wierd concept, hard to explain in anything but the typical churchy terms...you gotta read the book, The Bible, explains it way better with lots of good anecdotes along the way...that's the Truth...in there we find life.
vs 25-8:2
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
My prayer today is that someone, somewhere stumbles across this page and somehow God is able to use it for good. For even though I do not feel good as this war continues to rage in me...i know the truth, sometimes it just takes a while to regain feeling in your legs from standing on them for so long...from being knocked down on your butt and having to get back up again. As long as we learn right, as long as we yearn.
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God -- through Jesus Christ our Lord!
I couldn't have said it better myself Paul! Man, how much do I beat myself up because of this sinful desire that resides within me!? It seriously is a war raging...was reminded the other day through scripture to just stand. God never gives us trials or temptations beyond what we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13) and he will make a way so that we can stand up under it. He doesn't tell us to run from it, though in some cases this is probably a good strategy...no, but instead he tells us to stand. Again in Ephesians 6 with the armor of Christ, we are fitted with the armor to defend ourselves from the flaming arrows of the evil one. We are fitted from head to foot and even given a sword. Nothing to cover the backside though as we are not to turn and run at the first sign of danger, no we are warriors equipped to stand strong. Equipped with Christ's strength, not our own. We stand though shaking at the knees and chattering teeth because we know Him who is in us is stronger than him who is in the world. I can stand because at the end of the day the Truth prevails. The truth produces so much good fruit. The sin is killed and done with through Christ Jesus and His act of death and resurrection. My God is bigger. My God is stronger. My God is the I AM.
So, then I kept reading in Romans...funny how they split up the verses and chapters. It gets better, Paul is able to give us that hope, the reminder of life and freedom in Christ. I love the Therefore...I can hear Pastor back home leading the church as we all say together "What is the Therefore, there for?" In this case I see it there for a great reason, a great statement that this sin stated above, this feeling of bondage and war is really not powerful over us as we have freedom, life, strength, and good within us if we have Christ Jesus as our Lord and Savior. That is if we believe in Him and accept what He did for us, the fact that He made a way to take away our sin, He made a way for us to commune with the Father, God. The fact that Jesus came, walked the earth, experienced temptation, stood up under it, gave his life so that my sin goes on Him...wierd concept, hard to explain in anything but the typical churchy terms...you gotta read the book, The Bible, explains it way better with lots of good anecdotes along the way...that's the Truth...in there we find life.
vs 25-8:2
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
My prayer today is that someone, somewhere stumbles across this page and somehow God is able to use it for good. For even though I do not feel good as this war continues to rage in me...i know the truth, sometimes it just takes a while to regain feeling in your legs from standing on them for so long...from being knocked down on your butt and having to get back up again. As long as we learn right, as long as we yearn.
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