I didn't make it to church today. I do not like not making it to church on Sundays. I rather enjoy the time spent in corporate worship, especially at my church full of multi-cultural-ness, people who are so in tune with their Savior that His light practically shines from their faces and you can feel His touch in their embrace. I love my church, my community, the openness, the fact that after a service you can leave, stand around talking for 30 min (which is my norm and I love it), pray for others or receive prayer, and get a group together to grab some local cuisine. So, I missed that this morning, but as I was on my long bike ride pumping my legs to release some pent up energy and aggression I was thinking, call it praying if you will, but I will say sometimes it seems to be one in the same; if I'm in my head and God is in my head (and heart) then my thinking and praying overlap a lot. Anyways, I was prayinking (new word), "God, what would you have me learn? What are you trying to teach me? It's hard, I'm emotionally drained, why? What are you saying?" Then I thayed *thought/prayed* maybe it's not about me...maybe I should be asking instead, "God, what can I learn about you? What new aspect of you is being revealed?"
I then thought to the story told by my friend at Life Group last week about how she was out in nature, the wind was strong and she heard God tell her that sometimes He just likes to blow. Because he can. Because He is God. Because He created these things and maybe, just maybe it's not all complex and intricate and he just wants to.
So, I'm thinking...maybe you just want to ride bike with me. You just want to sweat and live and be tired and be my BIG PAPA GOD who comforts me when I'm emotionally drained b/c you can and you will. I'm okay with that. I'm thankful for that. Maybe you just want me to see you for who and what you are at this moment...you became all things to all people...you became man, you became like me...why? I will never know you, God, would want to come to this earth from Heaven.
I guess that's why it's so special and we know you love us so much and we mean so much to you that you wanted to send your Son to walk with us, experience the doll drum of human life, the struggles with single-ness, the labor to survive (Granted carpentry and PT looks a bit different then and now, but gotta go to work, bake the dough, fetch the water, and feed the dog), the sore muscles, the tired eyes, the alone time, the festival time, the daily grind time. Thanks God for coming to Earth so I can identify with you, so you can identify with me.
Thanks for blowing.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Rain Clouds Have Cleared
Let's be honest, I can in no way have my blog background as rainy days unless that's how I'm feeling when I write that particular post. So, this is more my style...sunshine, blue skies, green fields, B-E-A-UT-I-FUL! :)
I am feeling happier inside as well. We have a time set aside for the Original Four to congregate in a place unbeknownst to any of us to date, but a glorious place it will be wherever we meet.
I'm thinking our top five options are: In No particular order...
1. Hawaii, I hear it's nice this time of year
2. The Naomi House for Recovering Prostitutes
3. The Back woods of Tennessee
4. Puerto Rico - Ling Ling I'll fill you in on why it'd be a...worthwhile...place for us to visit with Chi-town and Ping-pongs accompaniment of course
5. Maine, I've never been and it's kinda opposite extreme of Hawaii:)
cast your votes my ladies!
Biblical thought of the day...
Elijah, taken here and there by the Spirit...kinda like time traveling, how cool would that be! Except for the part where everyone was looking to kill him for many years during the drought/famine, ya know.
I am feeling happier inside as well. We have a time set aside for the Original Four to congregate in a place unbeknownst to any of us to date, but a glorious place it will be wherever we meet.
I'm thinking our top five options are: In No particular order...
1. Hawaii, I hear it's nice this time of year
2. The Naomi House for Recovering Prostitutes
3. The Back woods of Tennessee
4. Puerto Rico - Ling Ling I'll fill you in on why it'd be a...worthwhile...place for us to visit with Chi-town and Ping-pongs accompaniment of course
5. Maine, I've never been and it's kinda opposite extreme of Hawaii:)
cast your votes my ladies!
Biblical thought of the day...
Elijah, taken here and there by the Spirit...kinda like time traveling, how cool would that be! Except for the part where everyone was looking to kill him for many years during the drought/famine, ya know.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
To: My Originals, I love You
Isn't it ironic that the opening verse on my blog is about not complaining; yet, I do a lot of complaining on here. Granted it usually ends semi uplifting, but sometimes this is the main avenue I use to put down my inner most gripes that I have with life as we know it. It's no use to complain out loud because what is accomplished with these winey words? Usually nothing except successfully annoying the listener. Besides that didn't your mother tell you not to complain, mine did, pretty sure somewhere along the way. I even eat peas now, peas on toast I still do not prefer...probably not helped by the soggy toasted bread texture mixed with creamy pea soup...ugh, thanks mom for not fixing that one too often and for allowing me to eat peanut butter bread in times of peas on toast being served for dinner; you are the best.
