run, walk, crawl

Title not to be confused with the ever famous blow off college course titled Walk, Jog, Run (especially when taken by cross or track athletes, not pointing fingers or anything, but really, really....)

"Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must." - Dean Karnazes

If you are like me, you have no idea who Dean K is...guess it doesn't matter b/c he has a kick butt quote that pretty much sums up the attitude of any endurance athlete who has the inner drive to make it across the finish line (whether tangible or just one set in one's own mind).

And it's pretty much how I feel about life at this point. Might as well 'go all out...beyond any doubt. I want my life to shout that God is alive in me' sorry got carried away with UW lyrics...those songs, man they apply to all life situations. we are equipping those kids for life, not just sports camp by golly!

let's talk about my next project...after the completion of intramural b-ball season of course.
it's called, how many times in ones life can a person coerce the muscle fibers to act more type 1 or type 2, this time leaning more toward the type 1 of course for my tri career... love it, let's see if all those peer reviewed articles are correct or not, wahahaha.

now let's discuss how i just had the realization that i never want to be a long distance coach, not head coach anyway b/c then I'd have to deal with all that jazz of making up killer workouts to specifically target certain systems like the Krebs cycle, electron transport chain, mitochondria ahhh!!! make it stop! Let's stick to pole-vault: hold this, run as fast as you can, get your plant high and don't let your arms bend, flip upside down as fast as you can, and the rest is cake...oh yeah and don't forget to throw the pole back so you don't miss on account of that silly mistake.
how much more simple can it get? *she says sarcastically*

Promiscuous

What does it say about a girl when her friend calls her each time this song is played on the radio? Well, it could say a lot of things, but mostly it says there is a very good memory attached to that particular song and we won't go into the details. Oooo I love leaving it hanging in suspense. If one is not familiar with the song, feel free to ask for a play by play, but the title pretty much says it all.
Then I got to thinking how I am definitely the antonym, not the synonym to promiscuous by terms of how the world defines it. Which then led me to compare and contrast quickly in my mind how the Lord views this word, promiscuous. Would Christ share that assumption? I think, in fact, I am probably very guilty of promiscuity. After reviewing the files and finding the example that: If a man even looks at a woman lustfully, then he has committed adultry in God's eyes. Welp, there you have it, my heart is a wayward one and my mind even more difficult to direct on the right path at times. In light of this first I ask God, Jesus Christ to forgive me once again and again, and again. Then, I resolve and remind myself of how important, critical, necessary prayer is...at all times.
Lastly, I accept the reminder of the pop tune Promiscuous as a theme song for great dancing and laughs. and if it is late at night, as it is now, then I will let me mind think on the deeper things, and try to make sense of it all...and dwell on how Good our God is for giving me a way out, for forgiving me for a wayward heart, for loving me despite my shortcomings, for being strong where and when I am weak...O gosh, He's sooo good! (double fist shake and pump b/c I can't express it all any other way)

Dear Lord,
This is to you. I sit here in a supposedly sunny south where I have yet to feel the humid heat they so oft brag about. God I feel like I'm healing. I recognize this as yesterday we went to workout...first lifting with weights more than 10 lbs in 8 weeks time. First shooting hoops in more than 28 weeks plus. First time in a long time since I've felt the feeling that your leg won't hold you up if you try to jump on it anymore. God, what a good feeling, to know you reached total fatigue. Then, as you know better than I, the muscles are inflammed, swollen, they will grow sore hour by hour. The little guys will come in to try and clean up the damage. The phages will clean up the garbage, new cross bridges will be built, stronger than before, never to be the same.
Is that how it is with all things. I reached a point of fatigue for sure probably Sunday. Traveling from one city to another by car, emotions sitting in the backseat, ripped apart from my chest b/c I didn't want to house such brokenness anymore. Lord, you speaking to my downtrodden heart, telling me it will heal once again. YOu will be the one to heal it. The next day jumping in a plane at the buttcrack of dawn, take that back, it didn't crack through until half way to the final destination. Too physically tired to even acknowledge the emotions riding along in my backpack. It was all erased though with the meeting of super friends for that is where you are. God I thank you for the way you provide people, places, situations where I can see clearly. In this case clearly into just how blessed I am to have loved and be loved in such a short period of time. Blessed immensely in comparison to all the crap out there and more devestating scenarios that happen every minute of every day.
When two or more are gathered in your name, you are here/there/everywhere. Lord if we gather in spirit, by phone are you there a well? Just a thought...
Anyway, sharing in the lifes, hearing of your goodness, witnessing your love being poured out on others to strengthen and encourage them in different cities, different places of work, school, seasons of the soul you might say. Bringing to light the beauty of your works in individuals. Praying and talking with your beloveds. Lord, that is my cleaning. That is where you are helping my heart and soul carry out the injured parts, make ready for the rebuilding phase. I think now, as I sit here, as Flash and I have some good talks, as I get to wake up to nothing but the rooster's crow (seriously, it happened today and I thank you God for the smile it put in my heart.) I am being rebuilt. My physical body, not so much, the legs feel yesterdays fun and the pending doom of immense and intense DOMS; yet, maybe as my body heals, so the heart will mend as well, huh God.? Yeah, I trust you with it. You have yet to leave me out to dry. As sure as I am that my body will repair, I am even more sure that my inner being will be strengthened as you have your way. My weaknesses brought to light all the more so that you will be glorified as your power works in and through me.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
Thank you Lord Jesus. Praise you my God and King.
Isaiah 52:13-53:12
53:5...and by His wounds we are healed.
King Jesus, In your prescious name...by your blood...

Marriage

He told me last year he lost his wife of 64 years. He said if he had a heart attack right now it would be okay with him. We shouldn't try to bring him back. It makes sense; can't see why he would want it any other way. He's talking about his daughter. he is so proud of her; this is the third time this week he's told about her professional career. Another question is asked; doesn't matter, he can't hear a thing.

To Know and Be Known

She sits holding his hand, knowing he escaped death. He is different since the stroke; yet, he's the same. He can understand us perfectly, but the words to express are not quite there. His personality, independence, fast-paced ways are still present; there is no hiding it.
'Will we make it to the golden anniversary?' she thinks.
To know him so well...she gets frustrated at all the ways things will be different, unsafe. He's the same; he won't listen.
Their hands are apart.
He's guarded; he leans back as they talk about how unsafe he is, like he's not right there.
She knows him, the tension is back, the tone in his limited words tell of his immense frustration, unsettled feelings. She remembers their first date, first time they held hands, first born, first time he left in anger...he came back. He's distant now, wrapped up in his basement den. When did it change? 'It was gradual,' she muses. That's what they say. How time flies. The silver anniversary was a good one. Something about his strong hands has always brought her comfort. he will get better; he's too stubborn not to.
We will hold hands again; our next anniversary is 43 years. Forty-three years is a long time. It's no 64, but then again neither are we.

They know, it's visible to the rest of the room.

She flashes a tight half smile to her husband and quickly diverts her eyes. The tears start flowing when her granddaughter gives her a tight hug from behind. She is a hard worker they say. She does all her homework in between sessions. She has made great gains; this makes the tears come harder. Not a dry heart in the room. Plans are discussed, decisions made...not really. More time, keep working. She gets that tight half smile again; no one can say for sure, but the whole smile should emerge again one day. Time. He will take her home only when she can go to stay, no day pass, no visit. His words are short, firm, heavy. Next week. Their eyes meet, they know.

Time Flies

Wow...December 4th...Where does time go? Lots to contemplate on this chilly (less than 20 degrees w/ wind chill factored in) winter evening.

Contemplation #1:
Living in the mid-west I have recently had my eyes opened to this less than hidden secret. I will share this with you dear world with the understanding that it go no further than your computer screen; we are never to talk of this again. Well, not never, but the suspense is killing you isn't it?!? Here you go. A woman's social status is partly determined by the number of chitlins she hath birthed. Oh yes, true statement. Since I've been out in the "real world" recently, the subject of babies, kids, grandbabies has come up a lot. I find myself asking about others kids and family as a means of generating conversation out of thin air with patients while they work or take a rest break, which happens very often for some of our more debilitated elderly population. It is interesting; it is a point to hold in high regard. I mean, I couldn't do it right now, those things take time, energy, your sleep, etc, etc. Moms are to be honored, revered even if they are of the kind that raise their children up even when the little monsters are less than tolerable (I speak of myself as a child; I've heard stories) and in high gear 24/7. It is just interesting to be in the age bracket now where I'm "expected" to have a "pregnant uterus" (class joke) sometime soon. I leave it at that and say thank you to all those who do not force the midwest tradition down my throat or even often hint at the same. I thank you mother for enduring the years of my stubborness, well, probably still got some of that, but you did earn the revered title "Mama". I might even have to start calling you that:) As long as it's not prefaced with "Big" huh?:) hehehe.

Contemplation 2:
Country music rocks! It all started on the drive back from Thanksgiving break...and it hasn't stopped. I take that back, it all started back in the younger years riding around with Dad in the truck, "helping him work" in the shed, and on the country roads of yesteryear; it's always a welcome companion in the journey of life. I just find it soothing as I sit here and cheers from Margaritaville drift in and out with the twang of guitars and sweet southern accents. Ahhh...music to my ears, literally.

