Top 100 of Life's complexities

In no particular order...
100...when you have a dishwasher you need more spoons to put in it
99-the good tasting stuff is the worst for you
98 - caveat to #99: cold water on a hot summer day
97 - another caveat: fruit in foreign countries
96 - you work to remember the important stuff, but easily recall the useless info like 'how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop'
95 - no one really knows the answer to #96, it's variable on how big your tongue is, how much saliva you produce, and if you like tootsie pops in the first place
94- a place used to get clean (shower) gets pretty dirty
93 - the country with greatest wealth has increased health problems and greatest debt
92 - kids pick the pots and pans over the twirling lightup toys 8/10 times
91 - for being a greatly connected people group (technology) we have a greatly disconnected relationship trend (divorce)
90 - how did they get the tootsie in the tootsie pop?
89 - similarly how do they get the ham inside the chicken in chicken cordon bleu?
88 - speaking of...how did He get all the intestines to fit inside us...have you ever stretched those out...very long
87 - how do you get a song out of your head?
86 - why is it always the songs you don't like that get stuck there
85 - it seems when preparing to go to a place where people live off so little we prepare, pay so much to do it
84 - the littlest trinkets carry the greatest values
83 - who said you had to wear deoderant and shower every day anyhow
82 - 100 is a lot isn't it
81 - the things we like the most are the easiest to do
80 - the people we love the most are the easiest to hurt
79 - we pay more for organic
78 - it's easier to express care for an animal than a human being
77 - words are easy to say when actions are hard
76 - conversely actions are easy to do when words are hard to find
75 - pictures can take you back to a time and place you would otherwise have forgotten about
74 - dejavu
73 - the best dance movies always have the worst acting
72 - singers often think they should act, why?
71 - papercuts hurt a lot
70 - 60 sounds younger the closer you get to it
69 - after watching sports on tv you think you can do that
68 - Christmas lights are only up for a month
67 - 50 feels warm in winter and cold in summer
65 - pizza is better cold the second time around
64 - phrases like 'if ya know what I mean' make any statement funny
63 - I went shopping today, if ya know what I mean
62 - some people will criticize you no matter what
61 - some people will love you no matter what
60 - some people always talk about others to you
59 - ever wonder what they say about you when you're not there to talk about people to? yeah, me too
58 - nerves regenerate at the rate of 1mm/day
57 - hair grows at the rate of 1/2 in./month
56 - they play halves in college ball, but quarters at other levels
55 - airlines charge for checked baggage
54 - greetings sound better in Spanish
53 - why do refs wear black and white stripes
52 - it's totally acceptable to good game a player on the court, but do it in the foyer at church...not so much
51 - it only bugged about 10% of the 40% of readers who noticed I skipped number 66
50 - I titled this 100, but am only delivering 50...just multiply it times 2 okay;)

Darn you Oswald

Slight bitterness creeps in this evening. I'm bitter because I'm in mourning. I've started the process of mourning yet another move in life, another period of transition, another callous on my ever broken and healing heart. Whoever thought the quote posted to the left about a broken heart was a good idea...okay well me...but really!? Really?!? I was talking/writing to God last night and I shared with him my current heartache and countless broken bits that line the road of my life, strewn about the globe here and there. That's the only reason I can be so blunt here is because I already laid it all bare with my Savior who has enough grace and mercy to allow me to mourn and curse the day I picked that as a favorite quote. He knows deep down I am thankful. He sees through my bruised exterior to the soft pulp of a heart that still is beating and transmitting His love flow as it was made and called to do. Yes, at times my heart feels fragile like a china doll (never really knew what a china doll was, just know they are fragile). Especially when I have to leave people who have blessed me with their words, their hugs and kisses, their smiles and acknowledgment of the fact that we share the same God and Savior Jesus Christ and are inhabited by the Holy Spirit who speaks all languages and speaks to my heart through them. But then I'm reminded that the great Healer arranged it all and will continue to take care of them and me. He will once again give me the strength to put my heart out there, knowing I will never get that piece back and I hope I don't. I would rather share it and have known such amazing hermanos en Cristo than to have not been given the chance encounters. Thank you Lord. Todo alabanza y gloria a Dios.
Dios te Bendiga

98

quick word association game
98 degrees boy band
98.6 degrees Fahrenheit
98 one less than 99
98 bottles of fanta on the wall
98 ways to pick your nose
98 "NY152...152...152 people who thinks he looks like clark gable...152 people who thinks he looks like a clark bar"
*if you can name that movie you either are awesome or have lived with me for many years and were therefore forced to watch it approximately 98 times

Fun times, well, the real 98 came up because this is my 98th post on this here blog and we're gonna celebrate. Why wait till 100, that's what everyone celebrates, the century mark. Dori here is an innovator; she's two steps ahead of the crowd. She's...well, she's special:)

Really, I just didn't want to give up and go to bed...it's funny babies do the same thing. They get all whiny and fussy and their eyes are so heavy they can barely keep them open; yet, they fight off sleep like it's trying to get a bite of their chocolate cake. (I know babies can't eat cake, but it's an analogy) Me, whiny, fussy, no way! I simply fight through, curl up on the couch, sit with a book or in this case computer and go until my better judgement gets ahold of me. Yeah, so my eyelids get heavy and I can barely keep them open, but apparently I look like that some days anyway so what's the difference...the difference I tell you is in my voice. That's the tell tale sign. I can never fake it. My man voice comes out past the hour of 11 or 12 and doesn't go away until I've been up for approximately 1 hr and had my Jesus breakfast date. Let's be honest, it's not pretty before then. Don't worry I warn roommates of this phenomenon and I'll probably have to give the Africa group a heads up too, though on trips and in the not everyday routine it's not as bad.
Well, now that you know, good night. The eye lids are winning.

Thought of the Day

Two big words hit me this weekend
Content
Hidden
It took reading through Colossians 3 about 33 times before I was ready to dig deep and let God open my eyes and heart to hear what he had to say. To let him reveal the big lesson of the day. Read it, it's good stuff. I am hidden with Christ in God.
It took less read throughs of Philippians 4:11-13 and Heb 13:5 to speak directly to being content. I am striving to learn the secret that Paul talks about.
Read em, read em again. Listen, go about your day, read em again the next day. and again as long as it takes for as my roommate shared last night he wants us to search it out per Proverbs 25:2 "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings."

Not so alone after all

Yes, there are times I feel very alone. the lone ranger, rambo, the virgin mary...all people who struck out one their own. okay, okay, mary maybe not so much as the other two, but she was the first female that came to mind. and let's be honest the lone ranger had tonto as a side kick. Mighty Mouse, now there's a character I can get behind. but after doing my research (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mighty_Mouse)
it turns out he had two girlfriend mouses that he routinely had to save, one in his comic form and one on tv...a little shady, but since he is the mouse equivalent to Superman, and a mouse at that, I spose we can let that one slide for now.
but why these nomadic characters you ask...because they on first glance are alone. I can relate at times, my nomadic lifestyle these days has me pondering the deeper side of life, especially after a full day of class with The Sage of PT as we will call him, who gave us the "graduation speech" which is basically advice on how to deal with life once we graduate.
So, yes I do feel alone at times, welcome to life on earth huh, when we are made for eternity and not earth. Rough. But nothing a couple $1 tacos, half price margarita, and quality bonding time with my friend Margarit (totally fake name, but she speaks spanish, we were sung to in Spanish, eating tacos...it fit) won't fix.
Basically, it comes down to we have a lot in common. We had our life plans in college, that changed, we adjusted ages, looked to grad school, now that's about done, the quarter life is here, plans need adjusted once again. We love to be independent, we love to speak Spanish, we love the prospect of being PTs, we have alot in common like I said. All that stated, we are very different, she spells her name with an extra letter, I like to break my hand while I don't know of her doing that yet...yes, very different.
It was nice. It was a great affirmation of how good God is to place people in our lives that can identify with exactly where you are at. It was a blessing to uphold the Thursday after class new founded tradition (three weeks strong) of Adobo with just her, well and Alejandro my serenading middle aged love.
Yep, God's got this whole life thing under control...I mean, he's got even cooler powers than Mighty Mouse and that's saying a lot b/c that little mouse not only can fly, have x-ray vision, and ward off angry Satan cats...oh no, he can even turn back time (at least that's what wikipedia says)