Now where was I, oh yes, complaining. Contraindication except in times of broken heartedness which I am also experiencing now. Broken over the loss of time with my originals, three women who know me almost as best as I know myself. Three amazing ladies who always know how to get me riled up and put a smile on my face even when I'm in a complaining mood. Who else will go skinny dipping with you in probably 60* water or lead your teammates streaking around the bases on the first snow fall of the year? Who will wake you up in the middle of the night because they are sick and you will do the same to them just so someone else knows the pain you are experiencing? Only these amazing women are able to bring me to tears of joy and tears of laughter in a matter of seconds depending on the setting, the mood, the sangria at dinner, the stroll on the beach at night. I could type a novel of all our adventures together complete with pictures sitting on fences, wearing camo, dressed in spandex, and wrapped up in each others arms for the 10,000th time. Instead, I will silently shed a tear for each one tonight as we go about our respective lives in the snow, the rain, the warm evening in each respective part of the states. A tear not for friendship lost, but for friendship current and so strong that it will continue and give me the strength to make it until we meet again. I will settle for phone calls, emails, facebook pictures and voice mails to remind me of looks and sounds. I will always know what you are not telling me over the phone, but will wait until you are ready to share. I will pretend to be shocked when you tell me what I already know because I know you so well...or at least i like to think I do;) I will dry my eyes and enjoy the new and blessed friendships around me here, but have no fear I will rejoice all the more when you meet them and they meet you and most importantly, we meet each other again.
I thank my God every time I remember you, in all my prayers for each of you...
Now where was I, oh yes, complaining. Contraindication except in times of broken heartedness which I am also experiencing now. Broken over the loss of time with my originals, three women who know me almost as best as I know myself. Three amazing ladies who always know how to get me riled up and put a smile on my face even when I'm in a complaining mood. Who else will go skinny dipping with you in probably 60* water or lead your teammates streaking around the bases on the first snow fall of the year? Who will wake you up in the middle of the night because they are sick and you will do the same to them just so someone else knows the pain you are experiencing? Only these amazing women are able to bring me to tears of joy and tears of laughter in a matter of seconds depending on the setting, the mood, the sangria at dinner, the stroll on the beach at night. I could type a novel of all our adventures together complete with pictures sitting on fences, wearing camo, dressed in spandex, and wrapped up in each others arms for the 10,000th time. Instead, I will silently shed a tear for each one tonight as we go about our respective lives in the snow, the rain, the warm evening in each respective part of the states. A tear not for friendship lost, but for friendship current and so strong that it will continue and give me the strength to make it until we meet again. I will settle for phone calls, emails, facebook pictures and voice mails to remind me of looks and sounds. I will always know what you are not telling me over the phone, but will wait until you are ready to share. I will pretend to be shocked when you tell me what I already know because I know you so well...or at least i like to think I do;) I will dry my eyes and enjoy the new and blessed friendships around me here, but have no fear I will rejoice all the more when you meet them and they meet you and most importantly, we meet each other again.
I thank my God every time I remember you, in all my prayers for each of you...
Monday, January 17, 2011
Trials
Consider it pure joy my brothers (sisters), whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
...
Blessed is the man (woman) who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:2-4, 12
Acts 1:7-8 He said to them, "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Witnesses for God. Witnesses while we are under trial, while we are persevering. God be huge. God be BIG. Not just BIG, BUT BIG BIG!
Be here at this hour while she sleeps, quiet her pain, heal her hurts.
Lord, answer the prayers of her heart.
Jesus, show her where you are leading her.
Father, give him the wisdom to lead.
Abba, let your children be held in your huge protective arms tonight, today, tomorrow as long as it is called tomorrow.
Yesu, give her compassion.
YHWH, we praise you for your works unseen.
Yesuah, thank you for granting the desires of our hearts.
Mungu, quiet the hurts of this world, open her heart to you again. Show them you are the way, the truth, and the light. You are THE WAY.
PapA, help us persevere.
...
Blessed is the man (woman) who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:2-4, 12
Acts 1:7-8 He said to them, "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Witnesses for God. Witnesses while we are under trial, while we are persevering. God be huge. God be BIG. Not just BIG, BUT BIG BIG!
Be here at this hour while she sleeps, quiet her pain, heal her hurts.
Lord, answer the prayers of her heart.
Jesus, show her where you are leading her.
Father, give him the wisdom to lead.
Abba, let your children be held in your huge protective arms tonight, today, tomorrow as long as it is called tomorrow.
Yesu, give her compassion.
YHWH, we praise you for your works unseen.
