Riding Solo: popular phrase thanks to a rap song sung by...? but it's playing through my head right now....
Why is this playing through my head you might ask? Great question! Let me explain. Please bear with me cause the roller coaster of thoughts and feelings I must wade through to complete the illustration at hand are many.
Where to begin?
Solo
Single
Alone
One
Me
Riding
Bike
Beautiful day
people outside
Parks
Dogs
Couples
Singles
Games
Me on Bike
Alone
Just me on my bike
Just me and my thoughts on my bike
Just me and my tired legs and my thoughts on my bike...riding alone
Solo
Get the connection?
Alright, well I do not want to bore you with the details, I think the word association pretty much explains it...and if not then you have never been a single 26 year old female living in a city surrounded by people, yet feeling alone. Sorry to those of you who married young and/or always had a significant other, you can't get it. You can't meet me here in this place. Sorry, it's blunt, but it's the truth. And I hate to say it, but maybe no one can totally associate with me because I'm unique, individualized with my life experiences and my current situation and place in this world as we all are and therefore feeling even more alone. Is it a bad thing? No. It's just how I feel.
Being the ever optimist and a princess beloved by my King I can also tell you there are way perks to being where I'm at. Perk #1: I can help my sisters who are struggling in this area (though I cannot fully identify with them because we are different I can commiserate and listen and be, just be, cry, I also am getting better at crying and just being and crying over the phone...thanks B for being that for me) Perk #2: I now know how to and how often to change the air filter for the air conditioner...who knew every 3 months! crazy! as well as I can be an encouragement for other single ladies looking into buying a house and commiserate again on the "it's not the way I pictured I'd do this, but what do you do" feeling. Perk #3: If I want to go ride my bike, I go. I swim, I play futbol, I meet someone spontaneously or not so spontaneously for dinner or coffee or ice cream.
The trick is to keep the positives in perspective when the devil tries to fill my head with aloneness lies b/c at the end of the day and at the end of my thoughts I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is enough. Jesus Christ can fill me up more than any person ever could. He listens and is and leads and strengthens and brightens my day and blesses me in the hard times so that I can get stronger still and work on my weaknesses and remember who I am and where I've been called and how he is using me even now, broken and messed up as I am, as we all are, solo or not.
O Lord, use me, heal me, help me see past my logs and short sightedness, make me new and clean and strong...help me be vulnerable when I need to be and protected when I need to be.
God, almighty Father, Orchestrator of my days, i bow in reverence, I lay prostrate as I have nothing left...I don't want to do it on my own...I can't. Lift me up when its time to scrape me off the floor. Put your light in my eyes and your thoughts in my head. Lead my steps as well as my thoughts.
Jesus be with me. I know that I am not alone. I am not riding solo because this beloved princess is protected by the King with all His angels surrounding. What an awesome sight to see I'm sure:)
In Jesus Name
En el Nombre de Jesus
amen
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Painful awakening
You know you've become a working professional when...
...words like productivity and show rates become a part of your daily speech.
...coffee actually tastes good.
...TGIF is no longer referring to a tv series night, but how you feel one day a week.
...you recognize cars on your way to work and start naming them, acting like they are your travel buddies. "Do you have your travel buddy?!?"
...people pull you aside at events to ask you questions about body parts.
...conferences, work related, excited you beyond belief.
...your desk becomes not only a place of organized chaos, but a welcome respite and something you are very possessive over.
...you grunt and your co-workers know exactly what you were thinking.
Thee list goes on, but that's all that jumps to mind at the time.
Other random thoughts.
Why is there traffic at 10:55 pm? Who and why is out on the roads at this hour, you should be asleep or home people! Really?!?
Some people can survive and actually appear lucid and pleasant off of 6 hrs of sleep a night...why am I not one of those people? Is this something you adapt to our of forced sleepless nights like when you have kids, cause right now me functioning off of less than 7 hrs for more than a weeks is scary.