High standards

I have not been one to reflect much on what I've typed on these here keys long after I've completed typing them. For instance, proof-reading...torture. I wrote it, it made sense in my head, why would I want to read my own writing, especially when it is not something I necessarily wanted to write in the first place. That's mostly school related, but the same goes for other things i've realized...like this blog, there's no proof reading, editing, etc...if mistakes exist then consider it adding to the flavor of the piece.
I will hypocritically recant on the previous statement and say that if enough time passes I will on occasion be forced, or by chance read a work I've done and either find it slightly appealing or rather suprising how many spots don't really make sence. I spose that means your english teachers are right when they tell you it is a good idea to proof read huh?...well, okay, either way I think the rules should read once a paper is written it should not be read again by the writer until at least enough time has passed for the proposed author to forget all that was written. Is there a second?
Well, here it is Sunday evening...episodes of Gilmore Girls fill in the dark silence. Dark because it gets dark outside so freaking early.
Can i tell you how I have come to thoroughly love my Sundays? Possessive yes because it is my day of rest. My day of rest and day to enjoy worshipping God at church, in my pajamas, enjoying leisurely reading, time with friends (all not at once, especially pajamas at church, though I don't think God would mind if it did happen). I almost get possessive to the point of selfish. My one day to be introverted (relatively as I still get plenty of hugs and interaction at la iglesia) and alone and not plan. I find if my plan of not planning gets interupted then I get a little fussy. Is that an oxymoron? Is it bad? maybe. I get over it. I deal. I squalsh the planning attempts. (squalsh, good word). Either way that's how it goes. And here i go

Little Big Town

Sometimes country songs put it best. I can't recall which song the title line is from, but I'm sure it's out there. People wonder and have a hard time grasping why others enjoy country music. Some people can't get over the twang, others consider the style crude and words just plain silly. Well, for all you country haters out there those are exactly why I love it. What's better than a banjo to add to the country twang of a singer's voice? Where else can you express your love and hate for your own culture and people so openly or voice how you feel about your beloved farm animal (and horses are in there of course) without criticism? Only with country music.
Now, I don't really listen to it all that often anymore, but I enjoy it and it has it's time and place. Where is that place? Well next time you drive through the flat open country of the midwest or take a turn around a familiar bend that leads you towards home, that's when you seek the radio to find the first upbeat country song you can. If you are anywhere close to that feeling and place then don't worry, it won't take long for the stations to pour forth the sweet melody of a country song.
It is good to be back around a familiar place. Always comforting to drive somewhere without much thought. Always nice to have people within a 2 min walk to meet up for a run, a trip to downtown, pizza, favorite restaurants, whatever. I love driving and being able to tell someone how or a way to get to anyplace in the city they would want to go...and I haven't even lived here for a full two years probably. That's what we call a little big town. Having connections with someone you meet in the grocery store, though you are in the 12th largest city in the US, yes, that's a little big town.
I guess no matter where I'm at it is always nice to come home. No matter where I live next, I know God will provide community and a chance to feel known if I only allow it. That's right, they play country all over the US...and even in different countries...hmmm...I'm gonna have to investigate that further next time I'm in Central America :) Pretty sure that is not the case in Africa though, as where we will be they probably don't have any radio in the way we know it...?? hhmmm...it's all up in the air,i'll let you know what we do find.

Home Sweet Home

Well, if you know me, then you probably know I love adventure and travel. Sometimes these are the same thing, sometimes they are completely different, but most of the time I'd say the two are combined. Take the past two weekends for instance. Two weekends ago I went for an adventure, but I had to travel to get there. What did we find you might ask? [pictured left] Havasu Falls, which is located at the end of the 10 mile Havasupai hike that we did while carrying 30lb packs. Yes, that's an adventure. I could write a small novel about our trip there, the amazing Godly people I experienced it with, and the ways we worshiped God though that experience, but it would take too long and it would talk a lot about poop and I don't know if Mr. G could handle much more of that kind of talk. :)

Now, up this past weekend, which just ended, but I am still celebrating seeing as I have a week off! wooo! The past two days Dad and I have driven across the country from Cali to IN. Yes, it's a long drive. Yes, my butt is numb and even now I am kneeling instead of sitting at the computer so as to avoid a stage 2 pressure ulcer (I did weight shifts while driving, OTs and PTs be glad). That's besides the point. That was travel, but a bit of adventure thrown in there to see if two daring souls could indeed make it in 33 hours according to map quest. Well, we made it in 36. We blame the snow on the roads in Wyoming and Nebraska for two of those hours. And if you factor in our meal stops, which weren't many, there's the rest of it. The treck across the northern states was so fitting as Shawn McDonald's "Time" played in my ears. Based on Ecclesiates 3, which is one of my favorite parts of Eccles. "for everything there's a reason, for everything there's a rhym, for everything there's a season, for everything there's a time." I love it because it gives me freedom to go through those times. I can praise God in everything. He knows I need to weep, laugh, plant, uproot, mourn, dance, keep and throw away, be silent and speak, embrace and refrain, love and hate. Wow! basically God created all those things in us and with our will enveloped in His we still are allowed to experience those things. Then the seasons come and go, they come and go in different times at different places...we drove out of late summer, through winter, and into full blown fall. I arrived home last night past dark, but when I woke up this a.m. I saw it all. Who wouldn't like waking up to this blast of color on the trees that expand as far as I can see and seperate field and house and lake? (Realize the picture doesn't do it justice, as they never do.) There's something about coming home, being home. I was sitting here doing devotions this a.m. with the colorful backdrop and contemplating that phenomenon. No matter the beauty I've seen, the mountains I've conquored, the people associated with those places, nor the ways God has moved there, I will always see this part of the country as the most gorgeous. I love the golden fields in fall, the smell of sunshine on the stalks in the summer, the way the roads are worn and known by me in the countryside, the people that live here and are family even if not by birth. Here I am known (maybe not fully as I change and so do they as I am gone, but my past is here and present when I get to return), here I am comfortable, and here I wonder how awesome it will be in Heaven when we are truly home for good.
Here, I'm not so super excited to go running for it is chilly, but I will...because I've been in a car for more hours than my conscious can comprehend...I think i've already started to block it out! oh no! hahaha...
So, with my California dusted running shoes I will take a tour of these familiar roads. I will rejoice b/c my body is going to feel great and I am anticipating a carry-over from all my hill work on the Quicksilver hills with slight elevation and henceforth laugh at the two upslopes that I know await me on the block to the south. Ha you little little hill, I scoff at you. My lungs will laugh once at the top of you. Take that paved hill, take that.

Another year

Another year older, another year wiser they say...well I beg to differ last year at this time at least I was getting my picture taken with real people instead of ones made out of stone, or whatever material that is.

In all seriousness it does make me think back over the past year, passing such a milestone as the quarter of a century mark is a big deal. I am in my mid 20's for sure. I am still in school...I know I know there are all kinds of ways people try and make it okay like "You will have a great job soon" or "You are going to have your doctorate at age 25" or "Well, you look like you're just ready to start high school" Let me tell you none of these, especially the last one make it okay. Nope, I've been in school for the past 22 years, I think, can't remember pre-school, but i feel like I was in it for two years?? Mom, any input on this one? That's a long time either way. I guess I'm really good at it though, if nothing else:)

Other than school, I've been around...I've traveled the country, the countries, the continents (minus Australia and Antarctica, but maybe some day). I've been in my fair share of clubs, on teams, in Bible studies. I've led clubs, teams, groups, Bible studies. I've seen a lot, heard a lot, talked a lot, listened a lot, but ya know I feel like I've only had a taste. No matter how much we study, there's more to learn. No matter where we go, there's more to see and experience. No matter how long or how hard I try I will never know the fullness of God. I feel blessed to have been a servant of my King, to have had the opportunities with the above listed things to represent Him. Have I done it well? At times. Have I messed it up? You bet. Have I learned from my mistakes? Yes and no. Am I still asking for His strength and joy and love everyday to make it through another day? I try to.

The other night in Bible study we shared how long we had been Christians...I can pin point the moment the exact place and time when I knew it was His way or the highway. 7th grade. 12 years old. I remember the first time I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me, the most reassuring feeling I've ever felt. I recall asking Jesus into my heart the first time when I was little (don't know how old) yes first b/c i didn't think it worked at first so I prayed again. Reassured he heard me the second time though I felt no different, I guess it was the beginning of greatness..hehe. Well all joking aside you and I both know I wouldn't be who I am without each of those moments. Those monumental points in my life that God used to shape me, to make me decidedly His daughter.