Contemplation 3:
Be content. Do not plan the future selfishly. - James, paraphrase. Makes me think everytime I read it, everytime God chooses to present it me on a new day as I sit unaware of how my mind needs to be redirected. Or maybe I am aware, just unwilling, or unable to change it myself. Either way, as a friend, JDizzle himself, shared with the congregation yesterday night, live each day in His will. How can i attempt to plan the future, when the future is left up to His leading? Impossible. How can I say in a year I will be here or I want to do that, when I really want to do whatever He wants? No Way Jose! Once again i resolve to surrender, to crawl up on the altar, a living sacrifice. I'm certain to inch my way off slowly, one wandering thought at a time, but I repent. I submit to the fact that I will do my best and rely on Him for the most of it. His power is made perfect in my weakness (good verse, can't tell you the location). I resolve to plan my future by the mantra of "whatever/wherever/however you want God". I give you permission to throw this back at me whenever you hear me talk of selfish ideas that benefit no one but myself. i.e. completing a 70.3 Ironman triathlon. Sure, i can do triathlons, I can train and enjoy the abilities God has gifted me with, but that shall not be my sole focus, my thoughts shall not revolve around those goals. No, my first and foremost is to help others, to venture to the places where i am most able to serve. If God chooses to use me to serve triathletes, you better believe I will be in there with em, but if God chooses to send me to the children of Managua, you better believe I will be in those slums with em.

That's enough contemplating for one night;)
until next time, stay warm

Reluctantly We Grieve

Reluctantly I compose this particular night's musings. My heart/mind has been full this week as God and I tread through these uncertain waters together. Uncertain to me though I feel not so much to Him.
Why do I dread to type away on such a topic as grief/death/dying? Self explanatory.

I start with a C.S. Lewis quote about the clash of grief and faith:
"The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God, or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary for no even moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't."

There you have it, a subject so grey that no good God would make us deal with it unless it was a necessity. Therefore, I feel it a bridge we all have to cross, literally and figuratively, and I choose to share as I wrestle with these feelings. Why would I share, other than I feel compelled to do so? Something about a chord of three strands is stronger than one...and I want to feel I do not venture out on a one strand chord. No; rather, whoever reads these words, their chord joins with mine and we are that much stronger along with the power of the Holy Spirit of course.

Where do we start? We cry, we stare in shock, we feel normal (denial), we get mad, we accept the facts. I don't know that you feel all these in each situation, or that you should. I refute the fact, with personal experience, that they happen in a certain order or at distinct intervals. My gut tells me a little part of each is tasted of with momentus or tragic events that happen in our own lives, or more likely those of others.
Something triggers the memory, someone comes to mind, and the wave of strong emotion overtakes us. Whether it is visible from the outside, or if you are like me and are good at hiding it 90% of the time when there is a chance that others are present then no-one but yourself (and Jesus) sees the autonomic effects that happen in the viscera of your stomach. Maybe you are a cryer, the tears flow like a spring Monsoon. No matter, it happens either way, the body reflects the feelings of the heart. There is some sign, whether acknowledged or not that accompanies the outpouring of a soul. Why do so many of us try to hide it? Why must our culture taboo such natural happenings?
No matter, one person knows it all. Jesus. He was here. Jesus wept. Jesus lost a friend to untimely death, Lazarus.

To quote Max Lucado:
"Q: What kind of God would put people through such agony? What kind of God would give you families and then ask you to leave them? What kind of God would give you friends and then ask you to say good-bye?
A: A God who knows that the deepest love is built not on passion or romance but on a common mission and sacrifice.
A: A God who knows that we are only pilgrims and that eternity is so close that any "Good-Bye" is in reality a "see you tomorrow"
A: A God who did it himself."

Jesus experienced it all; he knows the bad that comes with the good.
Jesus lost alot more than we will ever know to untimely death of the soul. No wonder we feel the call to pray, to intercede if you will for that certain one. Let's be glad we are not in any position to know the condition of the souls around us, for I feel no mere human could make it through an hour in this world with that knowledge. No, I know I could not survive with such intelligence.

In light of all this, I grieve on. I allow myself to dwell on the subject for a bit longer, though not too long or I would fear the transformation of my natual disposition. No, I will glean only what God has for me on this topic and will gladly move on to the next. I say Good-Bye, knowing I will see you later.

it's about that time

I'm feeling it...the itch to get out there and travel. It has officially been three weeks and two days since I made the journey to the gateway to the west. Not too long I realize, but I've been thinking. I love the country. I just need a day, maybe two, or three to get away. maybe it's not even the country, just to get to a spot where I can relax, like really relax without having this or that in the back of my mind.
HA! Good luck i think, technically we are in the end stages of a semester with Christmas break less than five weeks away. The end of this lap is near. I am ready to get back to the familiar. Realize now, that once this gets familiar I will be leaving...just last weekend I hit the "ahhh, I like it here." The people are transitioning from acquaintence to friend, the roads are not requiring maximal brain power to navigate (unless I'm going for a new place to visit).
God has been good. If I'm here for no other reason than so that He can teach me more about His goodness and faithfulness, then His goal is accomplished.
It's midterm week, the week of my first evaluation of myself by my CI and, well, myself.
In honor of this let's make a list, shall we, of all the things I'm learning...not related to PT necessarily, though unavoidably some might venture there.

The List
1. I like knowing and being known by others.
2. Relaxation is a relative term for each stage of life. This stage it is characterized by reading what I want to read, taking a bath on a cold day after a long run, and running/exploring with furry friends.
3. I am a runner at heart.
4. People over the age of 70 have lots of stories to tell.
5. God's family spans the globe and people are most beautiful when they let His light shine forth and bless others just by being open to others.
6. God placed my new friend, Mustang, in my life to teach me how I can be an awesome women of God even if I'm still single 10 years from now.
7. God opened my eyes to how He answered a prayer I prayed years ago. He said yes, I said, woah, why did I pray it like that:)
8. I love coloring with crayons.
9. You gotta teach the dog just who the "big dog" is.
10. Christian radio is not available everywhere.
11. Lists shouldn't be too long, then you just get overwhelmed:)

it's about that time
time to move on...to simplify. to take stock of what is really important in life. Does it matter what I have to wear, where I hang out at or who hangs out with me. If i get to talk to that person or know what's going on all the time. It's time to get rid of computers and telecommunications for awhile and escape into simplicity. Mind you, I greatly appreciate the opportunity I've had to stay in contact with those most dear to me. I would not have survived so well the first couple weeks without the gift of cell phone and email. But this too shall pass and I am considering when i can take a week, oh yes, whole week to turn off the phone, unplug the computer, grab a journal, Bible, hang out, relax, like we did back in the old days, trust someone will be there where and when they said, ask directions in person, etc. Don't worry folks this will not happen for at least another five weeks or so...hmmm...but I'm thinking now how this could unfold:)

I leave you, dear reader, with the prayer that God bless you and keep you, that He make His grace and peace wash over you in a flood and that you will let yourself be loved, truly loved by Him.

What’s with the Pants?

Okay for years it has escaped me the desire some people have to wear the tall socks or even the decorated ones. After entering the professional world where your dress pants are a hindrance to movement and you end up hiking them up so you can bend and twist and climb and guard, I get it. I understand the desire to wear funny socks b/c let’s face it, everyone is gonna see them, how they don’t match anyway, or your ankles; take your pick, might as well have some fun while we’re at it. In light of this revelation, I will no longer snub my nose at the pants that allow a peek at the ankles, but I’ll still be sure to point out the ever illusive kankles! Shout out to Team Kankles…that brings back the memories.

"Just follow the sultry sound of my voice" - Monsters Inc

Many of you know, if you have conversed with me in the wee hours of, well any time of the day, that my voice very easily gives me away. If I chat with you in the morning before I have had time to warm up the vocal cords on the drive or ride to start my day, then my voice tells of the sleep I just woke up from and they are a little rusty from the night’s sleep. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if we talk when my body is slowing down after a long day, then I sound quite similar to a man and it is imperative that I do not talk to anyone who could easily be confused or hard of hearing. Thinking of how my voice and inflections are a huge part of how I communicate and how others learn to understand me is a reflection on an earlier encounter I had this day. Sitting outside the Bread Co, minding my own business…soaking up the morning rays, reading, listening to a little Rob Bell, writing my thoughts down…all of a sudden I hear it, “Girloquilish”. If this is not familiar to you it is either because you are not a girl, or you have not yet had the definition of this new word I just created. Let me lay it down for you. Giloquilish is a language spoken by the majority of females of ages ranging from 12 – 22. It can be found among some a bit younger or even older than the listed ages, but for all intents and purposes it is most notable in the teen and early twenties. What is this language I speak of? For a direct encounter, please, sit around any gathering of these young gals and listen, one not need listen intently even for the decibel level is on average measured at an eight (on a ten point scale, ten being loudest). Things to observe as this language is used: voice inflections that resemble the ever popular “valley girl” and “prissy missy”, intonations that are ever dramatic, and life altering events in the form of “and then he ____” and “she said _____.” Now that we have established an understanding, I must admit I was a former speaker of Girloquilish. It is not something I am particularly proud of, but it was a stage in my life that helped form me and I look back and recant the error of my ways. I’ll take the manly sleepy voice any day over the girly dramatization that affected my middle school and part of my high school days. I will say the Girloquilish may fade away with age, life changing circumstances, and even maturation obtained through further education and jobs; however, a new language seems to plague the elder of our population of 20’s & 30’s. Yes, Childish talk is on a rise. When one finds that special someone, or a group of close friends who know you almost as well as anyone else could, then it happens. The low voice and sweet sound that flows from the tongue no matter the content of the words is heard far and near. Listen the next time The Originals get together for the yearly gathering; it will be there. Have you been around Jasmine lately as she greets her husband as he comes home from work; she knows it’s true. It is a blessing, it truly is to share the common language that expresses the deep love and commitment of years of knowing one another. I feel blessed to be able to say that I can speak multiple languages. I can pull out some Girloquilish if the situation arises. I speak fluent Childish and soon to be fluent Spanish as well.
For more information regarding this linguistics study just contact Dori; she will be happy to share.