Sleep deprivation is kinda like intoxication...increased dancing, decreased filter, and lots of laughing.
Women's night: Great, helpful, rejuvenating; yet, draining. Emotion costs energy. Always, great sleep comes after a hard cry. So much excitement, so much to look forward to...
...so much to confess and ask for forgiveness from God, from others. So many beautiful women in our church family. Thank you for allowing us to share the wisdom, to share the experiences and struggles. Thank you for vulnerability, for that one or two people who you can let see it all and it is safe. Thank you Lord for always being safe. Thank you for safe places and women when so much of the day is not safe.
I pray for these women. I ask Lord your hand of mercy, grace, peace, comfort, strength. Good thing you have big hands. You formed the moon. You "measured the waters in the hollow of your hand" Isaiah 40:12. You "tend the flock like a shepherd; You gather the lambs in your arms." vs11. Gather Veronica to you as work is crazy and change is coming though we don't know when. Hold L as she beats her fists on your chest and cries out in pain, despair, sadness, joy, questioning, searching, shame, longing, desire. Catch me and be my soft bed to land in as I run until I can physically run no more. I am tired, weary...
Isaiah 40: 27
Why do you say, O Kelly and complain O Trudy, "My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you know know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
...weary has a new meaning, a different meaning for me tonight. I am weary of waiting, a longing heart is a hard thing to sustain. May my longing be of you O Lord, may my desires find respite in you. May I awake in the morning after a good hard sleep only to find David was right, "When I awake, you are with me"
...words like productivity and show rates become a part of your daily speech.
...coffee actually tastes good.
...TGIF is no longer referring to a tv series night, but how you feel one day a week.
...you recognize cars on your way to work and start naming them, acting like they are your travel buddies. "Do you have your travel buddy?!?"
...people pull you aside at events to ask you questions about body parts.
...conferences, work related, excited you beyond belief.
...your desk becomes not only a place of organized chaos, but a welcome respite and something you are very possessive over.
...you grunt and your co-workers know exactly what you were thinking.
Thee list goes on, but that's all that jumps to mind at the time.
Other random thoughts.
Why is there traffic at 10:55 pm? Who and why is out on the roads at this hour, you should be asleep or home people! Really?!?
Some people can survive and actually appear lucid and pleasant off of 6 hrs of sleep a night...why am I not one of those people? Is this something you adapt to our of forced sleepless nights like when you have kids, cause right now me functioning off of less than 7 hrs for more than a weeks is scary.
Sleep deprivation is kinda like intoxication...increased dancing, decreased filter, and lots of laughing.
Women's night: Great, helpful, rejuvenating; yet, draining. Emotion costs energy. Always, great sleep comes after a hard cry. So much excitement, so much to look forward to...
...so much to confess and ask for forgiveness from God, from others. So many beautiful women in our church family. Thank you for allowing us to share the wisdom, to share the experiences and struggles. Thank you for vulnerability, for that one or two people who you can let see it all and it is safe. Thank you Lord for always being safe. Thank you for safe places and women when so much of the day is not safe.
I pray for these women. I ask Lord your hand of mercy, grace, peace, comfort, strength. Good thing you have big hands. You formed the moon. You "measured the waters in the hollow of your hand" Isaiah 40:12. You "tend the flock like a shepherd; You gather the lambs in your arms." vs11. Gather Veronica to you as work is crazy and change is coming though we don't know when. Hold L as she beats her fists on your chest and cries out in pain, despair, sadness, joy, questioning, searching, shame, longing, desire. Catch me and be my soft bed to land in as I run until I can physically run no more. I am tired, weary...
Isaiah 40: 27
Why do you say, O Kelly and complain O Trudy, "My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you know know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
...weary has a new meaning, a different meaning for me tonight. I am weary of waiting, a longing heart is a hard thing to sustain. May my longing be of you O Lord, may my desires find respite in you. May I awake in the morning after a good hard sleep only to find David was right, "When I awake, you are with me"
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