What else is there besides that. God has lead me all along. He has taken me places, brought countless brothers and sisters in Christ along the way...people that come, some that stay, more that go...or do I go? It's a chicken and egg thing I spose.

What's next people ask...lots of people ask "Where do you think you will live when you're done with school?" Don't ask, if I knew I'd tell you! "What kind of PT job will you look for?" Again, I'd fill you in if I knew the answer. I'm going with history on the fact that I have a feeling it will be somewhere other than IN at first. Does that mean Illinois or Australia or anywhere in between? Beats me. Didn't think I'd ever go to grad school till it happened. Didn't give too much thought to college till it was there. Fell into cross-country, pole-vault, St. Louis, Nicaragua, FW, Cali, Africa. Either I'm not a planner, or God is a really good secret keeper. I think He likes to suprise me. I like suprises. As far as I can tell they turn out better than I can imagine or think up. I always end up fairly well prepared by a previous suprise and refining period. will the refining stop? sadly, no. Never said it would be easy, Paul guaranteed it wouldn't be easy. I like Paul, cool guy.

Yeah, so I'm another year older, another year wiser. Another year of learning, another year of praying. Another year of experiencing all that God has planned and gifted unto me.

Can you see what I see?

Pictured above: my Scottish family here in CA :)

Pictured here: my real family, if you couldn't see the family resemblance already

The Almaden Valley looking north to San Jose

This morning 7:20 a.m. I run up the path entering Quicksilver Park. It doesn't "open" till 9 a.m.; I'm not the first to pass the sign at this hour, probably one of the first 50 or so on the day. I surmise hundreds more will pass it throughout the course of the day. By now I no longer carry a map. I know each trail on the north end of the park; I try not to run the same combination twice, don't think I have save the fact that I like to exit by the same trial as often as I can. The downhill is gradual and smooth enough to allow the legs to stretch out, the turnover to increase until I feel like my legs are spinning in curcles like the cartoon Roadrunner. Did I mention it takes half the time to exit as it does to enter the run? It's a fact, proven. but this a.m. I don't car about the time, I mearely wish to get a run in befor eour day trip to Monterey, Point lobos apparently this is sort of a big deal around here (I'll let you know).

This morning is special. It makes 4 weeks since I arrived here. The halfway point. I've decided its time to let you see what I see so I brought the camera on this particular morning trodge. (My new term for jogging/trudging uphill here. You can't run, the hills keep going though I do feel closer to a jog this a.m. than I have at other times like Wed, my last trodge in the park.) Anyway, if you've seen the movie with Jim Carey when he has to say yes to everything and they have a running picture taking club...that's what I thought of as I ran to some good look out points, snapped a picture or two and ran on. Made me smile, you will too if you've seen the movie. The moments I did stop to look over the city I thought, huh, what do I wish to tell them about. What do I want them to see in these hills in this overview of San Jose. I want others to witness the beauty of the mountains as I can, a picture is only a morsel fo it thought, sadly. I have to explain how each a.m. the clouds are here, the fog is nota as bad as in San Fran so I heare, but present nonetheless. Equally, you should know had I come 5-6 hours later the fog would be gone, the clouds cleared out and you could clearly see the mountains on the other side of the valley. The brown and green dotted rolling hills encase the Almaden Valley that leads up to San Jose, actually makes up the southern part of the San Jose named city.

I live in the burbs. I live with a couple who hhave blessed me, nay, shared God's blessings of shelter, food, family, etc. They're not perfect; I'm not perfect. We get along great. I'm in the car with them right now. We recently drove past Gilroy, garlic capitol of the world. (no joke) Some mornings I can smell the garlic as I leave for work. this a.m. I smelled it as I ran to the park...who would've thought.
We're stopping soon for a freshly fried artichoke heart at "Giant Artichoke" in Castroville, which is close to Celinas Valley, the "Salad Bowl" of the world. (also home to the scare of eccoli infected spinach which happened not to long ago) Maybe this is part of how healthy California is b/c people grow fruits and veggies in their fields not just corn, beans, and hay. People have fruit trees in their backyard and almond trees...I never knew almonds grew on a tree; now I know.
Enough about food, though the deep fried artichoke hearts were very good, dipped in ranch...you can fry anything! Bonsai!!

Trudging further up the hill nwo you can see to downton, the taller buildings there, which can't be build above 15-18 stories depending on the flight path for the airport. Before you get to those you get to my hospital, the county hospital. I want you to know how I hate it; yet, I love it. I want you not to see the buildings, the trees, nor the hills. I want you to see the people I see. I want you to hear the sotries of people hit by cars, people on morotcycles hit by cars, people driving on drugs and ETOH (alcohol) who hit other cars, people who punch their arm through a glass pane and sustain a severed brachial artery and part of the median nerve and require plastic surgery and skin grafts to repair it.

I want you to see the recovering alcoholic try to walk. He could probably walk better drunk than sober, who are we kidding.

I want you to see the chest covered in tattoos (man I've seen alot of interesting tattoos in interesting places) that don't fit together anymore b/c that's where the bullet, bullets, buckshot? who knows went in and they had to do a lot of fixing and sewing and inserting tubes and etc.

If only you could meet the 19 year old girl with a mouth worse than a sailor and a GSW (gun shot wound) in the heel (good thing someone's a bad shot) whos dad is in prison, mom doesn't care. I haven't seen her in weeks but I've seen her movement from unit to unit due to infections and repairs and plastics. She's been in the hospital way too long, but guess it's better than getting high and doing other stuff on the streets with her peoples.

That's why I hate it.

Then there's the part of my job, the time spent fanagling, giving my 'professional opinion' on if someone is ready to leave. Are they ready from my standpoint? Well, that depends...house or apartment, stairs?, live alone or with others?, can they help take care of you?, What happens when there is no home? Homeless. Well, he's not at a high enough level to survive on the streets. A shelter or board and care can't take him b/c he needs constant help, they don't provide one on one care. No beds available here, no SNF to take em if they don't have insurance. The case manager is working on it, she is calling here and there, if he can get to this level that place will take him, if not, sorry.
Then there's the other guy the doctor suggests a wheelchair. Did you know he can walk with one hand hold, he doesn't need a chair. Yeah, he spontaneously stumbles, he's still wearing off from the alcohol. It will resolve on it's own, just takes weeks...we can't send him home if noone is there to help. He lives on the second floor apt. building...how's he gonna get the wheelchair up the stairs if we give him one anyway. He'll try to climb the stairs with it, did I mention he spontaneously will fall if noone is there.

That's why I hate it here.

But that's not all I see. I want you to see the family there to help the mother, father, brother, grandmother with the care. I want you to hear the family drop all and come to see how he is doing with therapy. The eagerness, the concern etched on faces as I explain how you are fine and you can help them out of bed, they are in pain yes, they will make it.

I want you to be in the room with me as I'm asked if he can pray for his grandmother quick before he leaves and we start therapy. I eagerly say yes, bow my head. They don't know yet that I understand spanish. I hear him pray for her recovery, her getting better, her therapy session today. I pray with him, my heart so full I think it might bust out of my chest. I am so happy, so moved, so humbled. I don't pray for them enough.

That's why I love it here.

I walk into a room and hear vietnamese, hindi, philipino, spanish, english, other dialects I can't even pronounce. I work with people who are very concerned that they're legs are showing. I work with people who don't mind if the gown blows open in the back while we are standing up. I get to encourage those eager to walk and get better. I work with those who are in so much pain their arms shake, but yet they keep going.

That's why I love it here.

Do you see it? Can you see maybe not the faces, but the cases? Can you see why it is so dang hard to be here? Why I am torn. I look forward to Monday morning, but not really.
I must decrease, He must increase, that's what I got from church Sunday morning. I think it's a good viewpoint. What am I doing really anyway, a lot I know, but He can do so much more. He is the way I've made it thus far, he is how I will make it four more weeks.

I wonder is Quicksilver the brand named after Quicksilver the park?