Where have the days gone?

Wow, November is here. the leaves are mostly turned and starting to fall to the ground for optimal crunching as one walks along the sidewalks and roadways of St. Louis. The sunshine is pouring in the windows beckoning me to spend every possible moment soaking it up in anticipation of the many cold days to come. People running by are almost pulling me out there to join them, soon enough, after church you better believe I will be hurrying to catch up to them. On the other hand as I sit here in St. Louis Bread Co, or Panera, to all you people from every other area of the U.S., I cannot help but relay my mix of emotions. On one hand, I sit here alone, tap, tap, tapping away on my keyboard. I look out and see other people conversing, enjoying the company of their friend, significant other, or family. The cutest father son combo you've ever seen just vacated the seats to my right, pulling on their helmets for the ride home. I see the other people here with their computers or papers splayed out in front of them seemingly deep in thought. Seemingly because I possibly appear the same way, but this train of thought not so intense as I imagine others may be as they attempt to stuff information into the recesses of their brain to pull out later for an upcoming test or project. Either way, we sit here alone and I cannot feel bad because just yesterday I was one who was here as a part of a family. We sat and ate and talked and enjoyed the day all day long. We were walking and seeing and experiencing as much St. Louis originalness as three gals could fit into a day, or as far as their legs would allow them to walk, whichever came first. I dare say the walking was the limiting factor as we felt it for sure and the hottub was a welcome relief at the end of the day.
But the next day is the worst I spose as I go back to being the one alone with the city as my back yard. Hmm...oh the gratefulness I feel for the modern inventions of telephone, internet, free wireless to at least give the feeling of being connected no matter the miles between us. Oh the praise I give to God above for the body of Christ alive and well all around the world. As I prepare to go to church, I look forward to the interaction I will have with people who overflow with His light and love and will feel a part once again for a little bit of something bigger than myself. I will get to escape to a safe place where I can sit and soak it up. No worrying about the next step, just trying to be, just breathing. Living with His presence with every breath. YHWH with every breath i breathe b/c He is just that, the breath of life.

Let's Go for a Walk

this might sound horrible, terrible, inhumane, and like "what, this is our future of health care?" but hear me out...
Walking a patient is like walking a dog.
There it is, now to defend the previous statement. The parallel exists in that they seem to have instincts...always trying to go before you're ready or not wanting to move when you say okay. Both scenarios require constant reminders to stay safe. For example, the dogs need to be reminded to stop before you cross the street, don't lunge for the bigger dog we pass by, etc. The humans need to be reminded to push from the chair, reach for the walker, stand up straight, no, you can't put all your weight through the leg that has a fractured hip. I mean, really are we asking too much? Am I too demanding? Granted it sounds easier to walk a dog at this point, but if the dog were elderly and generally debilitated and suffering from either a fractured hip, CVA, or something of the like, fear of falling, decreased strength, ROM, endurance, hearing, sight, the list goes on, then I would venture to say we would just pick the dog up and carry it.
Trust me, I am torn. Part of me says, you gotta be kidding me these elderly people have been through enough, can't we just let them sleep in the recliner if it is more comfortable for them. Can't they pretty much do what they want? I mean they've made it this far; let's reward them for all the years of hard work, all the years of putting up with the crap of this world! Let them sit there and look all cute, don't make them get up and walk.

Then my better judgement kicks in and my highly trained mind overtakes the soft heart and I see with a new set of eyes. These eyes see potential! Think of how far they can progress; they do not need to regress any more. I want to improve that sitting and standing posture so they can function better and be more independent no matter if they are headed for the nursing home, a family member's house, or eventually back to living alone and taking care of themselves. Therefore, no, she shouldn't sleep in a recliner! Yes, we have to get up and walk and we're gonna do it again later. You better believe we are going to do ankle pumps, quad sets, glut squeezes, heel slides, and all those other lame-o exercises b/c they actually are challenging for you (amazes me that they are, but the fact that the weight of your own leg is enough to wear you out...) and we're gonna do them everyday twice a day.

So, I decide that at the end of the day when I've walked the patients and the dogs I am thankful for them both.
I enjoy the human personalities I get to see and interact with daily. I know even though this one can't express what he's thinking...I know he's wiley and I can tell when it's a rough day b/c the laughs aren't there, the eyes tell it all. And she is a strong willed one and knows enough medical terminology from all her doctors and therapists over the years to put a first year PT student to shame, but she needs encouragement too, she needs to be challenged. This other lady is sharp, she is a social bug for sure, her Red Hat Society blanket is proof enough of that and she remembered my name from day one and is always sure to tell me good morning. I like her.

Then back on the new homestead, when the roommates MIA for the day the dogs are a welcome friend to tell about the day. Slider is a great listener, all you have to do is scratch away and he'll stay close. Riley tries to act all big a tough, but after a while he wants a good pet-down too and will lean in for a good 2 minutes before getting distracted by the multiple holes in the back yard that need to be dug. Really, what do you smell down there? Does that grass really taste good?

In light of this I have decided for sure once I'm able, once I'm practicing on my own; I need a dog. A therapy dog, doesn't even have to be for anyone elses therapy other than my own, but it would be cool to raise a dog to use for therapy as well. A furry friend to come home to and then share with others who could use that sensory input, that companionship, unconditional love...oh yes, God knew what He was doing when he created dogs.

Ahh...the rain has stopped, the clouds persist, but for now anyway the drops have ceased. I think the dogs need a jog tonight, or maybe I do, either way we will get along good I have a feeling:)

Clinical Sendoff Fresh Princess of Martin Hall Style

As per request here are the lyrics to the latest :) You know what tune you need to hum in your head so do a run through first, then enjoy and picture me in my big yellow puffy vest. ;)

In south Indianapolis born and raised
In Martin hall is where we spend most our days
Assistin’ out max and ataxin’ all cool and playing some 9 square outside of the school
When a couple of profs who were up to no good
Starting holding practicals in my neighborhood
I forgot one lil gait belt and dropped a GA
She said, “You’re heading out to the clinic today?!”

I ran to the lab and when I got there I saw Renee doing Trendelenburg and boy I got scared
If anything I could say that this gal is weird but I thought ah forget it I’m off to Clinicals

I pulled up to the hospital at half past 8 and yelled to my CI, “Yo, where the scrubs at?”
Looked at the equipment, I was finally there
And I thought O snap, what’d I learn in Neuro?

Milk and Cookies

*in case you needed help with the mental image

It's all about the milk and cookies. First, take the cold refreshing glass of skim milk. Second, dump in the pack of mini size oreos prepackaged for delight. Third, let em soak (as we speak), smush em up a bit, and whala! What do you get? A treat that makes me salivate just thinking about it, a smashing great taste that was made for my tastebuds to shout about, a drink that ya gotta get the spoon out for so you can scoop up the cream filling from the bottom and then get your nose dirty as you try to lick out the cup b/c you want don't want to waste a drop. Get the picture? It's good stuff.

Like I said, it's all about the milk and cookies. Not sure this has any deep theological philosophical meaning that is easily attached, but you can bet I'm going to do my best to attach one;)

You see, the milk is like us...oh sorry, time-out for consumption of oreo milk...ah...yes, I licked out the mug. Too bad we don't have tongues like cows...their tongues are amazing, they can lick their own nose, not just the nose part, but actually inside the nostil, on both sides...if you haven't witnessed this man are you missing out!

But yes, we are like milk, pure, white, after we have been forgiven by Jesus for our sins...and okay, I'm done. Not gonna pull that one together.

Let's just chat. Things I'm sick of...I'm sick of playing phone tag with my friends that live in different states. I'm frustrated b/c sometimes it'd be nice to see a smile, a tear, a kidding face instead of trying to hear it over the phone lines. I'd like to feel the hug, the hand, the arm, the new hair style instead of...not. I'm a very tactile person. If this past year of school has taught me nothing else it has taught me this: I like touch. We are beings of touch. Some like it more than others, some prefer this or that. People associate different things with it, frankly it's all true b/c that's how that person percieves it, it's valid b/c that's how they feel about it. Personally, when I meet my patient or greet my friend unless I can feel how they're doing I'm missing something. Justsam was right when he said our hands can tell us a whole list of things when we simply grab a shoulder...and they think we're just being nice, ha!

