From I to we

My thoughts I've been thinking...
I thought I had it all figured out. Without a doubt
The ebb and flow I was always on the go
Why waste my time with silly rhyme. With books and thoughts that appear to be for naught. 
What's the point I say. You say hey. I say nay. 
My values, beliefs, my concrete don't cheats. 
I guess they were there. They are here, but underneath man that was weak.
 What happens when your plans fall through?  
When what u want seems to come unglued?
I get mad. I get stubborn and sad. But you'll never see that, to show my hurt and weakness would be like an open back. 
So I push and fake it, hoping one day I can just make it. 
Then you come along, gentle yet suggesting quite strongly. I heard it once, I learned it twice, maybe even took it to heart with the time thrice. 
Ok ok I give. Your ways are higher. Your knowledge wiser. Your timing perfect. I learned I am one of many, unique and special; yet we are plenty. I am not on my own. We can count on your strength. You give us opportunity plenty to share these gifts as they are many. We have friends here and there and oh how blessed it is to share. 
Grateful our heart is , yes. 
We are truly truly blessed. 
The challenges and lessons we have yet to learn. These we give up to you and rest assured. 
Your promises they fail not. Your love it ends not. 
We walk in you and with you and for you alone. Thank you for making us one. 

staples

staples: webster has 4 different definitions for the word.  i'm going with numbers 3 and 4 as 1 is the noun which is the object made of metal; 2 is the verb.  3 says a commodity for which the demand is constant. 4 describes staple as something used, needed, or enjoyed constantly.  i guess i like 4 best.

what in my life do I use, need, or enjoy constantly?

food: i'd like to say rice and beans is my staple, but as proven last week, too much of a good thing is not a good thing in the end (or out the other end).  therefore, we shall go with ice cream...staple, yes.  needed, no, enjoyed constantly, yes.

exercise: i use it almost daily, needed for health of body, mind, and spirit: yes.  this is an interesting point...body mind spirit...

all interconnected, no part of me is able to be separated from the other because that's how God made us.  my being is one as the Father and Son and Holy Spirit are one and not able to be distinguished apart from the whole.  who am i and how am i to say i can make a decision with my mind about my body and it will not affect my spirit (soul, being, whichever word you choose to describe the inner deeper you)...?

who am i to try and make a decision about how i will use my body and allow it to be used in this world without consulting the Father, without taking it to the feet of the cross and seeking out His leading and guiding for my life?  Lord, help me take it to the cross, to your feet, to see your heart and desires for my life.  Father, lead and guide me and give me strength to use what i've been given to the best of my abilities, to be a great steward of your resources, yes even my own life. 

back to staples

apart from food and exercise...community
community: i need this, i thrive when this is good and centered around Christ.  i see how he created me to live amongst others, to encourage and support and run the race with others.  definitely a stable according to all parts of definition number 4.

what a great tie in for lifegroup on friday night...endurance, running the race together as we have stated we desire...to take into account our need for this community, our need for the staples in our life, and the interconnectedness of it all in and around us...oooo...this is going to be good.  come visit "life on the ranch" friday night for the complete story, i can't give it all away now in case someone reading would show up, consider this your preview...the introduction if you will.

until next time...what is your staple?

Without Words

"Preach the gospel at all times -- If necessary, use words."

-- Saint Francis of Assisi

words are so POWERFUL

How many times do I use them for my advantage?

Too often I use them when not necessary...when I'm tired and sore about this or that, opening my mouth to unload the dark and crusty edges that have chaffed of inside of me after a long day...after hearing the hurt and filth and dirt that infiltrates lives - at times innocent lives - at times not so innocent ones.


"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." -- George Eliot


Why is it so easy to unload the crap?


what if....

"For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." - Luke 6:45

I was so excited about this good thing...this new life!
What if... 
What if I couldn't wait to see you at the end of the day to share that one thing that made me smile!  My day could not, would not be complete until I was able to tell you about the way I saw Jesus, the person I saw Jesus touch, or the way the ray of light shone just right off the buildings along the bayou to turn one questionably grungy view into one that took my attention away from the dull computer screen and indoor lighting. I do wonder...
                                                             Do you?
                                                                                               Or is it just me?