To Infinity and Beyond

Stand in Awe of God. I read in Ecclesiastes this a.m. in Chapter 5 verse 7 "Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God." It was a good reality check. No need to dream about the future or talk about it beyond need. No, better to just simply stand in awe of God. That is not hard to do our here in the county parks I've come across in the past couple days. Friday evening I made it go a peak which overlooked the south part of San Jose and you could see downtown even...but that was nothing compared to today when I went over to the park that Mt. Hamilton is located in...didn't know it at the time so I might just have to go back so I can say I hiked to the top of a true Mt. (something I still have never done). Either way the view to get over to that area was crazy, the diving switchbacks required snail pace and it was okay to even stop for a second to glance out across the whole valley. Woah is all I can say...hence the awe part was easy to come by. Not hard either as I waded among the golden tall grasses on a hillside en route of my day hike. God makes it easy to praise Him if we just take the time to look around, to seek, to relish in it.
Well, this coming week is midterm week already, that's fast. But I am glad for it. Not that it's bad here, not that I don't enjoy treating the patients and being immersed in such a different culture, but I've realized it's not my deal. After being given the chance to do a modified ortho eval on a patient in the hospital for various reasons I was super excited and wanted to be able to help and knowing how to help and that I could get creative and work on more than bed mobility, transfers, gait, and in bed exercises! The light bulb went off and it was clear that I loved OP ortho. My brain was and has been seeking to utilize all the PT hands on stuff, develop relationships more than two days in length, and etc, etc.
It might not be infinity that I'm headed to, at least not yet. One day, and I'm ready I tell you. Whenever God says, I'm there spending eternity for beyond infinity with all believers praising Jesus...and it truly doesn't get any better than that.
I bet, I'm willing to put my new set of jacks on it, that there will be no mountain bike crashes in Heaven. I've bit it my fair share in the midwest, on the west coastal region. It's safe to say the west hurt the worst, still does in fact as I type my thumb has a slight throb to it. They have dryer dirt here, faster downhills, and harder rocks (well that might not be true) you put them all together and it's a bad combination.
Did I mention the dirt...we're talking make your shoes hazy tan...my hiking shoes were gray, now their tan...my running shoes, were white, now tan...my new run and hike combo black shoes, now grey with a tan overlay...the semi-arid climate helps describe it, not quite desert, not quite the opposite. It's only partly, well this so happens to be the dry part of the year as well, and did I mention they are in a 2 year drought as well. No wonder the fires rage. In fact this a.m. as I ran along the dirt trail the ranger had to turn everyone around b/c they were closing the trail due to a small fire that had started last night and was luckily put out before it spread like wildfire, literally. So, moral of the story, buy black socks and don't care if your stuff is dusty. Or be like me and just have brown socks that used to be white:) hehehe...too bad the dark legs don't stay as dark as right after a hike/run (it washes off) sela vi (no idea how to spell it, but sound it out).
Alright, over and out, time for bed.

Summer days

The thermometer read 106 today on the drive home, I was perspiring a bit, but not pouring buckets like I would be in the Midwest. Interesting phenomenon to be hot, okay in the shade, and loosing moisture through the skin, but in a way that you don't really notice it. Hmmm...
Anyway, it's been a while since the last update, I promised to start doing weekly ones since I'm across the country in California land at the present. Basically, it was one great ride to get here and you probably got the update by email if you have this blog address anyway. Then you probably noted as well that last weekend I flew back across the country to be in one of my favorite people's wedding, well make that two now, they are kinda joined and one person, but two and they have Christ so if you can follow that it might be about 5 different entities, but not all one b/c three are one and then two are one...God's math does not add up, that's why I work with subjective descriptors most often when possible:)
Let's talk about that, whether it's a potatoe or a potato, a max assist of 1 or a mod assist of 2, basically we are all on the same page, it's a heavy thing to move. Ah yes, moving. I've done my fair share lately. I've moved a lot of things, here and there and this person and that leg and can't forget the walker, oh wait we need socks and watch out for that line...did you remember another gown so we don't flash anyone. All that work and okay you can only make it to the door and back, no not that far even, alright let's go back to bed.
The next day, what they are up for D/C. Alright let's see them quick. "Thanks for working with us, it was nice to meet you." Yes, meet, not know...how much can you know about a person after spending 2 hours total with them...well in a lot of cases a lot more than you wanted to know about where they live, with who, or what street, how they get around, their financial status, insurance wise anyway, height, weight, seen their backside and other parts I haven't even seen on a lot of my close friends...well, a few and not on request for sure and don't care to, but that's enough of that subject. You get the picture.
I just decided that is the main reason I don't like acutes...don't get to know the patient. We had one that we saw everyday for a week and a half and that was a very rare case, very involved and bad off patient, the kind you cringe and your stomach churns when they tell you all they remember is holding their femur (that's the BONE in the thigh) as her husband tried to grab the extra parts of her leg in case they could salvage any of it...yeah, true story. Yeah, never gonna own a motorcycle, doesn't mean I still wouldn't mind riding one occasionally, but let's face it the statistics aren't good.
I will have to get some pics of the home up here. I have a grown up room, yes, complete with matresses on a bed frame, wall hangings not posters, and other coordinated stuff around...okay so my crates with books don't match, but what's a girl to do, baby steps:)
Expect great things next week, or maybe even before that, the skies the limit.
adios

I am who I am

I am who I am and I'm okay with that. Sure, there is always room for improvement; there are always things to work on. I strive daily to survive this world so that I will get to spend eternity in Heaven. That's the bulk of who I am. I am one who will not be able to turn in a project half-heartedly done. Sadly, that is who I am so I will spend more time cleaning up the edges. I am one who will do it if I say it with conviction in my heart. I will not back down in the face of the unknown...waver, yes; shake in my knees and hold my trembling voice in as I silently ask the Father for strength, yes; turn and run the other way not looking back, no...not unless its something I need to turn and run from and not look back:) I leave that one up to God to let me know when it is appropriate to walk away, He usually pulls through, Holy Spirit of conviction and all that.
Am I strong? Sometimes. Am I weak? At times. Do I ask for acceptance either way, yes. Do I trust God loves me at both times, you bet. Any question of that check this out: Romans 14 "Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegtables. The man who eats everything must not look on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or fals. And he will stand, for the lord is able to make him stand."
Oh, it keeps going...
vs 5 "One man considers one day more sacred than another, another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. he who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone."
I love this part...
"If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."
Might as well finish it out huh?...
vs 9 "For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. You , then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on you brother? For we will all stand before God's judgment seat....vs13 Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way."
Ah, yeah, good stuff!
pick up the Bible and read through romans 14-15:13 HIS WORD IS ALIVE!
Can i get an AMEN?!

Firefly in July

Dori here,
It has been a reflective weekend. I was on my way down to the big city Friday night around dusk and there must be something in the air, but I was drawn into a contemplative state that illuminated the things around me. Midwest has it's charms that is for sure and that fine evening I was mesmorized and reminded why it will always have a special place in my heart. Let me paint the scene for you visualizers out there.
Dusk
Orange sun slipping slowly behind the horizon lined with fields, trees, and silos.
The edges of the road closing in as the corn grows higher and defies the funny ryhms that try to dictate their progress..."knee high by the 4th of July"...Ha, our corn laughs at you who grow that slowly.
Dotting the bean fields and shoulder ways along the road are the quick little splashes of light known as fireflies. These fascinating creatures make the dark a welcome event.
Occasionally, one would smash on my windshield and the streak keeps the glow for a few seconds. Those who protect insect rights to life might not like that imagery, but let's be honest I think God created enough so that I can enjoy the residual illumination from a casualty on the roadway.
Oh yes, what a pleasant evening made even more delightful with the windows rolled down, music blastin and the smell of the cornfields as i roll by. I love the summer time!
I feel this is my good-bye to the midwest for a while. i will be off on new adventures through the fall, winter, and spring. I really don't know where God will have me end up in less than one year from now.
Like I said to Senora this afternoon on a walk to get cold summer creamy slurpies, I'm excited about what is yet to come. There is so much unknown, so much I desire to do. There are tons of people to meet, help, get involved with, minister with, serve, live with, grow in Christ with, places to visit and live, different climates to experience, and God's beauty to observe and fall in love with all over the place.
This might be good-bye Midwest for now, but it's always good to come home, always a refreshing get-a-way to take the time to enjoy the drive. Let's be honest, we still got summer time to kill, no the fun is just begun.