I think it's amazing, this phenomenon of touch. I revel in the mind, the creativity of our Creator. I mean, He got it b/c He created us this way. Jesus experienced it, He got it b/c He touched the untouchable. He let the children sit on his lap and play with Him when there were probably more "important" things to be done. He washed the feet of those who entered to dine with His party. (If you have never experienced a footwashing ceremony, do it, create your own with those who you wish to serve. You will be humbled, grateful, undeserving, unwilling even, and you will never be the same.) He touched the disabled (another taboo thing back then, they were the sinners, the outcasts, the scum of society); He gave what others were unwilling to give. He gets it; He knows what we need. He has provided for me when I need the input through my pacinian corpuscles and Mercles discs (a little anatomy terminology for ya;) He has hugged me through a stranger at church. He has come up and massaged my shoulders when they needed it most. He has provided and He continues to fulfill that b/c He understands b/c He created me this way and I'm thankful for it.

Kinda like I'm thankful for milk and cookies. ah yeah, brought it back around. The circle is complete!:)

Next time you get the craving and I'm around, just yell "HUG ATTACK" and I'll take care of the rest.

*Can you tell I have a final tomorrow?? yeah, funny how this happens around those parts of the semester...

Until next time, try that oreo milk and let me know howw it goes

Once Again

Once again i sit and reflect on how God has gotten me here. I realize I can do nothing on my own. I sit and dread the day ahead, knowing the only way I will get through it with a shread of joy, energy, and light of life is if He provides. That's a humbling experience; that's where I sit back and scratch my head at how people survive if they do not have the personal relationship with Jesus. On these days when I would love to sleep more, take a 'personal day' (if such a thing was even an option I might be tempted to do a cartwheel right now), or just semi shut down, I marvel at how others get through it b/c I know I lean wholy on His strength. I ask, He provides, thank you Jesus.
Reading this morning...Phil 1:6 There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. (message)
what an encouragement, what a Word from the Father on this day for me.
Then I read ahead of it the start of the book...Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart (ooo, stop right there, how many times and opportunities have I missed these last few days to take a break, a mini time out and pray when someone, anyone, one of you crosses my mind...??). I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. (then to the previous part about no doubt in mind that God will finish His work)
a few verses later: So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of : bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
and that is my prayer for each of you today as He brings you to my mind with Joy:)
and I am feeling ready to get out there and praise Him on this day! woohooo for Jesus, for His Strength!!

The best medicine/The name/WhateverelseIfeellikesharing

I don't care what some of the contraindications say, even if it would increase intra-abdominal pressure; laughter really is the best medicine. Okay, that was just a lil PT humor for ya'll.
I just want to say today for about two hours straight or more I laughed more than i have since...well...probably the last time Zion and I had a really good talk. Let me set up the senario, though you prob won't find it funny b/c you just had to be there, tragic how that always works. but for kicks put two classmates with the same name in a room and tell them to paint it, add in the fact that one of them studied abroad in Spain and the other is working on her espanol...what do you get? La cuarta de espanol (the spanish room) where all you can do is speak spanish and point and grunt of course when you can't think of a phrase (or you can whisper in english or make it up in spanglish) and if you get paint on something that is not supposed to be painted well the classic spanish cuss word is a must "O m****a!" ("O s***!) yes, that's how you pronounce it as well:) Add in lots of paint fumes, and you've got yourself an afternoon's worth of fun and laughter!

In other news, I'm totally putting off doing anything productive with my time, I figure might as well make a day of no good studying, we've got all weekend right;)
I just want to give a shout out to Mama Bear. You asked where the name Dori comes from a while back, oh no I haven't forgotten and I feel bad if i don't do something that i say I will, so here's the story therein....

It all started back in the year 19?? na, just kidding we're not going to go back quite that far. I'm only taking you back two years max, why? b/c that's when the name first came about for this purpose though it formerly belonged to a beloved elderly lady that used to babysit for us back in the day (different spelling though). Basically, the deal is that here in blogger land all names are ficticious so that no-ones real name gets out there...it's a mysterious thing I know, but for safety and club made up name purposes, this is the way it is. It started that the name used to talk of someone corresponded to their car's name. Everyone referenced by myself is either called by their car's name, or in a case such as Mama Bear (you know who you are) an otherwise not so common nickname is used so that person feels the love when i give a shout out all the while protecting the secrecy of the not so secret blog. (If I really were stealth i wouldn't give this site address to anyone, but then where's the fun in that and what good would my rantings be if no one out there skimmed them for amusement and the occasional encouraging/challenging word.) So, there ya go, in a nutshell, now the infamous Dori is not so...how shall we say it...mysteriously exciting. Just be glad I gave up writing as if i was a car back in the earlier blogs...I mean one can only take that point of view so far:)

Let me say thankyou to anyone who has ever taken the time to pen their sentiments on cardstock. It is so nice to get a card, or anything for that matter from the heart. I was sorting through piles of nonesence (stickers, bookmarks, old college pics of Stella (right now Nala) talking with her butt) and not so nonesence (a letter from the prosecuting attourney of home county...aka speeding ticket paperwork). Amidst the accumulating papyrus type thin sheets are cards from various occasions. Some tell of fun times, a few play music (kung-foo fighting is the current fav), one has a pic that changes as you tilt it, and the home made ones that are simply arranged feel comfortable to handle. I must say though that the ones I can't seem to get rid of no matter how long they sit and "collect dust" are the loose leaf pieces of paper of multiple color, shape, and texture that contain words of encouragement, acknowledgement, and love. Recieving something of this that speaks from the heart, to mine is priceless, timeless, a treasure. So, thank you family, thank you more than words can say my dear Jasmine, I cherish yours and recognize the effort Zion, Flash - your words of wisdom do not fall on deaf ears, Stella (though the more I think about your name i think I have it wrong) I can feel you holding my hand as I read words you share from our Papa...Wow, God has blessed me indeed and I pray each of you are blessed as you sleep tonight, as you work saving lives the night through. I ask God to fill you up so you can in turn be poured out - let His love, joy, peace, confidence, etc,etc flow from you this day wherever/whatever you find yourself doing.
With Love,
Dori

And yes, I tend to get sentimental as I sit and think late at night...yes, 10:30 classifies as late at night;)

Rainbows

Some days you just feel like bloggin. Today is one of those days and thus i begin with no real direction, no lifechanging phenomena or revelation to share; yet, i type on.

I suppose there are things that demand our attention. Take Hurricane Ike for example, he caught my eye not in the 'hey what's going on' way or in the 'oh yeah that caught my eye' way...no this was more of the 'you expect something so massive and destructive to happen that you can't look away' way. Yeah, images of Katrina aftermath, the beaches of Sri Lanka from tsunami 2004, those are pictures that are burned into my minds eye - the carnage of uprooted trees, debri scattered hither and fro, and even pictures of bloated bodies that were relayed from the native's findings upon entering their houses/huts/homes. That stuff never leaves...PTSD? No, not that dramatic, but dreadful to think of all the same. Was i expecting some of the same from ol' Ike? Maybe in the back of my mind that will always be there as a possibility, but this time it was personal. I have connections, I know people...okay, I know three, maybe four peeps that live in Houston, but they are near and dear to my heart. Especially one Flash and this chica is tough...if I were H. Ike i wouldn't have messed with her. Luckily he knew better and just messed with a lot of other peeps and left pretty much everyone out of power. Then he came and dumped gallons on us midwesterners...nice huh, yeah. But yet like I said, that demanded I pay attention, I gotta be honest, the fact that i was aware of news events happening on the spot means a lot b/c I don't necessarily enjoy watching the news. I prefer football, tennis, and the occasional baseball game to pass the mindless minutes spent watching tv and the background noise optimal for naps, studying, ya know important stuff like that. All that to say, thanks Ike. Better yet, thank you Jesus, for real though, because once again you remind us of what all we have to be thankful for. You revealed your power in that you are bigger than Ike, Katrina, Tsunamis. You can take the shitty (pardon my language) stuff of this world and make something good come out of it, even if we won't see that fruit till we're praisin You in Heaven. Flash knows, my other 2-3 Houstonians will be able to testify, we take lots for granted. No qualms there, it happens, we live in America. The question is, what do we do with this awareness, with these blessings, with this life?
Oooo yeah, I'm totally leavin you hanging with this one, it's between you and God...talk it out, He likes it when we do that;)

Daily Devotional

So, as this am brought me to the new regular place for study on a schoolless Friday morning. Oh yes, I am working on becoming a Panera regular. I know it is possible, though I am not certain one day a week is consistent enough to claim the raptures of the patrons, especially since I try to seclude myself in a corner, close to a plug in, put on the headphones, and stare at a computer screen for 2+ hours in search of information out there on the vast thing we call the world wide web. They may not recognize me, but I certainly do in only the third week coming know just who I need to connect with to be thought of in this illusive light of...a regular. For starters, I picked the right area, the table of talkers is two to three away and though more come and go, there is a consistent four that have appeared for three weeks in a row so far. Elderly? No. Aged? Possibly. Gray with wisdom? Not that I have heard yet, just the banter of two ornery men and the less than true words of two middle aged women. Did I say that i come to research online? Oh, yes, I do that too, but let's be honest i can pull off both at the same time, my observational powers are not unique, just honed in after hours of discussing them in class.:)
Anyway, what I really wanted to share today was the daily devotional i stumbled upon at the start of the Panera experience as I did not take the time in the quiet of my room this morning.
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/Daily%20Disciples%20Devotional/11581701/
It struck me, especially as it is a slow rainy day outside how it is good to slow down and recognize. Step outside myself, ask who or what I can pray for, who can i bless, encourage, take a moment to listen to?? so many choices, so much to do...not really, it will all get done. When was the last time i stopped and said hello instead of just passing a smile? I am happy to say the past few days I have taken that opportunity, don't worry, God got on me about that one earlier this week;) And so i praise Him and strive to glorify Him in this Panera, in my research, in the whole process of life...in the way I will go about my day.

