Maybe I just need a nap...

I lay here in my hammock on this Sunday afternoon with Jamey Johnson's "In Color" playing for the second time (shout out to my new friend Shaft - name unchanged until we come up with one more fitting, but I will say the contradiction of a country music loving white guy named Shaft for his black SUV does make it want to stick). Country music, back to my roots. I picture me in the back of Dad's pick-up truck on a Saturday afternoon driving back to the shed with the twang blaring on the radio. What is it about country music that we love? Maybe it's the unashamed honesty of the words, the sappy love songs told in different words and with varying chords, but at the end the guy always get the girl because of his truck or tractor or dog...or he loses her, but he's happy anyway cause he still has his truck, and tractor...and dog. Either way, driving through the winding country roads always makes me want to listen to it, the predictable words are a comfort that I can belt out with the best of 'em with the windows rolled down...have to have the windows rolled down.
Why am I so sappy today, so sentimental? I'm gonna blame it on the twenty-something hormones I got coursing through my veins, the fact that next week marks the start of my late twenties. I like it, the pathway to "thirty, flirty, and thriving" as quoted from a great teen girl movie, which you would know if you were movie savvy; therefore, look it up if you don't know off the top of your head.
Man, 27, I think it will be a good year. I liked 26, lots of learning and phasing out the changing. New era in life: a young professional in the working world in a relatively new state with new friends, roommates, co-workers, church family, dog, house, bed. Thank goodness I finally got a bed to sleep in as opposed to random other people's beds and futons (well, so I still have yet to buy a bed, but this one I claim as my own in my own room). It was a year of me learning and growing into this "doctor" role that I play during the week and balancing that with this "active young adult in a large city with endless opportunities to mix and mingle" role that I like to assume on the weekends. I like to think I have learned how to juggle work with social events and leave enough room for quiet reflection, Jesus time, and sleep, though sleep does still suffer a bit in the name of fellowship and roommate bonding.
Friendships, relationships, weddings...so much revolves around these things at this stage in life...maybe I am just more aware of these things at this stage in life. Maybe it's just the fact that I have three weddings to attend in 35 days (one to read in, one to bake for, and one to be a guest at), maybe it's the fact that our house has been changing as one of those weddings is to celebrate the union of one of my roommates and her betrothed.

Caveat: if any of you wonderful people who are getting married or are thinking about it, or are married and read this blog. Please be aware that I love you dearly and am so excited for this stage in your life and I have nothing against you and am very happy for you and pray that God blesses you in your marriage and that special relationship. End Caveat.

Maybe I'm just young and frisky as our pastor stated this morning in church. I'm not very happy about this shortened life expectancy thing that I have going on right now as a result of my singleness, just saying. Either way, no matter the reason this blog like a few of the recent past is going to turn toward the relationship and marriage issue. I wasn't even planning on it, but that's what God's working on in my life, so guess what!? That's what you get to hear about, or not if you stop reading.

If you're still here then get this: I'm sitting in church, minding my own business, holding Baby (not mine), singing worship songs, belting out the melody with the best of em and then it's time for the message. Bam!
Are You With Me? - The title of the sermon.
Jesus speaking to His disciples, inevitably to me though...
Mark 3:13-15 Jesus called his disciples to him and they came and he wanted them with him that he might send them out to preach, etc.
Point 1 - A Mutual Relationship - John 15:4 Remain in me and I will remain in you...
This is a dynamic, living, close, personal relationship with Jesus and he asks...Are you with Me?
Point 2 - What does it look like - John 15:5 If a man remains in me and I in him he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Life can be demanding and crazy, but my peace comes from being in Him and letting Him take control.
Point 3 - Remember the Words - John 15:7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
That's it, this is where my eyes tear up and I start to ask, "God, am I in You" I thought I was, am I holding anything back? Do I need to drag myself back to the altar of sacrifice? I want to be in you and you in me. I have asked, I am tired of asking...You know, do I really need to bring it up all the time, like picking a scab off a wound to make it fresh and painful day after day?
One person says be content, another says pray more. They say when you least expect it...trust me I'm starting to expect nothing, but not really... deep down I hope, but can't let that show or hope too much because then the rejection comes, not even flat out rejection, but the rejection of nothing. Now I know what God says when He means you doing nothing is as bad as you doing something bad because you did not do good. Doesn't make sense, but I know there's something like that with knowing the good you ought to do, but doing nothing....anyway.
Do I pray for it to happen soon? What if that's not God's will, but I asked for it and he will give me what I ask for and it's not the best or the guys not ready or so on and so forth. I guess this is where faith comes in and where God wanting the best for His children comes in....so I can ask and I can ask for it soon and I can be specific and picky and choosy and all that and God can say no today, and the next, and the next...and when the time is right he will say yes...but I still don't want to have to ask every day...that's a lot of asking.
Makes me want to take a nap...
Can't I just be at home in His love
Point 4 - Life Giving Love - John 15:9 Now remain in my love
I'll take that...I'll sit and nap in that...
I'm with you, Jesus.
And I'm going to play In Color for the 3rd time and be okay with the fact that I get teary when the grandpa tells the story of seeing the red rose contrast the blue eyes of his bride in this black and white photo...and then I'm gonna take a nap.

When life makes sense to me...

When life makes sense to me:
I go through my daily routine, granted each day of the week has some variation such as Tuesday off, thurs spin class, Friday fun day, Sunday church and unknown fellowship with awesome brothers in Christ,  but rarely do I take the time to consider the world I function in. My world is unique; my worldview is my own. Granted, my view is influenced by past experience, lessons taught and learned, and some not learned so well. Nonetheless my eyeglasses are tinted Dori color. I see baby blue skies and white sweeping clouds over a lake of crystal water with fish causing ripples as a tranquil inviting thing whereas you might see it as boring. My world seems in order when I am the minority, no, when I and everyone around me is the minority. Is that why my neighborhood just fits?
I love the smell of corn! Not from a can, the corn growing in the field and being ripened by the summer sun...that makes sense to me.  
Old people running down the road in their reflective orange vest so as to avoid moto vs pedestrian accident...this makes sense to me. 
My family and good friends all in the same state sharing a meal together at the table with kids and dogs running underfoot while the sun shines down causing sweat to bead on our brows...that's how it's supposed to be. 
Laying in bed with my three best friends eating pizza and brownie volcanos and playing a board game on a Saturday night in the downtown area...again, makes perfect sense. 
As we all know I am not a high maintenance girl by any sense of the word, but having my legs shaved, dress and heels ready for some event which will result in a fun night of dancing with my friends...sensible to say the least. 
I guess it's not so much of a life thing as it is a God who gives all these good things in life thing...what I mean to say is...life makes sense to me when I and others are so in tune with the Spirit, so in step with the Father that the only correct path is the one taken. The sun and daylight illuminate and contribute to the beauty of the dance as it unfolds. The Son is so alive and shining through that nothing is able to dull the senses and cause a doubt to enter the mind concerning if this is what life is about or not!  My God is good and generous and he does not leave in the hard times, no he carries and sets us back on our feet when we are able to feel our legs again. He may be hard to hear at times, but what station do I have blaring in my ears competing for his directives?   What outside source might be waving in my face clouding my judgement of how close He really is?  What time constraints have I placed on myself limiting my devotion to Him. 
May I clear out the white noise, push back the hand in my face, and make quiet unequivocal time with my Father, my Savior daily so that I may be able say daily that this life I live in the Spirit... This makes sense to me.