Yesuah, thank you for granting the desires of our hearts.
Mungu, quiet the hurts of this world, open her heart to you again. Show them you are the way, the truth, and the light. You are THE WAY.
PapA, help us persevere.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
desert
John preached on the desert places today.
Is it possible that you are not completely in the desert at one time, but rather parts of your life are desert and others are lush mountainsides? Can you really lead one life (not be schizo) and yet have so many facets that it just depends where you are, who your with, what the topic is...?
So, I feel like my whole life was the desert place about two months ago for a 3-4 month span 2/2 external factors: moving, changing, newness, etc
Now, no overarching desert experience, but I chose today to live in the desert for the afternoon. No noise, no people, just me and God, communing in the desert. Yes, sleep came, rest, peace, talking...thinking...being still.
I'm sad, tears are welling up as I think of the sweet peace and rest that I was allowed to experience today. The time for laying and just being, thank you God.
I miss people. I miss places. I miss experiences.
I am so happy to know new people. To visit new places. To have new experiences.
I am living in a glass case of emotion! * movie quote *
Conflicting yes, relevant, real...
*wipe the eyes, blow the nose*
I missed my friends' wedding...I love this couple. I was there to see God put them together and bless their relationship from day one. I was here, they were married there...the pictures are beautiful. You can look at them and see their love, their oneness before God. I remember the first time I met him, ya know, friends have to approve, though we all really know if she likes him so much our approval is really just for us to think we are that important, I mean come on she was already 'gone'; yet, she is great and acquiesced to our "importantness" and a group of us went salsa dancing. First time I'd experienced that...he danced with me, he also not knowing salsa...we were horrible together, yep, I approve! She found her French Bo. She loves the city life, he prefers country. They live downtown.
So happy, joyful, praising Jesus!
*smile, breathe through tight throat*
Yesterday I celebrated life, birth...it was a birthday party. I have new friends who shine with your love and life and live it out together in marriages and in singleness...at home and work and church and after church. We talked, we ate, we played silly games, we danced the night away, we laughed at ourselves and each other...you were there...you were honored with our words and actions and amazing dance moves!
Thank you Lord for the desert, for the lush mountainside. For the unknown and unexpected
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. 2 Corinthians 2:9
I miss The Original Four, well i miss three of them, but not complete until we are together again...
God what awesome reunion do you have planned for us in 2011? I pray for your blessings to pour upon us so that we are blessed beyond our wildest dreams with opportunity to meet and spend time with each other, with you.
In Jesus Name I pray from the desert, from the lush mountainside, maybe its from beside streams of still waters. You know where I am Lord, you will join me here...you will make yourself known wherever I am...thank you for that.
Is it possible that you are not completely in the desert at one time, but rather parts of your life are desert and others are lush mountainsides? Can you really lead one life (not be schizo) and yet have so many facets that it just depends where you are, who your with, what the topic is...?
So, I feel like my whole life was the desert place about two months ago for a 3-4 month span 2/2 external factors: moving, changing, newness, etc
Now, no overarching desert experience, but I chose today to live in the desert for the afternoon. No noise, no people, just me and God, communing in the desert. Yes, sleep came, rest, peace, talking...thinking...being still.
I'm sad, tears are welling up as I think of the sweet peace and rest that I was allowed to experience today. The time for laying and just being, thank you God.
I miss people. I miss places. I miss experiences.
I am so happy to know new people. To visit new places. To have new experiences.
I am living in a glass case of emotion! * movie quote *
Conflicting yes, relevant, real...
*wipe the eyes, blow the nose*
I missed my friends' wedding...I love this couple. I was there to see God put them together and bless their relationship from day one. I was here, they were married there...the pictures are beautiful. You can look at them and see their love, their oneness before God. I remember the first time I met him, ya know, friends have to approve, though we all really know if she likes him so much our approval is really just for us to think we are that important, I mean come on she was already 'gone'; yet, she is great and acquiesced to our "importantness" and a group of us went salsa dancing. First time I'd experienced that...he danced with me, he also not knowing salsa...we were horrible together, yep, I approve! She found her French Bo. She loves the city life, he prefers country. They live downtown.
So happy, joyful, praising Jesus!
*smile, breathe through tight throat*
Yesterday I celebrated life, birth...it was a birthday party. I have new friends who shine with your love and life and live it out together in marriages and in singleness...at home and work and church and after church. We talked, we ate, we played silly games, we danced the night away, we laughed at ourselves and each other...you were there...you were honored with our words and actions and amazing dance moves!