I signed up for this?

They don't tell you everything when you sign up. Some things are better if discovered by experience or trial; others are nice to know and learn from those who have been there. For example, the first year class work and mini clinical experiences were best to jump in there and figure it out as you go. However, I truly appreciate the knowledge and stories imparted to our eager second year minds...and bodies today. The knowledge obtained was accepted not with an elevated HR and BP from excitement, rather from nervous energy and an "Oh my, I hope that doesn't happen too soon" attitude. Nonetheless, it does make for great stories and we laughed for sure.
Other than the tramatic stories it has been great. Applying material and expanding on ideas that we had from before is always a good time. Using our creativity and practicing handling skills makes for interesting class periods and it sure helps the hours fly by. It is true, the second year is definitely better than the first. We have survived the worst of it and now it's just endurance and fighting to get to the end...I'm up for the challenge. I'm ready to go, put me in coach!

Back inside

ahhh the joys of 8 hour days. Wait, no 9...nope pretty sure yesterday we clocked it at 10. Yep, oh the joys of ten hour days. Yesss (insert grab it up high and bring it down).

Ironies/oxymorons so to speak:

• very active people being forced to sit through 4 hour blocks of material twice in one day
• typical abnormal movements...huh, think on that one
• bright night, always a favorite of mine
• little sumo wrestler

and thus the month of September is here and starts off with a bang. Things come together, other things fall apart. Life goes on, so they say. Sometimes it seems like for a split second time actually could stand still. The time it takes to read a much anticipated email, wait for a phone call, or watch the clock crawl through an hour all are painful experiences. Not pain so much in the quantifiable way we refer to it in the present/best/worst (PT terms); no, no, this is pain that centers around the mid section, creeps into the crevaces of the mind. At times, it comes in the form of "if I have to wait one more second I just might freak out over here!"

And so I wait.

Sometimes a girls gotta get a break. Oh wait, i did get my break, it came in the form of housing. I do acknowledge that one, thank you Jesus.

Ever notice how easy it is to praise God when things go your way. Yeah, i was thinking about that the other day when I was frustrated with stuff. I will never forget the story of when a couple told part of what it was like to go through a miscarriage. They were at one of their parent's houses when they found out for sure what was happening. Instead of letting them retreat into themselves and grieve alone the parents urged them to stay in the living room and praise God together. Woah, talk about struggle. They related how it was the hardest, most tearfilled praise Jesus session ever, but wouldn't have had it any other way. I always thought, wow, that's cool, that's what it should be, Praise God in the hard times.

Now, I acknowledge that is on a completely different level and I have not experienced anything close to that magnitude, but the principle is still there. The feeling of not wanting to say anything and question what in the world God has planned was there. I mean, ya gotta be honest right? I still don't know what God has in store; I never will know the whole of it unless one day in heaven God says, hey you remember those days...see what was going on here, how that fit in there to influence this and that led to that which inhibited this that was going to lead you here, but I wanted you here so I showed you this and made you wait for that and aren't you glad i did? yeah, I think it will be something like that only maybe a bit more confusing:)

Until then, I wait.

I praise God for the unknown, for the hard times that will prepare me for other times, for the good things, the cancers, the laughter, the memories, the support, the people that are in the here and now. One day at a time. One prayer at a time.

One hour at a time...

Metal Sliver of Hope

God, you use all things for your plans. You are unashamedly good. Therefore, your good plans come out in the end no matter how oblivious I might be.

The first time the tire went flat it was no doubt a by-product of age and stress; things wear out over time and rocky terrain.
The second time it must be due to a faulty tire even after patching it up, must be the tube.
Another tube later, which I patch as well, has no excuse. I am getting all too good at removing and repairing back tires, a skill that is essential to any biker, but annoying all the same.
It's time to investigate in depth now, the source of the flat tires. The rim (who knows?) should be fine. My stereognotic finger tips told me there were no sharp points a whole tube ago. After careful examination, of the rubber tire, by lamp light mind you (gotta love apt lighting)...ah ha! a tiny metal sliver no longer than my finger nail is plucked out and shown around in all it's villainous glory.
How can something so small cause so much heartache, frustration, time, energy?
I wonder how often God asks the same question about my issues here in the world?
"God, I need a place to live for two months in this certain area." - Dori
"How can something so small cause so much heartache, frustration, time, energy?" - God

God is right.

You always are, Lord, you have promised to cloth me as you do the lilies of the field. I have hope for that part of my future. I trust you.
It's not easy at all, these intangible ideas of hope, trust, love, etc. They come if we ask the Father for sure. How they get here is not always so easy because we learn by doing, right? You want patience? Okay, wait for it...waaaiiiittt foooorrrr it. You need trust? Here, jump; I'll catch you....1-2-3, go! You need a new flavor of hope? Dream big on this 'little one'. Love? Easy, fall into my arms, let yourself go, rest in me.

[big sigh]

Olympic Hopeful

What do grad students so the week before classes commence for the second of three years? Well, nothing that's not revolving around the Olympic television schedule, especially in the evenings. It's true here we sit three totally addicted Beiging 08 watchin' roommates each engrossed in their own tasks, but all in the living room sharing in the experience together. You know it's bad when we have favorite commercials not to mention the new ideas we have for training for the trampolene, table tennis, beach volleyball, etc competitions.
Ahhh...its that time of year again, "makes me want to go buy school supplies. if I knew your name and address I'd send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils. But this not knowing has it's charms..." - Joe Fox (You've Got Mail)
I do admitedly get uber happy over new school supplies. Sadly these days have nothing on the elementary shopping list. Let's face it, if I could still take a box full of crayons, erasers, #2 lead pencils, and colored pencils it would be so much more rewarding to pack the bookbag on the first day; I might even consider wearing my hair in pig tails, if that was possible.

Good good good

You ever feel like your heart is so full of praises, of God's goodness that it could burst right out of your chest in an instant? Yeah, that's what I got right now. God is Good! Can you hear me, I say, GOD IS GOOD! Man, I am blessed. I don't mean to brag, but if I will boast I shall boast in Him, so listen up! My God and Father Jesus Christ has not only, ya know, saved my soul and set up a place for me in Heaven when I die, He has gone above and beyond. I am surrounded by the most caring loving people I know, chosen children of God who care to share His love with me. He provided for me an earthly family that loves me, supports me, will be there in a second no matter how far; He gave me a church family that would do the same. My church spans the continental US and beyond, it reaches into Brasil (South America), Africa, Europe, Asia, (not so sure about Australia). My community is near and far and everywhere in between. I rejoice that He has taken me to such exotic places, He set me on a plane to talk to people from same town USA. My heart has been broken, pieces strung all over the continental US, people carrying my broken heart with them (even if they know it not) as they return to their homes, live their lives, minister to God's Beloved in foreign cities, countries, ethnic groups, etc. I mourned my broken heart, sure, I got over that just minutes ago as I realized I am blessed to have known...lucky to have met and experienced life with others. Ones who have lifted my spirits, challenged me to live to a better standard, probed me with the hard facts of life and sin, discussed the faithfulness of God, and held me in their arms through which flowed His life giving touch. Wow, God you are Good! If only I could be used to bless others as much as they have blessed me. Would you use me too to go there, to bring your lively spirit, your laughs, smiles, hugs, tears, arms to hold, to take an encouraging word, an act of service, a gift of the spirit? Would you send me, can I go? Can I be that for my neighbors my ones in this city and the next? Will you allow me to represent your Good Name, Your One and Only Son. Can I be used and it said of as it was said of Onesimus by Paul - that I be your very heart? Can I? I can't surely, we both know that, but You can use even the least of these. I praise you Lord for I rest assured I am in fact
Your Beloved

blog away

after bloggin for the camp's site i figured it was only fitting to continue with the way I really feel about some things that have arisen this week.
since you can't always talk to your team about certain issues, for team moral it is better to not address them...and since you can't always find time to talk to others on the phone about these things for time constraints and voice mails and the like
that's what this is for.
Let's talk about what I absolutely harbor resentful feelings towards
#1 church volunteers who bicker, biccer, ya know don't agree on things in front of the kids in the middle of the ball game
#2 church volunteers who offer their opinion and haggle the ref...me...at a church sports camp where we are attempting to teach outstanding behavior and loving one another, and by all means yes be competetive, but just do your best and don't worry about outside forces, obstacles, powers, things you can't control...for goodness sakes what is this whole weeks theme anyway!!??
#3 last one, these volunteers being teachers themselves and who are old enough, by that I mean they are parents and have kids too old for the camp, but they act as old as some of the campers!!! ahhhh!!!
whew, okay, thanks, I'm good now.
Let's talk about what I absolutely love
#1 when the campers on a team that not all can dribble and move their feet at the same time, not all can seem to see any other person with their same color jersey on...these players, they connect, they have one great series of passes, quick, sharp, and the last one, the shooter puts it up, and it's good!!! whhooooooooooowwwwwwwwoooooooo the crowd goes wild! Oh man, let's put that one on UW espn I mean it was good.
#2 A player tells his teammates to look for the open man, when everyone else is looking for their friends to pass the ball to.
#3 when the kids shout at the top of their lungs Hey! Jesus Loves Me! along with the song and you know people are hearing this in a neighborhood, where they possibly never hear the words of truth that anyone really really loves them
#4 Hearing other's life stories on the van ride home each night
#5 living with a family that adors and respects one another, has multiple kids, and looks for opportunities to give, bless, encourage, and talk about everything and listen about everything...that's beautiful.
#6 listening to your fav new songs...even when the rain fall, even when the flood starts risin, even when the storm comes. I am washed by the water...
Thank you Jesus.