June Bug

It is officially June. Not that the past 19 days have not really been June, but today is Saturday, the sun is shining, I have been lazily up since 6:40am, the bike trails are calling my name, and the festivals have begun. That's right, tonight I will visit a festival overflowing with ribs and barbecue sauce, which will hopefully be all over my fingers and face by the time I'm done. And it will all happen after spending most of the day outdoors in the humid sunny environment; it doesn't get much better than this folks.
I must admit, a few times I've thought of Dori and how a blog has not been posted in a while, but the ideas just weren't flowing. My creative capacity had seemed to hit a downward slope, muffled by the pressures of life, the drudge of the daily grind, the mind full of all kinds of nonsense that makes just a lot of sense and it seems there was no energy left to devote to a simple entry on the pages of the internet. Excuse, yes, worthy of missing about four weeks of blogging, you bet cha. Why? Who am I to allow such laissez faire attitude? I'm the creator. I'm the brilliance behind the machine, by gum. I am Dori, well technically no, but we all know that's my code name; the super secret top notch spy type that allows you into rooms with eyeball reading detectors. Okay, so the clinic hasn't installed those yet and I don't even have my own computer password and settings so that I can document but under the vise of my preceptor, but whose to say it's not coming in the future!
Speaking of time...it's about time you are introduced to Bernard. Bernard is one of those guys. He is super excited to see me, but I must admit he is a bit near sighted as I have to get right up in his grill, otherwise he knows I'm around, but doesn't really know it's me. I'm sure you all have a friend like this; they are always there when you need someone to listen. They don't take a lot of maintenance. You feed them every now and then to show your appreciation of their constancy in your life. I mean, he never once has gotten upset if I'm not around for a week at a time. He actually is just as good of friends with Conner as he is with me and he will be visiting her for a couple months come August. Yeah, he's a good fish.
Alright, time to start the day:)

PJ

Pj's, not to be confused with BJ's which is a fine dining establishment that we frequent for their daily specials, are awesome. Who ever thought spending a day in them could be so rewarding. I cannot recount the last time I wore them all day long, and alas i cannot say that today made it in the record books either for i admittedly had to put on gym clothes to visit the workout room, and then I did give in an shower before we went to eat at BJs and then to a used bookstore. That brings up another point, half priced or reduced price book stores. Great idea, don't get me wrong, but I feel on a ccertain level we are just feeding the animal. The only people who like to go into tose places are those who read way too much to begin with. The ones who sell their books back end up leaving with more than they came with and therefore spending just a few dollars over what they earned and therefore the viscious circle continues on, which keeps the store in business, and so on and so forth. Now, don't get me wrong, I love these people aforementioned as book addicts dearly. I currently live with one, well for another week. I grew up with two in house and for a time of my life in elementary school I was one of them. Since then, my mind has filled, my time has been called for by many other avenues such as school, doctoral projects, mindless movie watching during any free time, and of course pointless blogging such as the present. With this maturation and strolling away I find that anything I do read I like it to either feed a deeper longing such as something focused on my spiritual growth, a classic of American literature that will be a common buildig block for intellectual conversations with random strangers, or something completely entertaining like the history of farting book which was spotted at the un-named reader's delight location.
Anyway, I must go tend to my 101 Famous Poems discount purchase on this Memorial Day. I might even put on my pjs again, don't want to deviate from a good thing.

Looking at the bright side

I tend to be an optimist; I mean who likes people who are always seeing the bad side of things? Why not enjoy what ya got in front of you and go from there? What's wrong with seeing the cliche glass as half full?

Nothing.

So, when we get the chance to spend a whole class period playing DDR and exploring kid games outside on a bright sunshiny day I get excited. It actually makes me mad to hear those pessimists and Debby Downers complain about our tuition dollars at work. Sure, we all know the benefits of different types of exercise and we can figure out in the drop of a hat what certain toys are targeting, but get over yourself and your all important things to do and have some fun. Try to beat me at chicken limbo, act silly and goofy playing Hullabaloo like a 3 year old...I dare you.

Not only do I get really excited about fun activity mornings, as I was riding home today I had another great optomistic spin on a not so great situation...too bad I can't remember right now...
But take this for instance, it's cool not to have glasses for reading b/c then you have an excuse for not having to check your email as much, or that you must close your eyes and rest your head in class due to the headache from trying to see the world without major fuzz and double lines.

Ya know what else is great paying for a Frosty in all pennies. It makes the girls at the drive through window smile too; you just have to hope you get someone with an equally optomistic attitude that works there and is glad to have lots more change in the drawer than they did before.

Someday I might try paying a bill at the local bar on dollar draft night in all pennies...well probably not b/c won't be here that many more Tuesdays, and I already can tell the regular tues night waitress is not a flaming optomoist...sela vi (totally spelled wrong, sound it out)

Good night folks, i get to fall asleep to the croak of insects, humm of electricity, and revving engines tonight, gotta love living on the south side:)

Until next time keep making those eggs sunny side up

Machete

Here's a little pearl of wisdom for you eager beavers out there. In Nicaragua the tool of the trade is a machete. The people living in more rural areas walk around with one no big deal. It is a useful item to have in case you need to clear a field, blaze a trail, or practice combative fighting (not really, but it'd be fun to see). Since it is so common and a tradition of the people it is said that whatever your trade, the tool of your trade is your machete. We think of a hammer as the tool for a carpenter; the stethoscope is the doctor's signature item worn at all times. What have we physical therapists got? Our hands. We carry our machetes with us at all times, ready to be used when called into action. Our machetes can be strong or soft, listening or telling, guiding or following. Our tool is common, all have them just as all have machetes. What is your machete?

Doin the Dance

Not everyday you get asked to dance...or is it?

Dancing with the Stars, America's Top Dance Crew, Step-up...yeah, yeah, yeah we all know Dori loves to watch dancing about as much as she loves to do it herself. Well, it was just the other night that I came to the realization that I am in a dance every minute of my life. Who is my partner? Jesus. Where do we dance? Out in the middle of the floor where all can see. I'm relating it more to the ballroom style here, but follow if you can.

Her partner and her spin round and round, seemingly as one. He is the perfect partner to frame his beautiful dancer. He and she at times move as one, then he lets her go and she is now in the center spinning, moving, in step with him though they are not touching. They reunite to continue the medley. She must let him lead of they are to remain as one. He trusts her and she trusts him. He again releases her hand as she glides over the hardwood floor. He watches from afar; both his and the audiences gaze wait in anticipation to see if she will do okay on her own. She stumbles, the people gasp; He remains calm. A slight look of panic crosses her face, but she quickly masks it over with the performer's smile. He, still calm, moves along with the routine, adjusting for her - giving her the cues needed to get back in time with the music. He does not dramatically rush to her, he just appears back beside her as if there all along. Her back to him she need not look into his eyes, she need not look down at their feet to make sure they are in sync. No, she just need feel His presence; she just need allow him to continue the lead. The dance is long, they knew going it would not be easy and the crowd, not easy to please, but the judge, He looks too with traces of a smile on his face. He doesn't remember the near fall; He sees the dance. The one who should be scouring from behind the table appears instead understanding, firm, but loving, pleased that they continue until the music ends.

Grace

I've been reading some good books lately. Philip Yancey's Disappointment with God and bits and pieces from Brennan Mannings The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus. The two titles are quite different. But a lot of the same principles surface to life's tough questions. The main thing I've learned lately is all about grace. Grace for myself. Me giving grace to myself. Me opening up to receive grace from God and others. Oooo...that's hard too, but which is harder?
Check it out, one of the books talked about how we are a teacher, doctor, bookkeeper, firefighter, etc, but more importantly we are human. If we fail at the former because of the latter, then good. It is in those times when we are the weak humans and realize we are not all that, sooo cool and knowledgeable, and gifted beyond belief that we learn how to love others. If we didn't come to this lightbulb moment then pride and selfishness would most likely get in the way; it is in our failure that we learn how to have true grace for others. No judging b/c I surely have the plank in my own eye.
And so my perspective has changed. I no longer see me as here and him as there. My ministry as better than that. Oh no, his and mine are of the same vine. Mine is equal to the other, not better, just different. No one way works to reach all peoples. Paul knew this, he was conscious of it and adjusted his lifestyle when necessary. However, even Paul could not reach everyone. God used others, men and women in the church, on the road, in the marketplace. God uses male and female at the wheel, in Wal-mart, waiting in line at the restaurant, chilling out next to the pool (yes, God can use us anywhere).
I am human. I am saved by Jesus' grace. I am aware of my great need for that gift of grace. I am grateful for the opportunity to extent it to others.