Thank you Lord for the desert, for the lush mountainside. For the unknown and unexpected
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. 2 Corinthians 2:9
I miss The Original Four, well i miss three of them, but not complete until we are together again...
God what awesome reunion do you have planned for us in 2011? I pray for your blessings to pour upon us so that we are blessed beyond our wildest dreams with opportunity to meet and spend time with each other, with you.
In Jesus Name I pray from the desert, from the lush mountainside, maybe its from beside streams of still waters. You know where I am Lord, you will join me here...you will make yourself known wherever I am...thank you for that.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
माय फ्रेंड इस मर्रिएद
Another one bites the dust...
make that two more bite the dust...
God, so excited right now for my friends: To be privy to see your hand of favor and blessing leading men and women who are sold out for you form relationships with the goal of a marriage union focused on serving you through loving each other and others...Wow! Awesome, awesome. So excited...so happy...so jealous...may I not covet my neighbors blessings, far be it from me to allow the devil to get a foothold, nay even a glimmer of any credit for casting a shadow on such happy occasion. Please come. Protect my heart and thoughts; may they only be of you and uplifting regarding my friends' happiness.
Lord, patience.
Waiting.
You have obviously had something to teach me here. I am so used to going, going, looking here, focused there. Four years and then I'll have this degree and get a job. Three years and then I'll be through the tough stuff and have a job. It's that time, I made it through the grueling education, came out on the other side burnt out and seeing hazily that there is life on the other side of a doctorate. Now I'm living it...I'm learning how to live from STG to STG (short term goal). It's all about the weeks, the months, no longer the years...years are too long to know what will happen next. If I would have thought at the beginning of last year "that at this time next year" I'd have a house, not just live in a house, but own a house, a dog, a kick a** job that is full of wonderful people and clients and that I'm able to say I have a church family and a routine. (am I allowed to use asterick words and church in the same sentence? yes I just did) These were things I longed for, that I silently prayed for in my heart, but not often admitted.
Why do i have such a hard time admitting out loud the desires of my heart?
I think part of it is that I want to leave room for God's will and screenplay to be acted out and not put my ideas into it and mess it up. (That clearly indicated I think my will will mess things up.) False, because if I am truly following Him, then he gives me His will as my will...I end up wanting what He wants for me...hard to grasp...I'm still learning there.
The other part is that I do not want to ask for things and get let down when they don't happen, or maybe it takes way too long, by my standards of course...patience child, patience. Thanks Michael for the whole sermon today on waiting and faithfully waiting and faithfully living life. Talk about God using you to speak. Lord you totally spoke. He hath spoken. I got it, I hear ya Lord, but o how hard it is to listen and apply...key word apply.
How do I actively wait?
Is it like active listening skills: nod, um-hum, summarize and repeat what you've heard
actively waiting skills: nod your head to the side like the classic 80's dance move as you stand on the side of the street catching the bus, give a little 'praise Jesus' for each little thing that you see or hear happening around you daily, repeat what He has put on my heart to say to you my friend or to her who stands beside me waiting for the bus, or he who works alongside me serving yet not knowing the true meaning of servanthood
I think so, I think we're onto something here...live life. Actively waiting. Actively waiting and living life for Jesus, as Jesus did His first 30 years on earth and even more His last 3 years on earth which we hear about. We can speculate on the first 30, but we know the last 3. We can emulate the first 30 by the fruit of the last 3. Oooo fruit, producing fruit. Little fig tree who has leaves, you better have some fruit. Fig tree if you are showing leaves out of season, you aren't gonna have any fruit. If you want to be a real fig tree you will bloom in season at the right time and fruit will grace your branches for others to see, for others to be blessed, and consume and you will replenish the branches with more fruit not by your own strength, but by the gift of the soil and water and nutrients given by the miracle of Nature a.k.a. God.
Get the picture?
I want to be a fruit producing person actively waiting and living life as Jesus did.
I want my amazing friends new and old to know they are an integral part of my life and I celebrate them and get excited with them for the changes in life. The unknown and waiting together, that's what it's about. The adventure. Who needs Zion to see the glory of our Creator. (Well, Zion is cool to visit and I love repelling and physically active adventure, but you get the point). I see Zion in you sister as your eyes sparkle with joy over this gift from God, this gift of two becoming one that you are starting to experience and will see come to fruition soon. I feel the thrill exuding from you brother as if you just summitted Mt Kilimanjaro (saw it from the air, with clouds below it's peak...awesome) and are breath-taken with the view. What a gift from God to experience those feelings, to be privy to watch you explore this unfamiliar territory as others have done before and will continue to do each person/couple as if it's the first time to cross the boundary waters. Which it is for each one as they come, even though millions have done it before, but I am convinced you cannot learn some things from the wise and learned. No, it's about the experience and so God allows it to be new and unlearned each time.