DOGS

Going with the themes on animals or critters this month, the next topic up for discussion is dogs. Man's best friend, livin' like a dog, in the dog house, dawg, DOGS (as ol' screeter used to say), etc...the sayings and connotations live on with our four footed furry friends. There are two ways to look at it as with a lot of things. In a negative way, it's not good to be living like a dog, hounding other people, and dog houses are usually reserved for the misbehaving husband joke. On the other side of the story, it would be very nice to be a canine in America's society (well society of the upper middle class nonrural dog lovers). Consider this, you stretch awake with the morning light or sounds of others up and about. Someone pats your head, lets you go outside to take care of business before coming in to a nice belly rub and breakfast placed before you. Each time a two footed creature passes all you gotta do it wag your tail, put on the cutest dog smile face ever and you get a back rub, your hair messed with, and people scratching in the perfect spot, so perfect you admittedly catch yourself leaning in and your leg starts to quiver in delight. Aww...the life of a dog...not so bad after all.
What is it about the fur covered friends that attract our hands. Is it the physical touch we long for as a people group that is fulfilled in just a tiny part by the sensory experience we get through out hands? Being one who works to train the hands to feel things beneath the surface, who is in the occupation of the laying on of hands for information, for the inside scoop, the sense of touch is a powerful thing. Numerous well-educated researched people write of the mystery of touch, of what other power there is that is unexplainable but appears to be linked to physical contact. (If I were an astute person now I'd cite some of those sources, but trust me on this one, and I'm on break right now.) I do know for a fact and you can research this one yourself if you need the written textbook proof, that the nervous system and the skin come from the same embryonic layer. Our prescious nerves that fire at lightning speed to relay information and the protective, yet very sensative outercovering of our bodies come from the same material. This make-up is different from what the muscles come from, it is not the same thing our organs originate with. No, this is different, this is sensative, this is intricate, this is not a coincidence. God, the Creator, Maker of all things good, and we as people are a pretty cool creation I must say, did this for a reason. He made it so obvious that no one can deny, though they may not be able to understand, the need for touch. The inconceivable phenomena and miracles that happen through one set of skin brushing against another. She touched His cloak, her bleeding stopped, and He noticed that power went out from Him to heal someone. He took her hand and she stood up, dead just seconds earlier(Mark 5:21-43). He held the little children and said, become like these (Mark 10:13-16). He touched, He held, He felt, He knew the importance, He knew what He was doing, He was God.
Granted not everyone is pieced together the exact same way, not all enjoy the hand of a stranger anywhere but in their right hand. Some even dislike the trained hands of professionals to go beyond the bubble space. I feel for those; I would get them a dog. I would get them that constant companion that they can count on to be excited to see them at every turn of the corner. Everyone needs at some time or another that pet that will take the owner on a walk, the one who will smother contact points and get inside the bubble, the one who though disciplined has a will of steel and will come back wagging the tail in delight of your attention, the one with soft fur and wet tongue to elicit giggles of delight on a saultry day. Yep, I should get a therapy dog, someday, if not therapeutic for others, definitely therapeutic for me:)
Wag on dear friends, wag on.

ANTS

Ants, thought to be amazing little creatures who can lift so many times their body weight; the Arnold Schwartzeneigers of insects if you will. Okay, so it's a proven fact they are fascinating little creatures. I don't mind them winding their way through the blades of grass and the occasional one that tickles its way over my toes as I open them to the carpet of green and brown that coats the earth. I do mind them scampering around our kitchen. In fact, I actually despise it! After spending three days in the wilderness you might think I would be more open to them as I regained an appreciation for all of God's creation...you might think, but no still brings a vengeance to my eyes as I lighted upon the tiny six legged invaders upon return to the homestead.
Camping though, let's talk about that...an interesting observation made by a fellow weekend warrior as we walked around the campgrounds. She said, ya know it's crazy to think that back in the 1800's, not that long ago for sure, what we escape the modern conveniences to do they lived. Think about it, we have all these technological advances, the comforts of sleeping on a mattress, in a sound structure that holds up and keeps you dry during a hard morning's rain, and yet we drive long distances and pay money to set up a structure that does leak in the hard storms and sleep basically on the ground (unless you are a less than true camper and take your blow-up mattress, wusy!). Does this blow anyone's mind!? I also noticed along the way that it all of a sudden becomes culturally acceptable to pick up food that was dropped, skip washing your hands with soap and water before preparing meals and touching other people's food...all things I have to remind myself not to do on a more than regular basis (oh the battle that goes on in my mind on all to often of occasions). Not to mention the fact that one of my favorite topics, pooping, is also more widely discussed and joked about. Why? Because we are reverting back to the basics, it is refreshing to clear away all the gadgets and gismoes and it is almost taboo to open up a cell phone while camping with 11 others unless it is a dire emergency, or to call your mom...b/c everybody knows mom is the only person whose calls take precedence over rules of manners. (Examples: eating a meal with others...mom calls, you answer it. talking to someone else, mom calls on the other line...you answer it. camping and realize mom needs to know where you are or when you'll be back...you call her. Case closed)
Anyways, as I listen to Hillsong - This is Our God - it says, "Jesus you're all I need." Even while camping it seems we take more than we need, we plan ahead to a fault, there is still the excess of our lifestyle that creeps in as we take extra food, games galor of which we play only a couple, clothes that don't get touched except to be shoved to the bottom of the bag...it saddens me to think that it took me till the last full day to not care when we did what or what time it was or where we should go...my body took that long in the midst of what is supposed to be the most basic of things to wind down and realize what was going on around me. It took me half way through the 7-8-9...who knows how long hike/run/jog to just stop and thank God for what I was experiencing. That saddened me, I knew it was happening, but yet couldn't stop right away, had to get to the next spot, had to see how fast I could go...
Once I stopped, I thank God that He helped me realize He is enough, Jesus is all I need.
Then I must admit it was easier to frolic in the woods and go back to my 1/64th native american roots and try to run soundlessly through the forest. I Imagine myself as a deer in flight; I do feel like a deer sailing along the woods at times. I do try at moments to walk without hearing my own footsteps and imagining I am the only one for miles around. It works for a while till the next couple hikes by, till I get near a highway and the sounds of nature are overrun by the passing car, till I reach the end of the trail all too soon and have to once again realize I am not the young Indian Squaw, I am a product of the 21st century, only 1/64th native american, don't even know what tribe we came from off the top of my head, the only remnant of our heritage I've participated in is the occasional rain dance in the basement of grandpa's house with a trashcan, cane, and rain stick. And I am looking forward to sleeping on my mattress here in a minute, with a pillow, not a wadded up shirt. And the fridge is nice, the airconditioning, talking to my friends on the phone since I don't live in hiking distance of most of them...the shower, toilet, sink...even with ants in the kitchen...

Extracurricular Activities

Mama, Papa Bear

(chorus)

Mama Papa Bear

Whew they make a pair

It just aint fair

Dat we gonna hafta share

R mama papa bear

We start like max assist

They thinkin boy’d we take a risk

In walks ol bro Bellew

We thinkin he aint got a clue

What wid this rainbow man

I still don’t understand

One thing make it aight

His old school mullet outta sight

Now for Miss Stacie Fruth

She done always tell da truth

She say we like mustard seeds

Now all grown up to spring time weeds

Did I say dat Stacie’s mom

Really got it goin on

We try to figure out

What dat dere pain is all about

Quick someone get dat girl a pole

She provin 40 aint dat old

We start like max assist

They thinkin boy’d we take a risk

Soon we be 2^nd years

Wait what was that I hear

Yeah, we now 2^nd years

God's Love

Beautiful love.
Its a picture in my mind. I lay naked, exposed in a field of wild flowers. The rolling land illuminated by the brilliance of the sun. This powerful, warming, all encompassing light is God's love. It warms my skin in contrast to the cool earth beneath as I lay on the bed of green. The green that is of every hue imaginable and dotted with purples, yellow, white seedlings ready for flight. They dance as the wind plays across them and my skin reminding me that I am not alone. The silence is visible in the dynamic still frame of my mind. I feel protected, content, resting in Him after realizing I could not have made it another step on my own...that is beautiful love.