Quarter Life Crisis

I've recently decided my next undertaking (post grad school, mind you) will be to write my novel titled "1/4 life crisis" or something along those lines. Basically, we all know about the mid life crisis. There are books on it, speakers acknowledge it, and people joke about it in movies and on tv. What about the mid twenties crisis? If you are here, you know what I'm talking about. If you've passed the 24, 25, 26 mark (it's different for each person) and thought I'm not where I want to be, I'm not accomplishing the things expected of people my age, my brilliant plan was not so brilliant, I have yet to make my imprint on something really spectacular, etc, etc, then know you are not alone. In my vast experience, or more like the combined experiences of friends who have related stories of their own feelings and thoughts on the 1/4 life crisis, this is a topic that needs covered. If for no other reason than I like to ramble and rumble and put my thoughts down in order to think things through and let God take it where it will go, then yes, a book it is. Now we all know I'm big talk on this and really novels aren't my forte, but why not talk it up:)
So, I'm gonna leave you hanging on this one, this is the trailer, sneak preview, the book cover that draws you in and makes you want to read on. Oh yes, coming soon (okay, give me to like 2020) to a book shelf near you..."1/4 life crisis" (said is a cheesy announcer voice).
Until then

Simplicity

"There lies a fine line between simplicity and..." - Brown Sugar
Yeah, I don't remember the whole quote from the much acclaimed movie about falling in love with hip hop and it doesn't really apply to what I'm thinking about today.
I'm thinking I'm excited. It's coming time to start giving it away and packing up for a year on the move. Excited, yes. Nervous, you bet. Anxiously anticipating all that God is going to do. All I'm gonna learn, all the people He gets to touch through me and my classmates. Living with new people, being a part of the body of Christ around the world. Yeah, I'm excited. Now how about I start living it out now. How about I focus on today, as long as it is called today so that i can encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ along the way. Sounds like a great idea. I admit I've been distracted lately, unfocused, separated, weary of doing good; I'm ready to open up my heart again and let Him back in. Simple as that, again and again. The gift of grace. The realization that once again, I can't do it on my own...school, life, cancer, disease, distance, boys, girls, lust, time, energy, intelligence, serving, loving, leading...good or bad or somewhere in between...it's not about what I can do. it's about what He can do in me.
Yep, I'm ready for simple...I know deep down life isn't simple. I know deeper down that life with Jesus is simple...don't loose eye contact or the water won't be able to hold me up.
I will throw off all that hinders and run with perseverance the race marked out before me.

Courtyard moment

Oooo...good sermon today titled Jesus Walks into the Uncertain. Doesn't matter what they call it; the premise is what counts. Looking at John 21. Set it up...after Jesus has been crucified. Disciples go back to fishing. That's what they know to do, right? They catch nothing...not looking good especially for Peter, who has not been working the past nine months because he's been following this Jesus fellow around the countryside.
Morning comes, a man on the beach asks how the fishing is...not good obviously, they didn't catch a thing. He tells them to try the other side of the boat. (Boats prob not that big that the fish could just hang out on one side and not the other) They give it a whirl...

take a step back in time...The night Jesus is betrayed. In the garden of gethsemane, mob comes, Peter cuts off guys ear, Jesus puts it back (would have loved to see that), they take Jesus to the courtyard of the high priest. Peter tags along, planning a covert op to rescue his friend (planning is a relative term here, not thinking things through too much as goes his character *refer back to the cut off ear.). Peter enters the courtyard by telling the 12ish y.o. slave girl at the gate that he doesn't know this Jesus guy. Then goes to warm himself by the coal fire (not a lot of light, easy to blend in). The girl comes over after studying Peter and knowing for sure he's one of the 12. Peter swears he's not, again denying Jesus. Peter retreats to the shadows, still in the courtyard, one can only guess he's still trying to figure out how he's gonna spring his friend who by now has started to get one of his many beatings of the night. Some guys come up and get in Peter's face; they know he is one of the disciples. Peter the third time swears he is not. In one moment, the cock crows twice and Jesus and Peter make eye contact (through a door, open air area, same courtyard remember not too big in those days). Peter knows, reality hits, the haze lifts. He knows in that instant that he did just what Jesus said he would do and swore wouldn't happen. That's his courtyard moment.

...back to the boat. The other side works, they call in another boat to help haul in the fish. Someone yells that it was Jesus on the shore, Peter dresses and jumps in the water (I would probably have thought to do the opposite...??) Peter gets up on shore to greet Jesus. The first time since he's denied him three times...oooo, what do you say now. Talk about awkward silence...After a nice fish breakfast, they take a walk. Jesus comes alongside Peter.
Jesus says: Peter, do you love me?
Peter: yes
Jesus: feed my lambs
J: Do you love me?
P: you know I do!
J: take care of my sheep
J: Do you love me?
P: you know all things, you know that I love you (I can't decide if an exclamation mark, or a teary trail of dots is appropriate here.)
J: Feed my sheep.
What do we do after those courtyard moments? You messed up, you know it, Jesus knows it. Jesus says feed my sheep. Take care of mine.
I mess up. I do what I know I didn't want to do at one point. I turn sheepishly to Jesus. He knows it. He saw it happen; He was in the courtyard with me. He tells me to get back on task and take care of His. Don't waste anymore opportunities mulling over the events leading up to the courtyard. It's over, it's done, I'm restored and Jesus says to move on. I like it. I don't feel like I deserve it, but I like it. I can't say it won't happen again, but I'm thankful for this feeling of healing, restoration, love.

Peking Duck

How cool would it be to go through life as a mime. Yeah, they kinda freak people out, but is that just b/c the others watching are not okay with the white painted face. I really think that's it; all we gotta do is get rid of the classic white face and gloves. I mean, think about it...at parties, such as last night...the best laughing comes from watching others try and act out a "thing" while friends are trying to guess it in a limited time. Granted, even if there is no time it can be hilarious watching people try. Even in cases when the word being acted out is totally not what they are doing. Take for example the pecking action seen in chickens...there may or may not have been an instance in which one nameless PT student started pecking the air with her arms winging at her sides and we all still knew she was going for peking duck. Both of which are not literally identified with the action of pecking or the full size duck animal. Come on you Chinese food fans out there, ya gotta know and be able to imagine the scenario. Classic.
Which leads me to my previous statement of what if we went through life "miming." If you think about it we already kinda do. We, as a society, are huge on non-verbals; we, as a race, communicate through non-verbals. Believe you me, this is proven fact as I go week after week to a church that speaks not my native language and yet I am able to connect with others through a smile, hug, kiss, and a very broken combination of english and spanish just so we can reassure one another that the Holy Spirit speaks all languages, even one that we cannot and that is to the individuals' heart. I come out of there feeling loved, feeling a part, feeling like I really do know my brothers and sisters in Christ even though if you would ask me about their everyday life, interests, families, I would be able to tell you a limited bit of information. Isn't that how it is anyway...we go through the everyday we see people on the street. We see people in the hallway. We know them, we exchange unspoken words of kindness or unkindness through our gaze, our acknowledgement, our undertones that tend to seep out of who we are. Isn't it that much sweeter when you feel the love from others in a smile or pat on the back that you weren't expecting. One that catches you off guard and is in itself a gift because in your mind you don't deserve it.
How many of these are missed, how many of these free gifts are given daily; yet, they are not recieved b/c the recipient is either too caught up in their own thoughts or are too involved in their own self pity. Let me tell you I bet it is more often than we think. We, like mimes, are experts at putting on the facade. The fake faces plastered on at times start to crack and what is underneath is almost too scary to admit so we patch it up, turn our gaze downward and walk on without seeing the beautiful light that might be emminating from another that could help us out and maybe even help remove a bit of crusty white that has built up on our face. Where do these people get that brilliant gift of light. What makes them able to sparkle as they walk around in this often depressing world? I think we both know deep down who it is that inflitrates their being and offers up His light as their own. Jesus is alive in people, of this I am sure and have seen the effects of. I believe b/c I have recieved the gift myself. I am not claiming to be a giver of this effervescent light all the time. Oh no, I know He is in me, shining, but I also know at times I have not let myself recieve enough of Him for me to be filled to overflowing. There are times I must rely on Him through others to get through. It is in those times, I am humbled the most to admit that I am a weak, tired, worn out, overwhelmed by the woes of this world, a very little girl. It is times like this week where I am so drained I do not make the effort to ask Him to help me; it is those times my soul cries out but I am too lazy to open my mouth to make the sounds...I think He understands; I think God hears my soul's cry as well as, if not more than, my mind and physical voice.
My Jesus never promised it would be easy. Our God never guaranteed he would keep us from pain of any kind. The Lord did say He is the Senor Todopoderoso (Lord Almighty). Jesus did say: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority. But you will recieve power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." - Acts 1:8
Ironically enough after Jesus said this he was sweeped up into Heaven and and hidden from our site. All I can say is good thing we are not like infants who do not have object permanence yet and if they can't see it, then it doesn't exist. (and some with dementia as well, funny how that whole life cycle young and old works) But good thing other wise it would be very hard to trust that He is there, He is here. His commands are still in effect even when He is not physically present. i am still called to be His light, His witness, His testimony here in my city, in the neighboring (and even lesser, or rivalrous areas), in different countries other than my own...to the ends of the earth. Yep, that's a pretty clear answer. Should I go? Yes, of course. Should I stay? If there is work to be done, absolutely. Shall I live here or there? The place doesn't matter...the city irrelevant. It's the people that count. It's who can I share this gift with today? Who can I let help me along my way, to get out of my own way at times? Who do I need to be in communion with at this point in time? The rest is just peking duck.

