माय फ्रेंड इस मर्रिएद

Another one bites the dust...
make that two more bite the dust...
God, so excited right now for my friends: To be privy to see your hand of favor and blessing leading men and women who are sold out for you form relationships with the goal of a marriage union focused on serving you through loving each other and others...Wow! Awesome, awesome. So excited...so happy...so jealous...may I not covet my neighbors blessings, far be it from me to allow the devil to get a foothold, nay even a glimmer of any credit for casting a shadow on such happy occasion. Please come. Protect my heart and thoughts; may they only be of you and uplifting regarding my friends' happiness.

Lord, patience.

Waiting.

You have obviously had something to teach me here. I am so used to going, going, looking here, focused there. Four years and then I'll have this degree and get a job. Three years and then I'll be through the tough stuff and have a job. It's that time, I made it through the grueling education, came out on the other side burnt out and seeing hazily that there is life on the other side of a doctorate. Now I'm living it...I'm learning how to live from STG to STG (short term goal). It's all about the weeks, the months, no longer the years...years are too long to know what will happen next. If I would have thought at the beginning of last year "that at this time next year" I'd have a house, not just live in a house, but own a house, a dog, a kick a** job that is full of wonderful people and clients and that I'm able to say I have a church family and a routine. (am I allowed to use asterick words and church in the same sentence? yes I just did) These were things I longed for, that I silently prayed for in my heart, but not often admitted.

Why do i have such a hard time admitting out loud the desires of my heart?

I think part of it is that I want to leave room for God's will and screenplay to be acted out and not put my ideas into it and mess it up. (That clearly indicated I think my will will mess things up.) False, because if I am truly following Him, then he gives me His will as my will...I end up wanting what He wants for me...hard to grasp...I'm still learning there.

The other part is that I do not want to ask for things and get let down when they don't happen, or maybe it takes way too long, by my standards of course...patience child, patience. Thanks Michael for the whole sermon today on waiting and faithfully waiting and faithfully living life. Talk about God using you to speak. Lord you totally spoke. He hath spoken. I got it, I hear ya Lord, but o how hard it is to listen and apply...key word apply.

How do I actively wait?

Is it like active listening skills: nod, um-hum, summarize and repeat what you've heard
actively waiting skills: nod your head to the side like the classic 80's dance move as you stand on the side of the street catching the bus, give a little 'praise Jesus' for each little thing that you see or hear happening around you daily, repeat what He has put on my heart to say to you my friend or to her who stands beside me waiting for the bus, or he who works alongside me serving yet not knowing the true meaning of servanthood

I think so, I think we're onto something here...live life. Actively waiting. Actively waiting and living life for Jesus, as Jesus did His first 30 years on earth and even more His last 3 years on earth which we hear about. We can speculate on the first 30, but we know the last 3. We can emulate the first 30 by the fruit of the last 3. Oooo fruit, producing fruit. Little fig tree who has leaves, you better have some fruit. Fig tree if you are showing leaves out of season, you aren't gonna have any fruit. If you want to be a real fig tree you will bloom in season at the right time and fruit will grace your branches for others to see, for others to be blessed, and consume and you will replenish the branches with more fruit not by your own strength, but by the gift of the soil and water and nutrients given by the miracle of Nature a.k.a. God.
Get the picture?

I want to be a fruit producing person actively waiting and living life as Jesus did.

I want my amazing friends new and old to know they are an integral part of my life and I celebrate them and get excited with them for the changes in life. The unknown and waiting together, that's what it's about. The adventure. Who needs Zion to see the glory of our Creator. (Well, Zion is cool to visit and I love repelling and physically active adventure, but you get the point). I see Zion in you sister as your eyes sparkle with joy over this gift from God, this gift of two becoming one that you are starting to experience and will see come to fruition soon. I feel the thrill exuding from you brother as if you just summitted Mt Kilimanjaro (saw it from the air, with clouds below it's peak...awesome) and are breath-taken with the view. What a gift from God to experience those feelings, to be privy to watch you explore this unfamiliar territory as others have done before and will continue to do each person/couple as if it's the first time to cross the boundary waters. Which it is for each one as they come, even though millions have done it before, but I am convinced you cannot learn some things from the wise and learned. No, it's about the experience and so God allows it to be new and unlearned each time.

What an awesome God we serve! Thank you Jesus! Praise You Father! Reign down your blessings in increasing measure!
Amen