Faithful love.
Look at the grand mountain abutting the sea. View the large full trees in the distance. Stand and consider, no matter earthquake nor volcanic activity, the mountain will still be a mountain. Comprehend no matter what falls into the ocean nor the intense heat that sucks up the waters, the ocean will still exist, it will shape and contour and still be an ocean. I stand supported on the mountain, sure of the fate of them both and of myself. Trusting that God will lead me on the path that no one has walked before. It is marked, carved into the trunk of the redwood, teton, oak trees if you will and only I know the symbol, only I can decipher the way. That is faithful love.

NO BOUNDARIES

Not just the brand name of wal-mart shoes, I think that is where you can find the ever popular no boundaries apparel, but a love that knows no bounds from God.
I call this NO BOUNDARIES
Love knowing...
it can't be reciprocated
they might not love me back
or they might love me back (which is scarier?)
Jesus first loved us
it covers over a multitude of sins
you/I might see the good, the bad, the ugly
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
they are beautiful to God
I might mess it up
God can use it for His perfect and good will
I can replenish the source by asking
it's a process, a learning experience
it takes time, energy, work
no BS
no beating around the bush
betrayal is possible
ultimate betrayal is not possible
no boundaries.

Bullfrogs and Fireworks

I love the north side of the city. I had become quite accustomed to it and all it had to offer. Now I live on the south side. I am learning the roads, the faster shorter ways here and there...stuffs a lot more spread out, a lot more hillbillyish, which might explain why I am able to adapt so quickly. For instance, the Wal-mart close by has great characters to make any normal female feel uncomfortable if she waltzes in alone. Luckily miles away in my new dwelling place I feel quite safe. The night sounds mix and mingle on these warm summer nights...well almost warm summer evenings, a blanket and hot tea do the job well to take care of the almost part. If someone were to camp out on a porch or sleep with the windows open they might even hear the bullfrogs sing their song beside the fountain water works dribbling inbetween the loud revving of an engine. If one's really lucky on a night of celebration and holiday such as this she can hear fireworks exploding in the distance...and b/c of the location she is quite sure they are indeed beautiful bombs and not bullets shot as some other residents of this fair city live with regularly.
So, tonight I sit, enjoying the humm of the computer (George) (yes, I name random inanimate objects for kicks and giggles) cooling itself competing in and out with the sounds of the great developed outdoors where bullfrogs and bulldogs for that matter are a sweet escape from the constant droan of traffic that you can get good at tuning out if you try hard enough.
Happy Memorial Day Friends

I-N-T-E-R-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

I'm just sitting here on my workout ball jamming to INDEPENDENT; velma knows what song I'm talking about:) As I thought about it and started to get all pumped up like, "Yea, dat me," I realized heck no there's no way I'm even close to being on my own. First off, how many times a day over the past month alone did I sit confounded about the life circumstances of myself and friends and say, "God, I have no clue what to say, how to pray, how you are going to work, but I'm relying on you for this." A lot, that's how much. Contrast that with how I sat down with Jesus yesterday morning over scrambled eggs and toast and was astounded at how many blessings and answers to prayer God provided in a period of a week. I know all happens in His timing, but man, does He prefer the month of May to make it all culminate or what? Or did it just take this short sighted fallen human to recognize all of them at this time...I venture to say it is most likely the latter option.
Needless to say, God is at work and I get excited to watch his plans fall into place around the states, around the world, and all we have to do is look around, ask someone what He's doing and wait for the results. Verse of the day Lam 3:22-23 ...His compassions never fail, they are new every morning...
hasta luego
shorty get loose

cds and swim lessons

shutter to think it has been close to a month since I last spewed my thoughts on this screen that mysteriously enough can appear at millions of places and on lots of different computers all at the same time...stop and think about that one. Makes me a little jealous as sometimes I'd like to be multiple places at once. Take right now for instance, if I could I would have these 10 cds burning copies of themselves and spend these two plus hours swimming and lifting in training for my upcoming x-terra triathlon...date yet to be set in stone (or shall I say dirt and sweat and blood). I think August will be the month, I'm attempting to secure a training/triathlon buddy, dlovept, who is not so hard to convince. After a few lessons on how to breath correctly while swimming we should be well no our way to being listed in the hard core hall of fame next to all the other off road triathletes.
Even if I wasn't out there physically exerting myself I could be infront of another computer arranging forms and packing info into this little brain to secure a passing grade on the upcoming OSCE. Ah, yes, the OSCE, the test of all tests, the right of passage to the next year; the thing that makes one earn the title "Second Year". In all honesty, I think I will pass, this gal has got the guts, she's got the grace and compassion and blood of Jesus covering her and obviously His strength through it all. And besides that after I have all the forms made, hopefully I'll have paper backup for the fleeting moments my brain may decide to take as the rush of adrenaline and weak knees take over any brain power that might have been there in the first place.
"What else ya got?" you ask
whahaha, well, in case you wanted to know...there's always spanish to be learned, let's be honest, I spend more time dreaming about how it will work out than actually learning any...but hey I'm moving along the steps of readiness like any good ACSM trained exercise scientist when it comes to evaluating people on their way to exercise and this will definitely be an exercise of the mind.
Let's just put in a plug for all the ways God is good. He gives us shelter, food, friends who are there at the push of a button and the connecting of cellular phone signals, towers, and satellites in outerspace. Therefore, thanks God for technology that can connect us with amigas in multiple states.
In non-related news...the movie Crash is highly recommended for a good view of how messed up and fallen this world really is.
In the weather report...cloudy skies are a way of God saying, "Dori, sleep another hour today, you need it. YOu can swim Friday morning instead."
In the literature...shoulders and knees are the most common ortho thing ever so I'm starting to put it all together and incorporate generic interventions for the like....a.k.a. Flash is in part described multiple times during the day:)
In international news...Velma is leaving us soon for a thanksgiving getaway and will come back having walked the grounds we read about hopefully daily. And I await mighty cool stories about how it compares to the pics I have in my mind from my own imagination.
In local times...God is good and provides opportunities to serve Him and His people all I gotta do is get out there and take the time and do it! whew, good to know.
And all of that in the time it takes to burn some cd's...who knew

Bond Girls

Yes, it's true, yours truly along with a dozen other cohorts were fill-ins last night during the filming of the new Bond movie. Bond, James Bond was not in the scene, but rather his character was played by a smashing new actor who was often distracted with the lighting of his cigar. Admittedly, it was a rather feeble attempt at securing Grammies in the future, but the scene was set perfectly...
...in she walked, her stilettos sounding evidence of her arrival on that dreary evening. The group seemed innocent enough as they reclined on the overstuffed black leather couches in one of the rooms off of the main bar area; nor were they overly dressed to give evidence of the immaculate condition of their pretense d profession. The lawyer friend played his part well while sipping on scotch and charming the others with his chivalrous actions. Nothing appeared out of place in the smoke filled rooms where various midwestern clad urbanites enjoyed the specialty martinis...
Oh yeah, left you hanging, like one of those pick your own ending books. Take it where you will but know that the true climax involved three large Hotbox Pizzas and scrumptious breadsticks with cheese dip at 2ish am eastern standard time. A good story always needs resolution after the climax you say? well, resolute this...very large greasy pizza plus late at night plus sleeping shortly after equals waking up feeling greasy and happy and making multiple trips to el bano in the first 4 hours of waking...was it worth it, every minute of it!:) The joy I felt to be able to bond (and pretend to be in a James Bond movie) with people who our interaction lately had been confined to the square feet alotted us in our beloved Hall rm 150 was awesome. Thank you downtown, thank you waitress who needed more cloth on the top part of her dress, thank you Lord for conversations that develop no matter the location, thank you pizza makers who stay up till 3:30am on weekends, thank you no to sunshine and body's built in clocks that wake one up at 8 and every half hour thereafter until you give in and peel yourself out of bed...man, it's tough being a Bond Girl;)

where's the fruit?

"Therefore I tell you that the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people who will produce its fruit." - Mathew 21:43

The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." - Luke 3:9

"No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers.- Luke 6:43-44

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." - John 15:4-5

This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. - John 15:8

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light Ephesians 5:8-10
	(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)
	and find out what pleases the Lord.