There is life outside MH

The sun will shine another day
We might even make some hay
How bout a hike, what do you say
The sun is brilliant out there today

The birds do sing a pretty song
Don't have to wait to hear it long
and loud and proud and over the crowd

Yes, the sun does shine on the outside
The rattlers, African killer bees, rabies infested mountain lions, cacti, prickly things, sand, rocks don't try to hide
They display proud on the mountain side
Warmed by the sun that's shining outside

What? Are those birds I hear?
No, it's the morning call to pickle ball
They come from far and near
"Court Open" is the drawing call for those desiring to play pickle ball

Oh the signs you find are all different
Watch out for blowing dust areas
These midwest people better get with it
Cattle guards can be scary ones
but by the sixth time by gall they've got it

The sun did shine another day
Even back to the grind, I really don't mind
I sit here and say, "What the hey."
If only this feeling could last, but oh with a blast
I'm again surrounded by Type As

Please tell me the sun will shine another day...

Ah, the mix of emotions that come with such a drama as this. The very complex style of rhythm and rime (rhyme?) displayed by the author is intended to take the reader along one the emotional roller coaster experienced in the past week. If one interprets, as with Shakespearean poems, then one is able to see how there was great dispair that the sun would not come out. But come out it did and it appeared in a desert like state that lifted the writer's spirits with new and exciting adventures. Then one is assured of the reappearance of the sun day after day, until fatally the day comes when the pressures of life (a.k.a. the pursuance of a doctoral degree) again creep in. This is seen in the bleak request for reassurance that the sun will shine once again. What was an uplifting care free spirit is once again roped into the confines of life inside a building with chairs, glass windows covered with thick blinds, and the only chance for survival is the short recesses allotted for a quick game of 9-square if the weather is descent.
The reader is left identifying with the author and wanting to reach out with words of comfort to reassure that spring is coming, in fact it is only days away. The snow of life is melting and there is a small glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. No one said it would be easy, in fact a famous quote from the first day goes like this: "These will be the toughest three years of your life." - KM (Thank you director, who I adore and realize this was said as a warning for those days when the sun is not rising, we are asking why did we want to do this, what were we thinking, well...we were warned.)
All that to say, the carefree spirit that was here this morning was soon squelched with the hustle and bustle of the day...the 10 hours of class will do that to ya...
Apologies Mama Bear, I promised a spirit lifter, can't deliver. Just refer back to the sun shine part, it is true. The truth is always right there: if we are able to see it is a whole other ball game...and a whole other blog:) Until then dear readers...
-Dori
escape (pronounced: "eesscapee, hey that's spelled just like the word 'escape'!"
"You can READ?"
"Yeah, I can read, I can read!"
"Here read this."
"Wallllaaabeeee Waaayyy....Siddddeneeeyy..."

Lista y Esperando...

Ready and Waiting...
So...read a book. The Barbarian Way. McManus.
Don't want to be domesticated. I want to hear my Father say, "Yes, you may jump off the roof...may want to try and avoid the pavement."
No guarantee for safety. No special rules that I will not be put in harms way.
John the Baptist.
Paul.
Stephen.
Countless others.
Missionaries in the jungle.
People that live in the ghetto.
I love it, the adventure, the unknown. Following, charging ahead at full steam (30mph) like a crash of rhinos who can only see 30 feet in front of their horn.
If only I could remember to be like those rhinos all the time. If only I could live with that intensity or the mindset of being ready and waiting to at any minute, go, speak, listen, stay, fight, etc.

Me gusta espanol

Alright, let's be honest. I once was called a flaming extrovert (thank you Flash). Funny how some things just stick with you in the back of your mind. Well, I am here today to say, "I acquiese"; it is true. I am proudly stepping into the title. I am owning up to this side of my personality. I am saying thank you Jesus for creating me with this gift. I am a "flaming extrovert" and proud of it!
Why now? What is bringing this out on a Sunday afternoon. Well, the current lightbulb moment started at a professional conference a couple weeks ago. After loosing mis amigas multiple times due to my stopping at this booth to chat, that poster to inquire, the info booth to strike up a convo about the weather comparing dry heat to moist heat, and introducing myself to a leader in the field to ask her for any ideas or contributions about my professional development project, yeah, about that time I was exhausted number one. Number two, I realized, "I am my father's daughter." And number three I loved it.
I thank Jesus for the opportunities he has afforded me to reach out. Learn from others, learn about others, and be a listening, chatty, and sometimes rediculous ear. And I was gonna link it to espanol and my new favorite church with lovely beautiful good people who share my gift of reaching out and accept me despite my less than perfect espanol speaking....but i think we are going to go to the dollar theatre for an afternoon flick...yes, time to get out of this room. I spent my hermit mode night last night, I will not do it again. After all I am an extrovert:)

Needing a check-up

Being a high end automobile there are certain expectations I have from my owner. I expect every 3-5 thou to get a new batch of oil, a refreshing change if you will. On top of that every 15-30 thou I want a full service deal. Everyone needs a physical every now and then to make sure the systems are all go; a little tune-up is always helpful to know someone else is monitoring your well-being. Is that too much to ask? Don't I start up everytime you need me, even when it is way too early and dark outside and way below zero? I mean really, do you think it is enjoyable to get scraped off and be expected to warm up in 10 minutes only to sit in a cold parking lot for 10 hours; no, it's not.
Alright, no longer talking as a vehicle. Obviously an inanimate object has no feelings and can't talk, duh...but it is fun to put yourself in a creative way and try to imagine what it would say, theoretically...
I will say, I have neglected Dori a bit lately. She is over due for her 30 thousand physical/oil change, but no longer a salt carrier. I was happy to accomplish one task and actually take her through a car wash, her first automatic experience and she survived. Got along better than "my favorite sister" and her first car wash experience, which I can honestly say I do not remember, but the stories abound of her aversion to sitting in a car in the car wash. Ah, the trauma we face as youngsters who do not understand the large world around us.
Let's be honest, things go by the wayside when one spends way too many hours a day in a building, on a campus, trying to fit in time for life amidst the small hours of reprieve of "work".

Things that could be done, but...oh the time

• clean the room
• clean the bathroom
• feed Bernard...apparently he can last a solid 4 days without food, that's the kind of pet to have!...no wonder he is a little see through currently...
• oil change, obviously, but goal for this week
• letters to friends to tell them how much they are appreciated
• food preparation besides opening a can or frozen package or microwaving
• studying right now...??? yeah, not gonna stick past midnight, proven by experience
• read the three+ journals and magazines sitting bedside
• be still and know that He is God...a recurring request from the Big Guy.