God, may I wake up and walk through my day with this inexpressible joy...inexpressible to others maybe because there is no way I could communicate through words the love I feel from you or the joy I get knowing you think of me beyond my wildest dreams.  May my walking in this knowledge be evident to others and may they understand, though I cannot express it, why I stroll the way I do.. may you be so obvious in and through me that someone, just one (or two, or millions) would come to know you as a result.  To share in this feeling of knowing and being known...a deep intimate bond that seems ludicrous to those who have not experienced it...make yourself known Lord.

 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." - Romans 8:26


 

My family

I love my family- I really do. Some people, ok a lot of people, ask me if I miss them and think I'll move back home. Well, yes I miss them, but no I don't think I'll move back home. I am home wherever I am. It is not always easy. It is not always my ideal. Would I prefer to have the traffic and nasty air filters of the big sprawling city or would I enjoy driving along a winding road to watch my cousin play in her tennis match or soccer game? Heck yeah the latter, but family is not my calling at this juncture in my life, not who needs to be served and reached right now for the furthering of the kingdom of God. I believe I am right where God would have me. I think I am following Him daily as best I can (yes I mess it up sometimes, who doesn't!?). 
I have taped to my bathroom mirror a verse: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26
I heard a great sermon on this once. As it is so very harsh and brash to hear, especially if u do love your family. Believe me, God and Jesus does not contradict himself because the Bible also surely does say to respect and love and care for your parents and family. But the meaning behind this verse that I like as it was explained to me is this: it will appear to those in the world, to those on the outside, to others, that you hate your family...not because you do, but because you may be called to leave them to go follow Christ. 
I am okay with that. Some days are easier than others. Sometimes you will miss them, He didn't say it would be easy to follow Him all the time. Sometimes you will be blessed by a visit, a note, a phone call, a txt message or picture (gotta love technological advances that are a little more recent than Bible times). Pretty sure Jesus didn't text, but he did drink wine, well that's another box of worms debate;)
All I'm saying at the end of the day is that I truly do love my family; sometimes it might not appear that way. We are not perfect, in fact we are far from it, well, guess what, we are human: saved by God's free grace that over flows and makes restitute for a variety of things. 
Can I get an amen!?!

Maybe I just need a nap...

I lay here in my hammock on this Sunday afternoon with Jamey Johnson's "In Color" playing for the second time (shout out to my new friend Shaft - name unchanged until we come up with one more fitting, but I will say the contradiction of a country music loving white guy named Shaft for his black SUV does make it want to stick). Country music, back to my roots. I picture me in the back of Dad's pick-up truck on a Saturday afternoon driving back to the shed with the twang blaring on the radio. What is it about country music that we love? Maybe it's the unashamed honesty of the words, the sappy love songs told in different words and with varying chords, but at the end the guy always get the girl because of his truck or tractor or dog...or he loses her, but he's happy anyway cause he still has his truck, and tractor...and dog. Either way, driving through the winding country roads always makes me want to listen to it, the predictable words are a comfort that I can belt out with the best of 'em with the windows rolled down...have to have the windows rolled down.
Why am I so sappy today, so sentimental? I'm gonna blame it on the twenty-something hormones I got coursing through my veins, the fact that next week marks the start of my late twenties. I like it, the pathway to "thirty, flirty, and thriving" as quoted from a great teen girl movie, which you would know if you were movie savvy; therefore, look it up if you don't know off the top of your head.
Man, 27, I think it will be a good year. I liked 26, lots of learning and phasing out the changing. New era in life: a young professional in the working world in a relatively new state with new friends, roommates, co-workers, church family, dog, house, bed. Thank goodness I finally got a bed to sleep in as opposed to random other people's beds and futons (well, so I still have yet to buy a bed, but this one I claim as my own in my own room). It was a year of me learning and growing into this "doctor" role that I play during the week and balancing that with this "active young adult in a large city with endless opportunities to mix and mingle" role that I like to assume on the weekends. I like to think I have learned how to juggle work with social events and leave enough room for quiet reflection, Jesus time, and sleep, though sleep does still suffer a bit in the name of fellowship and roommate bonding.
Friendships, relationships, weddings...so much revolves around these things at this stage in life...maybe I am just more aware of these things at this stage in life. Maybe it's just the fact that I have three weddings to attend in 35 days (one to read in, one to bake for, and one to be a guest at), maybe it's the fact that our house has been changing as one of those weddings is to celebrate the union of one of my roommates and her betrothed.