I've been challenged lately to find the truth...not just spout out what I think is right or what others discuss as being a good idea, but the truth. The Word of God is alive and well and there to be learned and stewed over and wrestled with before The King, so here I sit, wrestling, grappling if you will, with the idea of fruit. What is the fruit in my life? What do others see in me? Is my fruit pleasing to the eye, pleasing to the Lord, does it consist of goodness, righteousness, and truth? Am I showing myself to be a disciple of Christ, and if so how? What am I doing daily, hourly, as often as I can to remain in HIM?
Thoughts for the day, so to speak...
and FYI blueletterbible.com is the best website for finding references, words related, and verses...and great for when sitting behind a desk on a Friday morning just waiting for class to commence for the final turn of the week...oh Fridays are good days, Saturdays are better, and Sundays rock my face off!

living fully human

according to Rob Bell in "Sex God", we are neither animal nor angel; we are human. we have a physical body (animal) and a spirit (angel); we are fully human. Ol Robby boy have some great examples of how good it is to be fully human, so I decided to make my own list.
Dori's Fully Human list...mind you it keeps growing as I smile over new and exciting things each day, but the big ones from of late are...drum roll please.
laughing and moving and wondering and running with the wind in my hair.
stretching and learning and pondering the things of the big man upstairs.
hearing and comprehending and seeing dog catcher trucks on the road.
smelling and tasting and experimenting and making phone calls to friends.
reading and reclining and shaking with laughter over rectum ointment applicator stories.
praying and sharing and caring and tearing up because God is so faithful.
wrestling and longing and striving and scaredness and anticipating the road to a new culture, job, language, project, home.
verse of the week...Lamentations 3:22-23 look it up. God is faithful.

Lam 3:22	Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
Lam 3:23	They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

compliments of blueletterbible.com

anticipation

Life is full of things to get excited about. Let's consider for a moment the rush of joy that swept through the "Old Ladies" intramural basketball team as they watched the final seconds tick off the clock to signify the end of a long hard road to claim victory in the championship game against their foes "The Soccer Girls." Did victory ever taste so sweet? Maybe only once before to this palate and that would be the conference championship in track and field the year before, not of the intramural flavor for that one.
The previous epic is only one example of a multitude of sources that provide countless waves of soothing adrenaline (if such an oxymoron exists). Another timeless classic dates back to hours ago and many miles that separate the kindred spirits of sand, sun, and tan bodies. The exact moment is hard to recall for I fear brain cells might have been scorched in the meanwhile, but according to sources one young female runner momentarily paused to remove her shoes before jaunting directly into the 64 degree waters that lap at the gulf coast. These are the same waters that routinely carry years worth of work and toil and growing species onto the sandy shore for seagulls and eager visitors to pick and choose at until all that remains are the broken, the forgotten, the sun dried remains of what once was delicately intricately beautiful and desired.
Ahhh, now that's a moment to remember. Excitement over things past, memories that dance and flow in the neuron connections between cell bodies, smiles that wisp across mouths as eyes stare dreamily into the distant white screen and walls that hold nothing but paint, these are the things that renew the mind and rejuvenate the heart, or are they?
What of the things to come? What of the unknown, the planned trips and visits from and to and with him or her? What is there to keep me guessing about tomorrow as long as today is called today? I tell you what it is, the plans of the Creator, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the Son of God, the Holy Spirit who dances and sings and gives feeling to all the memories both past and future. The dictator of all future plans; yet, giver of all choices known to man...? A juxtaposition if I there ever was one (a word from AP English in HS; thought it was applicable).
We can plan and toil our days away under the sun, or in the rain as it falls repeatedly to the ground to create massive roadway lakes that flood the shoes and dampen spirits as well as jean cuffs. The despair can creep in as we wait for what we think is the best plan, or we can live in anticipation of the good things to come. Spending every waking moment in communion with the ONE who gave it all and stands at the heart's door knocking, though sick at times from our wandering hearts, there He stands...knocking, knock, knock, knock (Rev 3 - letter to Laodicea).
So we live, we go on about the day in anticipation for the moments that will take our breath away, whether in the sun, the rain, the comfortable, the familiar, the new, the humble, wherever He chooses to show up and lead us by the hand.
I look forward to the journey.

Here we go!

Fact of the day - the number one song in America according to 100.9 FM is "apple bottom jeans, boots wid da fur, the whole club's lookin at her..." It actually is a very good song and catchy too.
I just had to get in one last post before I hit the sack and this week takes off in a flurry starting at 5:15 am eastern standard time. Check me on Wednesday night to make sure I'm still standing, or at least kneeling before God and asking for continued strength to make it through the final test and practical that will grace us Friday afternoon. Na, it really shouldn't be that bad of a week, just gotta get through it one day at a time. Good news is the "old ladies" are in the midst of March madness as we won our first round game tonight on the court. It was a back and forth battle till the second half when our shots started to fall and we pulled away to win with a comfy margin of about 8 or so points...not quite the 29 pt victory like MI had today over IU, but we won't go there, this Hoosier needs to settle down for bed time. Have I said I'm really excited for this weekend to get here so I can chill with my peeps in Silver Lake and then head down to FL...let's talk about how it's not gonna get much better than that. Hanging with my three girls and then taking a roadtrip with two other cool cats down to the sunshine of the south. As long as Dori checks out okay tomorrow, there will be nothing to hold us back...she's been smelling like somethings rubbing/burning whenever we go out for a drive?? I guess we'll find out.
Alright, time to snooze, no more putting it off...the morning will come soon enough. Over and out...here we go!

His Power is Made Perfect in weakness

Wow! Let's just give God the glory for things seen for a minute...
...the snow crystals falling from the sky
a 2 inch improvement in a vertical jump...
...a lightbulb moment while studying, totally visible
the care one friend holds for another over a cup of coffee...
...an exquisite display of talent upon a basketball court
the date on a calendar for the start of spring break...
...His influence on the changing of the seasons
the absolute power in a few encouraging words to give energy...
...the effect of pounding hours of neuro into one's hippocampus
the result of those hours of struggle on one single sheet of paper...
Wow, God, you give us eyes to see, hearts to see through and help others view parts hidden to the naked eye. Praise Jesus for His Power that is Perfect in weakness and whose grace is enough. Therefore, I too will boast all the more loudly in my weaknesses...and oh they are many.
Today's post inspired by: 2 Corinthians 12:9-_; friends who allow God to use them in each stage in life; more friends who stay close by through the questions and frustrations and are always just a phone call, car ride, or a Starbucks away.

a girl can only take so much

you put in the hours, think you got it down front ways and back, you eat and study at the same time, you catch yourself dreaming about finding bony landmarks, you actually are reviewing the neurotransmitters that have to be inhibited for you to relieve your bladder as you are relieving your bladder...yes that last one is sadly true...
and then you go in heart on your sleeve you do the deed, put it all out there, this ones for all the marbles. the assessment is taken, the quiz completed, the practical performed

and then the moment of truth. you log onto blackboard and click on the grades tab, find the appropriate class, your breathe catches in your throat as your past two weeks of non-stop studying flashes in your minds eye in the millisecond it takes the page to load...
...and you barely passed, you find you had a basic understanding, but not quite up to par yet, you see a dash where the grade should be and realize you are one of the "lucky" ones who gets to come back in and chat with the professor about the practical to prove you actually are competent with the program and can then talk your way up to a grade-instead of a dash.

like I said, a girl can only take so much

Bringing it all together

bits and pieces of so many different things fill up my life...do they connect? For sure! Are they all part of a huge puzzle created by THE CREATOR many moons ago? You bet!
one piece comes on Sunday morning "church" i like to call it "a meeting of people who love the same God and can become family for that one reason only and all the other stuff is just us living in worship to Him"...not always that simple, but it's a start. So, let's review the message presented today: We are adopted by God. in short: Ephesus a city all about appearance-kids left at the bottom of a hill if they were "defected"-others could come and pick them up if they wanted to raise a "worker" (otherwise they just were left to die)-and that was the first form of "adoption"
Now: Ephesians 1:3-5 goes something to the effect of Jesus Christ adopting us into his family and that gives Him great pleasure, joy even! wow! joy! God adores us despite our defects and picks us up off the hillside to take us home with Him and finds great joy in us. He takes delight and pleasure in me, in you. Not even that, but He trusts us with His self, He made us light-bearers to shine from a hilltop (Matthew 5:13-16)
And what's more, He told Peter to feed His sheep.
Oswald talks about the process of being made broken bread and poured out wine means that we have to be the nourishment for other souls until they can learn to feed on God...so we have to be filled up at the source so others are getting the life source through us
I like this, "You have no right to say -- "O Lord, I am so exhausted." He saved and sanctified you in order to exhaust you. Be exhausted for God, but remember that your supply comes from Him. "All my fresh springs shall be in Thee.""
Self-reflection: I feel loved to know my God, Jesus picked me up from the bottom of the hill and dusted me off and said, let's go I have great things in store for you.
How do I live that day by day? Can I be feeding the sheep while line dancing, wearing a cowgirl hat, and having a drink with peers while discussing the latest research on acute care and PT? I don't see why not...do I need to be careful in that to make sure I am filled up ahead of time, to be able to say at the end of the day (or early morning) that I present myself before you Lord and am not ashamed and can present my body to you as a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to you? Yes, indeed that's why I need to be getting it from THE SOURCE.
Is it possible to be feeding the sheep while _________________?
Fill in the blank yourself...are you feeding the sheep and interacting with the motives to be able to say at the end of the day that you can stand, kneel, fall flat on your face before your Jesus and be content just staying there basking in His presence...knowing He adores you and loves you despite yourself...oh yes, He does.
How does all this get brought together? How does it neatly tie into a package to be easy to digest? It doesn't...it's the random pieces of the puzzle that don't have a match yet, it's the process of learning by feel how they all go together...it's a process directed by the most awesome God ever!