What an awesome God we serve! Thank you Jesus! Praise You Father! Reign down your blessings in increasing measure!
Amen
make that two more bite the dust...
God, so excited right now for my friends: To be privy to see your hand of favor and blessing leading men and women who are sold out for you form relationships with the goal of a marriage union focused on serving you through loving each other and others...Wow! Awesome, awesome. So excited...so happy...so jealous...may I not covet my neighbors blessings, far be it from me to allow the devil to get a foothold, nay even a glimmer of any credit for casting a shadow on such happy occasion. Please come. Protect my heart and thoughts; may they only be of you and uplifting regarding my friends' happiness.
Lord, patience.
Waiting.
You have obviously had something to teach me here. I am so used to going, going, looking here, focused there. Four years and then I'll have this degree and get a job. Three years and then I'll be through the tough stuff and have a job. It's that time, I made it through the grueling education, came out on the other side burnt out and seeing hazily that there is life on the other side of a doctorate. Now I'm living it...I'm learning how to live from STG to STG (short term goal). It's all about the weeks, the months, no longer the years...years are too long to know what will happen next. If I would have thought at the beginning of last year "that at this time next year" I'd have a house, not just live in a house, but own a house, a dog, a kick a** job that is full of wonderful people and clients and that I'm able to say I have a church family and a routine. (am I allowed to use asterick words and church in the same sentence? yes I just did) These were things I longed for, that I silently prayed for in my heart, but not often admitted.
Why do i have such a hard time admitting out loud the desires of my heart?
I think part of it is that I want to leave room for God's will and screenplay to be acted out and not put my ideas into it and mess it up. (That clearly indicated I think my will will mess things up.) False, because if I am truly following Him, then he gives me His will as my will...I end up wanting what He wants for me...hard to grasp...I'm still learning there.
The other part is that I do not want to ask for things and get let down when they don't happen, or maybe it takes way too long, by my standards of course...patience child, patience. Thanks Michael for the whole sermon today on waiting and faithfully waiting and faithfully living life. Talk about God using you to speak. Lord you totally spoke. He hath spoken. I got it, I hear ya Lord, but o how hard it is to listen and apply...key word apply.
How do I actively wait?
Is it like active listening skills: nod, um-hum, summarize and repeat what you've heard
actively waiting skills: nod your head to the side like the classic 80's dance move as you stand on the side of the street catching the bus, give a little 'praise Jesus' for each little thing that you see or hear happening around you daily, repeat what He has put on my heart to say to you my friend or to her who stands beside me waiting for the bus, or he who works alongside me serving yet not knowing the true meaning of servanthood
I think so, I think we're onto something here...live life. Actively waiting. Actively waiting and living life for Jesus, as Jesus did His first 30 years on earth and even more His last 3 years on earth which we hear about. We can speculate on the first 30, but we know the last 3. We can emulate the first 30 by the fruit of the last 3. Oooo fruit, producing fruit. Little fig tree who has leaves, you better have some fruit. Fig tree if you are showing leaves out of season, you aren't gonna have any fruit. If you want to be a real fig tree you will bloom in season at the right time and fruit will grace your branches for others to see, for others to be blessed, and consume and you will replenish the branches with more fruit not by your own strength, but by the gift of the soil and water and nutrients given by the miracle of Nature a.k.a. God.
Get the picture?
I want to be a fruit producing person actively waiting and living life as Jesus did.
I want my amazing friends new and old to know they are an integral part of my life and I celebrate them and get excited with them for the changes in life. The unknown and waiting together, that's what it's about. The adventure. Who needs Zion to see the glory of our Creator. (Well, Zion is cool to visit and I love repelling and physically active adventure, but you get the point). I see Zion in you sister as your eyes sparkle with joy over this gift from God, this gift of two becoming one that you are starting to experience and will see come to fruition soon. I feel the thrill exuding from you brother as if you just summitted Mt Kilimanjaro (saw it from the air, with clouds below it's peak...awesome) and are breath-taken with the view. What a gift from God to experience those feelings, to be privy to watch you explore this unfamiliar territory as others have done before and will continue to do each person/couple as if it's the first time to cross the boundary waters. Which it is for each one as they come, even though millions have done it before, but I am convinced you cannot learn some things from the wise and learned. No, it's about the experience and so God allows it to be new and unlearned each time.
What an awesome God we serve! Thank you Jesus! Praise You Father! Reign down your blessings in increasing measure!
Amen
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