Caveat: if any of you wonderful people who are getting married or are thinking about it, or are married and read this blog. Please be aware that I love you dearly and am so excited for this stage in your life and I have nothing against you and am very happy for you and pray that God blesses you in your marriage and that special relationship. End Caveat.

Maybe I'm just young and frisky as our pastor stated this morning in church. I'm not very happy about this shortened life expectancy thing that I have going on right now as a result of my singleness, just saying. Either way, no matter the reason this blog like a few of the recent past is going to turn toward the relationship and marriage issue. I wasn't even planning on it, but that's what God's working on in my life, so guess what!? That's what you get to hear about, or not if you stop reading.

If you're still here then get this: I'm sitting in church, minding my own business, holding Baby (not mine), singing worship songs, belting out the melody with the best of em and then it's time for the message. Bam!
Are You With Me? - The title of the sermon.
Jesus speaking to His disciples, inevitably to me though...
Mark 3:13-15 Jesus called his disciples to him and they came and he wanted them with him that he might send them out to preach, etc.
Point 1 - A Mutual Relationship - John 15:4 Remain in me and I will remain in you...
This is a dynamic, living, close, personal relationship with Jesus and he asks...Are you with Me?
Point 2 - What does it look like - John 15:5 If a man remains in me and I in him he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Life can be demanding and crazy, but my peace comes from being in Him and letting Him take control.
Point 3 - Remember the Words - John 15:7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
That's it, this is where my eyes tear up and I start to ask, "God, am I in You" I thought I was, am I holding anything back? Do I need to drag myself back to the altar of sacrifice? I want to be in you and you in me. I have asked, I am tired of asking...You know, do I really need to bring it up all the time, like picking a scab off a wound to make it fresh and painful day after day?
One person says be content, another says pray more. They say when you least expect it...trust me I'm starting to expect nothing, but not really... deep down I hope, but can't let that show or hope too much because then the rejection comes, not even flat out rejection, but the rejection of nothing. Now I know what God says when He means you doing nothing is as bad as you doing something bad because you did not do good. Doesn't make sense, but I know there's something like that with knowing the good you ought to do, but doing nothing....anyway.
Do I pray for it to happen soon? What if that's not God's will, but I asked for it and he will give me what I ask for and it's not the best or the guys not ready or so on and so forth. I guess this is where faith comes in and where God wanting the best for His children comes in....so I can ask and I can ask for it soon and I can be specific and picky and choosy and all that and God can say no today, and the next, and the next...and when the time is right he will say yes...but I still don't want to have to ask every day...that's a lot of asking.
Makes me want to take a nap...
Can't I just be at home in His love
Point 4 - Life Giving Love - John 15:9 Now remain in my love
I'll take that...I'll sit and nap in that...
I'm with you, Jesus.
And I'm going to play In Color for the 3rd time and be okay with the fact that I get teary when the grandpa tells the story of seeing the red rose contrast the blue eyes of his bride in this black and white photo...and then I'm gonna take a nap.

When life makes sense to me...