Things to do after midnight

• watch late night tv
• blog
• talk to friends who work nights and are guaranteed to be awake as well
• facebook catch up time
• come up with ideas that don't require much brain power
• put in a movie to fall asleep to
• eat ice-cream (acceptable at any hour)

Things to do when you run out of things to do

• ummm...open to suggestions

Pickin your nose

Dori here,
I realize it has been a good while since the last little blogger blog blog. Many excuses come to mind such as: "I've been busy." "My life has taken a turn in another direction." "My computer has been out of order." "I suffered a TBI secondary to not taking my profs advice and forking out the doe for a new helmet (as he put it: $50 or a TBI) as mine has superficial cracks from falling on the ground...and then having the bike land on it."
As you can see, none of these warrent or are even true enough for me to pass the buck on my absence from days with dori land.
So, what has been happening in my wee little brain recently, well aside from not suffering a TBI, i have learned a lot, added to what's already there, and made a few new discoveries about myself. One of the new things that I was thinking upon previous to employing my fingers for the current task of typing, was the age old question, which is 'Do you pick your nose?' Granted, one might not hear this question in the spoken form often, but that by no means is an indication that it is not lingering in the back of someone's mind. Oh no, we all wonder who does it. Who are the true nose pickers out there. At times it is not a hidden fact. We've all peeked in the window of the next driver over at a stop light to catch them in the act. Then there's the guy shuffling along in Wal-mart or standing mulling over which movie to pick out that unconsciously and unashamedly points finger and inserts into nostril in broad daylight.
I am not judging mind you. To each his own. I find it down right hilarious to see a kid digging away only to have mom reach over and hit his/her hand away only to reinsert the moment she goes about her business. Which brings me to the next key point of nose picking. What to do with the gold nugget once it's out of the treasure chest? Whew, this is a hard one cover. Reason says to some put it back in another orifice as quick as possible. To these booger eaters I have one thing to say...noooooo don't do it, oohh aahhh...too far away slow motion kicking in with hand raising and...(grimace, half-turn away, but still watching like a bad car wreck)...too late. Of those folk I am not a fan, though I do understand their reasoning. It is a challenge to find a tasteful (no pun intended) and descrete way of disposing of the aforementioned booger. When one flick of the finger doesn't do the trick, or the second or third, drastic times call for drastic measures. I have encountered the super sticker. You know this kind, it will not budge, it's like a bad mime trick only this time it's real; the goo transfers finger to finger to thumb to finger as you try to flick and whip and finger nail it off of there. No such luck. Each individual has their patented next more whether it is the most hygenic kleenex grab, the stretch and wipe on some upholstered object, or the flagrant transfer to personal clothing because by now the energy is gone to cover up the done deed.
Ah yes, it's sad but true. We've all been there, some more recently than others. Some more admittently than others.
Hello, my name is Dori. I am a night picker. My last pick was about 20 minutes ago.
:)

Without the cape hes just a mouse...

Mighty Mouse is my hero, hands down the best super hero ever dreamed up. Today I was running on the treadmill (blah, not a favorite of mine, but it was dark and cold out) and my mind started to wander. I thought of the days of old when the three mile easy days were like sweet nectar of the gods that we cherished almost as much as our two hour dinners in Baldwin. Then my mind turned to the not as long gone days when I would gather stares and comments just by wearing my cut-off and carrying a tray in the aforementioned Baldwin. Finally in comes Mighty Mouse, and the fond memory I had of winning the category of best costume at the "superhero skate night" at the local roller rink.
It makes you thimk...did Mighty Mouse (MM) work out? where did he get that stunning outfit? without the cape is he just a regular mouse?
Though I do not know the answer to the first two questions, I feel the correct reply to the third is yes. Yes, minus the superhero get up I bet he still enjoyed a bit of cheese for dinner like the rest of us. I'm sure when he went to bed at night in his little hideout that he sometimes talked in his sleep, tossed and turned over the events of the day, or slept the whole night through from complete exhaustion.
MM is my inspiration. I want to wake up every morning, put on my cape in the form of the armor of God that is supplied in an unknown way and on the moment's request. I recognize that without the supernatural power that He gives I am simply a human, bound to stumble, stutter, and see things less than clearly (not to mention that reading glasses would be huge as my computer is closer than normal to my face).
Ah Mighty Mouse, we will go far me and you...no matter the physical shape, we will try, we will fight, we will train our bodies, but knowoing all the while that we need the super hero powers that only God can provide to do the life changing, eternity impactiing sort of super hero things.

Be Still

Be still and know that I am God - Psalm 46

This morning reading "The Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer I run across this piece that speaks directly to my unsettled insides in light of the start of another semester manana. It said this: Modern Christianity is simply not producing the kind of Chrisitan who can appreciate or experience the life in the Spirit. the words, "Be still, and know that I am God," mean next to nothign to the self-confident, bustling worshiper in this middle period of the twentieth century.

I add in now in the beginning of the 21st century how much more true is that statement .? Just the mere thought of beginning a new period of this journey called "grad" school makes my blood pressure rise and sends my heart into atrial fibrilation. It is just at that moment, as always seems to happen (probably b/c He knows all, sees all, feels all) that something like that preface and running across Psalm 46, the whole chapter, that sends a peace to my fluttering heart.

It is in these moments of relaxation where grace abounds all the more. It is in these final hours of freedom that I ask the timeless question what kind of excuse is it to say "I/He/She am/is in grad school," and thereby makes it okay to busy ourselves bey9ond understanding. I am a literal, realist, don't talk b.s. kind of person who is all about putting the money where the mouth is and whatever other clever saying you care to think up. Basically, I am tougher on myself that need be, then others would dare and I'm thinking it's time for no more excuses . It's time to take and make the time to invest in the relationships throughout the day. Take the time to investigate a place to go to grow and worship and learn about a diferent culture, language, and people. Stop the distractions, sit, breathe, meditate, chew the cud like a cow does only use the Word of God (attribute that one to church this a.m. where this concept of being still came up again at the end of Psalm 46.) Like I always say I not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but when God puts the same color crayon in front of your face three times in a row...I can figure out I probably need to recongize and pick up on something.

so until 10a.m. tomorrow I will definitely be still. After that even no excuse not to be still and know that He is God.

Stubborn

Today I became a Pandora user. I've known about it for a while and feigned interest when others talked about it. One could blame it on grad school life as to why I never took the time to sign up and create my own radio stations to play according to my whims; I attribute it to my stubborness.

A favorite story of my mom's is her sharing of my most used phrase as I went through the terrible twos, threes, fours...etc. "I do it myself," the toddling youngster proclaimed. That was probably right before, after, or somewhere in the mix as to the time I told my dad that the spanking he just expended "didn't hurt"; I didn't repeat that phrase a minute later. Again, stubborn? I think so.

I retell these tales to give you a bit of humor in your day, let you know a bit more about me, but most of all to see how far I've come, or haven't I?
I mean honestly, I no longer throw temper tantrums and get all red in the face over minimal things. I do go out for long hard runs or lifting sessions and get all red in the face over things that prick me in the wrong place.
Really, I have changed; I no longer stuff back the tears and act all tuff and indifferent when people come and go. Well, okay we're still working on that one.
Seriously, I mean who would still make their mom's Christmas present using paint, glue, the occasional glitter, patchwork of memories really? Ummm...gosh, this isn't working out for me.
Okay, so my point being, I have grown, we all do. There are things I think, contemplate, live for that were not on the radar years ago. Does this make me a completely different person? No, God created my personality and personally placed it inside of me to make me who I am then and now. Sure, I've refined it, learned when to control different parts of it, identified certain redeeming qualities that it brings forth, repented for those that i have trouble harnessing, and I'm still a work in progress. The stubborn thing, it's always gonna be there. Deal with it.

I think being stubborn's a good thing. I am too stubborn to stop believing I can make my body my slave (1 Corinthians 9:27) and it will carry me many, many more miles before it gets a long rest. I am so stubborn that I think all my prayers will be answered and every person will answer directly to Jesus one day. I am stubborn enough to entertain thoughts of my future as pole-vault coach, dance instructor (for friends of course:), part-time international PT clinic worker, 70.3 Ironman woman, professor to those needing professing, the list goes on, really wherever, whenever, whomever, however God wants me. Yeah, I'd call that stubborn.