When life makes sense to me:
I go through my daily routine, granted each day of the week has some variation such as Tuesday off, thurs spin class, Friday fun day, Sunday church and unknown fellowship with awesome brothers in Christ,  but rarely do I take the time to consider the world I function in. My world is unique; my worldview is my own. Granted, my view is influenced by past experience, lessons taught and learned, and some not learned so well. Nonetheless my eyeglasses are tinted Dori color. I see baby blue skies and white sweeping clouds over a lake of crystal water with fish causing ripples as a tranquil inviting thing whereas you might see it as boring. My world seems in order when I am the minority, no, when I and everyone around me is the minority. Is that why my neighborhood just fits?
I love the smell of corn! Not from a can, the corn growing in the field and being ripened by the summer sun...that makes sense to me.  
Old people running down the road in their reflective orange vest so as to avoid moto vs pedestrian accident...this makes sense to me. 
My family and good friends all in the same state sharing a meal together at the table with kids and dogs running underfoot while the sun shines down causing sweat to bead on our brows...that's how it's supposed to be. 
Laying in bed with my three best friends eating pizza and brownie volcanos and playing a board game on a Saturday night in the downtown area...again, makes perfect sense. 
As we all know I am not a high maintenance girl by any sense of the word, but having my legs shaved, dress and heels ready for some event which will result in a fun night of dancing with my friends...sensible to say the least. 
I guess it's not so much of a life thing as it is a God who gives all these good things in life thing...what I mean to say is...life makes sense to me when I and others are so in tune with the Spirit, so in step with the Father that the only correct path is the one taken. The sun and daylight illuminate and contribute to the beauty of the dance as it unfolds. The Son is so alive and shining through that nothing is able to dull the senses and cause a doubt to enter the mind concerning if this is what life is about or not!  My God is good and generous and he does not leave in the hard times, no he carries and sets us back on our feet when we are able to feel our legs again. He may be hard to hear at times, but what station do I have blaring in my ears competing for his directives?   What outside source might be waving in my face clouding my judgement of how close He really is?  What time constraints have I placed on myself limiting my devotion to Him. 
May I clear out the white noise, push back the hand in my face, and make quiet unequivocal time with my Father, my Savior daily so that I may be able say daily that this life I live in the Spirit... This makes sense to me. 

This is me.

This is me.

This is me, why can't you see.
I'm an independent lady who don't rely on man to make the gravy.
Some say I can be intimidating...
what just cause I technically can be referred to as Dr., I have competed in a collegiate sport, I own my house, support my home, and in all ways appear to be grown.
Yeah, I guess it could be misconstrued that I take credit for such accomplishments, let's be honest it's God who did all that.
My travels over sea and land to lend an ear, a word, a hand.
Wouldn't you speak in Spanish if your heart was there,
if you had learned, yet fear,
the mighty acts of God and have a spot for those in need,
why can't you see
this is me.

This is me
the one who loves to run and jump and play,
and swim and bike and hike and fly
Oh if I could fly up in the sky away from eye and ear, above all in the crystal clear
away from the heartache, the judgement, the putting on of shows
all these worldly woes
My God I know you see, for you created me.
You see me as I am.
You made me to love the sun and sweat all day.
My skin gets dark of this I say
thank you for my carefree spirit
i love to dance and sing and who cares if they hear it!
My style, my ways, each one of my days
you created them all.

this is me
don't you see
I'm smart, funny, sarcastic with wit
I'm sporty and nicknamed shorty
by friends who adore me.
The guys - I don't get it
they don't seem to be with it.
I have all these great qualities.

what, is it because I wear cut-off sleeves?
Is my athleticism too much?
am I speaking in Dutch?
Do I come off too strong
by mind, body, or song?
Can't you keep up, let's swim around for miles and bike the trails along the bayou. I'll run if you prefer, basketball, soccer, just say the word.
We'll play hard all day and end with a date.
You pick me up, in your truck.
By the way,
did I say you must meet certain standards...
if I beat you in sport, well let's cut the date short.
You can't figure out how to change a tire?! Come on a girl's got standards!
If I can beat you at games,
show you up, man that's lame.
Be my man
Take my hand
Make the choice
He'll give you your voice.
If you follow His lead
we'll follow Him anywhere
Be it morroco or spain, or somewhere with rain
Be my man,
take my hand,
make the call,
I will fall.

I'll fall hard
my soft side you'll see
the princess inside of me I'll be glad to share
might even do my hair.

Again, this is me
why can't you see
I like short hair and t-shirts.
I go by PT, I got my degree.
My past time is fitness - I have many a witness
I like to drink beer and cheer for my team.
My cooking is little, creativity grand.
I can mow the lawn and caulk the sink.
If you can take all that and still see me.
If you can look underneath the outside appearance you will see that inside I'm still a woman.
I like to go out with make-up in dresses and heels,
Well, like is relative
tolerate is imperative to this narrative
let's be honest...I can and I will
and I do it with skill.
I want to be sexy at times, not so cute.
Want me, desire me, dance just to be near me.
Here I am,
Take my hand,
Be my man.
I know you can see
This is me.